Chapter 4
Lacey groaned, pressing her hands to her lower abdomen as she sat, doubled over, atop her pallet.
She squeezed her eyes shut against the intense pain radiating from her pelvis.
She’d always had terrible cramps during her periods, but this?
This was absolutely debilitating. She couldn’t think, couldn’t sit still, couldn’t sleep. There was only agony.
A soothing hand rubbed her back.
“You’ll be okay,” Ahmya said softly from where she was kneeling beside Lacey.
“If by okay, you mean I’m going to keel over in the next hour, then sure. Anything to not feel this anymore.”
“There will be no dying.”
Lacey snorted at Ahmya’s mollifying tone.
The light crunching of footsteps on the woven grass rug alerted her to Diego’s approach.
“Here,” he said. “Drink this.”
Lacey opened her eyes to find him crouched beside her, holding out a wooden cup.
She sat back, feeling the thick moss pillow dip beneath her bottom, and accepted the cup with both hands.
Warmth seeped into her palms, and the potent scent of herbs wafted up from the steaming tea.
Her brow furrowed; there was a bitterly sweet note in the aroma that she hadn’t smelled before.
“What’s in it?” she asked, glancing at Diego as she brought the cup closer to sniff.
“A flower called Hunter’s eyes. It should help with the pain. I tested it myself first, and it’s safe. But Nalaki said there’s not much of a supply left here, so we’ll need to be sparing with it.”
Tentatively, Lacey tipped the cup and took a sip. Warmth and sweetness filled her mouth. After swallowing, she waited, anticipating the bitter aftertaste the tea’s fragrance had implied, but it didn’t come. Satisfied, she took a deeper drink.
Diego stood. “Is this your first period since waking from cryosleep?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Are they usually this painful?”
“They hurt, but they were never this bad.” She tightened her fingers around the cup, frowning. “Is…this something to worry about? Because as dramatic as I’m being about dying, I really don’t want to die.”
Diego and Ahmya chuckled.
“You’re not dying.” Diego turned and walked to the heater, an open-faced box made of flat stones housing a large bowl of spinewood sap that burned with blue-green flames.
“Being in stasis is hard on the body, especially with all the chemicals they pumped into us, and it can take time to readjust. You’ve likely had some hormonal imbalances, and now your body’s playing catch up. ”
“Are the blood clots normal? I… I used to sometimes get some small ones before, but nothing like this.”
“A lot of women with heavy periods get them. It’s normal. From what I’ve seen of yours, you don’t have anything to worry about.”
Lacey’s frown deepened. She hated that she knew so little about her own body, but it also made her sad.
By the time she’d had her first period, her mother wasn’t around to give guidance on feminine matters, and even after Lacey grew up, she’d been unable to turn to doctors for advice because she sure as hell hadn’t been able to afford healthcare.
That was one of the reasons why she’d joined the Homeworld Initiative—at least she would’ve received regular medical care on Xolea.
Grabbing a nearby towel, Diego spread it across both hands and used it to pick up a stone that had been warming atop the heater. “If you’d like, I can do a pelvic exam once you’re feeling better?”
He carefully wrapped the towel around the stone.
Lacey nodded and drank the rest of the tea.
“Why didn’t you tell us you were in so much pain?” Ahmya asked, leaning closer and looking at Lacey with so much worry in her dark brown eyes.
Lacey inwardly cringed. Heat flooding her face, she dropped her gaze to her cup and absently swirled the bit of liquid left on the bottom.
“Everyone was having so much fun, and I…didn’t want to bring the mood down.
Didn’t want anyone to worry or feel guilted into taking care of me.
And to be honest, it hurt so much that I just really, really wanted to be alone.
I thought soaking in warm water might help with the pain, but I know the temple hot springs can be busy during the day, so I went to the base of the falls instead. ”
Diego returned to Lacey’s side and lowered himself onto his knees. “That was danger—”
“I know,” she breathed grouchily. “I already heard it from Telok.”
He smirked.
“I can’t believe Telok tied you up and left you here like that,” Ahmya said.
You will stay, and you will think.
Lacey scowled. “That jerk put me in timeout.”
Thankfully, her timeout hadn’t lasted long, as Ahmya had arrived to untie her shortly after Telok left. Apparently, he’d tersely informed the others of Lacey’s situation before stalking off to who knew where.
But that didn’t make him any less of a jerk.
Chuckling, Diego set the wrapped stone on Lacey’s lap. “Use this as a heating pad.”
