34. Kiera
THIRTY-FOUR
KIERA
I knew the questions were coming the second the words slipped out of my mouth. I braced myself for the onslaught.
But after I watched the shock flash over his face, I suddenly came over all dizzy and took a step back to steady myself.
He was on me in the blink of an eye, the back of his hand against my neck.
“What?” I asked, my mind fuzzy.
“You don’t look well.” He held my chin and tilted my face up, looking into my eyes. “Let me go get your gran.”
I grabbed his arm before he could step away from me. “No, don’t trouble her.” I wouldn’t insult him and tell him he’d get lost trying to find her treehouse in the dark, but he would. Very few fae who didn’t grow up here ever became truly accustomed to the Forest Kingdom, and we liked it that way .
“But you’re unwell.” He put a hand on my waist, steadying my knees but sending a flash of heat through my stomach.
I shouldn’t like the worry creasing his brows, but it warmed me through. “I just need sleep, that’s all. It’s been a long day.” The anxiety which came with returning to my home an altogether different fae to the one who left had rode on my shoulders the entire flight up here. No matter how many times I told myself they couldn’t force me to marry Casimir, it still felt like an insurmountable obstacle I couldn’t move past. I hadn’t meant to hide it from him, but in the capital, it was a worry I could leave behind. It didn’t exist for me there and I hadn’t known how to talk to Jaxus about it. So now he was blindsided. Or maybe I was reading too much into that, too.
“Which way is your bedroom?” he asked.
I swayed on my feet, realizing my eyes had closed, the tiredness now crashing over me in waves. “We have to go up.”
His fingers tightened on my hip. “Up the stairs?”
“Yes,” I swallowed over and over past a dry mouth, trying to give him directions. “I, um—” I gasped as my feet swept out from under me, throwing my hands out to try to catch myself, grabbing Jaxus’ shirt.
Only I found myself in his arms.
“Up the stairs and then where?” he whispered close to my ear, already taking the stairs two at a time.
I wanted to protest, but I didn’t have the energy. “It’s the only room.” It occurred to me that Gran might have sensed my arrival with her strange woo-woo magic, but she wouldn’t have known I’d have a guest. “I have to make up the other bed,” I said, attempting to climb out of his arms to find some linens.
He cut me off. “Don’t you even start. You’re not doing anything else.”
My figure met the soft mattress, and I sunk into the pillowy top, which I knew Gran had come and stuffed with healing herbs for me. No wonder she’d been here before we arrived. It smelled soothing and familiar, and I smiled as Jaxus pulled the blankets up to my chin.
There was comfort in his caretaking now that I was used to it. “Thank you.”
“Always.” Soft lips brushed over my forehead, and my breath caught. “Where can I find spare blankets?”
“I—” I couldn’t make my brain work. Words were beyond me.
“I’ll find them.”
I woke some hours later to the birds chirping and the air cooler than it was in the capital. It smelled like home. There was a smile on my lips before I even opened my eyes. I knew I’d only slept a few hours, but I already felt better. Whatever magic Gran slipped into the mattress topper had done wonders. I’d known I’d done right in coming here, but being around Gran for her help and support was just what I needed.
A soft snore jarred me more awake. I sat up, glancing around, to find Jaxus sleeping on the floor next to the bed.
Arsehole. But I smiled to myself.
I climbed out of the pile of blankets, carefully draping one over him, and snuck down to make tea. I picked up the kettle, finding it full and warm, and spun. Gran was sitting in her chair, a mug in her hands.
“Do you even sleep?”
“I had to check on you. Didn’t know if you could actually tell me if you’d been kidnapped by that dragon last night with him there.”
I gave her a flat look.
“He’s sleeping in your room?” she said, in more of a statement than a question, bringing her mug to her lips. But it wasn’t judgmental.
“He’s on the floor. I think he fell asleep there after he put me in bed. We were both exhausted.”
“Mmmhmm.”
I opened the cupboard to get tea, but Gran made a clicking sound. I glanced back at her, and she pointed to a dish of little bags. “This better not taste bad,” I warned, heading over to take one of her concoctions.
“Do you feel better?”
“Yes,” I grumbled, putting one of the bags in the cup before filling it with the hot water. “How did you know?”
“Your father sent word, Firefly.”
“I should have known.” I took my seat across from her, folding my legs criss-cross. “But that’s not the only reason I’m here.”
“I didn’t think so. You wouldn’t take time off unless someone forced you.”
“Pot-kettle.” I shot back.
Gran grinned. “I didn’t say it didn’t run in the blood. Look at your father.”
