38. Kiera
THIRTY-EIGHT
KIERA
H e dug his teeth into his lip, looking up at me with half-lidded eyes while his thumbs stroked little circles over my hip bones. His war with control flashed in his golden eyes. He didn’t give it up easily, I could tell. It meant something. He exerted a hint of force with his thumbs, coaxing me down onto his cock and I gave into it, taking him inside.
I gasped, his size unlike any cock I’d ever had. I’d never felt so full or connected to another fae. I tipped my head back, reveling in our connection. If this was what it was like to sleep with my flyer, I don’t know how any bonded pair ever slept with anyone else. Or even wanted to.
I opened my eyes to find him staring with a smile curling at just the corners of his mouth. “What?” I asked
“I could look at you forever,” he said breathily .
I smiled in spite of myself, warmth filling my stomach. “Sweet talker.”
“Can’t be sweet talk if it’s the truth, Firefly.” He rocked his hips, driving his tip into my core.
I shuddered in pleasure, and his grin stretched. “You know what you’re doing.”
Two could play at that game. I pressed my hands into his chest, circling my arse, keeping him buried. He drew in a sharp breath, sliding his hands up my sides to cup my breasts.
“Are you fighting back?” He arched, lifting his hips off the bed to drive every last inch into my cunt.
I clenched around him, feeling overexposed and raw but simultaneously grounded and connected. “Would you expect anything less?”
“I’d complain about you being so good at it, but since I entirely benefit…” His smile was intoxicating.
I leaned forward, capturing his mouth.
He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, keeping me there.
All the strings connecting us came alive. I couldn’t recall a time where my magic ever felt this good. I tried to pull back, to break out of some of the intensity, but he wouldn’t release me.
“There is no escape.” He flipped me under him before I realized what was happening, driving deeper.
I gasped.
He took me slowly, savoring every thrust and what it did to our bond. Each one brought us closer and closer until our souls combined. Our magic was alive between us, and it was beautiful.
I’d never felt so complete and we hadn’t even reached the peak together.
His lips met mine as he withdrew only to thrust deep again, his tongue laving against my own. We moved together, climbing higher, grinding faster, our desperate gasps and moans filling the room .
I met his thrusts, my clit rubbing against his base. The pleasure was almost blinding, and he swelled inside me, stretching me until pleasure was all I knew.
“Firefly,” he moaned. The sound of him was so untethered, so raw. It was my undoing.
I came with his name on my lips.
My body clenched around him and he made an animal sound, his cock bucking inside me.
“Fuck,” he gritted out, his climax claiming him.
I gasped at the sensation of him filling me.
He collapsed onto me, shuddering his release and fighting for breath. Then he cursed, pulling his face back to look at me.
“Shit, I—” he hesitated.
I swallowed and breathed through the sudden fullness as his cock swelled again. He eased forward, and I winced until he was seated fully to his base, and then I could breathe.
We were—tied.
I knew it happened, but I hadn’t imagined?—
“I’m so sorry, Firefly,” he panted. “I lost control. Are you okay?”
I nodded, frozen. I didn’t want to move or jostle us in case it hurt.
“Breathe,” he urged. “Try to relax.”
I huffed a laugh and regretted it immediately when I tightened around the huge swelling that was keeping him locked inside me. I breathed through the intense sensation. There wasn’t pain, just absolute fullness, and it was alarmingly wonderful.
“Shhhh,” Jaxus soothed, pressing his forehead to mine.
I blew out a couple of long breaths and started to relax.
“Good girl.” He grinned, brushing his lips over mine.
I groaned and involuntarily clenched. “Don’t say things like that!”
He chuckled, and I felt it everywhere.
“Jaxus,” I gritted out .
“Firefly,” he breathed.
He didn’t say anything more, instead, he kissed me deeply and I lost myself in it.
We came down together in a haze of sweet kisses and soft caresses until he was able to slip from my body and settle in beside me.
He slid his arm beneath me and pulled me to him, and I sighed contentedly.
