36. Brody
Brody
Iclose the door to my bedroom gently and then turn away, sinking down it until I’m a mere puddle on the floor. What the hell just happened? I could feel myself turning my neck towards her mouth, I could feel the pull of her, the way she makes my blood sing for her.
My head is still spinning, like I’ve been on a rollercoaster a number of times and now I can’t decide if I want to get off, or if I want to go again.
Matt texts me and it takes me a few minutes to actually read his message as the words swim and dance in front of my eyes. How’s it going?
I think I’m a bit pissed I reply.
Thought you were taking it easy. Staying professional and all that?
I didn’t have many but the Alba must have been strong.
Alba?! OMG. Are you kidding?
No. Why?
Alba is like a serious human/vamp party drug. Like everyone is taking it.
What does it do? I feel suddenly a little more sober. I thought it was just a liquor but Matt is making it sound far more than that.
Do I look like google to you? Matt replies.
Bastard. I pull out my phone.
There are a surprisingly large number of search results.
Real Alba is a kind of brandy made from a very rare fruit found in only a few places across Central Europe.
It’s hideously expensive. But apparently some clever shit figured out a way to synthesise it a few years ago and there has been an explosion of mixed – as in normie and vamp – couples experimenting with the drug.
Is everyone taking it? I message Matt.
Mainly newbies. And tourists.
What about Ivan, Ari, Clara?
Nah. They are far too old school. They probs don’t even know you can buy it for pure funsies.
I breathe a sigh of relief. I don’t know why, but the idea of Ari drugging young normies gives me a serious ick. I have one final question for Matt. Does it make you extra… you know…
You know what? he asks. I’m not sure if he’s playing with me.
Like… horny… but different?
Are you asking if it makes you want to get sucked by your sexy vampire boss?
No I type. But then I delete it. Yes. That too gets deleted. It feels too on the nose. Kinda maybe I reply in the end.
He calls me. “So,” he starts without any preamble.
“From what I’ve heard it doesn’t make you want it if you aren’t already into the idea.
But it does make you more likely to pluck up the courage to ask.
And if definitely makes it taste better for the vampire.
We both know you are mad into her, so this makes sense. ”
“But I don’t like her like that.”
“You don’t fancy your super-hot vampire boss? The one you came within an inch of getting with before you pussied out?” He says this like he’s doesn’t believe me, not even for a single moment.
“No I… I do fancy her. But I don’t want her to suck me.”
He snorts.
“You know what I mean. I’m not into the whole blood letting thing. I like Ari, but I’m not a tourist. I don’t have some kind of weird fetish about getting bitten. You know that. It’s never been something I’ve wanted to even try.”
“I think you are definitely protesting too much.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”
“It’s not like that.”
“The brain on Alba doesn’t lie.” He says it like this is a well-known phrase, some piece of ancient wisdom and not just some bullshit he’s made up on the spot.
Do I want that? Do I want her to…
“You know I love you,” Matt says, “but you really need to get out of your head. Trust yourself.”
“Like with Yetty and Emily and Lisa and Sara.”
“This is different. Ari is incredible.”
“She is.” I know deep down she’s different to the others, that I should trust myself… but how can I go to her when I don’t know what I want from her?
“Go get her, tiger,” Matt says and then he hangs up.
Is he right?
I decide the best course of action is total inaction and I sit on the edge of the bed for five minutes staring into space. But even I can’t stop my brain from working overtime.
Let’s assume I should trust my own attraction and she is different to Yetty and the others.
On the one hand is the practicality of the whole situation.
Ari is my boss and getting with your boss is never ever a wise move.
We all know that. Can anyone put their hand on their heart and swear that it was a good idea?
I mean, beside the girl I knew on my graduate programme who shared a drunken kiss with our manager, Lawrence, and is now married to him with a couple of babies and a cute house in the suburbs.
Even if Ari wasn’t a vampire this would be a terrible idea. But she’s also one hundred and forty odd years older than me. And I can’t cast aspersions on other people’s age gap relationships and then go there myself. I’m not a hypocrite.
But then I think of the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles. How her hair falls in soft waves down her back. The fierce look on her face when she’s angry and righteous and just how damn fucking sexy it is. The scent of her skin. The pulsing desperate want for her.
Fuck it. I’m human and I only live once.
Just as I’m about to open the door, I hear the creak of a floorboard.
There’s someone out there, in the corridor.
I can’t go out now, someone might see me, someone might spot me creeping around in the darkness of the castle.
And what if they realise I’m human? I read something about Alba increasing the pheromone scent of a human.
What if I open the door and come face to face with Andrei Hele?
I wait for a few moments, my hand still on the door knob. Just waiting. Waiting and breathing and trying to hear if there is still someone skulking in the darkness of the corridor beyond. I can’t hear anyone.
But the moment is lost.
Who was I kidding? Thinking I had the balls to just stride out of my room and knock on her door to ask if she would let me in.
I brush my teeth and then slip into bed, the sheets freezing cold against my skin. Fuck’s sake. I pull the blankets tighter around me. Stupid fucking castle and its stupid fucking lack of heating.
If only I was braver. If only I’d thrown caution to the wind. I could be there, with Ari. Perhaps her room is warmer?
I curse the person skulking around outside under my breath, a plume of cold white dancing in the frigid air in front of me. Bastard.
In my dreams I’m falling. The wind rushing past me, firing bullets of ice at my skin, so cold it burns. I look up and she’s staring back at me, lips drawn back so I can see her teeth glinting in the moonlight. She is savage and wild, blood dripping from her mouth.
I want her more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life.
I would give her all of me for just a moment in her graces.