4. Kiera
FOUR
KIERA
I never thought I would be throwing back liquid energy like the meathead dragons I usually made it for, but that was exactly what I’d done before heading to the library in the small hours.
I’d finally caught up on tasks, and now I needed to research. The main library was empty, as I’d expected it would be at this time of night. Silent, but for the ever-burning fires popping and cracking occasionally. I headed for my usual table, which was tucked away from view of the main doors but still in the main area because I was not looking to go creeping into dark corners in the dead of night. Thank you very much!
I gathered the texts I needed from the trolley at the end of the section. They were still there from my visit earlier. Whether the librarians had not got around to re-shelving them yet or just knew I’d be back, I don’t know. But I was grateful I didn’t have to collect them all from their shelves again.
“I hoped I might find you here,” a voice said from behind me.
I dropped my stack of books and yelped, whirling around to find Jaxus, eyes wide and apology written all over his damned beautiful face.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He approached cautiously, his palms out.
I pushed a hand into my sternum to ease my hammering heart. “Goddess! You can’t sneak around in the shadows like that. I thought Uriel had come to take me.”
“I wasn’t sneaking. I just came to find you.” He bent to help me gather the books and I bent too, using the task to take a moment to collect myself.
In truth, whether or not he had startled me, my heart would still try to beat its way out of my chest. I had done everything I could to avoid him these weeks, but I’d known it couldn’t last forever, and I was afraid of what being around him would bring.
Would I be able to resist the call to him if we were face to face? What even happened once we were together? I knew the basics, but the details never concerned me as it was never meant to be my future.
After he told me he believed I was his ryder, I was in denial. It couldn’t be possible. I’d done all the research I could to disprove it, but when it came to the bond and the meld and how and when it happened, I’d buried my head. I was terrified that within five minutes in his presence, I’d find myself bonded and melded to a stranger for life. What would become of me? And, more importantly, my work?
“Kiera?”
I looked up, realizing that he had gathered all the books and was now standing, offering a hand out to assist me out of my crouch .
I stood quickly, ignoring his outstretched hand, and found that tiny white stars dotted the edges of my vision. I rocked back on my heels and almost crumpled to the floor. But suddenly found myself pressed against a wall of fragrant, solid male instead, which did nothing for the stability of my weak knees.
“Are you okay? Should I take you back to the healer’s wing?” Jaxus sounded sincerely concerned.
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “I just stood up too quickly, and I think I’m running on empty. Wha?—”
I was swept off my feet, and we were moving before I realized what was happening. After several long strides, Jaxus set me in an armchair beside the fire and knelt before me, taking my hand. “Are you getting enough rest?”
Was I? No. But who had time for sleep? There was too much to do. “It’s nothing.”
“You need to take better care of yourself,” he scolded before his face softened. “It can’t be good to spend hours in here every night after working your shifts in the healer’s wing all day.”
I was about to defend myself, but I narrowed my eyes as what he’d said registered. “How do you know I’ve been here every night?”
Jaxus’ expression morphed into guilt. “Nyx told me you were coming here at night and spending hours pouring over books.”
Nyx had a big mouth. “I’m not going to justify my work to a flyer,” I spat, cringing at my derogatory tone and instantly wishing I could take it back.
Jaxus pressed his lips into a firm line, then stood. Goddess, I hadn’t thought it would be so easy to offend him. He turned and walked away, and I bit back the urge to call after him. What would be the point? He would not understand.
I slumped back in the chair and closed my eyes. My head still felt light and I didn’t trust my knees. I needed to get to work, but I could take a moment to? —
I heard books thump onto the low table in front of me and snapped my eyes open.
Jaxus was arranging all the books I had collected for my research to one side on the low table and a basket brimming with food on the other.
“What is this?”
“As I told you, Nyx mentioned that you were coming here at night and I assumed after a long shift you’d be hungry, especially if you planned to keep working, so I brought you a late supper and thank the Goddess I did. You almost passed out. You can’t let yourself get so low on energy.” He side-eyed me before taking a seat. “I would expect a healer to know more about that than a flyer.” As he lectured, he tore off a chunk of bread and handed it to me while he unwrapped some cheese and took out some fruit.
I prickled but couldn’t keep up my frustration at his call out while my mouth watered. “They, um, don’t let you bring food and drink in here,” I told him, but there was no force behind my words. I gave in. This was happening whether I avoided it or not.
