Chapter 13
NOW
Late August
Monday
I checked my watch. Ryan would still be at the stables. I couldn’t talk to him there. Not with his parents and Charlotte around. I wouldn’t get answers. They probably wouldn’t even let me get close enough to ask any questions.
My fingers drummed against my phone in front of me.
A message. I could send him a message. Ask him to meet me after he finished work.
I’d keep it simple. The right balance of friendly and casual.
My fingers fell still.
Would he even reply?
It’s too much. It’s just too much.
My chest tightened as the memory of Ryan storming out replayed in my head. Nothing about his departure implied he’d stop to talk to me. He hadn’t then. Why would he now?
A message was too easy to ignore. A few taps on the screen and he could delete it as though it had never existed.
No. I needed to make sure he couldn’t ignore me.
Waiting for him to come to me wasn’t an option. It never had been.
I smiled slightly as an idea started to form. I might not know the reason he left. But I did know him. I knew his routines.
It was Tuesday tomorrow. He always went to gym first thing in the morning. 6 a.m. to 7 a.m., every week.
I could get up early. Wait for him as he arrived. He’d have no choice but to talk to me then—
My smile dissipated. I was on the night shift tonight. I didn’t finish until 6 a.m. There was no way I could make it there in time to catch him going in.
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t need to.
It wasn’t that far from Swanage to Wareham. I could be there before he finished.
Waiting when he came out.
I sat in my Citroen, my fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel even though I’d been parked for the last thirty minutes. My attention fixed on the entrance to the gym. My breath catching every time the door opened.
And then, finally, there he was.
Something tightened in my chest. It had only been a few days, and yet it felt so much longer.
How had it come to this?
Sitting in car parks, watching and waiting.
I hesitated as my resolve wavered. I could stay in the car and wait for him to leave. Drive home without him ever knowing I’d been here.
I shook my head, reached for the door handle and slid quietly out of my car.
I’d parked strategically between the entrance and his car, tucked behind a van, so I wasn’t immediately visible, but equally unavoidable. He couldn’t leave without passing by me.
I weaved silently between the cars, my gaze locked on him. Even from here I could see the tension in his body. The stiffness of his back. His raised shoulders.
There was a strange sense of comfort in seeing him like that. Not because I wanted him to suffer. But because seeing him relaxed and smiling, like none of it had mattered, would have been worse.
To know that losing him had unravelled me, but losing me had done nothing to him, would have been unbearable.
His jaw tightened as his gaze fell on me. My absence might not have made him happy, but my presence clearly didn’t either.
‘What are you doing here?’ Each word oozed with irritation.
‘I need—’ My voice faltered. ‘I need to talk to you,’ I finished weakly.
This wasn’t the way I’d planned it.
Strong. Confident. That’s what I wanted him to see me as.
‘It won’t take long,’ I added, cursing the pleading tone to my voice.
‘It’s not a good time,’ Ryan said, his gaze darting back towards the entrance.
I snorted. Of course it wasn’t.
My spine straightened, indignance renewing my resolve.
‘What’s going on with you and Charlotte?’ I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.
‘We’re…’ Ryan hesitated. ‘We’re together.’
My eyes narrowed as I studied him. ‘Are you?’
He shifted slightly, but didn’t respond.
‘Because it doesn’t look like it.’
Ryan frowned. ‘What do you mean, it doesn’t look like it?’
‘Charlotte’s photos—’
A flicker of suspicion crossed his face. ‘How would you see Charlotte’s photos?’
I swallowed. ‘They’re old,’ I continued, avoiding his question.
‘So?’
‘The ones of the two of you, she’s pretending they are from now, but they aren’t.’
‘How would you know that?’
I hesitated.
‘You’re stalking her.’ The accusation landed like a stone. ‘Snooping around on her social media,’ Ryan continued.
A breath escaped my lungs. ‘I just—’
‘That’s not healthy, Kirsty.’
I felt myself shrink back. He was avoiding the issue. Turning things back on me.
‘I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.’
‘It’s not your concern.’
‘You still matter to me.’
‘I shouldn’t. Not any more.’
I stilled as his words tore into me.
‘I left, Kirsty.’
‘Without an explanation. Without a reason.’
‘Just like you did, two years ago.’
I flinched, his accusation cutting into me. ‘That was different. You said it yourself, you knew why I did that. But this…’ I shook my head. ‘Something’s going on, and I want to know what it is.’
‘Nothing’s going on,’ Ryan said, rolling his eyes. ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
Don’t be ridiculous.
Janine’s voice echoed Ryan’s.
‘You need to let it go,’ Ryan said coldly.
Let it go.
Like it was nothing.
Like we were nothing.
‘Ryan?’ Charlotte’s voice cut through the silence, tight and expectant.
My head jerked to the right, my body bracing at her intrusion. I’d known they both went to the same gym, but it hadn’t occurred to me she would be here with him.
I watched as she drew closer, dread seeping in. Had she seen me yesterday? Was she about to expose me? Was Ryan about to discover that not only had I been stalking her online, but in real life too?
I glanced back at him. His expression had shifted into something dark and unreadable.
‘What’s going on?’ Charlotte demanded, her gaze shifting from Ryan to me and back again.
‘Nothing,’ he said, with a shrug that lacked ease. ‘We just bumped into each other.’
I tried not to let my surprise show on my face. He could have sold me out. Told her I’d been lying in wait for him. Making accusations.
But he’d lied. To her. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips.
‘Well, we haven’t got time to make small talk in the car park,’ Charlotte said, slipping her hand in Ryan’s.
He flinched. For a split second I wondered if he was going to pull his hand free. Instead, he swallowed and stayed silent.
‘Let’s go,’ Charlotte instructed.
Ryan nodded and stepped away. He didn’t hesitate. Didn’t argue. Just obeyed.
I stood rooted to the spot, watching as they walked away in silence, climbed into his truck and drove away without looking back.
Typical Ryan.
I froze as that thought jarred against me.
It hadn’t always been the case. When we were at uni and in Malta, he’d been different.
More confident and independent. It was only when we came to Dorset, when he went home, that he’d become compliant.
He went along with what his parents or Charlotte said.
It was as though he’d become smaller here.
Why was that?
I stumbled back to my car, my thoughts racing. Why were they constructing a relationship that didn’t exist?
He hadn’t denied it.
The realisation burrowed into my brain.
He hadn’t defended Charlotte. He hadn’t tried to convince me the photos were current. That the relationship was real.
I was no closer to knowing what was going on, but I did know one thing for certain…
He hadn’t left me for her.