I nodded. Both my parents were that way. “Nyx isn’t doing well.”
She narrowed her eyes. “The Asra child?”
“He’s not a child, Gran.”
“All of you will always be children to me. At two and a half centuries, you all are barely out of swaddling.”
I sipped the tea, finding it more pleasant than I expected. “He’s—I think he had a soul-bond with his twin.” I just came out with it. Gran didn’t do sugarcoating, and I didn’t really need to tell her all the theories that led me to that conclusion. She knew that if I thought such a thing, then I had good reason. She trusted my logic.
Gran stared at me. “Isn’t he the first soul-bonded dragon we’ve had in ages? I’d heard he’d been blessed with a mate. Surely they didn’t mean to his own twin?” She made a face. “I’ve been around a long time, and I know there are some into such things but?—”
I barely stifled a laugh, cutting in. “No, not like that. He is soul-bonded to his ryder, but I think he also had a similar bond with his brother. I suspect they could speak to each other mind to mind, something he has never admitted to, but when Kol was killed, Nyx somehow knew he was in trouble and where to find him. It was the only logical conclusion to draw. And now he’s acting like—” I didn’t have a word for the behavior. I cursed the Dragon’s Bane poisoning again! I knew there was a term for it, but I couldn’t recall it because my mind, like the rest of my body, was slower than usual. “Like he’s suffering the loss of a soul-bond.”
“Surely it can’t be.”
“Before we left, I went to see him and offered to do a healing meditation as he’s had trouble sleeping.” I paused, hating what I did without his permission. “I used the chance while we were holding hands to study the threads of his magic. They fork, Gran. He has a pathway strongly bonded to his mate’s magic. But he also has a pathway that is cut. It leads nowhere, like it’s been severed. I’ve never seen a forked soul-bond before, but it explains everything.” I went over how he’d been acting and the things Zaria and Jaxus had told me about his behavior.
“It’s been ages since soul-bonds were common. They are rare now, but a fae having two different soul-bonds?” She shook her head. “We’ve never seen this before.”
“I know, but it’s the only thing that makes sense, and you know the gravity of it if he’s going mad.”
“The treatment for a severed bond isn’t much better than the madness itself,” she mused. “It’s basically replacing one vice with another. It only lasts so long and is all-consuming in the end.” She frowned. “But we have been doing anything we can to try and keep dragons alive over the years, and it’s all we had. I’ve only seen it used once myself, and the end wasn’t good.” A great sadness overwhelmed her features. It was never easy to lose a patient as a healer, but this was more to her.
“But he has Zaria,” I argued. “He hasn’t lost his bond with her. Wouldn’t that help?”
“When a patient has phantom limb syndrome, does it help that they still have the other limb?”
I shook my head. She had a point.
“No, they still feel the missing piece like it was there, and it slowly drives them into madness. A soul-bond being torn away is quite similar.” Gran exhaled sharply. “But I can’t know for sure without seeing Nyx.”
“I can’t bring him here, and they wouldn’t let you make the trip.”
“No, the council would never allow it.” They were possessive over their teachers in the Forest Kingdom and didn’t like the ones with the most knowledge leaving unless commanded to by the king. If Gran went to the First Kingdom, it might tempt the King to have her stay. “There are older methods, but you’d have to do some digging in the archives.”
“Do you think I could find something worth trying?” I had to do something, even if it only bought Nyx a little more time. Then maybe I could figure out something else.
Gran’s expression turned grave. “Those treatments were abandoned for a reason, Mostly because texts, or parts of them, were lost after the Hundred Years War, and we’ve lost ingredients to extinction too.”
I cursed. “Surely there are samples of even extinct ingredients in our stores? I thought you kept everything?”
“This was before I was alive, Firefly. I’ve preserved as much as I’m able.” She shrugged. “Can’t do it all by myself.”
“I know.” I laughed to myself because she did try .
“Maybe it’s time for you to try your hand at mind magic to heal him?”
“I don’t have the affinity for it, you know that.” I’d never been any good at mind healing. Gran had tried to teach me.
“Not since you’ve melded with your Dragon?”
“He’s not mine!” I shot her a look.
“Have you told him that?” Gran laughed into her tea.
“I don’t belong to anyone!” I huffed.
“I didn’t say you belonged to him. I said he was your dragon.” She shot back, all smug and proud of herself.
“Do you believe my magic could have changed enough to work mind magic?”
“Why would you think anything is impossible, Firefly?” She gave me a knowing look.
