10. Kiera
TEN
KIERA
I slowly peeked one eye open to glimpse his reaction since he was silent in the wake of my revelation. Jaxus was looming over me, all big and lovely, looking like I’d just spoken in a foreign tongue. His mouth was slung open, either in shock or in an attempt to use words that had simply escaped him.
“What’s so shocking about that?” I asked, puzzled. “It’s a documented phobia. I’m not alone.”
Jaxus spluttered as if the concept was something he had never heard. “You’re a ryder, though.”
I rolled my eyes. “I never was before. I’m not going to magically change mindsets because I suddenly am now. I’m certain it doesn’t work that way.”
“B—but—” he stammered. “The Goddess doesn’t make mistakes.”
I hung my head. “Well, I think perhaps she has made her first because there’s no way I can fly.”
Silence hung between us for an unbearable moment while my statement sunk in.
When he didn’t speak, I sighed. “Let’s get some tea,” I suggested. I needed to sit and be in my place of comfort if we were going to have this conversation and tea, after all, fixes everything.
I turned when he said nothing, assuming he would follow me, and headed for my rooms.
We didn’t talk as we wound through the healer’s garden at the rear of the healing wing. But I felt him just a step behind me the whole way. I let us in through my private entrance and ushered him into my sitting room. A relaxed and slightly messy, eclectic room just off my official workroom, where I could work more privately or relax away from my duties.
“Sit,” I said, waving at the comfy couches as I headed to the stove to make the tea.
I used magic to heat the water up most of the way to save on time. But I lit the stove anyway to let it steep. I liked the ritual of making tea, as much as I liked to drink it.
Once made, I took our cups over and placed them on the low table, taking the other couch so I could have my own space.
Long moments stretched out between us. I’d brought us here knowing I’d have to tell my sorry story, but I didn’t know where to start.
“So you hate flying?” Jaxus blurted, saving me from figuring out how to open.
“I’ve never really tried it,” I admitted.
Jaxus opened and closed his mouth a couple of times.
“I’m from the Forest Kingdom. Did you know that?” I used its old name as I’d noticed how he seldom referred to the kingdoms by their number. Besides, I always hated how clinical the numbers system sounded. It stripped the different kingdoms of their rich and diverse personalities. Something I was most passionate about.
He nodded, though how he’d known, I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to imagine him learning more about me in the hopes of creating a bond between us when I was going to disappoint him.
“The flyers that come from the Forest Kingdom are mostly pegasus. There are, of course, some dragons and even some griffins, but the terrain and dense tree covering of large parts of the kingdom make it not the ideal territory for the dragon population. Not enough places to land and far too much combustible material.” I smirked.
“So, did you only ride pegasus as a youngling? Is that it?”
“We split our time between here and home since my father’s work was here. So, I grew up surrounded by dragons, too. But I was not an adventurous youngling. I was bookish. As the daughter of the Healer on High? A healer was all I was ever going to be. I didn’t need to play stick swords and I never had the desire to take ill-advised flights with my inexperienced peers for fun and frolics.”
“I see,” said Jaxus. “So you’ve not had much experience. That doesn’t mean you can’t grow accustomed to flight.”
I shook my head. “The thought of getting off the ground even makes me lightheaded.”
“Why are you so afraid?”
I cringed, knowing I would need to share the memory but not wanting to relive it.
“Did something happen?” Jaxus urged. I was surprised by his intuition.
“When I was around eight years old, we were here at the palace and the children were playing in the courtyard. I was reading in the shade, watching Nyx and Kol tumbling around as usual. They were a little older than me and quite protective. Some of the older dragons, in particular, could be mean to small females who preferred books to swords. We were all taught together in a little private school set up by the King for his princes. So we all received the best education regardless of station. As there were only a few of us, I could never escape their notice.”
“There was one called Heren who picked on me endlessly. He was the biggest of all of them. Older and bigger than Nyx and Kol, though they were of the Asra line, so he always bowed to them regardless of size or seniority. You could tell it infuriated him, but it was the hierarchy and he had to adhere. He picked on everyone else enough to make up for it though, so I always stayed close to Nyx and Kol. Since I knew they’d protect me.
I got lost in my thoughts for a moment, envisaging what happened.
“Kiera?” Jaxus said softly, bringing me back.
“On this day,” I continued. “Nyx had already put him in his place for saying something about me I hadn’t even heard and he was sore about it. So when Nyx and Kol took their tussling to the sky, I was left alone and Heren moved in. He slapped my book out of my hand and then took great delight in kicking it away before I could stoop to get it. He pushed me down and when I said I would tell on him, he shifted to his dragon form to intimidate me—not that he needed help. He roared in my face and while I had my eyes shut against the blast of hot dragon’s breath, he swiped me up in his talons and carried me away. His friends were laughing as we ascended.”
“Oh, Kiera.” He sat forward, taking my hand. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
I pulled away. Not cross with him, just needing the space to get the rest out. “I’m not finished.”
Jaxus withdrew and sat back to listen to the rest.
