37. Alex
37
ALEX
I t’s been six days since I broke up with Nora. Six long, lonely days of questioning everything about my life and wondering if I’m one of those people who will just always be alone. I’ve been circling back to my idea of getting a pet, a notion I had nearly forgotten in the weeks that Nora and I had been working together. But now? Well, if I’m going to be single forever, I’m going to do it right and become a crazy cat man.
How many cats does one need to achieve crazy cat man status? My gut tells me at least three. I wonder if it would be better to get them all at once or acquire them gradually?
I’m scrolling through photos of adoptable cats and kittens at the closest animal shelter when a tap sounds on my office door. Grant pokes his head in.
“I’ve come to invite you to my house for dinner tonight. And when I say invite, I really mean this is an official summons because if you don’t come, Annie and I will show up at your house instead, so don’t think you can get out of it.”
I open my mouth to respond, but he ducks out and closes the door firmly behind him. Another in a long line of tired sighs escapes me. I should probably humor them. At least if I go to their house, I can leave as soon as dinner is over. If they come to my house, I’ll be trapped.
So far, all of my family has respected my desire not to be interrogated about Nora, much to my surprise. The least I can do is go eat with them to reassure them that bottling up my feelings hasn’t had any ill effects. And I can inform them of my forthcoming plans for cat ownership. Maybe I’ll even let them weigh in on whether I should adopt the calico or the grey tabby I’m wavering between.
Unfortunately, I know the instant I step inside Grant’s house that I’ve made a mistake. Grant, Annie, Maddy, and Chris are all in the living room waiting for me. Ileigh is the only kid around, presumably because children are distracting during an intervention, which is what I assume this is. Grant meets me at the door, closing it behind me and ushering me inside with a grim expression.
I throw my head back and groan like a dramatic teenager. “Do we really have to do this, guys?”
“Yes,” Maddy says firmly. “We’ve tried to respect your wishes and give you some space to process, but it’s been almost a week and you’re miserable. You clearly need to talk about this.”
“Plus, I talked to Nora today,” Annie adds from her place in the recliner, her hands crossed over her protruding middle. “I called to see how she’s doing, and when I asked her what went down between you two, she said I’d have to ask you because she didn’t understand what happened.”
Hot anger bubbles up. “I broke up with her because she’s a liar. She was hiding things and keeping secrets, guarding her phone just like Marissa used to do.” I throw up my hands. “But if you want me to be the bad guy, go ahead and lay it on me. I can take it.”
Maddy lays a hand on my arm. “You’re not the bad guy, and we are always on your side, Alex.”
Grant grunts. “Unless he’s wrong.” Maddy and Annie glare at him, but he continues. “What? If he’s wrong, he’s wrong.”
I prop my hands on my hips. “Okay, just so we’re all on the same page, is this an official trial? Do I need a lawyer? And while we’re in court, can I request a restraining order against someone who has been stalking me?”
“Stalking you?” Annie gasps.
Grant rolls his eyes. “He means me. He’s just trying to distract us.”
“Everybody sit down,” Maddy says in her no-argument mom voice, and even I grudgingly obey. When everyone is settled, she continues. “Now, we want to hear your side of the story. Tell us exactly what happened, Alex. What did she do?”
Through gritted teeth, I recount catching her in a lie about her work schedule, followed by her refusal to discuss the text message she hid from me, adding in the story about her kissing her friend since Grant was the only person who’s heard that one. Combining all those incidents, along with the fact that she kept a huge secret from her family for years, I can only conclude that she can’t be trusted. When I’m done, I look around. Everyone is quiet, their expressions ranging from thoughtful to baffled.
“I thought you were satisfied with her explanation about her friend,” Grant says with a puzzled frown.
“I was. But with all this other stuff, it just seemed like too much to overlook.”
Maddy narrows her eyes. “And what day was the suspicious phone activity?”
“Last Friday, on my birthday.”
She stares at me, her lips slightly parted, slowly blinking as if in disbelief before barking out a harsh laugh. “Alexander James Lockwood, you are an absolute idiot.”
Now it’s my turn to stare in disbelief. “Excuse me?”
“Did it occur to you that the date of the incident might carry some significance? Let me give you a hint: what happened when you got home from work?”
“Y’all were at my house waiting to surprise me.”
I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with the pitying looks I’m getting from all four of them now. “Why are y’all looking at me like that?”
“Because you’re an idiot, like Maddy said,” Grant reaffirms.
“She knew about the party, Alex,” Maddy says with an exasperated shake of her head. “I had been texting her about it all day, and she probably didn’t want you to see what I was saying and spoil the surprise.”
