12. Brody
Brody
Iarrive at Ari’s flat to find her in a particularly buoyant mood. I, on the other hand, am hungover and suffering from a serious lack of sleep. I’m just hoping my new boss will cut me some slack, especially since her and her friends are the reason I feel so shit this morning.
There are patches of black in my memories from last night, moments of time that should exist and just…
don’t. Those espresso martinis must have been super strong.
At least we were all drunk; I remember half holding Ari up as we stumbled out of the bar.
Oh no: she tried to teach me some dance, laughing at my two left feet as I tried to keep up with her.
It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t concentrate on what my own body was doing when she was gyrating in front of me.
Ari hands me a huge cup of coffee. “Drink up. We have a lot of work to do this morning.” She’s so perky it almost hurts.
“Don’t you get hangovers?” I ask softly. Matt does, so I know that isn’t just another vampire superpower.
She pauses for a moment as if she’s taking the question seriously.
“Sometimes,” she says eventually. “But normally nothing a breakfast bagel can’t fix.
” She pauses again and then her face breaks into a smile.
“And I met a dog.” She sounds so animated, like a little girl on Christmas morning who found her dream bike and a trip to Disneyland under the tree.
“A dog?” I repeat, worried I might have misheard her. This feels like a wholly disproportionate reaction just to a dog.
“Yes. Normally dogs run from vampires.” This is true, Matt’s been convincing himself for years that he’s a cat person, but only because he doesn’t actually have a choice in the matter. “But this one didn’t and it was magical.” She grins. “And it made me realise something.”
I sip my coffee and wait for her to enlighten me.
“Only Fangs is going to cost a fortune to get off the ground, right?” she says.
I nod in reply.
“You might have noticed that I am not exactly dripping in cash right now.” She motions around the poky flat.
“Well… I…”
“You don’t have to reply. I get it, OK. Anyway,” she continues. “We need an investor.” She nods a few times after she says it.
“You want to get a business loan?” I ask.
“What, like from a bank?” She sounds utterly horrified, as if I’ve said the c-word in front of her grandmother.
“Where else would you go?”
“I… I…” she looks around, as if searching for the answer amongst the knick knacks and mementos which clutter every surface of the house.
I suppose when you have that much history, you must collect a lot of stuff.
Ari’s even worse than my nan and she’s a hoarder of almost clinical proportions.
Ari looks up at me. “I was going to suggest we find a rich vampire to bankroll us. But a bank loan… like a proper one. Do you think that’s an option?
” There’s something almost like awe in her tone, as if I’ve handed her the key to a magical kingdom.
I sit back in my seat and contemplate for a moment.
“I know that it always used to be impossible. That banks wouldn’t lend to you, or let you have credit cards and stuff.
But that’s been changing. That new legislation hasn’t come into force yet, but it has made some positive changes for people of your kind. ”
“You very rarely say vampire,” she says with a wry smile.
“Matt was sensitive for a while, I’ve become rather the expert in a good old euphemism. Anyway,” I try to steer my train of thought back to the loan, “I think there’s a chance one of the newer internet banks would go for it.”
“Internet banks?” She looks at me completely blankly.
Sometimes talking to her does feel a little like talking to an elderly relative who has tried, but failed, to keep up with modern technology.
But, unlike when I have to reset Nan’s computer for the hundredth time, with Ari it’s cute.
It makes me want to help her, to be someone she looks to for answers.
Yes, don’t judge me but it makes me feel manly and capable and I almost hate myself for it.
“They actually have branches now, some of them anyway, but they tend to be a little less stuck in the fifties than some of the more traditional ones.”
Ari shudders. “The fifties were not my favourite time period.”
I want to ask but I don’t want it to seem like I’m prying. It’s always such a delicate balance. So instead I pause to give her space to tell me more if she wants to.
She remains silent for a few moments. “So what do we need to do to get one of these mythical loans?” she asks, bringing the subject back to the problem at hand. I feel the door closing on elaborating about decades past.
“Umm…” I drag the word out. I want her to keep looking at me like I’m important, like I’m someone who understands these things. But the truth is I don’t have a clue how to apply for a business loan. Much less for a vampire dating app. “I guess we research,” I say eventually and pick up my iPad.
It turns out you don’t actually need all that much beyond the patience of a saint to fill in the ridiculously convoluted form on the Squirrel Bank website.
It takes us most of the day and I promise not to bore you with all the details.
Let’s just say I’m totally knackered by the time I leave Ari’s flat and I’m dreaming of sitting on my sofa in my comfiest joggers with a huge bag of chips drowned in vinegar and smothered in salt.
I call Matt as I walk home to find out what he wants from the chippie.
There’s probably no need to call, he always has the exact same thing – battered jumbo sausage, large chips, can of Rio – but I’m not a huge fan of walking by myself in the dark so at least it’ll feel like I have company if he’s on a call with me.
“Where are you?” he asks as soon as he picks up.
“Err… on my way home?” Why does he sound like that? Like I’m not where I’m meant to be?
“How far away?”
“Like five, maybe ten, minutes away. I’m going to the chippie so just wanted to check you’re having the usual.”
“Are you actually an imbecile?” he replies, not unkindly, but it’s still not the nicest question to be asked.
“What have I forgotten?” I ask with trepidation. I’m normally pretty good at remembering things to be honest and I hate the feeling in the pit of my stomach like I’ve royally fucked up without even realising.
“We’re meant to be at your parents’ in literally fifteen minutes.”
“Shit.” I’d totally forgotten. We’re having a surprise birthday party for my nan – you know, the type where you switch off all the lights and then jump out to give the guest of honour a heart attack.
Which given that Nan is eighty-three might be a very real possibility.
Maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all.
“Stay where you are. I’ll come pick you up,” Matt tells me. “Switch on Find My Friends,” he adds.
“I’ll be in the off-license getting supplies.” You don’t turn up to a Jackson family party without at least two bottles of wine, one of which must be prosecco if Nan’s there.
“I can’t believe you forgot,” Matt says and I hear the front door slam as he leaves the house.
“I’ve had kind of a lot going on.”
“Yeah, like fantasising about your hot vampire boss.”
“I’ve not…” but I trail off as a thought hits me. “You’d better not say anything tonight.”
Matt laughs down the phone. “Oh no way. Your family are going to fucking love this. Your nan especially.”