Chapter 9
nine
MAYA
“What do you want to do today?” he asked me, raking his eyes slowly over my skin while water fell over both of us.
Seeing his eyes was different. I liked it a lot.
“I was going to ask my friends what mated life is like if you’re not paired with an asshole.”
“I support this plan.”
He grabbed some shampoo and scrubbed his scalp with it. “You were going to tell me about your job. Something bothered you.”
I grimaced. “Right.”
“You set me up with my friends, so you’re not getting out of this, Muffin.”
“How did that go?”
“Pretty well. They told me to let them know how they can help, and forced me to spend a few days in wolf form.”
“And they told you to talk me into mating with you.”
“I think charm was the word they used.”
“You’ve hit me with more than enough charm as it is,” I said.
“I tried telling them that. Now, your job. What happened?”
“Who happened is the better question, and it wasn’t a one-time thing. One of the other professors in my department is a… problem.”
He rinsed soap out. “What kind of problem?”
I debated how to put it.
“Maya,” he warned.
“The flirty kind of problem.”
His eyes narrowed immediately. “What?”
“Flirty is the wrong word. He’s been hitting on me for years, and he’s twenty years older than me, so I obviously haven’t reciprocated.”
“What the hell?”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You haven’t told me for months, so obviously it’s a big fucking deal. Have you reported him?”
“Of course I reported him. Repeatedly. Without evidence, the school says there’s nothing they can do, and how am I supposed to get evidence of that?” I turned away from Ethan, my heart beating fast.
I’d known he’d be pissed. Which was why I hadn’t told him.
“This has been going on the whole time we’ve been together, and you didn’t tell me?” He was barely maintaining control of himself.
“I knew you’d freak out. It happens on and off, but it got a lot worse when he heard I had a boyfriend.”
“Who the fuck is your boyfriend?” he snarled.
I gave him a pointed look. “You, obviously. When would I have had time to be with anyone else?”
His anger faded slightly. “How did he find that out?”
“One of my students saw us at dinner, and gossip spreads fast at the university.”
Ethan looked a little more satisfied by that knowledge. “Then why is he still hitting on you?”
“I think it’s a possessiveness thing. He’s never taken the hint that I’m not interested, and I have to force myself not to react when he flirts so I don’t wolf out.”
“What does he do?”
“Usually not much.” I reached for the shampoo, still facing away from Ethan. He caught my arm and spun me around.
“Does he touch you?” His voice was dangerous
“Not intimately, but yeah. On my hand, arm, wrist, or shoulders. I never have evidence, though, so—”
“Give me his name.”
I eyed him through my sunglasses. They were slipping down my nose a little, but I was used to pushing them up constantly. “That seems like a bad idea.”
“I don’t fucking care, Maya. If this bastard has been touching you without your permission and making your workplace hell for ten years, he needs to die.”
“Werewolves can still go to jail.”
“I’m on my way out anyway.”
“Don’t talk that way,” I said sharply. “I offered to seal the bond last night. You turned me down. You don’t get to be all possessive and ragey and threaten to murder some asshole for touching me, after refusing a mate bond. We’re just friends, remember?”
“I only said no for your good, Maya.”
“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me just because you’re in love with me. I’m handling my problems with a coworker in a job I hate as well as I can, and you’re not going to jail for killing him when you’re not even willing to seal a mate bond with me to save your own life.”
“Yours matters more.”
“Not to me.” I took a step back. Ethan released my arm, and I moved out from beneath the water to grab a towel.
“Maya…” He followed me to the edge of the shower with suds dripping down his neck and chest.
“I need some air. I’ll call you in a few hours.”
Ethan grabbed a towel and followed me to the closet. “Where are you going?”
“Some of my friends have the day off today too. I’ll bug one or two of them,” I said, pulling on a pair of leggings and a comfortable cropped tee. We both had clothes at each other’s places after going back and forth for so long.
“You don’t bug anyone. They’re lucky to spend time with you.”
I dried my hair as well as I could. “Don’t spend the day alone. Call one of the guys and go hang out with them. Participate in the coaching sessions or something.”
“If their mates aren’t working, they aren’t either.”
“Jade and Emmy are back at work already.”
Ethan let out a long breath. “Fine.”
I stepped up to his chest and slipped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling his face down toward me while I went up on my tiptoes and kissed him.
He kissed me back, his damp hands finding my hips until I pulled away.
“For the record,” I said, “If this isn’t what love feels like, I have no idea what else it could be.”
