9. Jaxus
NINE
JAXUS
W e’d been at this for days.
Whenever Kiera could get away from the healer’s wing, we met in the cells to do research. We decided not to do it in the library because we didn’t want to draw attention to ourselves. A flyer doing hours of research with a healer was not a common sight.
So, instead, we’d set up the cell next door to the undead as a kind of research office. It was a little dank, but at least it prevented Kiera from avoiding me.
Occasionally we would find information that we felt might lead to a possible test that Kiera could conduct. Then we would visit the cell next door and see what we could achieve.
The answer was always nothing.
I sighed heavily. “I feel like this isn’t getting us anywhere. The information on necromancy in the palace library is inadequate, to say the least.”
Kiera snapped her book shut and nodded. “I know, I agree. Unfortunately, everything in our libraries will be post-unification information. I feel like what we’re dealing with here is older magic.”
I cleared my throat, treading carefully. “And that information is not available?” I asked tentatively.
“No, unfortunately, all pre-unification texts were destroyed. To wipe out the ‘evil’ of the old magic.” She used her fingers to make quotation marks around the word evil and rolled her eyes.
Interesting.
I had no idea there was anyone left in these kingdoms who viewed older magic in such ways. I was always told that fae in the unified kingdoms shunned all old magic, but Kiera seemed open to the idea that some old magic was different.
I wanted to ask her, but there was no way into that conversation without revealing information that I was bound by blood to keep.
“Maybe we should take a break,” I suggested, quickly deferring the topic away from that difficult subject for me.
“We could,” Kiera said reluctantly. “But I’ve already eaten. I don’t know about you.”
I drank her in for a moment. Amused by the idea that she was so programmed to work that only a necessary meal could be a reason to take a break.
“Why are you smiling?”
I schooled my features. “I wasn’t suggesting a meal. How about we fly?” I studied her, hopeful.
She looked away, not meeting my eyes, her gaze fixed on the floor. “I don’t think I have the time for flying today.”
I watched her as she fumbled through her response. “I think a change of scenery might do us both good.”
“You go,” she said, abruptly turning to the bench and gathering things ready to make her escape. “I’m extremely busy. I need to get back to the healer’s wing. We have patients I need to see.”
“You said that you didn’t have any patients right now and that your morning was clear,” I challenged, determined not to let her run away from this again.
“I need to check in. Things change quickly in my line of work, Jaxus. I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Kiera,” I said with as much calm as I could muster. I would not spook her with my mounting frustration.
“Look, I just don’t think it’s a very good idea for us to fly together.”
I stood, moving towards her where she fumbled through some books aimlessly, and I placed my hand over hers, stilling her.
“Kiera,” I repeated.
She froze.
“Look at me, would you?”
She turned, lifting her gaze to mine. Although it felt like she lingered over my body before she rose to meet my eyes.
“We must discuss this,” I insisted. “It’s gone on too long. We have to have the conversation.” My own need to gain the respect of the flyers aside. The call of our bond was almost unbearable. I couldn’t continue in hopeful silence while she brushed it under the carpet.
“I, um—” she mumbled, trying to look away.
I used my finger to bring her chin back up gently so that she met my eyes again. “We must have this conversation,” I said slowly. “It’s not something you can avoid forever.”
“I don’t want to,” she whispered, her bottom lip trembling.
“I know,” I said softly. “Come take a flight with me. We can talk after.”
Just when she’d mellowed, she stiffened again.
Flight seemed to be the biggest issue, a hurdle that we needed to overcome right now. I tugged her by her hand, not giving her a moment to think about it. “Come.”
We paused outside the cell, locking our research safely away, and she reinstated the wards in the cell corridor that we’d been using for several days now to keep the entire dungeon warded against entry so that we didn’t have to guard it twenty-four hours a day.
I was nervous at first, but these cells were not used by anyone, and now that Nyx was in charge, they would not be used without his knowledge. They were obviously part of Octavian’s private work and now that he was gone, they served no purpose.
When we reached the fresh air of the palace grounds, I slowed down my pace, daring to keep hold of her hand.
When she didn’t withdraw, we strolled hand in hand, comfortable together at last after a week of working side by side.
I’d proved myself to her academically, at least, and while she’d been surprised time after time in the initial days, she seemed to have grown to accept my level of competency in a world she was more familiar with than the world of flyers. I’d even go so far as to say that she felt she now realized that she’d got me all wrong.
We’d shared humor and conversation on many topics. I was interested in her work. I think this surprised her most of all, but she’d grown comfortable sharing her thoughts on so many things with me. It was perfect, except for this glaring problem between us. She wanted nothing to do with flyers and I very much was one.
