Chapter 14
THEN
Mid July
Ryan set two glasses of orange juice down on the table in front of me.
‘Do you want anything else?’ he asked, jerking his head towards the buffet.
‘No, I’m good, thanks.’ I smiled, lifting my croissant to my lips.
He slid back into the chair opposite, squinting slightly in the bright morning sun. ‘I still can’t get used to sitting out here on the terrace as a guest, instead of being the one serving.’
‘Ah,’ I said, tapping my glass with a small knowing smile. ‘That explains the orange juice.’
‘Old habits,’ he said with a chuckle.
My gaze lingered on him for a moment. The cut above his eyebrow had scabbed over days ago and was already starting to flake around the edges.
Time was moving so quickly and yet… ‘It feels like a lifetime since we worked here, doesn’t it?’ I said softly.
Ryan tilted his head. ‘In some ways, yeah,’ he said slowly. ‘But being back here with you…’ He hesitated. ‘It almost feels like yesterday.’
Something fluttered in my chest and I turned away, letting my gaze drift to the boats on the horizon.
He was right, the past felt so vivid here, as though it was just within reach. But I also knew how quickly things could change…
Two Years Ago – Mid July
‘Hi, Mum.’ Ryan’s voice was braced as he answered her call. We both knew what was coming. His parents were furious he’d skipped graduation. Hurt he’d delayed his return home.
Part of me couldn’t blame them. In normal circumstances, I’d have envied having a family who noticed when you weren’t there. Who missed you.
But these weren’t normal circumstances. This was two days before our wedding.
Not that his mum knew that. But she was still interfering.
‘W-what?’ Ryan’s eyes widened as his body went rigid.
My stomach plunged.
This wasn’t the same as normal. His mum’s calls always unbalanced him, but not like this.
His knuckles whitened as his grip tightened on the phone, as though he needed something solid to hold on to. ‘Do they know if…’ Ryan shook his head as if he couldn’t bear to finish the question.
Seconds stretched. I strained my ears, desperate to hear the other side of the conversation. I didn’t know what else to do.
‘Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I can.’
I’ll be there.
The words echoed in my head as I stared at him.
Ryan hung up.
‘You’re leaving?’ The question slipped out before I could stop it.
He didn’t respond. He just lowered the phone to his lap and stared at the blank screen.
Two days. We just needed two more days.
‘Ryan?’ I reached for him, my hand resting lightly on his arm. ‘What’s happened?’
He lifted his head, blinking as he looked at me, trying to focus. ‘My dad—’ his voice cracked ‘—he had a heart attack.’
‘Ohhh.’ The word escaped in a gush of breath, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around him as though that might be enough to steady him.
Ryan stood up abruptly, letting my arms fall, seemingly unaware of their presence.
‘I need to go,’ he said, running a hand through his hair.
Go.
The word was like a slap, sharp and stinging. But the wedding—
I bit back the words that screamed within me.
Our wedding. Everything we’d worked for. Everything we’d wanted.
I inhaled sharply. What was I doing? This wasn’t about me. Not now.
‘I need to get to the hospital,’ Ryan continued, his words growing faster as he paced the small bedroom. ‘I need to see Dad. Be there for Mum. She can’t handle all this on her own. I need to—’
‘Okay,’ I said, pushing myself to my feet. ‘I’ll call the hotel and cancel the wedding.’
Ryan froze. ‘The wedding,’ he repeated slowly as realisation sank in. ‘All that work, that planning…’
Something flickered in his expression. A slight hesitation. A moment of confliction.
And, for a brief second, I thought he might disagree. Tell me no. We’d find a way to do both. That the wedding mattered. We mattered.
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. It wasn’t possible, I knew that. There was only one thing that mattered right now. His dad.
He shook his head. ‘I can’t think about that.’
I tried not to flinch. ‘Of course not,’ I said quickly.
And yet I couldn’t not think about it. Part of me needed to know that cancelling was as devastating for him as it was for me. But that wasn’t fair. He had his dad to think about. He was his priority right now.
And Ryan was mine.
‘You book our flights,’ I said, forcing my voice to sound steady and calm. ‘I’ll take care of everything else.’
Ryan nodded slightly. ‘Yeah, okay. I can do—wait, our flights?’
‘I’m coming with you.’ The words came without hesitation.
He blinked. ‘You are?’
I nodded even though my head felt heavy. ‘Of course. We’re a team.’
Ryan’s shoulders dropped slightly, relief softening his features. And, in that moment, I knew I’d made the right decision.
Even if it was the last thing I wanted.
‘What do you think would have happened if we’d come back here after Dad got out of the hospital?’
My gaze snapped back to Ryan as I pulled myself out of the past. ‘How could we?’ I asked. ‘He was still fragile. He needed to rest. Your mum needed your support. The stables—’
‘You needed me too.’
I froze as his words hung between us. Accurate but devastating.
‘Not in the same way,’ I said carefully.
Ryan nodded. His parents’ needs had been more urgent. More compelling. Whereas mine were what they had always been. Avoidable.
He traced his finger absently along the rim of his glass.
‘Mum blamed you for me coming here after the exams instead of going home. It wasn’t what they’d expected.’ He exhaled slowly. ‘She was disappointed in me.’
‘You’d never done that before,’ I said with sudden clarity. ‘Disappointed her.’
He shook his head. ‘It was the first time I’d ever done something without her approval. Without thinking about what the stables needed. What they needed.’
Something shifted inside me, like a knot loosening a little. ‘I didn’t know you were under that pressure.’
Ryan shrugged, but it felt too stiff. Too forced. ‘It’s not like it’s a bad thing, right?’ he asked. ‘To be wanted? Needed?’
‘Loved?’ I finished for him.
Ryan smiled ruefully. ‘Even if it is a little too much at times.’
I frowned as his words circled in my brain without landing. How could it be possible to be loved too much?
‘I guess coming here felt like a way out from everything waiting for me back home.’
I nodded. That, I understood. The pull of escape. The need to get away from other people’s expectations.
For him, they expected success.
For me…
Failure.
‘And then, when graduation got closer,’ Ryan said, his voice quieter now, ‘the thought of giving all this up and going back…’
‘You couldn’t do it.’
He shook his head. ‘Neither could you.’
Silence settled between us again. Not uncomfortable. Just honest.
‘And when we did go back…’ Ryan’s voice trailed off.
I held my breath.
He shook his head slightly, as though he couldn’t quite find the words.
‘We didn’t handle it very well,’ I suggested tentatively.
‘No,’ he agreed. ‘We didn’t.’
He leaned forwards, reaching for my hand across the table.
I froze as his fingers brushed mine. His touch warm and familiar.
A few days ago, I would have pulled away without thinking. But now my fingers entwined around his.
It felt like we were cracking open something I’d spent two years trying to keep shut. All the hurt, the disappointment, the loss – all the things I’d feared would break me.
But, this time, instead of overwhelming me, crushing me, it felt like maybe, just maybe, I could finally let them go.