Chapter 9 #2
It scared the shit out of me. I wanted to run and lock myself in my room but I was too worried about her and what she might do, so I tried to calm her down.
I didn’t know what I was doing. I was afraid I was going to have to take her to the hospital or something.
I kept telling her it didn’t matter, the guy was a jerk, she didn’t need him.
I got her into bed. She had some sleeping meds because she’d been having trouble sleeping and she got me to get a couple of pills for her.
Harrison had left before she melted down, so it was just me.
And when she was asleep, I sat on the living-room couch and cried my eyes out.
I felt utterly alone, abandoned not only by my dad but now by my mom. Alone and terrified.
She doesn’t like to be alone. At first, I didn’t really get it. But over time, I realized she uses men and romantic relationships to fill some kind of void in her life. Which is exactly how she ends up with men who aren’t right for her. And I feel sorry for her.
“I’m sorry,” Meredith says.
I give my head a shake, trying to calm the queasy turmoil in my stomach and pay attention.
“I’m not.” Harrison frowns. “He was full of himself.”
Eeep. My thoughts exactly, but I know Mom doesn’t want to hear that. I’ve learned the hard way not to be critical of her partners.
“He told me he needed to be with someone for a year before he knew if it was going to last. Last week was our one-year anniversary. He took me out for dinner and b-broke up with me.”
I stare at my mom, my insides still churning. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Mom changes the subject and asks about my business.
I don’t want to tell her about the disagreement Troy and I are having, because I know it will drag up bad memories for her.
It drags up bad memories for me. I haven’t even talked to Harrison about it.
So I tell her things are going well and we’re looking at another acquisition if things work out.
Then she asks Harrison about his work. He’s Director of Engineering at a big packaging company in Richmond, which sounds kind of boring but he loves it.
“I met someone who watched you play hockey in Kelowna,” I tell him.
“Really? Who is it?”
“Jayden Wood.”
“Jayden Wood who plays for the Orcas?”
“Yeah. He grew up in Kelowna. He remembers watching you.”
“Wow. I had no idea.”
“How did you meet him?” Mom asks. “Through work?”
“Um… actually, no. We walk our dogs in the same park.” I skip over not knowing who he was until I saw him at the Seabrook Centre.
“Oh, cute,” Meredith says. “So he must live near you.”
“Yeah, apparently, he does.” Should I tell them? “We went out for a drink the other night. With the dogs,” I add.
“You went out with Jayden Wood,” Harrison repeats.
“Yeah.” I try to keep my expression bland. And I don’t mention that I’m supposed to see him again next weekend. Because I’m going to cancel.
He looks at me like I just told him I’m dating Hannibal Lecter.
“What? Why are you giving me stink eye? It was just a drink.”
“He’s a hockey player,” Harrison says through a tight jaw.
I stifle a sigh. “I’m aware.”
“Good for you!” Mom says. “You’re not getting any younger!”
I’m happy for some support, but Mom’s comment has my back teeth grinding together briefly. “Mom.”
“You’re just too picky,” she says. “You need to be more open.”
I swallow a sigh.
“When I was your age, I was married and already had kids!” she tells me for about the six hundredth time.
And look how that worked out.
Oh, that’s not fair. Mom and Dad were happily married for years.
“I know, Mom. But I’m not you and times are different now.”
Are they really that different, though? Mom came of age in the nineties. That wasn’t that long ago. It’s not like she’s eighty years old. It’s odd that she still has the attitude that a woman needs a man, whether it’s for safety or financial security, or to make her feel complete.
“How are wedding plans coming along?” I ask Harrison and Meredith to change the subject. “Everything must be nearly done.” They’re getting married next month.
“Yes, I think we’re mostly ready,” Meredith says. “We just picked the menu for the reception. I’m trying to figure out music so I can let our music guy know.”
“Is your dress ready?”
“Yes! I picked it up last week.”
“I can’t wait to see it.”
“What are you wearing?” she asks. “Do you know yet?”
“I have a new dress. I was going to wear something I already had, but it’s my brother’s first wedding so I figured I should go all out.” I smirk at him.
“First wedding?” He scowls. “What the fuck?”
I crack up. “I’m kidding!”
Meredith is laughing, too. I love her. I love that she loves my brother.
They’ve been together for a long time and over the years, I’ve watched my little brother grow up, fall in love, and build a relationship with a woman he loves and respects and trusts.
And I know she feels the same. I may be cynical about love and marriage, but when I see them together, I get a little twinge deep down inside me.
Not jealousy. Envy? Nah. It’s just, I don’t know…
happiness because they’re happy. In a sad way. Whatever.
Harrison grins at me. “You can wear sweats as far as I’m concerned.”
Meredith gives him a look. “As if she’d do that.”
“I do have a nice set of matching joggers and sweatshirt.” I tilt my head. “Pale blue.”
Mom shakes her head. “Pale blue won’t work with the wedding colours.”
We all laugh.
“Are you still bringing Troy as your plus one?” Meredith asks.
“Yes.”
“I love the dress I got,” Mom says. “Mother of the groom.” She beams at Harrison, then her bottom lip trembles and her eyes fill with tears. “Excuse me. I need to… check on something…” She jumps up and darts to the kitchen.
Harrison and I look at each other.
“You’re both making the exact same face,” Meredith says.
“Is she going to be okay?” I ask in a low voice. “I think she really cared about Neil.”
“Ugh. She’s better off without him,” Harrison says.
“I agree. But she’s not good on her own.” Flying shards of glass, limp flower petals, dirty water running down the wall. “Now she’ll be alone at the wedding. I think that’ll bother her.”
I think it’ll more than bother her. I think she’ll be humiliated.
“I know,” Meredith says softly. “She shouldn’t worry about it, but I think she will.”
“Especially because Dad will be there with Wendy.” His new wife. I look at Harrison. “Are you prepared for this?”
He rubs his forehead. “Sort of? I have to talk to Dad before the wedding.”
I run my tongue over my teeth. “Good idea. I’ll try to talk to Mom. And I’ll try to take care of her at the wedding.”
“Thanks.” Harrison grimaces.
Something to look forward to!
“I’ll go check on Mom,” I say with a feeling of dread in my stomach.