Chapter 9
Nessa sat awkwardly in her bed, doing what she could to appear as confused as was possible, without it seeming suspicious. This, it turned out, was not as hard as she thought because she was indeed confused.
Only, the reason for her confusion was not as it appeared.
“And the last time that you ate …” The physician let the question trail as he raised a discerning eyebrow at her.
“As I said, an hour beforehand. I also had a cup of tea, and some water.”
“And the previous evening,” he continued as he put a hand to her forehead. “You claim to have slept well?”
“As well as every other night.”
“No previous bouts of exhaustion or light headedness? And nothing in your recent history like this that has happened before?”
The physician had been questioning her for fifteen minutes. He was not aggressive in his questions, and Nessa knew that he was only doing his job, but he asked them in a way that suggested he did not believe her. Or rather, that she was keeping something back from him.
Nessa did her best to maintain her confusion, adding a dose of helplessness into the mix because she was sure that would help to sell the lie.
However, while the physician asked Nessa questions and checked her for any signs of what caused her to pass out so suddenly, he was not her chief concern. That was Lord Thornwyck.
Lord Thornwyck stood across the room as he watched the physician attend Nessa.
His arms were folded. His expression was one that told her of his concern.
And while Nessa felt heartened by the fact that Lord Thornwyck was so worried about her – truly, she had not expected it – in this instance, it might have been easier if he did not care at all.
“Thank you, Miss Kavanagh.” The physician took a step back from her and then fixed her with another discerning look. “From what I can tell, you seem in perfectly good health.”
“How is that possible?” Lord Thornwyck asked sharply.
“I can only deduce that what happened was an isolated incident, brought about by extreme exhaustion,” the physician explained.
“I advise that Miss Kavanagh spend the remainder of the day in bed, resting. And when she returns to her work, her duties be kept to more remedial tasks. Nothing too taxing.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Nessa said with a grateful smile. “And thank you, Lord Thornwyck. Truly, I am sorry for the inconvenience this has caused.”
Lord Thornwyck scowled, but it was aimed at the physician. “People do not simply collapse. Something must have caused it.”
The physician approached him cautiously, clearly worried that Lord Thornwyck might explode. “As I explained, My Lord, exhaustion was the cause. Miss Kavanagh will recover well enough, but I do suggest keeping an eye on her for a while. And if anything happens in the meantime, please send for me.”
Lord Thornwyck pushed his lips together, with no sense at all that this news brought him relief. If anything, it only appeared to increase his worry.
Nessa could hardly bring herself to look at him.
That she had passed out, and in front of everyone, was cause for severe embarrassment – even if it was on account of exhaustion, she would have felt the same way. She had no desire to be made the center of attention, and she squirmed with worry over how this might be perceived.
But that Lord Thornwyck was so worried about her … why is he that? Is he merely being cautious? Would he have done the same for anyone?
That he was so concerned about her health added greatly to Nessa’s guilt. Only she knew the true reason that she had collapsed, and that was a secret that she could not possibly share. Truly, even Nessa did not fully understand!
“Thank you,” Lord Thornwyck was saying to the physician as he led him to the door. “I will send for you again, if needed.”
The physician stepped out of the room, the door closed behind him, and Lord Thornwyck turned back to face Nessa.
She sat in her bed, doing her best to appear both healthy but also exhausted – as if she needed to confirm the physician’s assessment.
But she was certain that she looked ridden with guilt, and she hated the idea of lying to Lord Thornwyck.
“I truly am feeling better,” she mumbled into her chest. “And again, I am so sorry for –”
“You have no need to apologize.” He crossed toward her. “I am just glad that you are feeling better. When you collapsed …” He shook his head. “I did not know what to think.”
She forced herself to look at him as she forced a grateful smile. “Please, do not think I did this to avoid my duties …” She then laughed awkwardly.
He smiled at the jest. “Ah, yes, it had crossed my mind.”
“I can return to my duties too, Lord Thornwyck. I can right now, if needed.” She made a gesture of throwing back her sheets.
“Oh, stop that.” He reached out and took her hand. It sent a jolt through her body so that she nearly gasped. “Take the day, Miss Kavanagh. And tomorrow, we will assess how you feel.”
Again, the guilt … it squirmed in her belly like a den of snakes. She squashed it down, held her grateful smile, and prayed that Lord Thornwyck would not notice.
