22. Twenty Two
Elva looks so ethereal tonight.
She”s so fucking beautiful it aches to look at her, watch her laugh, and dance with every man who even looks her way.
Her dress had been in the making for weeks, and I should have torn it to shreds when it arrived rather than torture myself by seeing her in it. The deep green brings out the green and gold flecks in her eyes and hugs every inch of her gorgeous curves.
I”ve watched with barely contained fury as Tirriel and every other person with a pulse has looked their fill of her, gazing at the way the fabric hugs her body, the low neckline in contrast with the lace sleeves that go all the way to her wrists. The cascading fabric looks like a waterfall of green as it falls to the floor.
As she spins away from me, making conversation with someone—it literally does not matter who— I see just how indecently low the back of the dress falls, every inch of her back on display, all the way until others can almost see the delicious dimples she has just above her luscious backside.
She”s furious with me, as she should be. I said things to her that shouldn”t be said to anyone, much less someone as capable and unsure of it as Elva. Between Valta”s attack and Shan”s treachery, something in me has shattered, my singular thought becoming how to get Elva away from this fuck-show before anyone else can attempt to harm her. No matter how much it aches in my lungs, it”s better this way, better that she”s angry and running for her home as quickly as possible.
She doesn”t need to know just how close she was to being a corpse, how even within this castle, a traitor was orchestrating her demise while we were fighting against outside forces, never the wiser.
My guards threw Shan in the dungeon, finding all of the letters between him and Rhyma regarding Elva”s trip shoved under his bed. I tried to get answers from him, but even with the threat of death, he insisted he knew nothing of them being there.
I should have just killed him for the answers, and I will later. But I want his death slow and agonizing, and I already have enough answers that I can get Elva safely home and then proceed to take all my anger out on Shan for his treachery.Just fortonight, though, I want to watch my Elva one last time, floating from person to person and charming them with her innocent touching and genuine curiosity.
Only Elva could make open naivety and asking a million questions seem charming. Anyone else would seem calculating, but she issimply so genuinelyhungry for knowledge that it”s impossible to deny her the answers she seeks.
Raya appears at my side, holding a third drink out for me, the other two cradled in one hand. ”You should apologize.”
I take the outstretched glass of wine. ”Yes.”
”But you”re not going to,”she adds.
”No.”I lift the bottom of my helm, downing the drinkall at oncebefore handing it to a servant passing by who”s shaking with nerves.
”Why?”
”She leaves tomorrow. She needs to be able to do that without any regrets,”I explain. ”Without any reason to stay.”
”Mhmm, yes, that makes sense.”Her sarcasm does not go unnoticed. ”Because Elva is definitely the type to want to leave without soothing any tension. I”m sure she”ll return home and never think of it again. I”m certain she won”t spend the rest of her days wondering what she did or said wrong to make you say such hurtful things.”
”Raya, don”t fucking start.”
”She deserves better than a lifetime of wondering what she did to deserve that,”Raya bites. ”I love you, Kai. You”re my only family. But that was a shitty thing to do to someone.”
”She deserves to go back to her lovely home, her lovely life, and be considered a hero to her people,”I argue. ”She deserves peace. She”ll never find anything remotely close to that here. If she can just get home, she”ll be protected there. They”ll never let anything happen to the girl who brought peace to their country—not on their own land, anyway.”
”And you?”a soft voice on my other side asks. I didn”t even fucking noticeherarrival. ”What do you deserve?”
”A slap across the face for what I said to her.”
The women laugh. ”That is certainly true,”Maren says. ”But then what? Should you punish yourself forever for simply caring for the girl?”
”I do not—”
”For fucks sake, Kai, don”t waste your breath telling lies,”Raya chides, reaching across me to hand Maren the other drink in her hand.
Even without looking, I know Maren is smirking, soaking in all the attention she”s receiving from Raya. I”m not going to ask how long it”s been going on. I don”t need to. It doesn”t matter anyway. It can only end disastrously, so I”ll let them have this as long asthey canwithout me ruining it.
”If you don”t apologize, you will regret it for the rest of your life,”Maren tells me. ”Even if you live another thousand years, you”ll think of it every single day.”
From my vantage point, Elva feels a million miles away, wrapped in the embrace of countless admirers. The light above shines on the shiny, glittery makeup dusted across her cheekbones and sprinkled in her hair.