“That was—” Jaxus murmured.
“I know,” I agreed.
“Do you feel okay?” He picked up a lock of my hair and twirled it between his fingers. I skated my fingertips across the firm muscles of his abdomen.
“I feel wonderful.”
I really did. It was like Jaxus was made of magic. The connection sparked between us still. I felt better than I’d felt since—well, ever. Our connections were more solid, the exchange of our power coming more easily.
Had sex made us fully meld? No, that wasn’t right. Our meld had been solid since we’d flown here.
I traced the lines of magic between us, trying to piece together why I felt so good and so connected to him until it hit me like a felled tree, bringing my reality crashing to my feet.
I tensed and Jaxus eased his arm out from under me, propping himself on his elbow and staring down at me.
I hesitantly pressed my hand to his chest and allowed the threads of our magic to warm against my palm. I felt it then for certain and I looked into his golden honey eyes.
“You knew, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” He didn’t ask what I was talking about.
“The whole time?”
“No, but a lot of it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I pulled away slightly, not sure what I felt .
“Because there has been so much for you to adjust to, I didn’t want to add another complication.”
“It changes everything.”
“It changes nothing,” he said solemnly.
“How can you say that?” My voice pitched.
“Because you still have free will.”
“There is no fighting it.” My breathing quickened as the world closed around me. “We are mates, Jaxus. Soul-bonded.”
“You still have a choice. There is always a choice. You have a duty here and—” he cut himself off, but I couldn’t ask what he’d been about to say, too focused on my breathing.
My betrothal to Casimir was effectively over after tonight’s drama anyway, but this made it inconceivable. Would my family understand? Did Gran already know?
He put his hand on my cheek. “Breathe, Firefly.”
I nodded, unable to form words. He stroked his thumb over my cheek, grounding me while I focused on my inhale, then exhale. Over and over.
“Would you have really let me marry another?” I managed at last.
“‘Let’ is not the word I would use. I would have endured it had you loved him.”
I searched his face.
He didn’t waiver.
While I felt like my entire world crumbled, he stood steady against the stampede.
I believed him.
“Do you even want this?” I asked, barely keeping the quiver out of my voice.
“How could you imagine I don’t?” His golden eyes flickered with something.
“This is a mess. My life, my duty, my family. The politics of it all. Nyx. The war. We are barely keeping our heads above water, with the promise of drowning tomorrow always on the horizon. Why would you want to do any of that? Are you only here because you have no choice?” I couldn’t bear it.
“I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you in the tavern that night. You had tears in your eyes and your hair half undone from your braids because you kept shoving your hands into it to fight the grief. With dark circles and magic so depleted, I didn’t know how you did all that you do, and knowing you has only made you more beautiful.
“Your intelligence and humor. The care you take with every patient. The way you selflessly give and give to your friends.” He pressed his lips to my forehead. “I only hoped there was enough room in your heart for me, but even if there wasn’t, I’d follow you to the ends of the Twelve Kingdoms.”
Tears filled my eyes and I felt guilty for being so happy. With all that stood against us, how many suffered and died, and knowing I had to rebuke my oaths and disappoint my family to do this, I was still so filled with joy.
“Don’t cry.” He brushed his thumb through the moisture and brought it to his lips, sucking it.
“I can’t help it.”
“I promise Casimir will find some other female to harass. He’ll be okay.”
I laughed through my tears. “I’m sure there will be a line of fae to have his babies.” I shuddered and wiped my eyes.
“Then what is it?”
“It’s not any of that. I know I have failed you and not taken the time to get to know you, but—” The closer we got, the more I realized I didn’t know anything about him, and it was all my fault. “I had a lot of walls up and I don’t know how to marry the two halves of myself.” How did I apologize for all I put him through? I’d rebuked him so much, it was a wonder he was still here. “I want to know you.”
“You do, Firefly. ”
“No, not like you know me.”
“It will come in time. I promise,” he reassured, but it felt like he held something back.
Had I ruined this before we began?