37. Amanda
Amanda sat in front of her son and husband, who were looking expectantly at her. She waited for the waitress to put down the coffees and leave.
‘What’s going on?’ Ross asked.
Amanda let out a long breath. ‘What’s going on is that our son is still doing cocaine.’
‘Excuse me?’ Ross was shocked.
Amanda had chosen to have this conversation in a public place because she didn’t want them to end up shouting at each other. She wanted Ross to know what was going on and to help support Theo going forward. But she needed the conversation to be calm and constructive.
‘Is this true?’ Ross hissed at his son.
Theo shrugged. ‘I was doing just a bit now and then. It’s not like I’m addicted. I haven’t done any in weeks.’
‘Jesus Christ, Theo, I thought we were finished with this subject. Just how stupid are you?’ Ross snapped.
‘Not as stupid as you,’ Theo retorted.
‘Theo,’ Amanda warned her son, as Ross’s face turned a dangerous shade of red. ‘What’s important to know is that I’ve found Theo a therapist to help him figure this out. He’s only had two sessions so far, but I think it’s helping. Is it, Theo?’
Theo fiddled with a packet of sugar. ‘Kind of, like I’m not messing around with drugs any more.
But the main problem is that I just hate it here.
Like, I really hate it. I have no friends in school.
I know I have Irish parents, but I feel English.
I loved London. It’s my home and I want to go back. I don’t fit in here.’
Amanda looked at her son. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes.
He looked miserable. She had been trying so hard to make everything work in their new lives that she had convinced herself that if Theo tried harder he’d fit in.
If he just took more time and made more of an effort, he’d be happy in his new school and find friends.
If he stopped messing about with cocaine and got help via therapy, he’d be fine.
But looking at him now, she realized she had been wrong.
You can’t force a square peg into a round hole.
Theo was right: he was an English boy, he was different, he’d had a very tough time, and this new living situation did not suit him.
But they had moved, and they were here now, and they had to make it work.
‘It’s been hard on all of us.’ Amanda could see Ross was trying to stay calm. ‘And I get that it’s not easy to make friends when you come into a school in the final year, but you just need to stick it out and things will get better.’
‘I can’t stay here.’ Theo began to get upset. ‘I can’t. I hate it. I know what I did was stupid, I don’t even know why I did it – I don’t like taking coke. I think I wanted to get caught again so you’d see how miserable I am. It’s like I’m completely invisible in that house.’
Amanda reached out and squeezed his hand. ‘I know it’s hard, love, but it’s only one year. And not even a full year. You just have to get through to the summer. If you do well in your exams, you can go to college in England. I’ll help you apply to any university you want.’
Theo looked up at her. ‘Really?’
‘Of course.’
‘But it’s so expensive and Dad has a new kid to support and I hear you arguing about money all the time and … well …’
‘Oh, Theo, I’m sorry, pet. But things are clearer now that the child-support finances have been sorted out.
In fact, we’ll be able to move out of your granny’s house soon and, don’t worry, we’ll find the money to send you to college in England.
I promise you that if you study hard, stop messing about and behave, we will both one hundred per cent support you going to college in England. Won’t we, Ross?’
Ross nodded. ‘Yes, we’ll figure it out, but only if you stop with the drugs, Theo. It has to stop now. I’m serious. If we find out you’ve been at it again, you will be in major trouble.’
Amanda nodded. ‘Please, Theo, no more. I can’t take any more worry. I’ll move mountains to make you happy, but I won’t tolerate any more bad behaviour.’
Theo was visibly relieved. He broke into a smile. ‘Knowing I can go to uni in England is the best news ever. I thought I was trapped here. I can’t wait to tell the boys. Harry, Alex and Jools are hoping to go to Exeter. I could go there too.’
‘If you study hard, you can go anywhere,’ Ross told him.
‘I will. I promise, Dad.’
Amanda watched her son’s face light up. It was as if a burden had been lifted off his young shoulders.
She had underestimated how much he was struggling.
