Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
R ebecca felt baggy-eyed and grumpy and had to force herself out of bed.
Not going to sleep before three o’clock in the morning did that to you.
If only she could switch her brain off. It had been like an eternal merry-go-round all night as her thoughts kept rising and falling, but she knew she’d made the right decision for herself, and that was the most important thing.
The only person that could make her happy was herself, and she was going to do everything she could to achieve that outcome.
Poor Will had been a little shell-shocked about her decision and it had taken her a while to persuade him that she really wasn’t going to go home with him, now or ever. Once the message had registered, he hadn’t wasted much time in booking a flight home. He was leaving this morning.
Despite her weariness, she walked into the kitchen, determined to start the day as she meant to go on.
Cristina spotted her and began singing very loudly to a song blasting from the Bluetooth speaker on the side.
ToRebecca’s surprise, there was a kerfuffle as Ana lunged at the speaker trying to grab it.
Cristina snatched it up over her head, singing defiantly, while Ana struggled to reach it.
Meanwhile, Katerina was furtively pushing a phone out of sight behind a row of bottles on the counter.
‘ Nao! ’ cried Ana.
‘ Sim! ’ yelled Cristina in her face, as did Katerina, who, having hidden the phone, was now tugging Ana’s arm away.
Cristina caught sight of Rebecca and started singing again. Ana slapped a hand over her mouth. Katerina took over singing very badly, ‘ Without you I am blind and lost. ’ Ana whirled around and Cristina joined in, ‘ So blind and lost. ’
Rebecca stood and stared at them, and then the room went silent when Ana successfully reached the speaker and switched it off.
Suddenly, Ana and the girls were screaming at each other in rapid Portuguese, which, despite all her practice, she couldn’t keep up with.
‘Hey! Hey! What’s going on?’ she bellowed, horrified to see the sisters fighting, grateful that dealing with two rowdy brothers had given her the lungs for such a job.
It was almost comical the way the three of them clamped their mouths shut, the family resemblance making their expressions of wary defiance identical.
‘Nothing,’ said Ana, shooting a warning glare at her sisters.
Cristina and Katerina both looked mutinous but didn’t say anything.
‘You two need to go and get ready. The bus will be here in twenty minutes,’ said Ana, tight-lipped.
They shot her unhappy glares, linked arms and marched out with their heads held high.
Rebecca wanted to laugh except Ana looked upset.
‘What was all that about?’ asked Rebecca. ‘You okay?’
Ana nodded. ‘Just a difference of opinion. How are you this morning?’
It seemed the comment was a cue for her to let loose an enormous yawn. ‘Didn’t sleep well.’
‘I’m sorry. Is something worrying you?’
Something struck Rebecca. ‘Can you play that again?’
‘What?’ Ana’s attempt at innocence was woeful.
Rebecca sniggered.
‘You want some music on?’ asked Ana.
‘No, that music.’
‘I’m not sure I?—’
‘Cut the crap,’ Rebecca said with a grin.
‘Are you sure?’
‘Play it.’ Something was pinging urgently in Rebecca’s brain.
Ana retrieved her phone and the music began to play again.
The synapses in her brain joined all the dots.
‘ Lost and blind without you ,’ burbled the singer, as the words poured out of the speaker.
Seriously!
Rebecca’s laughter bubbled up, exploding out of her. Shelaughed for what felt like a full minute. Gradually she caught her breath as her laugh subsided into not quite hysterical giggles.
‘What?’ asked Ana, clearly alarmed by this lunatic behaviour.
‘I am an idiot.’ She already knew she’d made the right decision but this just confirmed it.
Then she looked at Ana’s face.
‘You knew!’ she accused.
‘Yes.’ Ana ducked her head, clasping her hands together in her lap.
‘Cristina overheard him. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but Cristina is rather desperate for you to stay, and she heard you’d turned the job down yesterday.
Felipe told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to plague you about it. ’
Rebecca couldn’t help smiling. ‘So, Cristina, being Cristina, found a workaround.’
‘She did, although…’ Ana lifted her head, her gentle eyes smiling. ‘It sounds as if it was unnecessary.’
Rebecca loved that Ana didn’t push for an explanation. In her usual, quiet, serene way, she knew when to talk and when to listen. Today, Rebecca needed someone to listen.
‘Yesterday, after Inês offered me the job, I realised there was no way I could get on a plane and go home. It feels like if I do, it’s the end.’ Rebecca swallowed, reliving the moment. ‘I told Will I wanted to stay.
Ana stared at her, her mouth forming a perfect O of surprise.
‘I mean, moving in with Will, it’s what I thought I always wanted, but yesterday it struck me that it feels so final. I can’t see beyond it. I can’t see my life ahead.’ Rebecca closed her eyes for a moment. ‘It’s like a full stop.’
‘What about a life here?’ asked Ana.
‘No full stop here. I want to stay. I can imagine walking on the beach, teaching Pilates classes– but I’m not sure if I should take the job. That’s what scares me, because I know what I really want… and I can’t have it.’
‘Don’t you want to stay here?’
Rebecca shook her head. ‘Yes, but I’m not sure I can. It would be too hard.’
‘Why? You should take the job. You’d be brilliant at running the retreats. You and Felipe would work well together.’
Rebecca swallowed. ‘That’s the problem. I’m not sure I can be around Felipe.’
‘Why?’ Ana’s eyes narrowed with quick, suspicious indignation. ‘What has he done?’
Rebecca smiled. ‘ He hasn’t done anything. I did something stupid. I fell in love with him.’
‘You should tell him,’ said Ana, resolute and sitting up straight like a general giving orders.
‘I can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’ll be another responsibility for him.
His whole life, since your fathers died, has been about responsibility.
He had to give up so much. To him, I’ll just be another person to look after.
’ She paused, her voice a little heated now.
‘Which, of course, is ridiculous because I don’t need him to be responsible for me.
I don’t need to be looked after. I can look after myself.
I want to be an equal, and he’s too short-sighted to see that I can be that alongside him. ’
Ana frowned. ‘Has he said this?’ Worry creased her face and Rebecca felt a little guilty but it needed to be said. Felipe deserved to be happy too.
‘You do know he often works long into the night? He’s carrying everyone’s burdens. He’s the one that needs help.’
A myriad of expressions crossed Ana’s face and then, to Rebecca’s complete surprise, she jumped to her feet and ran out of the room, calling over her shoulder, ‘I need to talk to Cristina and Katerina.’
She watched Ana run past the kitchen window, leaving her sitting at the table totally bemused and more than a little pissed off.
She’d just spilled her guts, revealed her deepest secret and Ana had run away.
She prayed that Ana wasn’t running to tell Felipe.
That really would be humiliating. Under no circumstances would he be adding her to his list of responsibilities and she was going to tell him so.