Chapter 8
eight
MAYA
“You’re going to tell Ethan about Dr. Ben, right?
” Emmy pressed, as she parked in front of Ethan’s house.
The lights were on, even though it was well past midnight.
Unless something had changed since we’d been together, he was planning to give me a ride back to my apartment and spend the night with me there.
Emmy and I had already dropped everyone else off at their places. She was the one who planned the bachelorette for Abby, and we’d taken her SUV to fit everyone. Zoe hadn’t let her drive until we got home, but she hadn’t been surprised by that.
The rest of the ladies feared for their lives when she drove. I’d just been through too much shit to fear a car accident.
Abby and Nico were planning a small, outdoor wedding on the pack’s land. It was only a few weeks away, because they didn’t want to wait any longer. Hence the bachelorette weekend.
Emmy and Finn’s wedding was still nine months out. Em had a lot more to plan, and considering the sheer amount of money that existed among her family and friends, the scale of it was going to be much grander.
Plus, that was just Emmy’s personality. Any of us would’ve guessed that she was going to go all out when she got married.
I slipped my mirrored sunglasses on even though it was crazy dark outside. “I have to tell him. I said I would if he talked to the guys about the wolf thing, and I’m pretty sure he did. He’s probably pissed about how I set it all up, though. He hasn’t texted me back all weekend.”
“Finn told me they cancelled their coaching sessions and were all spending the weekend in their wolf forms together,” Emmy explained. “I’ve only talked to him for a few minutes every day. It sounds like it’s been great for all of the guys. They’re talking about making it a monthly thing.”
“Maybe it will help him.”
“I hope so.” Emmy held up her crossed fingers.
Ethan’s front door opened, and Finn came jogging over to his mate’s window wearing a massive grin. He was absolutely covered in dirt, and wearing nothing but a pair of navy-blue joggers.
When she unrolled the window, he leaned in and kissed her in greeting.
Aaaand that was my cue to leave.
“Good night,” I called over my shoulder, on my way toward the house.
I stopped on the porch stairs when he stepped into the doorway in nothing but his basketball shorts. His shoulder met the wood as he leaned against it, his hands in his pockets.
I’d hoped he would look lighter, the way Finn did, but he didn’t. There were dark circles under his eyes, and the smile he tried to give me didn’t reach them.
Dammit.
“Hi, Muffin. I missed you.” His voice was light, but he wasn’t grinning the way I would’ve expected him to.
“Hey, Cupcake.”
Finn and Emmy pulled away. I looked over my shoulder, and Emmy waved at me from the driver’s seat. Like me, Finn also didn’t appear to fear for his life when she was behind the wheel. She was his mate, so maybe he was obligated to fake it. Or maybe he’d also been through too much shit to worry.
I looked back at Ethan. “How mad at me are you, on a scale of one to ten?”
“Is ten the best or the worst?” he asked.
“The best.”
“I’d say I’m sitting solidly at a ten, then.”
Relief made my shoulders sag.
“We need to talk.” He tipped his head toward the living room. “Mind if we do it here before I drive you to your apartment?”
“You say that like you’re not going home with me.” I made it up the stairs, and tried to slip past him into the house.
He caught my hip and turned me toward him, kissing me deeply as he pinned me gently between him and the door.
I buried my hands in his hair, pulling him closer and kissing him back just as passionately.
He pulled away after a few minutes, dragging his thumb slowly over my bottom lip.
“I don’t think my story about work is going to end things between us, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I said, eyeing him through my glasses.
“We’ve got a mate bond connecting us. Work doesn’t matter.”
“Where did your sunglasses go?”
“I broke them.” He gestured to the kitchen, and I saw them on the countertop. “Haven’t had time to go out and buy new ones. How was the trip?”
“Really great,” I admitted, releasing his hand and walking to the couch. “I’ve never spent that much time with anyone but you and Aidan. It was nice.”
I’d expected to need a break after the trip ended. I’d even taken an extra day off work because of it, so loving it was a surprise in a good way.
Any relaxation I’d felt before was gone, though. Things between me and Ethan felt… different. I guess the discomfort from our last conversation before I left was lingering.
“I’m glad you had fun.”
“Yeah.” I sat down and tucked my legs up close to my abdomen.
Ethan took the spot across from me on the couch.
Fuck.
Something was definitely wrong.
He wasn’t even touching me.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I asked, fighting like hell not to acknowledge the physical ache in the center of my chest.
Ethan blinked once.
And again.
