Chapter Seven
Jackson had never felt more wretched in all of his life.
Somehow, Ethan’s foolishness and guilt felt like his own, and he could barely look Hope in the eye.
She refused his hand as she climbed into the wagon, and seemed determined not to enjoy the beautiful scenery around her as she had on the earlier trip.
She simply stared down at her hands clasped in her lap, and appeared lost in thought.
He could only imagine what was running through her mind, yet she had not said an unkind word about Ethan or himself.
Jackson couldn’t explain why he felt such a strong need to alleviate her misery.
He shook his head at himself, realizing he had broken one of his own rules: don’t get involved, even emotionally. Stay silent.
Whenever he got too attached, people ended up getting hurt.
Hope sighed, and he looked over at her. Her expression was so pitiful that his resolve crumbled in an instant.
“There’s wolves in that valley over yonder,” Jackson said, attempting to draw Hope out.
Hope nodded in recognition, but barely raised her head to look. He opened his mouth to tell her a story about him and Ethan being up stuck in a tree all day because of a hungry wolf, but he thought better of mentioning Ethan’s name right now.
Instead, he just awkwardly muttered, “Wolves are dangerous,” and allowed the conversation to die again.
The miles rolled by in silence, and Jackson wracked his mind for something else to say that might interest her.
“You could ride a day in that direction and not see another soul,” he said next.
Hope glanced up briefly, but somehow Jackson’s notion of absolute isolation did not seem to entice conversation.
Of course she wouldn’t be interested in the land around her when she would more than likely have to leave it.
Feeling himself a fool, he scratched his beard and sighed loudly, her silence making him feel even guiltier.
“What happened to your ma and pa?” Jackson finally asked.
“Dead,” Hope responded faintly.
He felt accomplished that he had at least gotten a word out of her, though it was grim.
“My Pa died, too,” Jackson replied, but Hope simply nodded.
Hope’s face was pale, her eyes dull and sunken. He worried that the strain of the day and the exhaustion of all the travel would make her unwell. He thought of Clara coughing in bed and wondered if Hope would have anyone to look after her if she became sick from worry.
“I don’t have any brothers or sisters,” Jackson mumbled, feeling how odd as he said it, given how out of character it was for him to be the one forcing conversation. “It’s just been me and Ma.”
Hope glanced up at him, and he could feel her trying to read his expression. He heard her swallow and could tell she was trying to move herself to speak. “I have a brother,” she finally said.
“In Dodge City?”
She nodded stiffly, her jaw tight. He wanted to ask her more about her brother, but something in her expression had changed.
Her cheeks were flushed again, and she looked as though she was going to burst into tears.
He had no more handkerchiefs to offer her, and the last thing he wanted to do was start her crying again.
Jackson cussed at himself in his mind. This was why he didn’t engage young women in conversation.
It always ended in a mess. He always made things worse with his useless words.
That was why Ethan had always done the talking for both of them.
Ethan had helped him sell his first gelding, and had helped Jackson ask a young woman from town to the spring dance.
Needless to say, she had preferred Ethan, but that was not the point.
Hope raised a hand to wipe her cheeks, the quiet movement drawing Jackson’s attention. He had to say something to distract Hope from thinking about her brother. He glanced around to take stock of their surroundings.
“Over there is where me and my horse took a tumble and lost some teeth,” Jackson said, gesturing to an embankment.
Hope stared at him wide-eyed, as if unsure of what to make of him. To his relief, a faint smile flickered across her face.
“Was the horse okay?” she asked, an eyebrow slightly raised and her voice husky from crying.
Jackson stared at her for a second, a frown forming as he tried to decipher her meaning.
“Did its teeth grow back?” she clarified.
Jackson laughed loudly, the shock of her unexpected humor making it even more amusing. He was pleased to hear her chuckle softly, and knew he had at least achieved something, no matter how small.
Jackson looked over at her and thought Hope had to have some particular kind of resilience to be able to see the humor in things despite just having faced such a huge disappointment that could derail her life.