Her eyes find me, only for a second before her plastered-on smile freezes, and her gaze bounces elsewhere. An ache in my chest grows, knowing I”m the reason for her anger, that I”ve once again become someone she has to put on a mask for.
Tirriel winds his way through the crowd, closer and closer to my Elva, before finding her and placing a hand on her lower back to gain her attention. Only yesterday, she wouldn”t have given him the time of day, but today, she”s feeling spiteful, only sending a dismissive glance my way before allowing him to embrace her, both of his bare fucking hands on her flawless skin.
He pulls her into a dance, one innocent-looking enough if you don”t know Tirriel. But even from here, I can sense exactly the direction his thoughts are and howhe”sgoing to make it seem like it”s her idea.
To be fair, it might be. She”d be well withinherright to sleep withhim. And she”d certainly have a good time doing so.
But then I”d have to kill him and undo all this work she”s done.
”Ooh.”Maren sees the look in his eyes as he works to not stare at Elva”s gorgeous breasts, also slathered in glitter as they attempt to escape her dress.
”If nothing else, they make a beautiful pair,”Raya adds.
”She”ll eat him alive,”I tell them.
”Well, he”ll probably eat her first, so it”s not all bad news.”Raya grins into her drink. I whip my head towards her, fury filling my veins.
Maren sips from her own, feigning disinterest. ”You had better do something about it, Your Majesty. What”s that thing they say about a woman scorned?”
My teeth grind as I argue with myself. He”s harmless. He just wants to sleep withher. He”d be better for her than I would by far. And she would have her pleasure, then they”d go their separate ways.
Not earth-shattering, mind-blowing pleasure, but something, at least.
And I”d get to kill him and watch his memories of it.
Before I realize it”s happening, my feet are moving. People around me nearly dive out of the way, scattering as I descend to my Elva and the man with hands on her.
I had no intention of dancing tonight. Even when I throw thesetypes ofevents for any reason, I stay on my throne, watching the festivities unfold. But I could not physically stand still for a second longer, knowing someone else was touchingher.
Spotting me, she sidesteps, spinning to ensure Tirriel does not see my approach, pretending herself like she doesn”t notice. Her eyes beam up at him, a small smile gracing her face as she listens to whatever lines he”s feeding her. When she can no longer ignore me, she raises a single brow in question, and Tirriel takes notice.
He turns to look, his face and hands droppingthe secondhe sees me. Satisfaction fills me as Elva”s expression turns toone ofdisgust at him. His fear of me, while wholly justified since I was just considering cutting off his favorite appendage and feeding it to him, shows Elva just how wrong he is for her.
Whether she”ll admit it or not, she wants someone whose fearlessness matches her own, and that”s just not this little shit. ”Tirriel,”I greet, not taking my eyes off Elva, ”I need a moment with Miss Aistin.”
”Of course.”The man darts away, off to whoever is next on his list of possible bedfellows for tonight.
I hold out my hand for Elva to take. She doesn”t, and while it stings, the brashness of her cruelty only flames my need further. I love her refusal to placate me. It”s so wholly different from how everyone else approaches me.
Instead of waiting any longer, I grab her hand, holding it a little too tightly, wrapping my other hand around her waist until she”s entirely conformed against me. She gasps, the sound music to my ears as I press my hand against her lower back, a nearly indecent placement, entirely possessive and uncaring if anyone sees.
”Your Majesty,”she grits out her displeasure.
”Elva.”
With an eye roll, she attempts to push me away, but I hold firm, moving her with me into a dance she has no desire to be a part of. Surrendering, she finally speaks again, ”What do you want?”
”I just want to dance,”I tell her. ”It would look suspicious if we did not.”
She rolls her eyes, and I want to both spank her and kiss her for it. ”Fine. Let”s get this over with, then maybe I can go find Tirriel again.”
”Not if you want him to keep breathing,”I say, my unbothered voice taking considerable effort through my clenched jaw. She can”t know just how affected I am byherthreats.
She freezes for a second, whether out of fury or surprise—I can”t tell—until she laughs. It”s a cruel, wicked sound without any humor behind it at all. It”s the sound of a wicked witch coming to claim some sad sap”s soul. I would love it if it were directed at anyone else, but truthfully, being the recipientofitmakes me irrationally fearful of her and what she might do to enact her revenge.
