61. Ari
Ari
Four months after the launch of Only Fangs and we have over fifty thousand active users. There’s still a huge skew towards humans, but I guess that means there are some very busy vampires on the app.
Tonight we’re going to an awards ceremony in London, a swanky evening in the Great Room of the Grosvenor House Hotel. We’ve been nominated for Best New Dating App and I’m so excited I think I might burst.
Clara is also in London, visiting some of Luca’s extended family and we meet for a quick drink in the hotel’s Red Bar before the ceremony.
“You look fucking amazing,” Clara says as soon as we arrive. “That dress is just perfect.”
I’m wearing the black Valentino dress of my dreams – the one with the mesh panelling details – and I’ve paired it with some serious high Louboutin’s.
A very expensive hairdresser on Park Street has worked a miracle with my hair and makeup and I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever looked better in my entire life. For once I look successful.
“You look so happy,” Clara adds.
A waiter in a pristine uniform approaches. “Four Sanguis,” Luca tells him.
Clara shoots him a look.
“Ah, sorry, I forgot.” He gives Brody a funny look, something partway between an apology and sheer confusion at the situation. “Three Sanguis and one…”
“Just white wine for me,” Brody says.
After our drinks arrive, we make a toast.
“To Only Fangs,” Clara says, putting down her glass for a moment to do the jazz-hands.
It’s the first time we’ve really seen Clara and Luca together and I have to admit he does seem to be a genuinely nice guy. He’s attentive and considerate and she really does appear to be acting exactly how she usually does, like he hasn’t tried to change her into something she isn’t.
Brody excuses himself from the table to make a quick call to our accountant and Clara takes the opportunity to head to the bathroom, leaving me and Luca alone at the table.
I pounce on the opportunity. “If you hurt her I will hunt you down and kill you,” I tell him, keeping my voice low and the tone even. If anyone was watching us you’d think I was making small talk about the weather.
“That I believe,” he replies. “Clara has told me many things about you.”
“All of them terrifying, I hope.”
“Mainly that you are her favourite person in the world and if I think for one moment I can come between you then she will put my testicles in a vice.”
“Oh. Now that definitely sounds like the kind of thing she would say.”
“I will heed her words. And yours. I do not want to lose my testicles or my life.”
“Good.” I raise my glass. “I’m glad we have an understanding.”
He raises his glass too. “To Clara.”
“To Clara.”
The Great Room is filled with slightly uncomfortable looking men, many of them tugging at the collars of their shirts as if they’ve never worn formal wear before. I guess a lot of them haven’t.
We are seated at a table with the creators of a well-known rideshare app and a trio of women who just launched a new beauty app which is tipped to revolutionise the cosmetics industry. The conversation flows and everyone has some wine and it’s actually really rather pleasant.
And then it’s time for the awards part of the evening.
It turns out there are a lot of categories.
And I’m going to be honest and say that many of them I don’t care about, like Top Driving Theory Test App, or the best app for tracking your Bitcoin.
Fun fact: despite vampires loving to make money they don’t touch crypto, so take from that what you will.
Our category is towards the end and I can feel the crowd growing fatigued, people wanting to move to the next part of the evening and the promise of a famous pop act performing live on stage.
No one knows who the act is, but rumours have flown around about Ed Sheeran being spotted in the hotel gym earlier today.
The MC on stage thinks he’s a comedian as he reads out the nominations for Best New Dating App.
“For people with not enough time and too much baby vomit on their clothes, we have the single parent dating app, PlayDate. If you’re looking for a fellow nerd, and I think there may be a few of you here this evening…
” he pauses for the round of applause he’s expecting, but it’s fairly half-hearted; he did just kind of insult the whole room.
“There’s SPOD - or STEM People On Dating.
The third nomination is for PolyIAm, the perfect app if you want two girlfriends.
Although that just sounds like it would be double the hassle and basically another person to refuse to have sex with you.
” He laughs to himself. “Amiright, gentlemen?”
“This guy is a twat,” Brody whispers in my ear.
“And our final nomination is for Only Fangs. The perfect app if you’ve ever wanted to get sucked off in a whole different way.” This time there is a genuine hum of laughter from the audience.
“Damn, I wish I’d thought of that strapline,” Brody says with a grin.
“So without further ado, let me announce the winner of Best New Dating App.” The MC has an envelope which he opens and then he makes a shocked Pikachu face.
It’s the same schtick he’s pulled for all the other categories and it’s definitely old by now.
“I think I’ll be signing up to this one. The winner is Only Fangs.”
What? Did we just win? I turn to Brody and, judging by the look of shock on his face, yes, we won.
I take his hand and pull him towards the stage, past the tables of other guests, a blur of faces clapping for us.
A few people congratulate us on the way and I feel like the world is tilted off balance.
Standing on the stage, looking out at a sea of strangers, holding a small glass trophy, I realise what this means.
“We actually did it,” I lean in to whisper into Brody’s ear.
“Of course.” He drops a light kiss onto my lips. “I always had faith in you.”
“In us,” I correct him.
Back at our table, the three girls from the cosmetic company leap up to hug us and squeal over the glass award in the shape of a tear drop. “This will be us next year, ladies,” one of them says.
I sip my champagne and take a moment to breathe, to take it all in. But then I remember something. I whip my head round to Brody. He’s staring at his phone and I nudge him to get his attention.
“Do you remember what you promised me last night?” I ask. “If we won the award?”
He doesn’t say anything, just hands me his phone. On the screen is the website for Dogs Trust.
“You really mean it?”
“I have one condition,” he says, his tone serious. “Pick a good one.”
“They’re all good dogs, Brody.”
His face splits into a grin. “Well then, I guess we’re getting a dog.”
I kiss him hard on the lips. “I love you.”