Chapter 19
ZACH
I knew that we were going to have this conversation, but I don’t want to do it now. Skyler moves to the side of the bed, letting her legs dangle over the side so she’s facing me. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
I stand up and start pacing the bedroom. “What’s wrong? You could have been killed today. You could have been—”
She cuts me off. “But I wasn’t.”
I stop, facing the wall, unable to look at her. “But you could have been, Skyler. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have—”
I stop, unable to say the words that I’ve been thinking all morning. So many scenarios have played out in my head. If I had kept my distance and treated this like the job it was, I would have been downstairs already. I wouldn’t have been in her bedroom while she was down there being attacked.
I can hear the hurt in Skyler’s voice. “You shouldn’t have what?”
I open my mouth but quickly close it. I can’t say it. I shake my head.
Hurt turns to anger. “No, Zach, you don’t get to just stand there and say something like that and not finish it. What is it? What shouldn’t you have done?”
I let my head hang. I fucked up, and I don’t know how I can explain that to her.
Her voice is small and broken. “You shouldn’t have had sex with me? Shouldn’t have made me love you? Shouldn’t have what, Zach?”
I turn, and she’s right in front of me. Looking at her brings it all back.
Hell, if I blink, I see it. The glint of the blade, the terror in her eyes, the way her head went back when he hit her.
All of it is on a constant replay in my head.
“This was a job, Skyler. I was hired to protect you… and I failed.”
She backs away from me, trembling. “I was a job? That’s all I was to you? I don’t believe that. I was there and—”
I hold my hands up. “Sky, stop. Don’t get upset. We can talk about this later.”
She shakes her head, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “No, I don’t want to talk about this later.” She sucks in a deep breath. “Do you love me?”
That question is like a bullet to my chest. It hits me hard, and I have to hold back the truth that I want to shout to her.
Of course I love her. I’m fucking consumed with it.
I want to scream yes, but my throat closes around the word.
She deserves more. “It doesn’t matter if I love you or not. I’m no good for you, Sky.”
Stricken, she jerks as if I’ve physically hit her. She puts her hand over her chest as if she’s trying to hold her heart in place. “It doesn’t matter if you love me?”
I take a step toward her. “Sky, listen…”
She puts her hands up. “So what is this, Zach? Are we over? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I’m not leaving you until I know you’re okay.”
She laughs, and it sounds hysterical. “Okay? You’re not leaving me until you know I’m okay? Are you even listening to yourself? I’m not going to be okay. The man I love, the man I thought I had a future with, doesn’t want to be with me.”
“Sky, please, you shouldn’t get upset, you shouldn’t—”
She cuts me off. “Get out.”
I plant my feet on the floor. “I’m not leaving you like this.”
She glares at me. “Get out, Zach. I want you out of my house.”
She’s so angry, and I can’t say I blame her.
More than anything I want to hold her to me and never let her go, but she deserves more.
Since the moment I saw that guy holding the knife to her neck, I’ve been lost. I was on a mission.
I went through the motions and neutralized the attacker, but this mission was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
It was the most important one to me, the most personal one, the one I couldn’t fail at—and I did. I failed, and I did it royally.
I want to explain to her and make her understand why we can’t be together, but she’s not going to listen. I have to try, though. “Sky, please.”
She glowers at me. “Go, Zach. I don’t want you here.”
I put my head down and walk out of the room.
The whole way down the stairs and to the front door, I want to stop and beg her to forgive me.
I don’t want to let her go, but I know that in the end, she’s going to realize she deserves better than me.
As soon as I get downstairs, I type in the code to set the alarm and then close and lock the door behind me.
I sit on the stoop and call Aria, Penn’s wife.
She answers tentatively. “Hello?”
“Aria, this is Zach. Uh, can you come over and stay with Skyler?”
“Sure, absolutely. Let me pack a bag and I’ll be right there. Is she okay?”
I swallow. She’ll be okay. She’ll forget about me in no time. I’m the one that doesn't know if I’ll survive this. “Yes, uh, she asked me to leave, but I don’t want her to be here by herself.”
Her silence is telling. “What did you do?”
I blow out a breath. “I didn’t protect her.”
More silence. “What? But she’s okay… you saved her.”
I practically choke out the words. “He had a knife to her throat. He almost…” I let my voice trail off. “Look, she’s better off without me. She’s not in danger anymore, but she needs to be monitored with her concussion, and she doesn’t want me here. I’m just upsetting her.”
I prepare myself for her to tell me off or to give me a piece of her mind. She does neither. “Yeah, okay, I’ll be right there.”
She hangs up, and I put my phone in my pocket. I stand up, pacing around the yard of Sky’s house. I check the doors. I lock the gate to the backyard. I check the windows on the first level, and then I go back to the front yard to pace some more.
It doesn’t take long for Aria to get here, and when she does, she looks at me curiously, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I need to throat punch you or if I need to talk some sense into you.”
She looks at me with hope, but I avoid her gaze. I’m barely holding it together. “It’s better this way. She’ll forget about me.”
Aria opens her mouth and then closes it. She shakes her head and then puts her hand on her hip. “I know my sister-in-law, Zach, and she’s not going to forget about you.” She tips her chin at me. “But if you’re just willing to let her go, then maybe she should.”
Aria throws her bag over her shoulder and turns to walk into the house, but she stops only a few feet from me.
“Zach, you think you failed her, but she thinks you saved her. Don’t twist this into something it’s not.
” She points to her head and then to her heart.
“Don’t let whatever you got going on up here mess with what’s in here. ”
She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t know. I go to my truck and get in. I tell myself that I’m sitting here just to make sure Aria gets inside, but in truth, I’m hoping to get just one more glimpse of Skyler.