“He flew me straight to the top of the grand spire,” I told him, keeping the emotion out of my voice as best I could. A clear picture of the palace’s largest tower burned into my soul forever. “Then he dropped me onto the roof, where I had no hope of catching hold of anything that would stop me from sliding off the edge. It’s too steep a pitch, you see. Built that way to prevent dragons from landing up there. I almost slid right off, but I caught hold of a drainage pipe and held on for my life. While Heren flew by time after time, whipping his wings to try and make me fall.
“I was not built for survival, Jaxus. I was built for the library! So I held on as long as I could but ultimately, I lost my hold and fell. It’s a long fall when you know you’ll die at the end, let me tell you. I faced the ground, rushing at me from hundreds of feet up and could do nothing. Then, right at the last moment, I was snatched up and flown to safety. I thought it was Nyx or Kol come to save me, but I wasn’t so lucky. Heren was just toying with me. He tossed me into the pond and then shifted back. He waded in and shoved me down when I tried to stand. He told me if I said a word to Nyx, he wouldn’t catch me next time.”
Jaxus leapt to his feet.
“Where are you going?”
“To find this Heren and put him down,” he snarled, stepping around the table and heading for the door.
“Wait!” I cried, jumping up to stop him.
He rounded on me. “You don’t have to fear him now, Kiera. No one hurts my—hurts you like that and lives to tell the tale.”
I lifted my hand and placed it on his heaving chest, feeling his hammering heart beating out his fury. “He didn’t live,” I said. “He was killed in a skirmish with the Vestar almost ten years ago.”
Jaxus deflated right in front of me. All the rage in him released on the long breath he let out. “Just tell me Nyx put him in his place for doing that to you at least. ”
“Nyx spent years keeping him in his place, trust me. But not for that. I never told a soul what he did.”
Jaxus’ anger flared once more. But before he could puff up again, I towed him back to the couches and sank down beside him with a sigh. I reached for my tea and watched him over the rim of the cup as I sipped. He sat and seethed, not looking my way.
“Drink your tea,” I said lightly, trying to encourage him out of his scowling mood.
He reluctantly picked up the cup which looked ridiculous in his huge hands, and took a sip. Seeming pleasantly surprised by the taste.“So you hate flyers because of him?” he asked quietly, keeping his anger suppressed.
“I don’t hate flyers. I’ll admit that barring those I was already fond of as a child, I’ve made no effort to know any others particularly well. But flyers are not the problem. Flying is. And heights in general. “
“But I’ve seen you on landings. Some of those are high up.”
“Not near the edge, trust me. And when I go out on those, it’s always for a patient, so their need surpasses mine and I deal with it as quickly as possible.
He put his cup down and turned in his seat to face me. “I can help you.”.
“I don’t see how.” I shrugged.
“It’s a matter of trust,” he said. “I know you hardly know me, but you can trust me with your life. That’s what a ryder does every time they fly.”
I shook my head, physically backing away slightly. “I’ll never get past this, Jaxus. I’m sorry. You don’t know what it was like facing my death rushing up to me like that.”
“I’ve had plenty of falls,” he replied flippantly.
“Yes, and can produce wings on command!” I snapped, not meaning to sound so scathing.
Jaxus shrank back, seeing my point, and let me have my victory. He thought for a moment and I dreaded his next move, knowing I would soon run out of ways to shoot him down without losing my patience. “If you’d allow it. Our bond would reassure you that I would never let harm come to you.”
Intellectually, I knew that was true. But it didn’t mean I’d ever take to the skies with him. Which was one of the main reasons I kept my mind and magic tightly locked against him at all times. Feeling the thread of magic that bound us was enough to bear. If I let him in to my mind and felt the way his magic played with mine, I would be in too deep to pull back. I needed the distance and I couldn’t allow a meld to happen, or there would be no resisting.
“It’s—for the best—that we—don’t,” I said haltingly, as if even voicing my intention to defy the Goddess was difficult. She was watching, I knew, and did not accept my defiance. I swallowed, afraid of the consequences I could earn with my need for self-preservation.
“Kiera, it’s not up for negotiation. You know that. I never knew I’d have a ryder. It’s as much a shock to me as it is to you. But we both have to adjust, and who knows how great our power could be together? The benefits we could gain from melding could make you a greater healer than you are now. The Goddess needs us together for something. We owe her everything. We must repay her by doing this.”
I closed my eyes, trying to escape his pleading eyes and only found myself alone in my mind where I knew on an instinctual level I should feel him beside me.
It felt just wrong.
But if I allowed him in, everything would change. It wasn’t just the flying thing. My life had a purpose, I had duties and this was going to throw it all off. Everything I’ve worked for and everything I was responsible for.
As I began to spiral, I felt it .
His hand slipped into mine, and at the same time, his thoughts brushed against the closed door of my mind.
I shivered.
The feeling of rightness at the gentle caress of his presence in my mind made me loosen my hold for a moment, and when I heard him there, I knew things would never be the same again.
“Thank you for telling me, Kiera.”