He thought back to the concern on her face when Clara had coughed, and found himself quietly admiring Hope for being able to care about someone else when her own problems were so big.
“Ethan made a mistake,” Jackson wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. Telling Hope that wouldn’t change anything. It would probably only make her feel worse.
Wooden buildings and puffs of smoke appeared around a bend, and Jackson knew the chance to say anything meaningful was gone.
“Do you have the money for the boardinghouse?” Hope asked as they entered town.
“I’ll hand it over to the organizer-”
“I can do it for you,” Hope replied. “I’d rather explain the situation myself. How many nights did Ethan plan for?”
“Three,” Jackson answered, pulling the money from his pocket and counting it out. He thought he should’ve added to the measly amount himself, but it was too late. She took the money from him and quickly stashed it in a hidden pocket. He turned to her and said, “I don’t mind coming in with you.”
“No. Just here is fine,” Hope said, getting ready to jump off the moving wagon, leaving Jackson no choice but to stop.
“Woah!” Jackson pulled hard on the reins. “What’s the hurry?”
“I’m sure you want to get back to your own ranch before dark, and I can walk from here,” Hope replied, her expression determined.
“But-” he stammered, confused by her sudden departure.
“Thank you, Jackson,” she said, her eyes locking on his for a moment. “I appreciate all of your help.”
There was an oddness to her smile that made him feel like she was saying goodbye.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hope,” he called after her as she trotted across the street, one hand holding her bonnet in place.
Hope turned briefly, raised a hand, and waved. Something inside him told Jackson he was never going to see her again.
He watched her for a moment before clicking his tongue at his horses and walking on.
Once he had turned down another street, he pulled his wagon over to the side and hurried back to the corner of the block so that he could see where Hope had gone, an uneasy feeling in his gut.
He scanned the front of the boardinghouse, but she was nowhere in sight.
Then, he spotted her dark blue bonnet heading towards him.
Hope had her head down and didn’t see him step out in front of her to block her path.
“Excuse me, sir,” Hope said, looking up briefly, freezing at the sight of Jackson. “You!”
He caught her arm in his and walked her over to a sheltered spot behind his wagon.
“What are you doing-” she stammered, her cheeks red.
“Why didn’t you go back to the boardinghouse?” Jackson asked, trying to keep his voice calm. “You’re safe there. Out on the streets in a strange town…”
He studied her expression, and watched her tough exterior crumble under his gaze.
“Because I can’t go back there,” Hope said, pulling her arm out of his hold.
“Hope, why not? Did they treat you poorly?” he asked with a frown. He knew he hadn’t liked the look of that controlling man and his excessive mustache.
“No, it’s not that,” she sighed, clearly embarrassed at having to explain this to him. “I came here together with a group of women, all promised to husbands. To go back now…” Hope shook her head. “How do I explain to them my husband didn’t want me?”
“Hope, you know it’s not like that-”
“Then what do I tell them?” Hope cried out.
“The women around me are all getting dresses fitted, visiting their new ranches, and planning their weddings. One by one they’ll all leave to a happy home, while you and Ethan discuss where to send me between yourselves, like a stray animal!
I won’t do it. I can’t bear the shame of it, not after today. ”
“Hope, I’m sorry. We didn’t think this through,” Jackson apologized. “We didn’t consider you.”
“It’s not your fault,” Hope assured him, stepping back. “You did no wrong to me, Jackson Hale.”
“What is your plan?” Jackson asked, realizing he had to stop underestimating her.
“I’m going to use the money Ethan gave me to travel to the next town. Bozeman, I think it is? I’ll find work and somewhere to stay.”
“Hope,” Jackson said, shaking his head and taking a step towards her. “Please, you can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Hope asked, the desperation creeping back into her voice. “I have skills. I know how to cook, clean, sew-”
“It’s not safe. You’re a lone woman in need. That makes you an easy target out here. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you,” Jackson continued, the words falling quickly out of his mouth.
“I’m not your responsibility, Jackson,” she assured him again. “My decisions are not yours to worry about, so please just leave me be.”
