17. Ari
Ari
Sharon turns out to be a lot of fun and a barrel full of useful insight on dating apps.
“So. I mainly use Tinder,” she says as she shows me her phone’s home screen. It’s set to look like a pretty bookcase, the apps arranged like novels on a shelf, dotted amongst a potted plant and a photo of a slightly scraggly looking dog.
“Why Tinder?” I ask.
“It’s just so easy to use and I can hop on if I have a spare few minutes and have a little swiping session.
And the most important thing is the photos,” she says.
Then she clamps her hand over her mouth and blushes deeply.
“I mean. It’s not that I’m shallow. But it’s important to see what they look like.
” Her eyes dart between me and Brody, as if she’s waiting for us to agree that looks are in fact important and no, it doesn’t make her shallow.
“You find out a lot about a person by which photos they use,” Brody says.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I meant.” She beams at him. Bless him for rescuing her, I’d have let her stew for a few more minutes. “So, like if he chooses a photo of him and his dog, then I know he likes animals.”
“We need to remember this,” Brody tells me. Then he turns his attention back to Sharon. “We’re working on a dating app together.”
“A startup?” she asks.
Brody nods.
“Oh wow!” she exclaims, looking ecstatic. “That is brilliant.” She jumps from her chair to hug him.
I look on puzzled.
“It’s what he always wanted to do,” Sharon says returning to her seat. “Oh, I’m so thrilled.” She positively beams and it’s difficult not to get caught up in her positivity. “And any way I can help, just shout.”
“You’ve already helped,” Brody tells her. “I’d not really thought that much about photos and things.”
“That’s because you’re not a shallow loser like I am,” Sharon says with a grin. She leans towards me and stage whispers, “Brody’s one of the good ones.” He turns a deep beetroot.
“There is kind of an important factor you’re missing though,” I say, waiting for him to remember that vampires don’t show up in photos.
“Ah shit. I forgot that bit. So no pictures.”
Sharon looks at me and then at Brody, confusion spreading across her features. “You can’t have a dating app without pictures.”
“The app is for vampires,” I tell her and watch the confusion shift to something altogether more primal.
“Vampires?”
“It’s a vampire only dating app. Called Only Fangs.” I add the last bit with a hint of pride, I’m still abnormally pleased with the name, even if technically it was Clara’s idea.
“Vampire only…” she turns to look at Brody. “But…” then she turns to look at me. “I…”
“I’m not a vampire, Sharon,” Brody tells her. “But you know my best friend, Matt, is.” he says it gently, like he’s talking to an aging aunt with a sensitive disposition and a poor memory.
Sharon nods.
“I’m a vampire,” I tell her.
“Oh.” The confusion immediately vanishes.
“Well that explains it all.” She chuckles softly.
She leans in close to Brody so she can whisper in his ear.
I don’t think she realises I have better hearing than the average human.
“So Ari really is your boss?” she asks him.
He nods. “So you’re not on a date?” He shakes his head.
“Shame,” she adds quietly. “You’d make a cute couple. ”
Then she picks up her phone again and turns the screen to show me a few of the other dating apps she uses.
Sharon does have a point though. And it’s something I hadn’t even thought about.
“So how do we do photos?” I ask Brody as we leave the restaurant and walk towards the cathedral that dominates the skyline, lit up to showcase the intricate stone architecture.
“Hmm, thinking about what Sharon said, there’s two purposes, right? First to see what the person looks like. But then to learn more about what’s important to them, who they are on a deeper level.”
“I guess we could ask for portraits,” I say. The only problem is a lot of vampire portraits are drawn by humans desperate not to become food and so they do tend to err on the side of flattery.
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“Have you seen the one in my hallway?” I ask him by way of illustration.
“You look amazing.”
“Exactly. I don’t look like I do in real life.”
“Yes you do.” The words are quiet, almost a whisper. I turn round and he’s blushing.
I pretend not to hear him but I glow a little inside. “What we need is someone who can sketch them all.”
“I have a friend who does these photo realistic drawings,” he says, pulling out his phone and bringing up an Instagram account.
“These aren’t photos?” I ask eventually, momentarily stunned into silence as I stare at the little squares on the screen in front of me. There’s a dog portrait and the fur looks so fluffy I just want to reach into the picture and stroke it.
“She’s good huh?” There’s a hint of pride in his tone. Like this artist means something to him. Oh shit. Is this his girlfriend? Or at least his crush.
“Oh. Is she…” but I trail off. It isn’t professional to ask the question. And I don’t care about the answer anyway.
“She mainly does pets and things. But I’m sure she can do people.”
“Vampires,” I correct him.
“Still people.”
“They’d have to sit for her though. It isn’t like she can work from a photo.” I point at her profile where she explains that all she needs for a commission is a picture of the pet. “That would kind of defeat the whole objective.”
“I’ll talk to her. She could maybe do a test run? Draw you and see what you think.”
I nod. “That sounds like a good idea. Let’s get her to draw you too. We should make some mock ups of what the profiles will look like and it would be useful to have a guy and girl.”
“But I’m not a vampire.”
“Obviously. But you aren’t going to get your teeth out in the picture so it really doesn’t matter.”
“True. I could try to get Kiki to draw us at the weekend so we can stay on track with everything else we have to get done this week.”
Kiki agrees to draw us on Saturday and in the meantime we start to think about the special interest photos we can attach to the sample profiles.
“So the idea would be to show personality, taste, interests, all that stuff you see on normal dating sites,” Brody says.
“OK. So what have you got?”
“Well, what do you think I should do?” he asks.
I narrow my eyes at him, not really clear what he’s asking. “They’re your pictures.”
“Yeah, but not actually me me. I mean, this isn’t a real profile.”
“Why not?” Is there a part of me that wants to know what he will choose? Yes. Of course. I want to see the things that make him tick, to peel back the layers and get to the kernel of truth inside him.
“But. I’m not a vampire and I’m not actually creating a profile for the site.”
“But if you were…”
“Fine,” he acquiesces. “I’ll take some. But you need to too.”
“Fine,” I say, my brain already whirring with the possibilities of what to include. I want Brody to think I’m fun and interesting and not just some stuffy old killjoy. Not that I want him to think of me as a potential date though. Of course I don’t.