Chapter 20
SKYLER
I hit pause on the recording and walk over to sink into the chair at the kitchen table.
I feel drained, but I’m doing my best to not act like it.
It was a rough night last night. I tossed and turned for most of it, and I can easily blame it on the stalker, but that’s only half of it.
I miss Zach. I don’t want to, and heck, I wish I could turn off whatever this is, but I can’t.
Aria sips at her coffee, munching on the banana bread I made this morning. “If I stay here much longer, I’m going to be ten pounds heavier.”
I laugh, trying to act as if my heart isn’t breaking in two. My family is worried about me. I’ve heard from every brother except for Logan, but he’s supposed to be getting back into town today.
“I’m sure Penn is missing you at home,” I say lightly.
She shrugs but doesn’t agree with me. I’m about to ask her again about what’s going on with my bonehead brother, but I save my breath.
She’s tight-lipped about it, and no matter what I say or ask, she’s not telling me.
Hopefully, they’ll work things out. They have to because if there’s ever two people that love each other, it’s them.
She smiles softly. “Are you tired of me already?”
I shake my head. “No, of course not. But I’m sure you are supposed to be at work or something, right?”
“I took a few days off.”
I let my head fall back with a groan. “Ugh, I wish you hadn’t done that. Listen, I’m okay. I promise you, I’m okay. Yeah, yesterday was scary, but it could have been so much worse.”
She studies me over the rim of her mug. “Right, well, what about everything with Zach? How’s that going?”
I scrunch my nose up. “It’s fine. He was here to do a job, and he did it.”
“Bullshit,” she blurts out. “Just say it, Skyler. You want to rant, rave, punch something? Do it. No one would blame you.”
I give her a pointed look. “Be careful there, sis, because I could say the same to you.”
That has her leaning back, crossing her arms. “This is different. Your brother and I… It’s complicated, and I’m not going to get his sister involved. You and Zach, gosh, Sky, it was obvious on your videos and at the hospital that he loved you.”
I look down at my now cool coffee. I thought he loved me. I mean, I really felt that he loved me, but I was obviously wrong. If he loved me, he wouldn’t have walked away like he did.
“Well, he’s not here, Aria. He left.” I suck in a breath. “I’m sorry. This is not your fault. You’ve been so good to me, and I appreciate you coming yesterday, but I’m fine, I really am. You should go home.”
She picks up the other half of her banana bread. “I will. After I finish my snack.”
Rolling my eyes, I stand up. “Okay, well, I’m going to bake.”
She looks around the table that is full of banana bread, cookies, and cinnamon rolls. “More? You’re going to bake more?”
I start pulling everything out of the cabinets that I need for macarons. “What can I say? Baking is soothing for me.”
The worried look comes back to her face, but I wave her off. “I’m fine. This is how I process things. I’m okay.”
She takes another bite, chews, and swallows. “Okay, okay. I believe you.”
I line up all the ingredients. Pull out all the utensils and bowls I’m going to need. Once I have everything prepared to start, I look at my sister-in-law. “Okay, I’m going to start recording.”
Aria acts as if she’s zipping her lips and then motions to all the baked goods around her. “Okay, well, I’m going to just sit here, eat, and watch.”
I set up the camera and then take my spot at the counter and smile into the lens.
Not because I’m happy but because I’m trying to act like I’m okay. “So today, we’re making macarons. Do y’all know about macarons? They’re cute, right? Flavorful. Light and tasty.” I rub my belly. “Yum, am I right?”
I move through the motions. It’s all standard procedure. I’ve done this a dozen times, so it’s easy. I get lost in getting it all done.
I prepare the dry mix, make the meringue, fold the meringue into the dry mix, and then transfer the batter into the piping bag. I explain that they have to sit for an hour, and I stop the filming to wait.
Aria nods her head at me. “You’re great at this, you know that, right?”
I shrug. “Yeah, well, too bad my brothers think it’s just some kind of hobby or something.”
Aria crosses her arms over her chest. “Sky, you bought your own house and a car. You’re supporting yourself doing what you love.”
I look at all the things I’ve baked today. Normally, I would feel fulfilled, happy, and content, but right now, I don’t feel anything. I’m numb to all of it. “Yeah, well, maybe eventually my brothers will quit telling me to find a real job.”
“They love you, sis. I know they can be a pain, but they love you.”
I nod, thinking about my brothers. There’s never been any doubt that they love me.
Heck, as soon as they heard about yesterday, they all dropped everything and came to the hospital to see me.
Miller was in Kentucky and chartered a helicopter to get back.
Guy missed his baseball game last night because he didn’t make it back in time.
The Internet has been in a frenzy accusing him of everything from partying too hard, to being in rehab and other speculations.
And Ozzy left right in the middle of a cattle auction to go to the hospital.
Luckily, I was taken to the hospital that Penn works at, so he automatically took over my care.
Yeah, I’ve never questioned if my family loves me.
I just want them to see me as an adult, that’s all.
But right now, that’s the least of my problems.
Aria and I talk some more. I do a few dishes and then stop when my timer goes off.
I look at the clock. “Okay, back to taping.”
I turn the camera back on and go to look at the macarons.
There’s no hiding my disappointment. It’s like it all hits me at once.
I pick up one of the cookies on a spatula and hold it up to the camera.
Defeated, my voice is low and flat. “All right, guys, it’s been an hour, and by now the tops should be dry before baking, but they’re still sticky.
” I poke my finger into the cookie to demonstrate how sticky they are.
“Which means if I bake them now, they’re likely going to explode and not rise. ”
I set the cookie down and look directly into the camera. “This is kind of like relationships, ya know? You can do it all, and it feels good, you’re happy, and then it just falls apart when the heat hits.”
Lost, I stare into the camera and then shake my head. “Anyway, this batch is probably doomed, so I’m going to call it a night. I’ll try this again later… when I’m ready, but for now, I dunno. Maybe it’s good to sometimes share with you my baking fails.”
I blow out a breath. Everything feels so heavy right now, and before the tears start to fall, I know I should sign off. “Anyway, Cookie Crew, thanks for being here, and thanks for watching. I’ll see you soon!”
I no sooner turn off the camera than the tears start to fall. Instantly, Aria is there, her arms around me, and I bury my head in her shoulder. I don’t hold anything back as my body wracks with sobs.
Aria is rubbing my back, and she softly tries to soothe me. “I know, sweetie. I know it hurts. Let it all out. I’m here.”
I lean into her and don’t even try to hold back the tears. I couldn’t if I tried. The air is filled with the scent of almonds and icing, and even in all this, I refuse to fall into the grief. The cookies on the counter are not salvageable, but maybe, just maybe, my heart still can be.