Chapter 11
KALLIE
Kallie had gotten good at goodbyes quickly.
Well, perhaps she hadn’t become good at saying goodbye, for that would have required her to say the word. In reality, she hadn’t uttered it once, her mouth refusing to form the syllables. But when Medenia pulled Kallie into an embrace the moment she arrived, Kallie didn’t pull away.
"Don’t be so surprised," Medenia whispered as she threatened to crush Kallie’s ribcage.
"Surprised? I’m not—"
Medenia gently slapped Kallie on the back.
"You hug as if you are made of ice," the princess said before releasing Kallie. Medenia’s ink-soaked hair was twisted into a thick plait that wrapped around her crown.
Thin wisps floated around her porcelain face.
Taking a small step back, she folded a stray strand behind her ear and gave Kallie a sad, knowing smile.
Kallie wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged. "I’m just not used to physical affection," she admitted. Kallie wasn’t even sure when the last time someone had hugged her, let alone someone she could call a friend.
"Or having friends, it seems," Medenia added.
"That too," Kallie mumbled.
"You have many friends, Kallie. Many people who care about you. Just look around the room," she said, squeezing Kallie’s arm.
As if to prove Medenia’s point, Ophelia inched closer, placing her hand on the small of the princess’ back.
The warrior wore slick leather pants that were only marginally more formal than her normal uniform.
Her blouse was made of a pretty silk fabric that draped over her curves as if spun by the wind and dipped in a bucket of rose petals.
Beyond the two women, people crowded the room, several finding their seats before the dinner started.
More people than Kallie had expected were in attendance.
Initially, Kallie had assumed they were there either by order of the Queen or to see the others off.
But before Medenia had arrived, the first people to swarm Kallie were the healers who had spent day-and-night taking care of her during those first couple of weeks.
While Kallie wasn’t quite friends with all those gathered in the dining hall, there was a sense of connectedness.
Yet, as she continued to scan the faces, a heaviness pressed down on her shoulders, forming a knot at the base of her neck.
Kallie might not have known everyone’s names, but she did care about them.
She cared about their survival and the lives they had yet to live.
Pinching her eyes shut, Kallie inhaled a deep breath. The subtle floral notes of Medenia’s perfume filled her senses and grounded her. She allowed herself one second of panic before she squashed it. She placed her hand atop Medenia’s. "Thank you, Medenia, for everything."
The princess chuckled. "For everything? All I did was offer you kindness."
"You have shown me kindness when I was undeserving."
Medenia tilted her head, confusion drawing her dark brows together.
"You are a living being, are you not? Everyone—every person, every animal, every living thing—deserves to be treated with benevolence.
We are all on this world together, and if we cannot offer each other that, then we are no better than those we fight against. Kindness costs us nothing, yet has the power to save many.
" Medenia squeezed Kallie’s arm, her smile turning sad as she did. "Anyway, it is I who should thank you."
Kallie’s eyes widened. "Me?"
"I am beyond grateful for your friendship, Kalisandre." Medenia smiled and dropped her hands. "Now, I have some choice words to say to Ellie about a bet before she tries hiding from me." Medenia spun on her heel, the silk fabric of the bottom of her dress flying around her ankles.
Ophelia gave Kallie a quick nod. "Be safe," she whispered before following Medenia.
Kallie wrapped an arm around her stomach, suddenly feeling more alone than she had previously.
Across the room, she spotted Graeson talking to Emmett. She might have been alone, but she did not wish to attract Graeson’s attention. Ducking her head, Kallie weaved her way through the crowd. She only had to get through the next few hours and then—
Kallie crashed into someone. She hurried to steady them before they both fell over.
"I’m so sorry, I—" They both started before snapping their mouths shut as they faced one another.
Sweet, wide hazel eyes blinked back at Kallie. Long eyelashes fluttered across pale, freckled cheeks.
"Sorry," Myra mumbled, taking a step back.
"Myra?" Laurince called out, stepping to one side of Myra as Rian stopped to the other. "Is everything all right?"
"Oh, yes, we—I just ran into her. I didn’t mean—"
"You do not need to apologize, not for that," Rian said, interrupting Myra. "She ran into you. She should have been paying better attention."
Myra seemed to want to say something, but she held her tongue.