“I know it changes when we fly, but I can’t exactly heal Nyx while flying with Jaxus, can I?” I didn’t see the path forward. I set my tea aside and pushed my hair out of my face. “I’d have to let him in further to complete our meld, and how can I do that without losing myself or betraying our kind?”
“We find missing pieces of ourselves in all types of fae. We also give them parts of ourselves we never get back. Sometimes we get a choice, and sometimes we don’t get a choice. The Goddess brings us what she wills.”
“I didn’t get a choice in either.” Giving up on the battle of fighting the strands falling forward, I took my braid out and began to rework it.
“You’ve had your fair share of choices, but no, this one isn’t a choice. I fear it’s already too far gone.” Gran’s voice softened.
My gaze shot to meet hers. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure you have anything left to give Casimir with that one around.” Her eyebrows furrowed.
“Gran!”
“What? Your grandfather has been dead for half a decade. I’m allowed to notice a fine male specimen, and that one I’d climb like a tree given the chance!”
Hadn’t I thought the exact same thing when I first saw him? My cheeks flamed and I was so glad Jaxus wasn’t awake to hear any of this. Only then, the stairs creaked, Goddess spare me.
Jaxus walked down the stairs, wearing a massive grin. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, indeed,” Gran said as her gaze followed him towards the kettle.
Jaxus glanced over his shoulder and gave her a big smile as he pressed the backs of his fingers to the kettle. “Anyone need a refill?” He topped up the water, then blew a stream of fire to reignite the burner, setting the kettle back on the flame.
“Show off,” I muttered.
“And he’s useful? What other tricks does he have up his sleeve?” Gran asked, ignoring my comment.
“I’d like to think I have quite a few.” Jaxus made himself at home, like an arse, adding sugar cubes to his cup before taking one of the little bags from the dish on the table. He seemed to know where everything was.
How was he so comfortable?
“I’ll take another cup if you don’t mind,” Gran said, holding out her mug for Jaxus before turning to me. “Is he always like this?”
“Unfortunately.” I pressed my lips into a line, refusing to look at Jaxus’ messy hair and rumpled sweats.
“She’s so mean to you. How do you put up with it?” Gran asked as Jaxus handed her back a fresh cup.
“I have thick skin,” he smirked, taking my mug. I didn’t fight it and took the fresh tea gratefully when he returned and took a seat on the cushion next to me. “So, is anyone going to fill me in on what to expect?”
“No,” I said at the same time Gran spoke.
“Yes,” she shot me a stern look, and then she went for it. “ Healers follow a strict tradition of arranged marriage,” she stated like she was giving him the weather forecast. She didn’t sugarcoat it or add fluff. It wasn’t her way.
I sputtered, nearly spitting tea all over myself. I’d dropped that on him last night before I came over all exhausted and he went into protective mode and whisked me off to bed. But we hadn’t had a chance to actually have the conversation. Trust Gran to just lay it out like that.
“So I hear,” he side-eyed me before returning his attention back to Gran. “Why is that?” There was a challenge to his tone that he seemed to get whenever he was coming up against ways in our kingdoms he didn’t quite understand, but this was more. He wasn’t happy about the idea of me being betrothed at all.
Gran’s light expression morphed into a serious one. “Because the realm needs healers, dragon. Healing magic can be predicted better than other types, and our bloodlines are strong. So we believe it’s in the best interest of the Twelve Kingdoms to prevent the dilution of our strongest bloodlines wherever possible.” Her explanation was surgical and to the point. “Our oath to use our powers to take care of those who need us included our promise to further the lines. We needed more healers of pure blood. It’s that simple. The oath circumvents all but soul-bonds. This is our way, and we don’t expect outsiders to understand.”
Jaxus’ eyes flashed with something I couldn’t read. “I understand.”
“So you’ll come to dinner and meet the family. The dragon meets the betrothed.” Gran’s jovial demeanor returned.
“She’s enjoying this too much,” Jaxus said to me with a hint of amusement.
“More than you know.” I shook my head, keen to change the subject. “I filled her in on Nyx.”
“Can he be helped?” Jaxus asked.
“Maybe. The magic is…ancient and requires ingredients that might not exist anymore. ”
Gran nodded. “And it requires great power.”
I knew what she meant and what I had to do, but not if I could do it. We would need to complete our meld.
“I have patients. Thank you for the tea, Jaxus. You’re welcome to come have tea with me anytime.” Gran winked at him.
I rolled my eyes and got up to walk her out. “How much controversy will I face with Jaxus here?”
“It depends whether he looks at you that way when Casimir is at dinner tonight.”
“I’m screwed.”
“Entirely. Don’t be late!” Gran was already out the door.