He is far too kind to me … and oh, how I wish I could tell him the truth.
“Tomorrow,” she agreed.
And then a shared smile. Nothing else was said, but their shared smile was comfortable and comforting, and it reminded Nessa of why she had started to take to her place at Thornwyck Hall so well.
It was not because she enjoyed her new role.
It was not because she had nothing else to go to.
It was entirely to do with Lord Thornwyck, and that in itself was a problem.
Thankfully, Lord Thornwyck did not stay much longer.
“You need your rest,” he told her sternly. “Do not let me catch you sneaking about.”
She shook her head at him. “That is the last thing I will do. Imagine if you found me collapsed in the halls, or on the stairs. How embarrassing.”
He laughed with her, again adding to feelings of comfort that Nessa suddenly felt she had no right to feel.
Once she was left alone, Nessa got to thinking. Until that moment, she had ignored the true reason for her collapse, all the while knowing that it was not something that she could forget.
Not that she had any intention of doing so.
When the portrait of the late Lady Thornwyck was revealed, Nessa had been struck by such an unexpected surge of emotional surprise and disbelief and …
and … and truly, it was hard to explain.
But she had seen that portrait; she had recognized the face and the name, and she had realized the truth of what it meant.
Somehow, Lady Aisling Thornwyck was Nessa’s long-lost sister.
But how is that even possible? How … why … what am I to do?
Of course, it was still just a theory, and Nessa spent much time reminding herself of this. All she had was a name, an image, a single word written on a piece of paper. But deep down, she knew it to be true, just as she had no idea how to proceed.
Turmoil was her companion as she sat alone in her room. Confusion was its mate. And it stayed this way, with her fully, when Morag came to visit.
“Oh, good, you are awake.” The cook hustled into the room, carrying a tray piled with sandwiches. And at her feet, darting toward the bed, was Muirne.
Nessa beamed as Muirne leaped onto the bed and proceeded to lick her face. She laughed and scratched the dog behind her ears, the first time all day that she had felt anything close to happiness.
“She knew something was wrong,” Morag explained as she pulled up a chair next to the bed. “It is funny how perceptive dogs can be.”
Muirne curled up right beside Nessa as if to guard her.
“Now, you must be hungry,” Morag said as she held the plate of sandwiches out. “And do not dare say otherwise. I heard what the physician said. Exhaustion! They really are working you to the bone.”
Nessa grimaced with shame.
For a moment, she thought to continue her lie … knowing it was needed. But as she looked at Morag, immediately noting the compassionate worry on her friend’s face, Nessa knew this was one person to whom she could not lie.
What was more, she needed advice desperately. At the very least, she needed to be assured that she was not losing her mind.
“I am not exhausted, Morag,” Nessa sighed. “Nor did I collapse as a result of it.”
Morag frowned. “But the physician said …”
“He did not have all the relevant information to go on.” Nessa looked away. “And please, what I am about to tell you, know that I am doing so because I trust you. Because …” She forced herself to look at Morag then, her stare pleading. “Because you are my friend.”
“Of course I am.” Morag set down the tray and took Nessa’s hand. “Whatever you need to tell me, I am here, Nessa. You know that.”
Nessa believed her fully. She was a true friend, and if there was one person who Nessa could trust, it was her.
“The reason I collapsed …” Nessa hesitated, unsure how to explain such a thing, “was because of my surprise. It overwhelmed me, so that I could not breathe. I did not expect such a thing to happen, and I still cannot believe that it did.”
“What surprised you?”
“A few weeks ago, I discovered something buried in my trunk. I believe that Lady Honora put it there, possibly with the intent of revealing it to me herself. Whatever the reason, I now believe that I was brought here by Lady Honora because she wished to tell me that I have a sister. A half-sister, on my father’s side. ”
Morag frowned. “That is … why here? Why not tell you earlier?”
“Because if I am correct, Lady Thornwyck is that sister.”
Morag gasped. “Are you sure?”
“No,” Nessa sighed. “Well … I cannot be certain. But Lady Honora left me my sister’s name, and an image of her.
They both match Lady Thornwyck, so I believe in my heart that it is true.
Only now, I have no idea what to do about it.
Should I tell someone? Should I keep it to myself?
I am at a loss; Morag and I have never felt so … so … so utterly unsure of myself.”