Chapter 5 #3
He tilts his head a fraction, eyes narrowed. “You don’t look fine to me, chickadee, but I understand if you don’t want to talk about it. I am the king of avoidance.” He waves his hand around, then a faint smirk curls over his mouth. “Make that the queen of avoidance.”
I hiccup into my hand. Des is a sweetheart. Even when you’re having a meltdown, apparently.
“We can totally chat about software stuff and pretend this never happened.” He gestures to our laptops on the conference room table. “But I’m very happy to help, and I’m here if you want to talk.”
“I have to move out of my mom’s apartment,” I gulp out.
A crease forms between his brows. “Okay. Any particular reason?”
I shake my head.
“Okay, we don’t want to talk about that. No problem.” He looks down, twisting a silver ring on his finger. “I get that. Families can be a nightmare. Are you having trouble finding a place?”
I can’t tell him I haven’t even looked.
“I need a deposit, and I don’t get paid until the end of the month.”
His eyes go wide. “Oh my God! That’s the issue?” His face breaks into another grin, and he claps his hands. “I love problems I can actually solve! You wouldn’t believe how fucking rare that is. We can pay you early, like today. I’ll get on that now.” He grabs his phone and taps some stuff into it.
“Bella’s on it.”
My jaw drops. “What? Just like that?”
He leans over and squeezes my hand. “Of course! I’ll get her to pay the whole thing over to you now.”
Shit. My paycheck goes into a joint account with Mom and Jake. “Can you pay it into another account?”
“No problem. Just send Bella the details.”
A whole paycheck upfront! I’m paid $65,000 a year by Williams Security.
It’s an insane amount of money. They said it was at the low end for a programmer in New York because I had no experience or references, but as I’d passed the tests, they were happy to take a chance on me, and that it would go up fast if I did well.
I couldn’t tell them I’d have been delighted to do it for minimum wage.
A professional job! My mom cried when I told her; she said she’d always known I was smart, ever since I learned all my multiplication tables by heart.
She was always delusional where I was concerned.
I had to learn everything by rote because I was crap at reading and writing.
Des is still tapping away furiously on his phone. “If we can do it, we’ll help. Don’t worry about coming to me with stuff like this. It happens all the time.”
Hot water is rushing through my veins. When was anyone kind to me like this? “Thank you so much.”
His fingers still and he reaches out and squeezes my hand again. “We take care of people here. The world’s too harsh and objectionable most of the time. When James and I started working with Jo, we all swore we’d make this company a kinder place.”
And I nod and nod and nod.
“Any problems, come to me or James, yeah?” he adds.
James. Right. That’s hilarious. I can’t even look him in the eye.
“And you can talk to me when I’m in Korea, too. Message me. I mean it. I hate to think of people being unhappy.”
“I’m staying in a hostel in Jersey City at the moment,” I blurt out. Shut up, Sadie! Why the hell did I say that?
Des’s head snaps up, and he frowns. “Really?”
Oh shit, what do I say?
But he must catch something in my face because he shakes his head.
“Sometimes when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.
I have all these sisters who are a pain in my ass, and don’t get me started on their boyfriends.
I’ve never been happier when I moved out of my mom’s house.
You wouldn’t believe the number of times I’ve had to intervene in some bullshit drama … ”
Des stops in mid-flow and stares out the glass walls of the office over the rows of bent heads. Then he taps the table and narrows his eyes. “Actually …”
He springs up, wrenches open the door to the conference room, and weaves across the floor toward James, bending his head and saying something to him. Oh God, is he telling James about this? About the tears and the money … I tip my head back. Fuck, this is a disaster.
When I straighten up again, Des is coming back through the door, and James is right behind him.
Oh no.
No. No. No.
Des drops into his seat, and James pulls out the chair next to him and sits down, head bent as he studies his hands.
He’s not meeting my eyes.
This is bad, like really, epically bad.
“James had to move out of his place, and he’s agreed to stay in my apartment and look after it while I’m away …” Des starts.
That makes a lot of sense. James and Jane live in Brooklyn. That means they can move downtown, and Des has friends keeping an eye on everything. Des has a beautiful apartment just up the road, or so I’ve heard.
“… But get this,” Des squeaks, “there are two bedrooms! My sister was in the spare room, but she’s moved out, so you could have that room.”
My jaw drops as I stare at his smiling face.
God, that’s such a generous offer. But Jesus Christ!
Share with James and his girlfriend? I want to laugh out loud.
My unfortunate crush on him would be so obvious.
And I couldn’t afford a place like Des’s.