“You shouldn’t delight so much in my pain,” I grumbled, mostly to myself, as she walked away.
“I’m not enjoying your pain, but life hasn’t been this interesting in Calanthe in two decades. Can’t blame me for liking it!”
“You shouldn’t be able to hear this well at your age!” I called after her.
I sighed when I returned to the sitting area, not making eye contact with Jaxus.
“I like her,” he said when I didn’t speak.
“You would.” I made myself another cup of tea. This time without the special herbs from Gran.
“What’s her name?”
“Rosemary, but everyone calls her Gran.” I returned to the seating area, gaze returning to him. I couldn’t help it. He looked good like this, at home in my home, as comfortable as he was.
I couldn’t get used to it. This wasn’t the life I would be allowed here or in the capital. I was doomed to be pulled in opposite directions for the rest of my life.
“What are we doing today? Before this dinner.” His gaze stayed on me even as I dropped mine to the tea.
“I want to go to the archives to see if I can find more information on the treatments Gran talked about. ”
He didn’t answer right away. “Is that a good idea? You overdid it yesterday and you need to recover.”
“I’m here to help Nyx. I won’t be able to rest knowing we are all depending on his recovery. Knowing my friends are suffering. I owe it to Kol to help Nyx.” I closed my eyes, fighting tears.
His arm wrapped around me, pulling me into him. “I know. But you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to rest, too.”
“I will. I promise.” The weight on my shoulders seemed to ease just a little with his arm around me.
“Tell me you have indoor plumbing in these treehouses? I need a soak before I have to face your betrothed.” He squeezed me again before getting up far too soon.
“Sorry, no.” I scrunched up my face. “We have a bathhouse.”
“Is the bathhouse going to be packed full of healers judging me?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Then tell me where the nearest river is,” he said, all in an exhale.
“You won’t be able to find it on your own. I’ll have to show you—” I hesitated, realizing I was volunteering to accompany him while he got naked in the river, which didn’t seem like a good idea at all.
“Let’s go.” He offered his hand.
This was a mistake, but I took it.
I looked longingly at the bathhouse while we passed silently through the trees. Life dotted the canopy as the city settled into the work or school day. The healing gift rarely showed up outside of our bloodlines, but if it did, all the trainees were sent here to train. Most of the walkways and passageways between the trees were above ground level, so it wasn’t common to run into another fae walking on the ground. At least we had that going for us.
“How far is it?” Jaxus looked positively out of place with the woven basket filled with soap, towels, and his fresh clothes. He was far too big for this place, being at least a head taller than was typical, and perhaps the most alarming—happy. He didn’t wear a serious expression while walking with his head down like healers. His gaze was up and his grin stretched to his eyes.
It was infectious and I fell into our typical demeanor. Almost forgetting the pressure home put on me.
“Not too much further.”
“No wonder you don’t have a lot of dragons here. It must be impossible to fly in this part of the kingdom.” His fingers brushed trees as we passed. Reverent, light touches. Sacred. Treating them like the souls they were. As alive as we were.
Outsiders didn’t know this. Couldn’t know this. It made me wonder what it was like where he was from. “No, like I said, our flyers are mostly pegasus. Their size better suits the terrain. They can run or fly without too much trouble. You are just too big,” I answered almost absentmindedly while recalling all the things Jaxus had said about where he came from.
There were so few pieces. I knew him so well, and yet, I didn’t know what wrought him. Had I been so reluctant to bond with him and accept my place that I’d not allowed myself to know him?
I exhaled, realizing the sadness eating at my gut was because I wanted to know him. I hoped he would let me.
“Why do you touch the trees as we pass?” I blurted out of nowhere.
He glanced over, the smile turning amused. “I don’t know. I guess I’m greeting them in a way.”
“Greeting them?”
“Are they not as alive as we are in their own way? ”
“They are but other—” I cut myself off, not wanting to sound insulting. I considered my words carefully. “Many don’t know or believe so.”
“I’m not like others. I think I’ve told you.” A hint of snark crept into his voice.
I rolled my eyes playfully. “Don’t they all say that when—” My hand flew to my mouth. “I didn’t mean?—”
He cut me off. “Say what you were going to say.” I opened my mouth to speak, but he brought up a finger. “No excuses. I want to know what you were going to say.”
“But the river is upon us.” The roar of the river reached my ears before she came into view. I gestured around the curve of the path.
He turned, stopping in the middle, blocking the way forward. “What were you going to say?”
Color rose in my cheeks, but I wouldn’t back down from him. “I was going to say.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Don’t they all say that when they are trying to get a female into bed?” I pressed my lips, willing my face to stay hard.