“No,” he refused, folding his arms across his chest.
Hope gave him a defiant look, then turned to walk away from him, but he caught her hand with his. Her fingers were chill to the touch, and he remembered that she did not even have clothing warm enough to see her through the spring.
He looked at her. Hope Caldwell was no kitten in search of her mother’s milk.
She was a hardworking woman determined to save herself and find a life that wanted her, stubborn and strong as the mares on his ranch.
He was both stunned at her determination to not give up, and frustrated by her refusal to accept any help.
There was something about her that he simply could not let go of.
She looked down at his hand around hers, the now familiar signs of anger rising in her pretty face.
“I apologize,” he said, quickly letting her go. “But it’s too dangerous, Hope. You’re better off with me.”
She opened her mouth to protest again and he cut her off.
“Don’t tell me you’re not my responsibility,” he said, a sudden thought forcing its way into his mind.
“I could…make you my responsibility,” he continued awkwardly.
In truth, he had considered the prospect while still standing in Ethan’s kitchen when she had made her silent plea for help, but he had not known how to go about it.
Hope’s eyes narrowed at him. “How?”
“I could marry you instead,” Jackson suggested, stroking his chin with his fingers. He hadn’t even fully thought it through, but he’d already said it. “If you’ll have me as your husband, that is. I know you were meant to marry Ethan, but I could fill his place.”
“Marry you?” Hope stammered as she stepped away from him again. “Jackson, you don’t mean that. You don’t want a wife-”
“No, I never intended to marry, but it would be a marriage of convenience then,” he continued, his mind reeling at the prospect.
“It’s only me and Ma, so we could use extra hands around the house.
I’d be good to you, Hope. You wouldn’t need to worry much about me, and you could have a good life on my ranch. ”
“A marriage of convenience,” Hope repeated, as though wanting him to clarify.
“In name only,” he explained. “Your reputation here in Madison Valley would be protected as a married woman, but I wouldn’t expect you to act as one beyond helping out on the ranch.”
Hope tilted her head at him while she considered his offer.
Jackson held his breath, waiting for her to respond.
His solution to Ethan’s problem seemed so perfect, and yet so incredibly hare-brained that he thought he might heave up his lunch right in front of Hope.
He tried to quiet his nerves with the thought that Hope would be a set of helping hands he was sure his Ma would appreciate.
“Jackson Hale,” she said, as though testing how his last name felt and sounded. She frowned slightly, then forced an uncertain smile. “I accept your offer of marriage. I’ll promise I’ll work hard.”
Jackson wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, because the fact that he was now engaged to a complete stranger was both absurd and terrifying.
He felt as though he was silently watching someone else’s life unfold.
He simply stood there as if rooted to the ground and stared at her, unable to come to grips with what had just happened.
Hope’s smile faded, and she shifted her weight, distrust creeping back into her eyes. “Now if you’re already getting cold feet, Jackson, I’d have you say so right now. I don’t want to get carted all the way back to your ranch only for you to decide you don’t want me as a wife, either.”
“Hope, no,” Jackson spluttered. “A promise from me is a promise you can trust. I know it’s not what either of us were expecting when we met this morning, but I’ll stand by my word.”
“And I to you, Jackson Hale,” Hope said, a shy smile slowly replacing her wary expression as she extended a hand so they could shake on it.
Jackson took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from his brow. He could not imagine the stress men went through when asking women they actually knew and loved to wed them. It had been bad enough getting a stranger to agree to marry him.
“Now, shall I walk you back to the boardinghouse so we can collect your things? No one there needs to know about the situation with Ethan,” Jackson suggested.
Hope nodded, her eyes staying on him. “Won’t your Ma be surprised?” Hope asked.
Jackson tried to disguise his discomfort at her question. He had not given his Ma’s reaction any thought beyond her hopefully appreciating another set of hands around the ranch. He could only imagine what his Ma might say when he arrived with Hope at his side.
“We’ll soon find out,” he said under his breath.