His eyes burned with emotion. “Indigestion?”
A snort escaped me. “Sure, Cupcake.” I stepped back before I could decide to spend all day in his arms, and turned around.
“Take my truck,” Ethan said. “I don’t need it to get to work.”
“I don’t need it to look for Abby and Stella, either.”
“Just quit arguing with me for once and take it, Muffin.”
“Fine. Thank you.”
My throat felt thick as I closed the front door behind me and walked away, but I did need air.
Air… and time to figure out what I was going to do about everything.
I knocked on Stella’s door a short while later.
“I’m out here!” she called from the back porch.
There was a path on the side that led around, so I followed it.
Stella was sitting on a stool in front of a half-painted canvas, and Abby was sprawled out on the couch next to her with a book in her hands.
“I thought you’d be with your mates,” I admitted.
“They have to work for a few hours this afternoon.” Abby waved me over.
I walked to the couch, semi-reluctantly.
“How are things?” Stella asked me.
I bit my lower lip, scraping my mind for an answer that didn’t actually tell them what was going on. I didn’t think Ethan cared to keep it private, but still.
“Okay,” I finally said.
“Ethan didn’t take the news about Dr. Ben very well?” Abby checked.
I grimaced.
“Threatened to kill him, huh?” Stella asked knowingly. “Graham isn’t very violent, but he said the same thing when I told him about the situation this morning.”
Of course they were talking about the subjects that had come up while we were on the girls’ trip. We usually did stuff like that too. Me and Ethan.
“Murder was definitely mentioned,” I said.
“The guy kind of deserves it,” Abby remarked.
Stella lifted her paint brush to her canvas. “You’ve been mated to a werewolf too long.”
“Probably.” Abby didn’t deny it.
“There’s a bigger problem.” I pulled my legs up to my chest, glad the cushion was already dusted with dirt so no one would care that my feet were a mess. “Ethan’s wolf is getting worse. He doesn’t think he’ll last more than another month or two before the wolf takes over.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Stella set her paintbrush down. “What can we do?”
“Nothing. The only thing that will stop it is if we seal the mate bond. I offered, last night. He turned me down.”
“What?” Abby sat up abruptly, closing her book. “Do we need to kill him?”
“What was the reasoning?” Stella checked.
“He knows I don’t want a mate and doesn’t want to force me.”
Abby relaxed slightly. “Oh. Well, we can’t kill him for that.”
“No.” Stella shook her head lightly. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I threatened to take the glasses off and trap him, but that’s obviously not going to happen.”
“You wouldn’t,” Abby agreed.
“Not unless he was actively dying. I just need to try to talk myself into wanting a mate bond. Or at least not being so fucking afraid of it.”
“Well, what part of it are you afraid of?” Abby asked.
“The permanence. Another abusive relationship. Putting someone else in a position of power over me.”
“Not someone,” she corrected. “Ethan.”
“You guys obviously care about each other,” Stella said.
“How much more power over you would he really have if you sealed a bond? You could keep your finances separate if you were worried about that aspect of him controlling you. You could keep your apartment. I can’t see him ever working as a chef, so you’re not going to have the problem where you’re mated to someone who’s in charge of you that way again. ”
“That’s true,” I admitted. “Maybe the power thing isn’t an issue.”
“Has Ethan ever acted like he was going to hurt you, or really lost his temper?” Abby asked.
“No. He’s pretty good at diffusing anger and tension with humor, and he’s never made me feel small, weak, or threatened.” I didn’t bother arguing against that. The way Ethan dealt with problems was nothing like the way Aidan had, and he was careful with me.
Logically, I didn’t think there was any way he’d become an abuser.
Emotionally was a whole different ballgame.
“Ideally, you’d have a year or two to stay with him and make sure he wasn’t going to try to hurt you,” Stella said. “But this isn’t the ideal world. You’re probably going to have to go with your gut on that and hope for the best.”
“If it’s any comfort, this pack isn’t like Aidan’s. If anyone had even an inkling of an idea that someone was being abused, the abuser would die. No one here would ever turn a blind eye,” Abby put in.
My chest swelled.
Honestly?
I believed her. I’d interacted enough with my friends’ mates to be pretty sure she was right. And even if she wasn’t, I knew my friends wouldn’t leave me in that situation either.
“There’s no way around the permanence of it,” Stella added, “But look at it this way. You’re either going to be mated to Ethan for the rest of your life, or you’re not going to have him in your life at all.”
My stomach clenched.