I decided to just come right out with it.
“What is your problem with flyers?”
She stopped abruptly but I didn’t let go of her hand, so I stopped too, facing her.
“I don’t have a problem with flyers.”
I found irritation rising quickly within me, a mark of the frustration I had let build up while I was giving her space. So I wasn’t able to control the scoff that came from within.
She looked affronted. “I don’t! Some of my best friends are—” She cut herself off. “Nyx. Nyx is my best friend,” she corrected.
I saw the gaping hole she had revealed with what she didn’t say. Kol had been, too.
I gave her the moment she needed on that before carefully sidestepping it. I didn’t want to make her feel worse by forcing her to examine her grief, but this was the closest I’d managed to get her to address what was becoming a matter of dire importance between us, and I couldn’t let it go.
“I know Nyx is important to you. Which is why he doesn’t count in this. He isn’t a flyer to you. He is your friend. He told me you grew up together since your fathers were both stationed here, so I think we can discount him from your feelings about flyers, don’t you?”
She narrowed her eyes. “I have other friends who are flyers.”
I finally let my frustrations show. “Damn it, Kiera, this isn’t about how many flyers you can call a friend. Once the ale is flowing at the Flaming Pegasus, a friend is a friend. I’m talking about dragons, pegasus, griffins. You can’t deny that you view them a certain way and distance yourself from that side of their lives, friends or not. Why?”
She opened her mouth and then closed it. I was unsure whether she couldn’t think of an answer or if she just couldn’t admit to what the answer actually was to my face.
I sniffed at my armpit. “Do we smell?” I teased.
She wrinkled her nose and I regretted it immediately. Maybe that was it.
“Dragons do have an odor,” she said frankly.
I reeled my head back in shock. This time, I smelled myself for real. “We do not! ”
She pulled my arm down, shaking her head with a chuckle. “Please, you’ve been living in the barracks. Tell me I’m lying.”
“Dragons smell fine! It’s Griffins that stink!” I was indignant at the very suggestion. Although I had to admit—to myself only—that some dragons in the barracks certainly didn’t care how they smelled. I, however, took pride in my hygiene.
Kiera giggled. Her smile popped her cute dimple that rarely came out, especially if she could sense me watching. “You smell fine,” she hesitated. “Wonderful, in fact.”
Color stained her cheeks and I couldn’t suppress my smile at her admission.
“But the barracks have the smell of a stable. You wouldn’t catch me in there for anything more than a healing visit. I certainly could not live there.”
“And that’s the problem? You think being my ryder, you’d have to move into the smelly barracks?” I couldn’t believe it could be as simple as that.
“Wouldn’t I?”
I laughed. “No. I only stay there because I’m trying to ingratiate myself with the flyers. But you have your home here. No one would expect that to change, and I could move to the rooms that come with my rank. They smell much more civilized, trust me. I’m just choosing not to for the time being.”
“And what about training?” She crossed her arms in challenge, dismissing the solution to her housing concerns and finding a new obstacle.
“What about it?”
“I don’t have the time to train to be something I’m clearly not!”
“It won’t take much of your time, as I’m sure you well know, better than me, in fact, since you’ve lived and worked among flyers your entire life.” I fixed her with a determined look. “We are not younglings being dragged from our homes well before we’ve matured and thrust into this”—I gestured, unable to veil my disgust—“this machine built to turn all dragons into soldiers, regardless of their age or willingness.” I shut my mouth before my rant turned to treason. There were fae going about their morning business nearby I couldn’t risk being heard openly dissenting on the palace grounds.
Kiera arched her brow, intrigued, but knew better than to push now. I felt sure she would find a time to bring it up again though, and I was annoyed with myself for slipping.
I schooled myself and continued my point from a different direction.
“We both know our own magic. We are both educated, though I will grant you I lack some social and political knowledge of the kingdoms. But I’m catching up. I’ve been studying with Zaria and Luka since we all have the same gaps in our knowledge.”
Kiera looked surprised by this too, but I didn’t give her time to derail me again. I pressed on.
“Your training would simply be some defensive classes to bring you up to speed on weapons, fighting and flight, which won’t be an issue as I’m sure being the best friend of the Dragon of the Night, you’re well accustomed to it by now.”
Her eyes dropped to the ground again.
I frowned. “What is it? Does Nyx not take you flying?”
She shook her head vehemently.
“Why ever not?”
Kiera put her face in her hands and mumbled something I couldn’t make out.
I took her hands and gently pulled them away, holding them in mine and revealing her eyes screwed tightly shut and a grimace on her beautiful face.
“What was that?”
She huffed. “I said, I’m afraid of heights.”
I reeled.
By the Goddess no.