”Oh, Kai. It”s so funny that you think those threats will still work on me.” Fuck. ”You don”t get to tell me what to do. And you don”t get to throw a tantrum just because you”re not getting what you want.”
”A tantrum?”I scoff. I”m not throwing a fucking tantrum. I”m just—
”Yes. A tantrum. Like a child.”She grins up at me, her face twisted with malice. ”And what do you want, Your Fucking Majesty? Do you even know?”
Yes.Emphatically, yes, I know what I want. But right now, what I want is staring up at me with unmatched fury in her eyes. And she”s more willing to destroy merightnow than I”ve ever seen her. That”s good, I remind myself. As long as she”s angry, she won”t have a hard time leaving this place behind tomorrow.
All I want is you gone,I should say. I want to never see your gorgeous, self-sacrificing face again.
Instead, I just hold her closer, wishing there was something that I could say to fix the pain I”ve caused her. Her fingers clench against mine as she struggles. My hand traverses lower to barely touch the top of her backside, pulling her far too close to be considered a friendly or appropriate dance.
All I want is you,the lump in my throat begs me to confess.
If there was some way to tell her without her knowing, I would.Tell her without the knowledge corrupting her path in this life. Or, the worse and more likely version: Even if I told her that she”s everything I want, it would change nothing for her. She”ll still go home and forget all about Oksangui,aboutthe people, the orphanage, and even me.
She finally relents, allowing my improper hold and even leaning into it.
”Elva.”Her name escapes my lips, the two syllables desperate and wobbly, matchingthe wayI feel whenever she looks at me. Stay. Please.
Her chest caves in, fear and sorrow filling her face. She”s as terrified of those two words as I am.
So, rather than say them, I release her, stepping away with a quiet sigh. ”Enjoy your night.”
She stands frozen for a second, watching me to see what I”ll do next. I tip my head, the smallest of bows, and get away from her as quickly asI can. There”s no good reason to prolong this torture any longer than necessary.
The night goes on, and while I may have decided not to torture us both any longer, I will still continue to hurt myself, I suppose. She”s danced, laughed, and drank the night away, the perfect hostess even at a party that isn”t technically hers.
Only twice throughout the night do I see her eyes wander to me, only to quickly dart away and continue charming her way through the room.
”Care to dance, Your Majesty?”an unfamiliar voice asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
Usually, I don”t dance with a single guest, but not because I refuse. They”re just never brave enough to ask. I look at the woman, not recognizing her.That”snot strangefor these kinds of events.We send invitations to most houses throughout the kingdom. This one has been highly anticipated for weeks, so I expected to see new faces.
I nod, holding out my hand for hers.Shetakes it, and I rest my other hand onherwaist, lettingherlead the way. She”s short enough that I can see right over her head, still keeping my eyes trained on Elva. The girl dancing with me might have green eyes, or blue, or brown. I”ve not even looked to see because Elva captivates my every thought so thoroughly.
My dance partner remains quiet, moving smoothly through the steps and guiding me to move with her.
After a few minutes, another takes her place. Then another. Once one found the bravery to ask, it started a ripple effect until I lost count of how many women I spun around the room while barelyevennoticing their presence.
”Are you enjoying your evening, Your Majesty?”the current one asks, and Ijust mhmm, reallynot willing to engage in conversation with her. Instead, my eyes search for Elva, having lost her again. The girl speaks again, ”It”s a beautiful night.”
And I ignore it. Again.
The music grows in volume, the melody is lovely, and the tempo is perfect for getting lost. My dance partner relents, content to move in silence as I try to focus on the music and notthe factthat I haven”t spotted Elva in a couple minutes.
Surely, she”s just surrounded by people, somewhere my line of sight does not reach. But the hair standing up onthe back ofmy neck tells me otherwise.
Before I canmake the decisionto leave my dancing and track her down, the music swells again, the sound captivating me.It”simpossible to pull away fromthe waythe sound makes my body movewith it.
I must have had more to drink than I thought, the floating sensation filling my head as I spin around with my partner. She laughs, the sound utterly musical and overwhelming.
Wait. Something”s not right.
The music pushes and pulls me, the singer leading the band casting a spell across the dance floor. I shake my head, trying to dispel the swimming vision.