His face morphed into one of faux shock.”. “The mouth on you, Firefly.”
My jaw went slack. “You can’t call me that!”
“Why not?” He leaned in, dropping his voice to a whisper. “It suits you, and you let your Gran do it.”
“Because—She’s—” I swallowed, trying to find an argument. “It’s what I was called as a child. Not quite appropriate when you say it.”
His brows rose. “Appropriate for what?” The amusement in his tone killed me.
“Between—commissioned officers of the First Kingdom,” I mustered with authority.
“Hmmm.” The rumbling sound from his chest sent a shiver down my back. He had a comeback in there someplace. It radiated off him. “I should get to the river so we don’t tire you out before the archives.” He continued down the path without another word.
I stood there frozen, not sure if I should continue or stay where I was. I had to warn him about the water creatures, so I hurried after him but stopped in my tracks when I came around the bend to find Jaxus already pulling his shirt over his head. He tossed it into the basket.
“Are you going to join me?”
This male.
Dear Goddess.
He’s not mine. I have to marry a healer for the good of my people.
“No, I wanted to warn you of the river creatures and—” He rolled his shoulders and I lost my train of thought as his muscles flexed. “And—” I closed my eyes, thinking of anything but the shirtless fae in front of me. “They can be quite dangerous.”
“You don’t say.” A hint of a growly laugh crept into his tone. “I’ll take them into consideration.” He hooked his thumbs in his leathers as he smiled with all his teeth, the dragon evident in his eyes. “But I’m not too worried.”
“I’ll leave you to it then. I’m going to walk up to the shallow parts of the stream to gather some plants while I’m here.” I bent to loosen the laces of my boots, warm all over, needing the cool water to ease the burn building under my skin.
“Sure you don’t want to bathe here?” he asked again, jokingly.
“I’ll go to the bathhouse before dinner.” I was out of my boots and in the cool water paces down the river as I got the words out.
A growl echoed along the bed, radiating off the trees. There wasn’t enough cool water to cool the heat that burned in my gut. How would I face him unless I calmed down?
I used my shirt as a basket and gathered plants further up the river until the sun rose high enough in the sky to warm my face .
I took my time enjoying the cool breeze, but surely Jaxus would be done by now, and I could then take these plants to Gran’s apothecary and see if she needed anything before we went to the archives. I followed the shallows of the river back to where I’d left him, finding him barely clothed.
He pushed his hair out of his face, droplets dripping off his chiseled body as he toweled off. “I could get used to this,” he said, noticing me.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. He wasn’t built like any fae I’d ever come across. Broad across the chest, like he was cut out of the side of a mountain. Dragons were big, but he gave even that word a whole new meaning. He dwarfed even Nyx and while I’d seen him bare plenty of times after flight, it was never like this.
This was?—
“Are you okay?” he asked, his grin coloring his voice.
“My apologies. I thought you would be finished by now.” Even with my apology, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.
“I took my time letting my muscles soak after the long flight. It felt good.” He took the towel and ran it through his hair again before draping it over his shoulder, wearing that big grin. “Something on your mind, Firefly?” His words delivered right to my mind at that moment seemed far too intimate.
I wanted him out of my mind, like I feared he could read my thoughts if he stayed there long.
“Nothing.” Why did I sound breathless even in silent speech? I lowered my eyes, but that wasn’t any better. His breeches hugged his damp skin and the outline of his cock—I swallowed again.
He stepped closer, fingers brushing my elbow, sending sparks cascading over my skin. “It doesn’t seem like nothing,” he almost purred.
I pressed my eyes closed for fear I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I looked a second longer, but I lost the battle anyway. “Fine, it’s you.”
“What did I do?” He slid a finger under my chin, tipping it up. His beautiful golden eyes always carried joy and amusement.
It annoyed me how sexy he was. “You’re you.”
He brought his lips to mine but didn’t kiss me, and that was almost worse. He stayed there, smile in full form, breath shared between us. “And you take issue with that?”
“When you act like this, I do.”
His free hand pressed into the small of my back, bringing our bodies together. I could feel every inch of him, and he was unmistakably hard. The press instantly made warmth pool in my belly.
“What am I doing?” He gave the most subtle rock of his hips as he spoke.
I gasped, grabbing his face and forcing his mouth to mine.
He took full advantage of the part of my lips, dipping his tongue between them to taste me. A primal groan rumbled in him, and then he pulled away.
“If you keep kissing me, we won’t be doing anything else the rest of the day.” His words were more threat than promise, but oh, how I wanted them to be kept.