Jaxus looked over his shoulder, scanning the dimly lit, empty space. “Unless the night watch librarian is a specter, I think we will get away with it.” He sliced off a hunk of cheese and passed it over, returning to cut a slice for himself.
I placed the cheese on my bread and took a big bite, groaning at the first taste of food I’d had since breakfast. It was a simple meal, but I was so hungry it could have been the finest dinner from the King’s table, and I would not have enjoyed it more.
“Thank you,” I murmured around a mouthful.
Jaxus smiled, biting into his cheese. He reached for the top book on the pile and studied the cover. “So, what are we researching?”
I almost choked. “We?”
“Sure, I’m here to help.” He flashed me a big meathead grin, and the worst part was it looked good on him. He was the best- looking flyer I’d ever seen and I could kick myself for even thinking those thoughts. “Two heads are better than one.”
I chewed my bread, grateful to have a reason not to reply in case I offended him again. He simply watched me. Once my mouthful was gone, I cleared my throat. “You don’t need to help me. I’m sure you’d find it dreadfully dull.”
“What would lead you to believe as much?” He leaned forward, placing the book back on the pile and fixed me with his honey-colored eyes. “Because I’m a flyer?”
“Well, yes. I mean, it’s not typical for flyers to um—” To what Kiera? Have a brain? I couldn’t exactly say that. Nyx had a brilliant mind, and so had Kol, but they were educated with the princes. It wasn’t common, so I left it unsaid. I studied him.
“What? Read?” He didn’t look offended, but as his silence stretched, I began to realize I was a terrible, terrible person.
“I realize you don’t know me yet, so I’ll try not to take it to heart that you assume I’m nothing more than muscles and wings. But where I’m from, we don’t assign such roles. Dragons can fly and read books. It’s baffling to me that you are limited to the role you were born into in this place. We don’t have any such notions about dragons…” he trailed off and it sounded like he stopped himself.
My eyes flashed to his as I tried to figure out what he was about to say. But I cut off that line of thinking. I would not ask. Asking would only lead to an opening for more conversation, and I didn’t want to show too much interest or empathy. I didn’t have time for any of that, so it was best to keep him at arm’s length, even if he insisted on attempting to make us, I don’t know what? Friends?
Instead, I reached for a comeback. “I assumed you know how to read, but enjoying it is a whole other business.”
“At least you believe I can read. After meeting some flyers around here, I can see where that assessment wouldn’t be too far off. ”
I blinked. Once. Twice. Then I laughed in spite of myself.
A smile curled over his mouth.
I pointed my bread at him. “Don’t take that as any more than it is.”
“No, I would never dream of it.” His smugness made him more attractive and more irritating.
“Good.” I reached for a book and sat back in the comfortable chair. It sure beat the hard chair I usually took, I wasn’t sure why I’d never sat by the fire before. Perhaps because I was here for the serious business of study, not a cozy read by the fire.
I wasn’t really expecting him to stay after his little show of bringing me food, but much to my surprise, he opened a book too.
I tried not to focus on him, but I couldn’t stop myself. He scanned the title page and then turned to look at me. I held up a finger and shook my head. I’d never get anything done if I let him start with questions.
He waited, staring at me until I looked up. “Only one question, I promise.”
“You get one.” I couldn’t focus with his attention on me anyway.
“How best can I help you? Give me a direction. Something I’m looking for. It doesn’t have to be deep, but if there is a concept or a keyword you think might be in these, tell me. If I do the digging and narrow it down for you, it should make your work go faster.” I was stunned by the merit of his suggestion. I had clearly underestimated him. It would indeed help, but I wasn’t sure I knew what I was even looking for.
I knew I would never find the real answers I needed here. I needed to study older texts, but I could not reveal my knowledge of those to him. I was here to find something I could take to the King to justify my theories without revealing the archive of old knowledge I guarded.
I sighed and put my book down, rubbing my forehead. “I’m not sure I can explain it. I will know it when I find it, but—” I cut myself off. Did I want to tell him? Was the help worth letting someone else in on what I suspected?
What did I risk by saying it out loud? I didn’t want it to spread and cause a panic or trouble for Nyx, nor did I want to put it out there and be questioned about it before I was more sure. How could I convince anyone to believe me before I had evidence of what was going on?
Would it be so bad to have an ally?
If I was really his ryder and he my flyer, didn’t we have some bond of secrecy? I thought I’d read that some place. Honor bonding made it nearly impossible to betray your bonded.
I closed my book and set it aside. He waited, not pressing. “Magic is disappearing, and I have a theory about why.”