He had lived in London for most of his life – of course he felt more English than Irish.
He was a fish out of water here. England was his home.
She put an arm around his shoulders. ‘I’m so sorry, Theo.
This has been awful for you and we haven’t given you enough credit for coping as well as you have.
Your whole world has been upended and it’s not fair.
I promise you that, from now on, your dad and I will do everything we can to get you into whatever university you want.
Once we move out of Nancy’s, things will be calmer and easier too. ’
Theo hugged her back. ‘It’s okay, Mum. This has been horrendous for you, too. I don’t mean to worry you. Now I know this is only temporary, I can deal with it.’
‘We all need to do better and try harder to make this work, okay?’ Amanda looked at her husband and son.
‘Agreed,’ they said.
Theo sipped his coffee. ‘Joni and Janis told me about Melanie and Frank splitting up.’
‘It’s sad, but I think it’s for the best. They’re good friends and Melanie has been really generous,’ Amanda told him.
‘The twins don’t think so. They blame her for everything.’
Amanda felt the need to defend her sister-in-law. ‘That’s not fair. Melanie is the reason they live in that lovely house and go to that posh school. She works so hard to provide a good life for them. They need to remember that.’
Theo shrugged. ‘I’m just telling you what they said.’
‘I know, sorry. But I hate to see Melanie getting all the blame.’
Theo finished his coffee and asked if he could go. ‘I want to FaceTime the boys and tell them the good news. I need to make sure they know I might be coming to Exeter so we can get a four-bedroom house to share.’
‘Of course, go!’ Amanda laughed, thrilled to see her son looking happy for the first time in ages.
When he had left, Ross paid the bill and they strolled back towards the house, walking through the park. Ross told her about Melanie’s shock resignation.
‘How did your mum take it?’ Amanda asked.
‘Not well.’ Ross grimaced.
‘Tell me everything, I want all the details,’ Amanda said.
‘Okay, well, Melanie called us all into the boardroom and bluntly announced that she had decided to leave the agency and go out on her own.’
‘What did Nancy say?’ Amanda would have loved to have seen her mother-in-law’s face in that moment.
‘Well, obviously she was furious. She hadn’t seen it coming. She demanded to know why Melanie was leaving.’
‘And?’ Amanda prompted her husband.
‘Melanie stayed ice cold, no emotion at all. She told Mum that she appreciated everything she had done for her but she simply felt that, after twenty years, it was time to go out on her own.’
‘Did Nancy try to get her to stay?’
‘She pointed out that it was a really bad time for Melanie to leave, with everything that’s going on.’
Amanda shrugged. ‘That’s not Melanie’s fault. It’s yours.’
Ross sighed. ‘I know, but it is a terrible time to jump ship. Mum reminded her that she had given Melanie her first job and mentored her.’
‘Yes, but Melanie has paid her back in spades,’ Amanda pointed out.
‘That’s exactly what Melanie said, and she quoted all the revenue she had brought to the agency. She had all the facts and figures ready. It was pretty impressive.’
Amanda buried her hands in her coat pockets to warm them. ‘How did Nancy react to that?’
‘She tried emotional blackmail. “If you leave us, the agency will fall apart,” which was pretty insulting to us, her sons. I said we’d be perfectly capable of running the agency without Melanie.
We just needed to find a replacement agent.
Melanie, to be fair to her, offered to help us find a good one. ’
‘That’s decent of her.’
‘Mum still wanted her to stay, but then Melanie told us about her and Frank breaking up and said that her mind was made up. She was leaving.’
Amanda said nothing.
‘I presume from your silence that you knew about all of this?’ Ross asked.
She nodded. ‘Yes. It’s sad, but it’s for the best, I think. They’ve drifted so far apart.’
‘I never understood how they married in the first place. Two more different people you could never meet. Anyway, it would make it all way more complicated if she did stay, so she’s right to go. Even Mum could see that.’
‘So are you going to step in and take over?’
