Chapter 46
FORTY-SIX
ELIAS WINTERTON
I’d fucked up.
I paced back and forth in my quarters for three hours before I found the courage to face Fera.
To mend the rift I’d caused between us. She had become my friend.
My body wished for more, and my mind wasn’t sure what the hell it wanted.
But whatever she was to me, she deserved more than I gave her in the infirmary.
The Butcher was dead. I was another step closer to liberating my people from living in fear, but it didn’t feel as triumphant as it should have, knowing someone I cared about had been hurt. First by four men twice her size, and then by me.
I had always told myself that Gerard compensated for his questionable ethics with his skill and effective brutality. The three that trailed behind him followed orders with precision and without argument. They had no compassion. Sometimes, that had been exactly what I needed.
But now, they were nowhere to be found, just as she told me they would be.
And I hadn’t fucking believed her.
I’d already sent troops after them. As for Fera, all I could think to do was grovel for how poorly I’d handled the situation.
Which was why, at five o’clock in the morning, I stood outside the cabin she shared with the Reed twins, impatiently waiting.
I’d been nauseous since she left the infirmary. I needed to resolve this with her.
A few seconds after I knocked, a curtain shifted in the window, and hushed voices began to argue on the other side of the wall.
I knocked again, and the door flew open, revealing Mavic Reed. He was typically easygoing and irritatingly smooth, but this morning, he had bags under his eyes, and his hair was disheveled like he’d been tossing and turning all night.
“Let me in, Reed,” I demanded calmly.
“With all due respect, Commander… no ,” Mavic uttered without much respect in his expression. He looked like he wanted to punch me. I sort of wanted to let him.
“I need to talk to her.” Demands were counterproductive. I could force or threaten my way in, but I wouldn’t win back favor with Fera by pissing off her friends. “ Please let me talk to her.”
He stared at me, jaw clenched with fury and disgust. He didn’t move.
“Mavic, I know?—”
“No, Commander Winterton, you don’t know.” Sweet and timid Mina Reed shoved her way into the doorway beside her brother, glaring up at me. “You don’t have the slightest fucking idea.”
“I do.” It had taken me hours to admit what might have happened to Fera. I couldn’t stomach it. I hadn’t wanted to. “I had… a lapse in judgment,” I explained as vomit tried to rise in my throat. “I need to talk to her.”
Mina let out a low, disbelieving laugh. Her eyes held disappointment so heavy it buried itself in my stomach, so deeply I knew it would haunt me forever. “A lapse in judgment for you is life-altering trauma for another.”
“I…” I shifted on my feet, hands open, imploring. “Let me try and?—”
“You blamed her for being attacked, Commander, and you refused to believe crucial information she tried to tell you about traitors in your fortress! Can you comprehend how awful that is?” Mina snapped, her watery glower filled with disdain.
“She’s resting, and I’m confident she wouldn’t want to speak with you! ”
Glancing past them into the room, I pressed, “Did she say exactly what happened?” They gave me silence. “Please.”
When Mina turned away, shoulders slumped, I knew I lost the fight with them both but waited, hoping Mavic would change his mind.
“Mavic—”
“Honestly, fuck off.” He paused halfway through closing the door. “And you know what? Fuck you , too.”
He slammed the door in my face.