Chapter 37
chapter thirty-seven
I couldn’t get enough of him. All of him. His hands, his fingers, his skin… All of it was burned into memory now, and knowing I’d never have to forget them again? It just made it all so much better. He peeled my shirt off, gently guiding me to lie on my back.
He never took his hands completely off me, which sort of made it difficult for me to take his shirt off, but I didn’t mind the song and dance we had to do to get there.
I watched his bare back as he kissed down my chest, admiring the soft outline of his shoulder blades as they moved beneath his skin.
It was mesmerizing to watch. Tantalizing to feel.
Each press of his lips on my body brought me closer and closer to a kind of relaxation I never knew existed.
The constant racing thoughts in my head stopped.
Nothing was gripping at my heart, forcing it to pound, fueled by pure anxiety.
There was no anxiety. There was just Tobi.
And Tobi was unbuttoning my jeans, nudging my hips so I’d lift enough for him to lower them. I panted as I watched, staring into his eyes as he looked up at me. “Doing okay?” he asked.
I nodded, whimpering through an answer. “Yes. Yes, I’m good, keep going.”
He didn’t take his eyes off me as he sat up on his knees, unbuttoning his jeans as well. My focus was glued to his hands, following every twitch of every muscle in them as he pulled them and his boxers off, hastily throwing them to the floor.
For the first time in almost twelve years, Tobi was completely bare before me. “So gorgeous,” I whispered.
He ran his hands up my legs, curving when he got to my thighs. They were so close to my cock, just an inch away from touching me. I was already so fucking hard, merely a touch away from losing control. A hair trigger.
“You’re beautiful, Cal.” He leaned down, pressing a kiss right above my belly button. “So fucking gorgeous.” Another below it. “Just can’t get enough of you.” One of his hands slid over, just resting on my dick.
I whimpered as my hips moved on their own, desperate to find pressure where I could. His hand was so warm, and his lips felt like fucking heaven, and I just needed him so badly. So fucking badly. “Tobi, please.”
He wrapped his fingers around my shaft, giving me a painfully slow jerk. “Is this what you want? Is this what you need, baby?”
I nodded vigorously. “Yes, yes, please.”
The eye contact he gave me as he settled between my legs should not have been so fucking hot, but it was. It really fucking was. I couldn’t look away as he stuck his tongue out and licked along my tip, sending a shock straight up my spine.
I threw my head back, taking in a shuddering breath that ended in a whine. “Oh, god, your mouth.”
He wrapped his lips around me, sucking me in. He gently nudged my legs until I had them bent, my toes curling into the bedsheet beneath us. I couldn’t handle it. I was so fucking overwhelmed with everything happening in my body, I didn’t know what else to do.
I reached out, placing a hand on top of his head as I writhed beneath him, struggling to keep my hips planted where they were.
“Stay still, baby. Hand me the lube.”
Oh, god. The lube. Oh, fuck, he was gonna do it, wasn’t he? My hole twitched at the thought as I halfway turned, reaching into the nightstand drawer.
He took it from my hand, opened the cap, and coated his finger with a generous amount. “Relax for me. Focus on my mouth, okay?”
I nodded, which turned into my eyes rolling in the back of my head as he took me to the back of his throat. One of his fingers trailed down, slowly circling my hole. It was fucking electric, forcing a whine straight from my chest. I already wanted more. I was already craving so much more.
I was craving him.
The first push of his finger had me gasping and clutching the bedsheet with my free hand. “Holy fuck. Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.”
“Shh, that’s it, baby. There you go. Open up for me, just relax.”
I did exactly as he said, groaning through every drag of his finger inside of me. I heard the lube opening again as he squirted some more, just before slowly, gently adding a second one.
“Bear down just a little bit. You’re doing so good, baby. So fucking good.”
His voice kept me afloat as I swam in the space between blissed out and fully aware, my hips starting to follow his movements. I met him with each thrust of his fingers, craving more and more with each one. There was barely even a burn after a second, just this overwhelmingly full feeling.
It felt so fucking good, I started to wonder why I’d never tried it for myself. But then he crooked his fingers and… “Woah! Holy fucking shit, fuck, fuck, fuck.” My back arched off the mattress, my cock twitching as pleasure exploded behind my eyelids. “Tobi, oh my god.”
“There it is.” He whispered, doing the same thing once again. “That’s what I wanted to find.”
Oh, he’d found it alright. He’d taken my soul with it, too.
By the time he had three fingers in me, his mouth was close to driving me over the edge, and I needed him. After all those years of withdrawn touches and hesitant forehead kisses where I wasn’t sure if he’d shy away, or if I’d hurt him or…or…something.
I just needed to feel him in the way I’d always craved him. Soul-deep. Bone-deep. Deep inside of me.
The ultimate vulnerability we’d never gotten to experience before.
The line we were both too afraid to cross.
The line I would’ve waited my entire life behind, but could finally, truly appreciate what it was like to be on the other side of. I needed Tobi to fill me. I needed Tobi to kiss me. I needed Tobi.
“Tobi, I’m ready. Please. I’m ready for you.”
He paused his fingers, using his thumb to stroke above my twitching hole. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been so fucking sure of something in my life. Aside from marrying you one day.”
