Chapter 21
If you call me a good girl, we are going to fuck.
She pinned my hands above my head and breathed me in.
“You smell like Haven,” she whispered.
Just her breath on me had me moaning, trying to wriggle closer to her.
“I thought I told you to be quiet,” she said, slipping her finger into my mouth and wetting it. “Now, I’m going to need you to stay still and quiet. We can’t rock the wagon yet.”
Yet. I whimpered.
Goddess, please let that yet be a promise. I wanted to break wagons, beds, counters, a lifetime with her.
She dragged her finger down the length of my body, taking care to circle both of my nipples until they were rock hard.
“You deserve to be punished for wearing that dress around me.” She bit on my earlobe, and I gasped. This would be the death of me. A sweet, irrevocable death. “When I saw you in the market street, I wanted to rip it off with my teeth.”
I shuddered at the thought of something so public with her. Everyone watching as she ravished me. Oh, how I wished I still had that dress on instead of my traveling clothes. But thankfully, it didn’t seem that she really cared.
She gently rubbed down the length of my leg, untying my boot and throwing it behind her.
It thudded against the wagon door. I almost opened my mouth to tell her to quiet down lest we be caught, but by the looks of her predator’s eyes, she was taunting me.
She did the same down my other leg, that boot hitting the wagon walls with a thump.
“May I?” she asked gently, her fingers looping on the waistband of my trousers.
I nodded a yes.
She pulled them down, painfully slowly, and gazed at my bare legs.
“Absolutely perfect,” Hesper whispered. I was slick with heat, needing every bit of her as soon as possible.
But I didn’t make a peep, even though the wildfire on my skin threatened to burn me to a crisp, even though my heart beat so hard I thought it might burst through my chest, even though my want for her soaked through my undergarments and onto the mattress below.
With one hand still pinning both arms above my head, Hesper looked me in the eyes as she moved my tunic higher onto my stomach, revealing everything below.
The only thing barring her from me now was the silken, lace night shorts I’d bought without her knowing.
They were tight, alluring, a little expensive, and I hoped she would rip them to shreds.
“Goddess help me,” she growled.
My tunic was still on, but the way she looked at me made me feel entirely naked. And she hadn’t even touched me in full yet. Even my bones began to feel like molten lava the longer she stared at me.
Her eyes filled with an emotion I didn’t quite understand—astonishment and something else. But then it disappeared, replaced with a relentless hunger that only my body could satiate.
She straddled me, both of her strong thighs pressing in on my ribs. Such sweet pain. Slowly, she unpinned my arms, but I kept them above my head like the good girl I knew she wanted me to be. She gave me an approving smile. My heart leapt at the slight praise.
“Close your eyes,” she whispered dangerously.
I obeyed.
“You’re going to want to scream, but if you make a sound, I’ll stop.
” She played with me, making me suffer the most delicious torture I’d ever endured.
All my life, I’d told people what to do, spending hours meticulously planning out each detail, rarely succumbing to wants and pleasures save for ones in my own cottage by myself.
Tonight would be different. I’d follow her orders and then, when the time was right, she would follow mine—and she wouldn’t know what was coming for her. She might have ridden dragons, but she hadn’t ridden me. Not yet.
With my eyes closed, my other senses peaked. Every touch and every smell exploded into sharp reality. Her lemony scent surrounded me; her calloused hands were all over me. But then she slowed her touches, making them more intentional, less gentle.
I took a shaky breath, trying in vain to pace my system.
Her hands gripped my hips, squeezing hard. I swallowed down a yelp. She hesitated, sensing the weakness I almost let show. No matter what she did, I would not make a Goddess-damned sound. The thought of her stopping would be my ruin.
“Good girl,” she whispered, and then slowly, achingly slowly, she took off my night shorts with her teeth. I could hear her smelling them, moaning into the air.
I’d promised Hesper Altanfall that I would be the end of her. But she very well may be the end of me.
When my night shorts were fully off, she laid me bare save for the tunic covering only my chest. I could feel Hesper’s head hovering just above my core, looking, admiring. Her moans turned to pants.
And then she slipped a finger into me, just barely.
She dipped her finger in deeper, wetting it.
Then she ran it gently along my folds, over my clit.
Every touch was a breath, a wisp of motion.
It left me aching with so much want, I thought I might never get enough of her.
I needed roughness, I needed her to stuff me full of everything she had.
And if her tongue was not tasting me soon, I might vaporize entirely.
“You’re so wet for me, Clara,” she said, her infuriatingly soft touches sending my body into a tailspin. “And I haven’t even done anything yet.”
I bit down on my own tongue to stop from yelling at her.
Frustration mixed with unending lust filled my veins, and the tang of blood filled my mouth.
When she said I deserved punishment for wearing that dress, she meant it.
And she was going to dole it out herself.
But I kept my mouth shut, my eyes closed, and the rest of my senses aflame.
Finally, she put two fingers inside of me, swirling gently at first and then quickening. I bucked against her, wanting more, needing more.
She let out a harsh laugh.
“You like that, Clara? What about this?” Her swirling motion turned into a deep, luxurious back and forth, hitting the deepest parts of me with her long fingers, then stroking up when she pulled out.
I took to biting my cheek and forcing my eyes to stay closed.
My hips rocked into her, and whatever self-control she was practicing lapsed.
Her tongue dove into me, tasting all I offered. She licked my thighs, my core, my everything. Like she couldn’t get enough, and I couldn’t either. She groaned into me, the sound muffled by how deeply she delved inside.
My back arched, a low, sweet ache beginning in my stomach. Goddess, I already wanted to succumb to the edge. And she had only been playing with me this whole time. She’d been taste-testing, licking, teasing. She hadn’t even tried to show me what she could do.