Ross shook his head. ‘I thought I would, but Jamie was having none of it. He kept banging on about how he had been in the agency the longest, and Melanie backed him. It felt like a bit of a set-up. But the worst of it is that Melanie is taking Xina, whom I bloody well found.’
‘But didn’t Xina specifically request a female agent?’ Amanda reminded him.
‘Yes, but still, she’s worth a fortune. I’m sure I could have convinced her to stay with the agency if Melanie hadn’t gone behind our backs and persuaded her to leave.’
‘She chose Melanie, Ross, get over it.’
‘Why are you defending her? Melanie has just walked out on us taking our two biggest authors, among others.’
‘Melanie found and nurtured Sloane, and Xina wants to be represented by her.’
‘Mum sees it as a total betrayal.’
Amanda stopped walking and turned to Ross.
‘Ross, it was not a decision she took lightly. Melanie loved the agency and worked bloody hard for it. I think she’s right to set up on her own.
If she doesn’t do it now, she never will.
Besides, Nancy has made it clear that her succession plan is for Lucy to take over as soon as she’s able to.
Melanie was never going to be handed the agency because she isn’t a blood relative, just like me and Katie.
Nancy made it clear at that awful lunch when she banned Katie and treated Melanie and me like outsiders. We will always be just the in-laws.’
‘I still think Melanie could have waited to leave until I had a year under my belt.’
Amanda sighed. ‘It’s not always about you, Ross. God, can you take yourself out of the centre for once? Why would Melanie factor your needs into her life decisions, for God’s sake?’
‘Okay, no need to snap my head off.’
‘Seriously, though, why should she wait? Now is the time to go. She’s broken up with Frank. It’s the perfect time to cut ties with the agency.’
Ross pulled his hat down over his ears. ‘We’ll have to start looking for agents immediately. We need to keep the company name high on people’s radar.’
‘Melanie said she’d help you with that. Get a list from her and start there.’
‘I will, if Jamie hasn’t already. He was very bullish in the meeting, way more than before. He seems pretty keen to run the agency now Melanie is going.’
‘Well, if Lucy is the heir apparent, maybe it makes more sense that her dad is the one minding the seat for her.’
‘Where does that leave me? I’ve already been bossed about by my mother. Am I now going to have my brother ordering me about, and then my bloody niece?’
‘Maybe you need to think outside the box. Look at new avenues. You don’t have to stay in the agency either, if you feel it’s not right for you and that your career will be stunted.’
‘But I moved home to work there.’
‘No. You moved home to get away from your affair and because our son was expelled. Theo will be in England next year, and so will your baby. Maybe you should consider going back and working in London.’
Ross scuffed some leaves with the toe of his shoe. ‘Do you want me to go?’ he asked quietly.
‘I don’t know. Maybe. It might be a good idea. Your two children will be there.’
‘Would you come with me?’
‘No. I don’t want to be around the baby, not yet anyway.’
‘Please don’t leave me,’ he whispered. ‘I need you, Amanda. I know I’ve put you through hell, but I love you. You’re the rock of our little family.’
Amanda watched her husband fight back tears. Did she want to stay married to him? Like Melanie, was it time for her to make changes too? Was this what she wanted now?
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do,’ she said honestly. ‘At the moment I’m taking it day by day. I don’t know how I’ll feel when the baby is born. It may be the final straw, it may not. We’ll have to wait and see.’
Ross wiped his nose. ‘I understand. I just need you to know that I really love you and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and to Theo.’
Amanda patted his arm. A month ago she’d have felt nothing, but she actually almost felt sorry for him. He had made a balls of things and he was really feeling the repercussions now.
‘One more thing,’ she said. ‘I’m going to work for Melanie.’
‘ What? ’
That had got his attention.
‘I need a job. I need to earn money and find myself again. I offered to help her out in any way I can as a kind of office manager and she accepted.’
‘But you can’t … I mean … She’ll be a direct competitor.’
‘So what? She’s offered me a job and I’ve accepted, end of discussion.’
Amanda strode on through the park, smiling to herself, as her shell-shocked husband followed in her wake.