My open mouth snaps shut. Oh. That…makes sense. “But why didn’t she just tell me it was you or that it was a surprise?”
“It doesn’t sound like you gave her a chance,” Chris observes, which gives me pause, especially since he doesn’t usually chime in on sibling disputes. I replay my conversation with Nora in my mind, and after a moment I’m forced to admit he may be right. I might have been a little overbearing in my demands to see her phone. Honestly, I can see how I crossed a line, and I’m surprised she didn’t leave of her own accord when I acted like that. I’d deck any guy who spoke to Maddy or Annie that way.
I hang my head, scrubbing my hands over my face as I try to recover from the emotional whiplash of going so quickly from believing I’d been the one wronged to owing myself a punch in the face.
“Okay, maybe I was a little too quick to jump to a conclusion there. But what about the schedule thing?”
“She mentioned to me that she was going to try to swap some shifts so that she could be off on Friday,” Annie says with a shrug. “Sounds like that’s what happened.”
And I thought I couldn’t feel any worse. “So, you’re telling me I broke up with a girl I’m crazy about when she brought me lunch on my birthday because I assumed she was lying to me about something without asking her to explain—and the thing ended up being a surprise birthday party?”
Grant gives me a thumbs up. “Sounds like you got it.”
I jump up and pace anxiously. “Oh man, I really screwed up.”
“Yep.” Grant puts an extra pop on the p . “The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know…what if it’s too late?”
“It’s not.” Maddy sounds confident.
Annie is quick to back her up. “Yeah, I had already decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with Grant again, but then he made a grand gesture and changed my mind.”
“A grand gesture? Like, what, flowers and an apology?”
Grant shakes his head and makes a tsking sound. “Honestly, I’m disappointed, dude. Of all the people in this family, you have the personality most suited to a grand gesture, and the best you can come up with is flowers?”
“Hey,” I say defensively. “I just started thinking. And how do you know I didn’t mean a thousand long-stemmed red roses delivered in a horse-drawn carriage when I said flowers?”
Grant points a finger at me. “Now you’re getting somewhere.”
“Yeah, and I could dress up in a tux and ride along with the flowers,” I say, warming up to the idea. “If I could just get her to come out in front of her apartment building when I get there...”
Maddy grimaces. “I think it might be more complicated than that. Nora’s not actually here. Like, in Nashville.”
I swivel to face her. “What? Where is she?”
“California. She said she had a meeting with a studio about y’all’s cooking show?”
That’s right, the producer she’d been telling me about. I was so wrapped up in my own misery that it completely slipped my mind. After I checked him out and gave her the green light, I didn’t really think about it again.
“I forgot about that.” I sink onto an ottoman, and Ileigh crawls in my direction with a big, gummy smile that would normally make me grin back. “Man, I really am the worst. In my defense, I tried to tell her that.”
“You told her you’re the worst?” Annie asks incredulously. “Why would you say that?”
“Because…you guys know what happened with Marissa. What kind of person – what kind of brother—does something like that?”
“Dude, how many times do I have to forgive you before you get the message and forgive yourself?” Grant asks, clearly annoyed. “That’s all in the past, or at least it could be if you can let it go.”
“Grant’s right,” Maddy agrees. “What you did wasn’t cool. But you’ve grown and changed a lot since then. You’re barely the same person now.”
Funny, that’s remarkably similar to what Nora said.
“You’re being really selfish,” Grant says, and I almost smile. Count on my big brother to give me the unfiltered, unvarnished truth. “You’re so busy worrying about yourself getting hurt and how terrible you think you are that you didn’t even take her feelings into account.”
“Not that your feelings don’t matter, because they do.” Annie shoots Grant a look that says she thinks he’s being too hard on me. “But I think what Grant’s trying to say is that there are two people in a relationship. You thought she was hurting you, and you hurt her instead because you were only focused on your own perspective.”
I can’t deny that they’re right, and it hits me like a jab to the gut. Not once did I stop to think of how Nora must have felt in the face of my accusations and demand for her to leave. All week I’ve been looking at the stuff she left at my house and wondering if she’ll come back for it, but I never truly considered the impact our split would have on her ability to continue making her show. Where will she film it and who will she teach?
I lean forward onto my elbows and press my fingers into my eye sockets, trying to think. Let’s just pretend for a moment that I have no baggage, that I’m coming to the table with the same open heart I had before Marissa. That I’m entirely focused on what I can do to make this right and show Nora that I was wrong. How would putting Nora first over my fears change the way I proceed?
I take a deep breath and blow it out, imagining all my insecurities and mistrust flowing out with it. I do it again and again until I feel calmer and a sense of clarity overtakes me.
“I know what I have to do.”