Chapter 33
NOW
Late August
Wednesday
Dead.
The word looped in my brain.
‘She’s…’ I shook my head, unable to say it aloud.
Silence lulled between us.
‘I…’ I searched for the right words to say.
But why was he calling me, of all people?
He’d barely spoken to me in the last few days. And certainly not by choice.
‘It was an accident,’ Ryan said. ‘She was out riding, and…’ His voice cracked.
‘I’m…’ I wanted to say I was sorry. Sorry for her. For him. It’s what you said in moments like this.
But the word wouldn’t come.
‘It just doesn’t make sense,’ Ryan continued. ‘For her to get thrown. And from Atlas at that.’ He sucked in a breath.
‘Atlas,’ I repeated.
Ben’s head snapped up at the sound of Atlas’s name, curiosity etched into his features.
‘Yeah, she often rode him for me. She started when I was away at university, and just kind of carried on.’
A pause.
‘She went out later than usual this morning. Maybe if she hadn’t…’ His voice trailed off.
‘She came to see me first thing.’
‘You?’ Ryan’s voice was edged with surprise. ‘Why?’
‘She wasn’t happy about the social media thing.’
‘Oh. That.’
‘Yeah.’ I snorted. ‘I can’t believe you told her.’
I scolded myself instantly. Now wasn’t the time to think about that.
‘I had to, she’s—’ Ryan stopped abruptly.
‘She’s what?’ I asked, still not entirely sure what she was to him. Or, for that matter, what I was either. After all, he’d called me.
‘We started to get worried when she didn’t come back. We went looking for her.’
Ryan puffed out a slow deep breath.
‘It was—’ he swallowed ‘—bad.’
My chest felt tight. Not with grief… But something.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said sincerely. This time the word was easier to say. It wasn’t about her. It was about him. Being the one who found her. Saw her. Whatever I thought of her, however much I hated her, he didn’t.
‘Are you okay?’ Ryan asked suddenly.
I almost laughed. ‘You’re asking me?’
‘Yeah, I—’
‘Sorry,’ I said, instantly feeling remorseful. ‘It was just strange hearing you ask me if I’m okay, after all that’s happened.’
Another pause. ‘Besides, shouldn’t I be the one asking you?’
‘I’m okay,’ he said, but his voice didn’t sound convincing. ‘Think I’m still in shock,’ he added.
‘Yeah, that’s not surprising.’
‘Can I come and see you?’
I blinked. That was definitely a surprise.
‘Kirsty?’
I hesitated.
Yes. No. Why? Every possible answer swirled through my head. Which one did I even want to say?
‘Okay.’
Ryan let out a deep breath. He sounded relieved.
I frowned. To be seeing me?
Another pause.
‘In thirty minutes?’ Ryan asked. ‘At the flat?’
‘Sure,’ I replied automatically. It felt easier. Just go with it. Just agree.
‘Thanks, Kirsty.’
I nodded. ‘No problem.’
We hung up and I stared at the phone. Was it no problem?
‘You okay?’ Ben’s voice disrupted my thoughts.
I looked up, my eyes meeting his. ‘Charlotte’s dead,’ I said flatly, still unsure how I felt about that.
‘Oh!’ He drew back in his chair as though the news had taken the wind out of him. ‘That’s awful.’
I didn’t speak. Didn’t move.
Was it awful?
I mean, it should be. Someone dying was sad. Disturbing.
But when that someone was Charlotte?
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. ‘Awful.’
‘Was Atlas involved?’ Ben asked suddenly. ‘You said his name,’ he added when I frowned.
‘She was riding him at the time. He threw her.’
‘Atlas?’
‘Yes,’ I said, wondering if Ben was in shock too. He sounded almost as strange as Ryan.
‘But that doesn’t make sense. Charlotte’s an experienced rider. And Atlas, he doesn’t get spooked. He doesn’t throw his rider. Especially not her.’