"We should find our seats," the captain said to Myra. "The Queen should be making her address any minute now."
Rian nodded in agreement, his gaze skating over Kallie.
Wrapping her shawl tighter around her shoulders, Kallie sidestepped around them, but a dainty hand grabbed her wrist.
"Kallie, wait."
Kallie’s attention fell to Myra’s hand, and Myra quickly let go.
Myra looked over her shoulder at the two men and waved them off. Rian and Laurince retreated only a few steps.
"Sorry, I just—" Myra clasped her hands together and began cracking her knuckles. Old habits died hard for everyone, it seemed. "How are you?"
"How am I?" Kallie repeated, aghast at the feeble attempt at conversation
Myra’s lips parted. "I didn’t mean it that way. It was a silly question. Things are rather bleak right now, aren’t they? I only meant…I…" She blew a strand of hair from her face with an unsettled huff. "Well, to be honest, I’m not sure what I meant. This is all so…"
"Awkward?" Kallie suggested, voice thick.
Myra nodded, mouth drawn flat.
Had Myra truly expected them to return to their old ways? To be easy friends again? When it came to their friendship, Kallie no longer knew what had been real and what had been a facade.
Kallie’s gaze slipped to Rian. She supposed she wasn’t the only one who likely felt that way.
"Are you going to be all right with them?"
"Huh?" Myra asked, brows knitting together.
Kallie didn’t know what had prompted her to ask and was just as shocked by the question as Myra was.
She didn’t know where it came from or why she was asking.
She didn’t even know why she cared. This was the same woman who had lied to her, yet Kallie still wanted to ensure Myra would be safe and taken care of.
Kallie nodded her head in Rian and Laurince’s direction, and Myra followed Kallie’s gaze.
"Oh, yes. They’ve only been kind to me," Myra said.
"Good. That’s good," Kallie said. "The Queen can also be blunt, but she will ensure you are cared for as well here. Medenia will too. If you’re looking for something to do, she can…" Her words trailed off.
"You’re sounding like me," Myra mused. When Kallie quirked a brow in confusion, Myra clarified, "The rambling."
Kallie straightened, suddenly self-conscious. "Oh."
The corner of Myra’s lips twitched, but the flicker of movement was brief. "Do you…do you think you’ll join in the fight when the war comes?"
Kallie hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but she did not trust Myra enough to tell her the truth. So instead, Kallie lifted her chin and said the closest thing to the truth she could. "He raised me to be a weapon, so it’s about time I strike back."
"Don’t underestimate him, Kals," Myra said, the old nickname slipping off her tongue as if by accident.
Kallie, surprisingly, didn’t jerk away from it. "I won’t."
"I suppose this is goodbye then, huh?"
"I suppose so," Kallie said, a strange spout of grief forming in her throat for the lost friendship.
"You were my first friend, Kals," Myra said, blinking away a glimmer of tears that coated her hazel eyes.
"You were mine too, Mys."
The loud chatter of those attending the farewell dinner inside the castle was a mere hum in the garden.
It was only noise to Kallie’s ears as she stared at the blanket of stars outside.
Among the brilliant specks of light, the moon was only a sliver of its true form, and the night sky was ominous without its full glow illuminating the land.
As an autumn breeze swept in, the silk dress the handmaidens had set out for her did little to block the cold air from nipping at her skin.
She pulled the cashmere scarf around her shoulders tighter.
She could take the cold a little longer.
It was better than being inside. Kallie had sat at a table overflowing with food and drinks, pushing around the chopped up lamb and roasted vegetables, for as long as she could.
Every time Graeson looked her way, she found some excuse to turn away.
The moment Cetia had finished her toast, Kallie had excused herself, not caring if it made her a coward.
She had intended to go to the washroom but found herself wandering outside instead.
At least ten minutes had passed since she left, but her reprieve was finally ending.
Boots clapped against the stone path behind her, and her shoulders dropped.
Realizing it wasn’t Graeson by an instinct she had no hope of understanding, she was both relieved and disappointed.
Both feelings sat uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach.
"I wish we weren’t saying goodbye again," Terin said, stepping beside her.
Kallie hugged herself a little tighter and dragged her attention away from the sky. "I take it Dani told you?"
With pursed lips, Terin nodded solemnly. "I don’t suppose there is any convincing you otherwise, is there?"