Chapter 25 #2
Instead of replying, she only points to the bed and waits for me to get back into it before handing me a tray of food.
Part of me wants to refuse because I have no idea if she’s going to stick around while I eat and we desperately need to talk, but from the look on her face I don’t think she’ll allow me to do anything else.
As soon as I’m settled, she pulls a chair over from the desk and kicks her feet up to rest on the bed. I open my mouth to say something, but she shakes her head. “Eat.”
I should feel like a child with how she’s directing me like this, but I kind of like it.
Only a little.
After four bites, she finally lets me speak. “I…” Shit. How do I even begin?
“Did you kill Brad?”
“What?”
“Brad,” she repeats. “Did you kill him?”
“No, of course not.” Why is she even asking me about that piece of shit?
“Well, no one has seen him since that night, so if you didn’t kill him, what did you do?”
Ah, that’s why. Cara no longer feels like she knows me, and after watching how violent things got with the demon and other hellhounds, I suppose I can’t blame her. “I just…roughed him up a bit. Then I went through his phone and told his parents what type of nasty shit he’d been up to.”
“That’s it?” Her eyes roam over my face, trying to detect a lie. “I’m just supposed to believe his mommy pulled him from school because of what you, a stranger, told her?”
“Well, yes, but it wasn’t just from what I said.
I sent them proof from his phone. His family is big on reputation, so they didn’t want a scandal.
” I watch a shudder go through her at the mention of proof.
When she doesn’t reply, I add, “My hound and I wanted to kill him though. For what he was going to do to you. Does that make you uncomfortable?”
She takes in my question, then shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s probably not any more uncomfortable than realizing you’re not actually a dog and that I’ve basically been living with my professor. The real Cooper is having a field day with this, you know.”
“Oh, I know. He’s never going to let me live that down.”
She looks away, and I know in that moment just how royally I’ve fucked this up.
My apology is long overdue. “I’m sorry. For not telling you. For lying and scheming.”
“Why, though? Like, obviously I get why you didn’t tell me you’re a hellhound, but why did you pretend to be my fucking pet? Why not just leave?”
I try three times to answer her, but each time the words get stuck in my throat. I know she needs the truth, but what if that makes things worse? What if that pushes her away for good?
“I asked the others, or at least Cooper and your mom,” she says when it’s clear I can’t get the words out. “They assured me you had a good reason and that I should give you the benefit of the doubt. Were they wrong?”
Thank fuck they’re on my side in this. “No. I have a reason—though whether you’ll find it a good one remains to be seen. And honestly, that scares me.”
“I need to know, Lucian.” Her quiet voice nearly shatters my heart.
I nod and find my resolve as I place the tray to the side. “At first I stuck around because of the angel blood. I had to know if you were a menace to the humans of this realm or just a survivor like us. It didn’t take me long to figure out which, and by that point my hound became…attached.”
“Attached…” she repeats, looking confused.
I drop my head in my hands and take a deep breath before sitting up straighter, spine rigid. She needs to know. “According to my hound, you’re our mate.”
Her jaw practically unhinges in shock, then she laughs and shakes her head. “No. No way.”
“I said the same thing. I even tried several times to leave just to prove to him that he was wrong, but I couldn’t do it.
Every time you pulled me back in without even trying.
Things got even harder once we started seeing each other, and I knew after you showed up at my apartment with me as Cooper, angry at Lucian for dodging you and your pet, that I had to come clean.
I planned to tell you after the carnival, but… ”
“But I was hauled to another realm by some psychos, and everything came out anyway.”
“Yeah…”
She looks down at her hands, tapping them together in a way that I suspect is methodical for her.
“Can you forgive me? Forgive us?” I ask, tacking on that last bit because I know for her, it’s not just me who betrayed her. Her pet Cooper, my hound, did too.
“I don’t know, Lucian. I feel like I can’t trust anything right now.
None of this feels real. I thought…” She swallows, eyes glassy.
“I thought I’d found a real companion with my dog.
A woman’s best friend. But now it’s all tainted, and I can’t trust whether the bond I felt was real or just part of the lie.
” She wears this sad smile that breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces.
Inside, my hound whines, begging me to let him out, but I don’t know how she’ll react if I do.
“The connection you felt with him is real. Please don’t doubt that.
He’s literally itching inside of me to let him out so he can comfort you, and I’m pretty sure if he could ditch me and pick you, he would.
He never wanted me to keep this from you.
His affection for you was, and still is, unwavering.
If you believe nothing else, please believe that. ”
I watch a tear slowly fall down her cheek and have to stop myself from wiping it away. The last thing she probably wants right now is for me to touch her.
“They told me you aren’t supposed to shift for at least another day, so tell your hound he needs to listen to the healers and focus on getting better.” She says nothing about my reassurances, but I didn’t expect her to. Not really.
“He hates it, but if that’s what you want…”
“It is.”
I nod, and the room grows silent. Things aren’t any clearer between us despite everything being out in the open now. I hate that I’ve made her doubt herself. “Will you go home to your mom’s for the break?” I ask, needing to know whether she’ll be two floors above me or not.
Her cheeks fill up with air before she lets it out slowly. “I’d rather be almost anywhere else, but I don’t think she’ll believe the kidnapped by hounds excuse.”
I give in to the half-laugh, picturing her mother’s face upon hearing that reasoning. Yeah, it would probably get her sent to the psych ward.
“Besides,” she continues, sadder now, “I think it might be good for me to avoid the apartment for a bit, at least until I can figure all of this out.”
Not only have I lost her trust, but I’ve also ruined the one place she found comfort and safety. Her home.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, wishing I could fix everything I fucked up.
She stands and offers me a sad smile. “It’s not all bad. Apparently, I’ve got an angelic ancestor. Maybe I’ll discover something about them, or about myself, while I’m there.”
Fuck. She’s too good for me. Here I am stressed about whether she’s ever going to accept what I am, while her entire life just flipped upside down. “Cara,” I say when she reaches the door. She turns, wearing the same sad expression I’ve hated seeing on her face.
“Yeah?”
“I’m here whenever you want to talk. If you ever want to, I mean.”
She smiles, and even though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, it’s the first real one she’s given me today. “Thanks, Lucian.” She says nothing more, but with that last look, I hear everything she isn’t saying out loud.
We both need time to heal, and then maybe, just maybe, we can find our way back together again.
I have to believe we will. My sanity depends on it.