”What”s wrong, Your Majesty?”my dance partner asks.
”Nothing,”I grit, blinking repeatedly.
Her songlike laugh reaches my ears again, and finally, it clicks in my head.
”You sure don”t look like a Syren,”I comment, fighting to remain calm and not give away that I”m terrified that they”re going to find Elva.
One side of her lips twists into a smirk. ”That”s kind of the point.”She laughs again. ”You”re certainly quicker than I thought you”d be. Not that it matters.”
I barelykeep my breathingeven, looking around and finding a room completely devoid of Elva. ”Where is she?”
”Oh, I haven”t the faintest clue.”She laughs, the soundnowringing in my ears and making my head ache. ”My job was distraction.”
I grip her hand hard enough to hear the bones grinding together, and the Syren winces. ”Why?”
”For legs,”she tells me with a pained whimper, all humor gone with the slightest bit of agony. ”They promised us legs.”
”Who?”
She shakes her head rapidly. ”I don”t know who they are. Only the deal I made. Distract the king, have human legs for the rest of my life.”
”And Elva?”I find her life force, readying to snuff it out no matter how she answers.
The Syren”s eyes glaze over, trapped so close to death that she can”t think properly. ”I don”t know.”
All at once, it happens. I suck the life from the vicious creature, and my head clears fully, the Syren song no longer fogging me. The room goes silent for the shortest and longest moment of my life.Then, ahorrid,ragged scream fills the air, followed by the stampede of people running for the doors.Dark red footsteps follow behind some of them, and the sight of them makes my blood run cold. My guards step in front of every exit, trapping the countless guests inside.
I follow the scarlet footprints, shoving my guests out of my way until I finally find her.
I once said I would love to see her covered in blood, but now that it”s become a reality, it”s the worst nightmare I”ve ever had come to life. I throw myself to the floor beside her, and she already looks and feels closer to the dead than the living. The amount of red, viscous liquid pouring from the slash through her abdomen makes me sick.
No, no, no, no, no, the word repeats over and over in my head. Another person I love dying, and I”m completely powerless to stop it. All this power, and in this moment, it”s entirely useless.
”Healer!”I shout, summoning anyone who might be able to help. ”Now!”
Half of the crowd pushes at my guards, attempting to flee. The other half screams and wails at the horrid display of violence before them. Bloody footprints lead in every direction, giving me no idea where to begin looking for who did this.All of themwould have been so under the Syren song they wouldn”t have even noticed Elva being sliced open.
”If she dies, so does every person in this room,”I promise them, fully intending to follow through. ”Get me a fucking healer, or you”re all corpses the moment she is.”
The sobbing intensifies as I stare at the silent, nearly lifeless Elva before me. She”s already lost too much blood, all of her muscles completely and utterly slack as I press against her stomach, desperately trying to hold the blood escaping inside her. It”s a pointless endeavor, even I know that. Too much is gone.
But she”s not yet. While her mind is completely silent and unconscious, her heart still beats. Slowly, but with every beat in her chest, there is still hope, even as each beat pushes more and more of this sticky red substance onto the floor.
My healer finally lands beside me on his knees, reaching for her wordlessly. He smells of drink and tart, foul smoke. ”She”s lost too much blood,”he tells me, his hands against her stomach anyway.
”No, she hasn”t,”I bite. ”I can”t feel her yet, so somewhere in there, Elva still lives. Now fix it, or you”ll be dead before she is.”
”Your Majesty,”he pleads. ”Look at her.”
”I am.”I can”t look away. ”Fix. It.”
”I”ll heal the wound, but there”s no guarantee that it”ll be enough,”he tells me, already doing so. Too slowly,herwound stitches back together. Her skin melds, leaving behind nothing, not even a scar. But she doesn”t stir. And I know she won”t. The blood on the floor is more than any person should be without.
She”s whole again, and yet, so wholly not. And there”s no way to know if or when she”ll wake. ”That”s all that can be done, Your Majesty,”the healer says. ”It”s up to her now. She”ll have to decide if she wants to fight back from the brink of death.”
”She will.”
He pauses, then agrees with me, even if only to save himself from my wrath, ”Yes, Your Majesty.”
”No one leaves this room,”I announce. ”None of you until she wakes. And if she doesn”t, this will be all of your graves.”