53. Ari
Ari
“Why would Brody do it?” I ask Dad as soon as Victor has left. “He doesn’t have a hope in hell of repaying the loan. And then…”
A human who loses to a demon becomes a demon. Brody will switch with Victor, destined to stalk hell for eternity, making deals to appease his boss. Trapped for ever.
“I think that you should tell me about this Brody,” Dad says softly.
And so I tell him.
“He always finds the positive in any situation; no matter how dire things seem he’s there with a smile and some kind of stupid comment about how it will all work out in the end.
He always brings coffee, or bacon sandwiches, or cake; I don’t think he’s ever turned up on my doorstep empty handed, and it’s always exactly what I’m craving right in that moment as if he can read my mind.
He loves his family; his sisters and his brother and his parents and his nan.
And he’s such a brilliant friend to Matt.
Matt is a vampire, he’s how come Brody applied for the job. ”
“He sounds like a keeper,” Dad says.
“He’s human.”
“And?”
Dad and I have never really talked about the way he lost Mum.
The hideousness of it all. Watching her age and age and crumble to dust in front of our eyes.
For so long we pretended it wasn’t happening, that she was the same as she had been before.
But of course time doesn’t stand still. And it ravished her.
“I can’t lose him like you lost Mum.” My voice is so quiet I’m surprised he hears me.
“But think about what you’ll be losing instead.”
I look up at him and I can see the tears forming in his eyes.
“I don’t regret loving your mum. Not for one moment.” He blinks and one of the tears falls. He makes no effort to wipe it away. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my father cry before. Not even at her funeral. “Lizzie was everything to me.” He smiles through the tears.
“I was a hundred and fifty-five when we met,” he says.
“And in that very first moment when she walked into my life I knew she was everything I’d been waiting for.
You were only nine months, this tiny little thing with a wicked temper who refused to sleep.
I thought it was because you missed your birth mother.
My relationship with Greta was an odd one, I won’t sugar coat it, you’re old enough to know the truth. ”
“Dad. I’m a hundred and seventy-two,” I say gently.
He laughs. “I know. But you’re still my baby.” He reaches out to touch my hand. “You are the one good thing about my marriage to Greta. But you were so small and you needed so much and I had no idea what I was doing.”
I’ve heard part of this before. How Dad was ridiculed by society for wanting to raise his daughter. Fathers weren’t normally very hands on back then.
“I couldn’t cope on my own, so I advertised for help.
And there Lizzie was. This beacon of light shining in the darkness.
She didn’t know we were vampires when she turned up for work that morning.
I had to tell her and I thought she would run for the hills.
But she didn’t. She stayed by my side, by our sides. ”
“But she died, Dad.”
“I know.” He sits back in his chair. “Look at me, Ari,” he says, his voice serious.
“Yes, she died. But before that… she lived. Oh how she lived.” He breaks into a beatific smile.
“She was a marvel. The most brilliant, most amazing woman in the whole world. And she was mine. I would trade a million deaths for just one lifetime with her.”
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” I whisper. “If I could bear it.”
“All you need to do is ask yourself one question.” He pauses. “Do you love him?”
“Yes.” I don’t need to think about my answer, because of course I love him.
“So why are you here?” Dad asks gently.
“Because everything is such a mess and I don’t know what to do and it’s all broken and I can’t fix it. And I’m such a screw up. Everything I touch turns to shit. So maybe I should just stay here with you for a while.”
Dad shakes his head. “You aren’t a screw up.”
“I am. I’ve messed up my life. And I ruined Clara’s; she’s going to have to marry Luca in six months because of me. And Brody has made a deal with Victor that he can’t repay.”
“Sometimes you really do infuriate me Arianna Grace Haywood.”
I look up at the use of my full name. But the look on my father’s face isn’t anger. It’s disappointment.
“You really don’t get it, do you?”
I shake my head. I’m flooded with self-loathing and regret.
“Clara bought you time because she loves you. Brody made the deal with Victor because he loves you. Both of them made their choices for you. So why are you here?” He asks the same question as before but this time the inflection is different.
“What if I fail?” I whisper. “What if they sacrificed themselves for me and I fuck it all up anyway?”
“Is that why you’re here? Because if you don’t try, you can’t fail?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not…” but I can’t articulate the thoughts running through my head.
“What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Dad asks.
I pause. If only I could find the right words.
“I... I…” I clear my throat and try once more.
“The worst thing that could happen is that I don’t fail.
That I go back and I help Clara prepare for the wedding, give her the best possible send-off I can.
And Brody and I make Only Fangs and it works and we repay Victor. ”
“That sounds like success to me.”
“But Clara is still lost and I’ll have, what, maybe forty, maybe fifty years with Brody?”
“Clara will come back from Transylvania all the time. It’s the twentieth century, Ari, there are cars and trains. Even planes. You can travel there in a day. And you will have a lifetime with Brody. A whole lifetime. And that is worth more than everything.”