“What?” he finally asked.
I gestured to his face. “You’re not touching me, and you have this really grave expression. I know we said we were just friends, but we sleep together every night and have sex almost as often, so I think we’re pretty much out of the friend zone. Plus, I—”
“We’re mates, Maya. Or almost mates. I couldn’t break up with you if I wanted to.”
My heart dropped into my stomach.
He wanted to break up with me, but couldn’t.
Fantastic.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you, and you deserve the truth.
” He dragged his hand through his hair. It was already a wreck, with who-knew-how-many days’ worth of dirt smeared in it and on his skin.
“You’re right. Something’s been going on.
My wolf has been getting progressively harder to deal with over the last two months, and I don’t know what the next two are going to look like. ”
Oh.
My fear deflated, just a little.
“Then why are you sitting way over there?” I asked.
His forehead creased. “I kept things from you.”
“I knew you were keeping things from me. I’d be a lot more offended if you were, like, cheating on me. Are you cheating on me?”
He looked so disgusted by the idea that I almost snorted. “No. I’m only interested in buying rainbow cookware for one woman.”
“And fucking one woman.”
“Obviously. You’re more than enough for me.
” He stretched his leg out, flexing his foot so he could press his toes against my calf.
“But I don’t think I’m going to live more than another month or two at this rate.
Getting out of bed is more difficult every day.
My packmates could barely convince my wolf to shift back. ”
He was worried about dying, and he hadn’t told me?
“We’re obviously not going to let that happen,” I said. How could he have considered that a possibility?
“We’re not?”
“No, Ethan. Why would you even think I would be okay with that? All of the mate stuff aside, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” I tossed a hand toward him.
“You don’t want a mate. I don’t expect you to trade your comfort for my life.”
“If I really hate it, we’ll just live separately.”
He met my gaze with a small, tired smile on his face. “I don’t want to live separately, Maya. I want you. I want everything with you. I’m in love with you. Hopelessly fucking in love with you.”
My throat swelled.
Panic warred with emotions I didn’t have names for.
Strong ones.
“I think I’m falling in love with you too.” The admission was quiet. Barely above a whisper. “I don’t know for sure, but I can’t lose you.”
“I’m not going to let you seal a mate bond with me if you aren’t positive I’m it for you. I won’t be the reason you’re unhappy at any point in the future.”
“You don’t get to make that decision alone. I could take these glasses off right now and start a mate bond.” My hands were trembling. Maybe all of me was.
“You could. But you won’t.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“Come here.” He opened his arms.
I swallowed roughly and took the two steps that separated us, folding myself into his arms. He pulled me close, holding me tightly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucked up, I don’t know how to do relationships. I barely know how to have friends.” My voice shook along with the rest of me.
Ethan was dying, but I still couldn’t commit to being his mate. Not in the ways he wanted me to.
“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had too, Muffin. You’re better than you think.” He kissed my forehead. “I wouldn’t want anyone else.”
“You have to say that.”
He chuckled. “Nah.”
“You’ve invested too much money into my cookware to back off now.” I tried to lighten the mood. My eyes were still watering, so the other option was to start full-on crying.
“I’ve been plotting out which colors to buy for the replacement pans.”
“Of course you have.”
“The biggest one will be red. It’s your color.”
“I can rock red.”
“The medium one will be green. Electric green. Like toxic waste.”
“I love it already.”
“The small one will be light purple.”
“Lavender?”
“I think the website called it Barely Blurple.”
A teary laugh escaped me. “Oh god, that’s an awful name. We have to buy it.”
“I’ll put the order in tomorrow.” He kissed my forehead.
“I’ll start trying to talk myself into a mate bond.”
“I don’t want you to talk yourself into anything. Either you want it, or you don’t.”
I nodded against his chest. “But I’m going to do it anyway.”
“You’re impossible.”
“Impossibly great.” I mumbled the words.
“That’s for damn sure.” He brushed my hair off my face. “I need to shower.”
“In a little while.”
“Alright. Do you still have to work tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Good.” He stood up, carrying me to his room. “I don’t want to drive. Let’s stay here.”
“’Kay.”
My eyes were getting really heavy.
It had been a long, fun weekend with barely any sleep, and my emotions were so messy. I just needed to rest.
Ethan murmured something else to me as we curled up in his bed. The bedding would be covered in dirt afterward, but I didn’t care. We’d wash it.
There were bigger things to worry about… like whether or not I could handle the plunge of taking a mate again. This time, permanently.