Chapter 36 #4
Saint stared at her for a long moment, then shook his head. “You don’t mean that. There’s something wrong, talk to me, Elsie. This isn’t the right way to deal with whatever you’re so afraid of. Tell me what’s happening, and we’ll face it together.”
“Oh, my gods.” She pulled a disgusted face, hating herself to the very core of her existence for what she was about to say. “You planned all of this, didn’t you?”
“What?”
“How many times did you say it yourself? But like an idiot, I fell for it. You’re good at manipulation, I’ll give you that. You swore you’d take everything from me before taking my life. My squad, my career, my friends—they’re all gone, just like you promised.”
“No–”
“Don’t lie to me! Every kiss, every touch, you were faking it! None of it has ever been real. Marley was right. You fooled me this whole time.” Her lips drew back in a sneer. “I’m ashamed. How did I ever convince myself that I loved you?”
He winced, and Elsie looked away. She couldn’t let his reaction to this sway her decision.
“But you do love me.” His voice was strained. “I know you do. You’ve said it yourself, and I’ve felt it in our bond. Come with me right now. We’re leaving the hunters and never looking back. This isn’t you. You’ll feel better once we’re out of here.”
“No, I won’t. I was fooling myself when I said those things. I’d rather give myself up to my father than stay with you, demon.” Elsie gnawed at the inside of her cheek to keep herself from crying. “You were a fun distraction for a while, but I don’t want you, and I never have.”
“If that’s true, what was that back in the barn?” he demanded, eyes glistening.
“I needed to decide for myself if my feelings for you were real, but that kiss proved they never were.” She finally looked at him, giving him the most disappointed look she could muster. “A temporary infatuation with a pretty face.”
“That’s bullshit!” He took a step forward, arms out as though he wanted to embrace her, but he stopped short. His tears flowed freely. “You can’t mean this, you can’t. You’re my whole life, Mistress. I live for you.”
“Why is this so difficult to understand?! Who do you think gave the orders to have you brought here in the first place?” she thundered. Saint’s hound ears flattened against his skull as he shook his head in denial.
“They promised me a hellhound, and all they could find for me was you. A cheap, third-rate alternative. I’ve been using you in place of the real thing, but now my true companion is on her way.
She’ll be here in a few days, and I don’t need you hanging around making moon eyes at me while I’m waiting. I am done with you, Saint.”
The shock on his face drove daggers into her soul, but she hardened herself. She’d fall apart after he was safe and well away from the hunters who wanted him dead, when he couldn’t be used as a weapon against her. When she knew that he’d make it, even if she didn’t.
“I don’t know why you’re doing this, why you’re resorting to cruelty, especially now. This isn’t like you. Tell me what’s happening, please. All I want is to figure this out with you. Please, Elsie.”
Elsie stared hard at the ground near his feet, doing her best to set it on fire with her eyes to hide how badly she wanted to cry and apologize for the hurt she was causing him.
“That’s unfortunate, because all I want is for you to leave.”
“You can’t even look at me when you lie!” he nearly shouted. Clenching her teeth together, Elsie channeled all her fury at the situation into her expression.
“What is there to look at? I’ll never love a demon, but especially not you, Saint.
You’re pathetic, following me around like a lost puppy because you can’t get over the deaths of some mutts you once knew.
How much more simply do I need to explain this to get through your thick skull?
I was using you. I need a man who’ll stand by my side, not hide behind my back. ”
“What are we doing out here, then?” he demanded bitterly before snatching up the shovel. “Are you planning on burying me out here?”
“I’m giving you one chance,” she answered. “I’ve had my fun with you, and now I’m over it. Go claim your freedom. It’s what you’ve wanted all this time.” She waved her hands toward the woods. “If not, you can join your family in the afterlife.”
She watched as Saint shifted painfully from one foot to the next. She’d never seen him stand so small, his entire countenance had furled. His body was hurting him as much as his heart, but if she played this right, he’d have plenty of time to recover without fear of the hunters coming after him.
“You love me,” Saint reiterated, but he took a step back.
“I know you do. I’ll go, because for some reason it’s the only solution you have to whatever problem you’re not telling me about.
But Mistress, I’ll be waiting. Come home to me, no matter how long it takes.
And then you can spend the rest of our lives making up for what you’ve just done. ”
“Don’t bother waiting, there’s nothing left for you to hope for, Mutt,” Elsie scoffed. “I never want to see you again.”
“I refuse to believe that’s true.”
“Believe what you want. You’ll figure it out, eventually.”
“I love you, Elspeth Raissa Chantraine.”
“Leave. Now.”
Saint hesitated, as though he couldn’t make up his mind.
“NOW!” Elsie shouted. Her heart was shredding to pieces, and if he refused to back down one more time, she’d crumble. She’d beg his forgiveness, and Gods damn it, it was too late for that now.
She mentally seized her end of their bond, tearing at it, twisting and pulling, trying to make it snap. Saint gasped, and she cried out, both of them grabbing their chests. Elsie’s expression hardened, and she gripped the bond tight, ripping it out until the ends frayed.
“Elsie! Stop it before you do something you can’t take back,” he wheezed, retreating another step. His eyes held hers desperately, so she tore her gaze away. “I’ll go. But it doesn’t change anything. I love you, and that is never going to change. Come find me.”
Elsie stood in silence for several long minutes, not daring to look up. He was gone, and she couldn’t bear the sight of an empty space where he’d once stood.
Mechanically, she pulled brush out by the roots and lit it on fire, then reached for the shovel and started digging.
But she didn’t dig a hole for a raven, she built one for a man the size of a wolfhound demon.
She dug deep, until blood oozed through the bandages and through her clothes, but she didn’t stop until the top of the hole loomed over her head.