The horses outside whinnied, the sound filling our wagon.
Hesper took that opportunity to roar and began her work in earnest. Her tongue pressed against my clit, over and over again.
My arousal intensified every sensation, and the slightest pressure threatened to send me into another stratosphere.
But I held tight, willing my body to hold on until Hesper unleashed herself fully.
She applied pressure with her tongue on my clit and then pulled back.
Over and over again. The heat in my stomach turned into something writhing; every part of me synced into this very moment.
Still, I held my release at bay. That practiced self-control was giving me an edge in this game we were playing.
Then, she slipped a third finger inside of me.
Going in and out, matching the rhythm of her tongue.
I saw the stars, the moon, the worlds beyond.
Everything exploded. My back arched so high, she had to slam me back down on the bed again.
The air knocked out of me, and the thing writhing inside of me readied to bite, to leap, to end me.
Hesper, sensing how quickly I raced toward climax, finally eased a bit.
Her fingers slipped out of me, but I would have none of it.
I reached down and grabbed her hair, pulling hard.
If she could punish me, I could her. A stillness came into the wagon for a moment, and I panicked that she would stop her pursuit altogether.
But then she took me like she had not taken me before.
She furiously sucked my clit, slipping two fingers inside of me. She matched the sucking with her pulsing fingers, and her other hand, which tightly grasped my thigh, edged up my tunic. She found my nipple and began pinching and squeezing.
The force of the pleasure was so intense that even the thundering beast in my core paused for a moment. Time suspended. I closed my eyes, listening to her suck, grunt, and press into me over and over again, drawing out every second I could with her ravishing me.
And then I broke.
I shoved my hand over my mouth, stifling the moans erupting out of me. No matter how far Ludwig had fled into the darkness, he must have heard the moans. The kernel burned brightly in my heart again—this time, a soothing, warm feeling instead of the hollow burn.
She kept pressing into me, riding out my orgasm until the end, and the spark turned into an ember, my chest catching fire. When everything settled and my body stilled, she finally came up for air, and I was glad for this evening to end with a different kind of flame.
I kept my eyes closed. I was undone, emptied, and full all at once.
She ripped off another piece of her tunic and cleaned the mess she’d made of me.
Then she shimmied my undergarments back into place, put my trousers back on, and tenderly set both of my boots neatly by the wagon doors. I didn’t move a muscle.
Only when I felt her settle in beside me did I dare open my eyes.
I looked up at the ceiling, and she looked at me. I couldn’t meet her eyes just yet.
“Give me two minutes, and it’ll be your turn.” My voice sounded like gravel after holding in so many moans.
“No, no,” she said, still looking at me. “Tonight was just for you.” Her husky voice sent tingles down my body.
Tonight. What about tomorrow? Would there be a tomorrow with Hesper like this? Did I even want that?
“Unfair,” I replied. And it was. I wanted to taste her on my tongue, I wanted to undo this warrior lying next to me until she was nothing but a puddle at my feet. Only then could she taste me again. And I wanted to do it here and now, in the in-between of the past and what was to come.
Nothing counted in this wagon. It would once we left it, though.
“Clara, dear,” she whispered into my ear. “I’ll wake every monster on the Irk if I come on your mouth.”
I nervously laughed, trying to ignore how her words caused my recently doused wildfires to flame back up again. No distraction could convince my body to ignore Hesper, though. I feared it never would.
“Look at me,” she said into the dark. I obeyed again, this time out of curiosity more than anything else.
She gazed at me intently, the former hunger giving way to that same look again—astonishment and something else. That something else, though, was dangerous. I skirted a boundary I should not—would not—cross, not with her, not with anyone.
My heart collapsed in on itself, the hollow place trying to breathe but there was no air. The spark was gone, the kernel of happiness blotted out. This wouldn’t do.
“We’d better rest,” I said too quickly. Her eyebrows shot up only for a moment, and then resignation filled her eyes. I had doused her fire. Or whatever she felt.
“Yes, indeed,” she said, her voice still ragged but with a more practiced lightness. She seamlessly slipped out of whatever we had just done, into what we had been. She put her arms behind her head and her tattoo flashed in the air. Her bargain.
All the more reason to let this night only be this night.
Besides, I’d told her my fear of losing her just moments ago, and all she had to say was Clara.
That was that. We had no choice.
“So then…” There were things I knew I wanted to tell Hesper Altanfall. But why say them when it would make the inevitable goodbye that much harder? The words escaped me, hunkering down deep in my soul where the rest of my unvoiced secrets were. “So let’s just leave it at this then,” I said, unsure.
“Yes, indeed,” she repeated again. The stoic fae warrior once more. No hint of anything else in her voice.
She turned her back to me, and I did the same.
Hesper was with me on Eldrene’s orders. We got caught up in almost dying.
That’s all tonight meant. Of course, we would end up making this mistake being in such close proximity.
But now, it was out of our system. She didn’t care about me as much as I didn’t care about her—we were travel companions.
I couldn’t let myself forget that. If I did, I’d risk losing everything.
And I couldn’t live through that, not again.
Tomorrow, we would reach Dwindle. With the seeds now gone, my hope rested on basically nothing.
Just try, Clara.
Rosie’s words sang in the coldness between us.
I would try. No, I did not have magic or enchanted seeds, but I would still try.
I would have to admit to the entire village that their Goddess-sent Town Gardener was simply a gardener with good planning.
We’d made it this far, though, and that gave me some hope to live on.
So, yes, I’d try. I’d even reach for my magic and see what might lie in wait.
Perhaps a smidge of Moss’s magic was still with me, somewhere down deep.