After handing him the cup, Lacey pulled the stone closer to her belly, immediately feeling the heat emanating through her blanket. She moaned softly. It didn’t take away the pain, but it was something. “Man did we get real lucky that Doctor Diego survived the crash.”
“I’m a nurse.”
“Mmhmm, whatever you say, Doc.”
Ahmya nodded with a smile. “Yep. You’re officially our doctor. Own that title.”
His brown eyes crinkled at the corners as he grinned. “Doctor Diego it is, then.” He rose, filled the cup with water, and placed it on the table next to Lacey’s pallet. “And as your doctor, I am ordering you to rest and stay hydrated.”
Lacey saluted him. “Yes, sir.”
Ahmya placed a hand on Lacey’s arm, her mirth fading into solemnity. “Promise me that you’ll tell us the next time you’re hurting this badly. And if you need to be alone, at least let one of us know so someone can stand guard or something. Don’t put yourself in danger. We don’t want to lose you.”
Her words, combined with her earnest expression, were like a sucker punch to Lacey’s gut.
Throughout her life, Lacey had never had anyone to depend upon.
She was used to taking care of herself, fending for herself, keeping to herself.
Knowing that there were so many people now who cared about her, who worried about her, only added to her suffering.
Just looking into Ahmya’s soulful eyes almost made Lacey want to cry and beg for forgiveness.
God, how did Rekosh stand it? It was no wonder Ahmya had that vrix eating from the palm of her hand.
“I promise,” Lacey vowed.
A smile brightened Ahmya’s face. “Good.”
If I’d had friends like these back on Earth, I might never have left.
And then she never would have met Telok…
Lacey, don’t you dare think about him.
Pushing aside her thoughts of that big spidery jerk, Lacey settled a hand atop Ahmya’s and smiled. “I’m sorry I missed out on your and Callie’s big announcement. Congratulations to you both. I can’t believe you’re going to be giving birth around the same time.”
Ahmya pressed her other hand to her belly. “It’s strange knowing that I’m growing a baby in here but not being able to feel it. At least not yet. Oh, but Lacey, I’m so excited! A little scared too, but don’t tell Rekosh that. He’s already freaking out.”
“I’ll be doing everything I can to make sure it all goes as smoothly and safely as possible,” Diego said.
“I know you will. But I also know there are never any guarantees when it comes to giving birth.”
Lacey’s heart clenched, and she squeezed Ahmya’s hand. “You and Callie will be fine.”
She didn’t even want to consider the possibility of losing either of them.
Ahmya’s smile softened. “We will be. And I can’t wait to start a family with Rekosh.”
Family.
Before now, Lacey hadn’t had much of a concept of one.
Her own family had been shit—a mother who’d checked out on her responsibilities but always made sure to remind Lacey how much she regretted having her, an alcoholic father who spent his time gambling when he wasn’t arguing with his wife.
When they’d divorced, her mother had run off, remarried, and obtained the picture-perfect family she’d always wanted, existing in Lacey’s life as nothing but a bad memory.
Without his wife around to abuse, Lacey’s father had turned his verbal assaults toward her.
Nothing like a father calling his daughter piggy or fat ass every time he saw her.
That had been why Lacey had found things to do to keep her away from home as much as possible. It was also why she’d done everything she could to join the Homeworld Initiative, jumping at the chance to leave Earth…because fuck that place.
And one of the non-negotiable requirements for acceptance into the program for all female candidates had been the ability—and willingness—to give birth.
Lacey had never really thought about having children before then.
She didn’t know what kind of mother she would’ve been, and it wasn’t like her mom had been a glowing example.
Now, with the Somnium having crashed and the survivors left stranded on this planet with the vrix, there was no colony, no Homeworld Initiative.
All those obligations were gone. Lacey didn’t have to become a breeder and pop out kids to help establish humanity’s foothold on Xolea.
But she’d be one hell of an aunt to her friends’ babies.
She already adored spending time with Akalahn, as crazy as that little vrix could be.
Everyone was creating a life here despite the circumstances. Everyone was happy.
So why did Lacey feel like there was a gaping hole in her heart?
Telok’s green eyes blazed in her memory. She could almost feel him braced over her again, could almost feel the tickle of his dangling hair brushing her shoulders, could almost feel his breath hot on her lips.
You are my tribe. You are my family. You are—
She was…what? What had he been about to say? Because the way he’d cut off those words, the gravel that had been in his voice, the possessive fire that had been in his eyes…
Lacey covered her face with her hands and groaned.