I watched him as he slowly pulled his fingers away and sat up on his knees, pushing my legs further back. I could see his arm moving as he stroked himself, staring down at me. “God, you are so fuckin’ gorgeous, Callum.”
We watched each other, with our blushing cheeks and pounding hearts and a million unsaid ‘I love yous’ from the past. There was silence between us as we spoke with our hearts.
As he coated his cock with lube and pressed himself against me.
As he started to push into me, the burn and stretch damn near ruining me.
As he took a deep breath in time with me, waiting for my body to relax.
I bore down, willing my body to take him in.
And it did. Slowly. Gently. Inch by fucking inch, I could feel myself conform around him, his cock warm and thick.
I gasped through each stretch of muscle, inviting the pangs of pleasure and slight pain that didn’t even bother me.
Not at this point. Not when he was here, finally right where he belonged.
When his thighs met my ass, we both moaned in sync.
I could feel his dick pulse inside of me as he lowered his head and closed his eyes, gripping my hips for dear life.
I was so full. My ass was filled to the fucking brim, and my heart was pounding in time with his, and I knew our blood was doing the same. Flowing the same.
My cells had his name etched into them. I was made of him. For him.
We were connected, and we were one.
Tobi bent down, letting me wrap my legs around him as he pressed his forehead to mine. I breathed him in, taking that moment to really feel. To truly appreciate.
His first thrust had my eyes burning.
His second had me roaming my hands up and around his back, digging my nails into his skin.
His third had him gasping into my mouth.
His fourth tasted like our combined tears.
I took his tears and gave him mine as he rocked his hips into me, his cock driving me further and further away from this world and into a whole new one we didn’t even know the name of. But it was ours. We were finally here. Finally together.
Home.
Tobi sped up the pace, his skin smacking against mine in the most obscene way, our bodies dancing together to a song we’d never heard of but knew the beat of instinctively. Our souls had always known the chorus. We’d just never gotten to perform it.
He pressed his face into the side of my neck, moaning and panting just under my ear. His tears hit my shoulder as I leaned forward, pressing kisses to any part of his skin I could.
We were crying. Not because it was bad. Not because we were sad. Not because of anything other than the fact that we had won.
We had fought, and we had won, and we had each other.
I gasped into his skin, my mouth open around him as I met his thrusts over and over, feeling him thrust deeper and deeper.
He used his arms to bend my knees further, changing his angle just fucking right.
Every hit of my prostate drove me closer.
Closer to a place I’d never been and would only get to go with him.
“Tobi, my cock. Touch my cock. Please. I need to come.”
He raked his teeth along my neck, whispering to me. “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.”
He reached between us, stroking me in time with his quickening thrusts. I was so close. So fucking close.
I slid my hands down to his shoulders as he rose just enough to look down at me. “Come for me, Cal. Come for me, baby.”
My back arched up into him as I started to whimper and whine and yell his name, my hole clenching around him.
I squeezed my eyes shut as he jerked me faster, letting out a deep, long moan of relief when I finally spilled all over his hand and onto our stomachs.
White, blue, and red dotted my vision behind my eyelids as I panted, my body moving on its own as I rode the immediate aftershocks.
“Oh, goddamn, fuck.” Tobi planted his hands on either side of me, thrusting into me harder as his hips started to lose their rhythm.
I reached up, holding the back of his neck. “Come inside. Fill me. Take me. Please, Tobi, make me yours.”
His entire body tensed, and his hips barely moved through his final thrusts.
I saw his chest stutter as his breath hitched and stopped entirely, his lips parting until he let go.
He let go, and it was the most beautiful fucking thing I’d ever seen.
His glasses had gone crooked, and his head had dropped as he let out the deep moan that’d been stuck in his throat.
I could feel him. I could feel him pulsing inside me as he swiveled and jerked, riding his last wave of pleasure. His arms started trembling, and so did my legs, but we stayed like that for as long as we could.
And when we couldn’t, and Tobi had slowly pulled out, I could feel his cum dripping out of me and onto the bedsheets beneath us.
We panted together, lying on our backs beside each other. I stared at the ceiling as he grabbed my hand, holding it between us—right where our line used to be. The threshold we never dared to cross so freely in the past.
The heat kicked on, blowing over our hot, sweaty bodies, making it almost unbearably warm. I didn’t care, though. I turned onto my side, staring at my boyfriend, his neck shiny with sweat and tears.
He found my gaze, his chest rising and falling with each pant to catch his breath. The bed shook a little as he turned on his side, too, scooting closer and closer until we were almost touching noses. He whispered to me, his eyes glossing back over. “Thank you for finding me.”
“Oh, baby doll.” I wrapped my arm around his middle. “Not finding you was never an option.”
“Thank you for loving me.” He swiped my hair away from my forehead.
“I’ll love you until the end of time.”
“Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for meeting me where I was. Thank you for showing me what kind of life I’d been missing out on.”
I rubbed his lower back, swallowing past the growing lump in my throat. “I will always find you, Tobi.”
“No, baby.” He shook his head. “You’ll never have to search again. I promise.”
It was over.
It was done.
The cycle he’d claimed he’d never been able to escape. The pain he’d endured for so fucking long. The searching and begging and searching all over again.
The cycle was broken. Tobi was home. My brain was calm.
Like it was always meant to be.