It’s in the Financial District, the tip of Manhattan.
My eyes drift to James as he shifts in his chair, a frown crinkling his forehead … Oh God, he doesn’t want to do this either!
“Oh, I couldn’t intrude on you and your girlfriend, James. I’m sure you guys will love living there and ...”
Des’s eyes slide over to James as red creeps up James’s neck. “Actually, it’s just me there. Jane and I ...” He clears his throat. “… aren’t together anymore. Though I haven’t shared that with many people.” He gestures toward the desks outside as his eyes tighten at the corners.
Whaaatttt? They’re childhood sweethearts, aren’t they? The perfect couple? I’ve listened to all the office chatter about how they finish each other’s sentences, about how they’re made for each other. What the hell happened?
“God, I’m so sorry, James.”
He blinks behind his glasses, and his blue eyes meet mine for a beat before he looks away, swallowing. Wrong thing to say, Sadie! Will the mistakes of the last twenty-four hours never end?
Des exhales sharply and nods. “Anyway, if you could keep that quiet for a little bit, that would be great.” He gives me a tight smile. “So, what do you say?”
And shit! This is worse. Living on my own with James? I can’t even look at him most of the time, though I seem to have forgotten about that during this whole conversation … But … no fucking way.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly, Des. It’s so kind of you, but …”
“Yeah, it would be awkward, I guess,” James says quickly, and cold swamps my body as he places his hands on the table and pushes himself up. “If it’s okay, then I need to get back and …”
“Sure,” Des says as he spins his pen over his fingers and then turns and watches James leave the room. The door clangs shut behind him.
My stomach churns, some strange clamping sensation taking over my lungs like I can’t breathe.
I’ve dodged a bullet, but something about his closed-off expression, how quickly he jumped in there …
James really doesn’t want me to move in with him, does he?
… I’m a quiet, mousey girl from the projects who reads fantasy books so she can avoid real life.
I know I’m awkward, but I didn’t think James had a problem with me.
I’m not a bad person, am I? I was hoping for tolerance.
Shit. James is leading the team when Des goes to Korea. If he’s got an issue, then …
When my eyes flash to Des, his face is creased into an awful grimace, and my gut drops out.
“Are you okay?” I choke out.
He gets up and paces to the window that overlooks Water Street, and I turn in my seat. Then he moves back to the table and runs a hand over his short blond hair.
“I’m not sure …” He chews his cheek.
What the hell is going on? I peer out at where James has returned to his desk, the top of his dark curls just visible over the edge of his monitor.
Des slumps back down in his chair and clears his throat. “James has had some problems over the last few months.” Then he mutters, “No, no, I can’t start there.” He reaches over the table suddenly and squeezes my hand. “Would you please move in with him?”
His fingers are warm around mine, and I blink at him. “What? Why?”
He purses his lips. “I’m worried about him, Sadie. I’d give my left nut to have someone here keeping an eye on him when I leave. This split with Jane …” He blows out a long breath. “He’s not taking it well. You could live there for free.”
Free? Is he high? This whole thing is escalating like … How bad are things between James and Jane? As far as I understand, they’re both smart, self-contained, organized people. People who have their shit together, unlike me.
“I can’t live with James, Des.”
“Why not?”
“He didn’t want me there. You saw his face.” He clearly dislikes me, I don’t add.
“He’s just down about Jane. It’s not you, it’s him. I promise. I’ll persuade him.” He gazes out across the expanse of the office. “You’d be doing me a huge favor,” he adds.
Oh, goddamn him, he’s just done me a huge favor with my pay, hasn’t he?
“What happened with Jane?”
“She’s found someone else. I don’t think she gives a shit about James, if I’m being honest.”
Now this whole conversation has headed into surreal territory.
Jane went off with another guy when she had James?
He’s so handsome, a nice person, and a superstar at work …
Any woman would be falling over themselves.
I’ve seen some of them do it with James, too.
The girls in the coffee room are always talking about him when I do my fade-into-the-wallpaper routine and they think I’m not listening.
“It would be a great solution to your problem, too,” he adds.
“I can’t live there without paying.”
“So, you’ll do it?”
No!
No.
No.
Sadie, what are you doing?
The girl’s code sets her whole world on fire.
I open my mouth and close it again. Barring a typhoon or a major illness, do I have any way out of this?
“Let me think about it. It’s very kind of you … but my mom relies on me to help, and only if James is happy with it. I don’t want to cause him any stress or …”
He squeezes my fingers. “That’s the best news I’ve had all day,” he says, as if it’s a done deal.
Oh, shit.