38. Nora
38
NORA
T his trip has felt like a mostly exciting but also scary dream—like it’s not real and I could wake up in a disoriented panic at any moment.
My flight was smooth, other than the turbulence in my heart and brain, and I checked into the hotel Miles helped me arrange last night in time to get a full night of rest. Too bad I only clocked in about four hours of sleep, what with all the anxiety and overthinking that made me feel like I was on a rollercoaster every time I shut my eyes.
Saying “sleepy kitty” to myself doesn’t seem to have the same impact as when Alex says it.
On the bright side, being up extra early gave me plenty of time to take a bath in the fancy clawfoot tub in my room and get a good breakfast at a café near the hotel. There’s nothing like a smoked salmon everything bagel and an extra-large mocha iced coffee to improve a girl’s mood and give her the energy she needs to convince a room full of people to take a chance on her.
When I get back, I take extra care with my clothes, hair, and makeup. I brought a cute black suit with a slim skirt that hits just above my knees. The jacket flounces slightly at the bottom, lending an extra air of femininity. I pair this with a white blouse and fashion my hair into a low chignon, going for a classy, professional look. My makeup and jewelry are also subtle, but I did splurge on one impractical “statement” item – a pair of lilac heels I saw in a boutique window on my way back from lunch earlier this week and knew I needed. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I can say with one hundred percent confidence that they were worth every penny. The ankle straps make my feet look dainty, and the open toes show off the pedicure I got yesterday.
I’m ready almost an hour before I have to head down to the lobby to meet Miles, so I pull the desk chair over to the window in my room overlooking the pool and try to think calming thoughts. I do my best to resist the urge to wonder what Alex is doing right now.
Annie called me a few days ago to see how I was holding up, which was sweet of her. She insisted on hearing my side of the story, which I declined to provide, not wanting her to feel like she had to choose a side since she’s part of his family. She didn’t say too much else, other than to tell me how sorry she was that it didn’t work out and to assure me that she and Maddy would be highly displeased if I let this deter me from coming to book club on Friday.
“You just love my snacks,” I teased.
“No,” she said seriously. “We love you . The snacks are just a nice bonus. So we’ll see you Friday?”
“I’ll have to catch the next one,” I told her, and I filled her in on my travel plans so that she wouldn’t think I was blowing her off.
“How exciting! Good luck! Or…break a leg? Is that term only used for stage acting or does it also work for acting-adjacent things?”
I smile, remembering her genuine excitement for me. Her kind words and my mom’s support this week were what gave me the extra shot of courage I needed to pack a bag and book a flight.
My phone vibrates with an incoming text, and I cross the room to lift it from the nightstand.
Did you make it safely? Is the West Coast as sunny and fabulous as it looks on TV?
I smile at Maddy’s text. Annie must have told her about our conversation the other day.
Made it in one piece. Hopefully I’ll still be intact by the time the meeting is over. And yes, it’s very sunny and fabulous.
Take lots of pictures, especially if you see any movie stars. What hotel are you staying at? Is it fancy?
I send her the link to the hotel website so she can see for herself—because it actually is pretty fancy—followed by a promise to keep an eagle eye out for celebrities.
Ooooh nice!! Good luck with your meeting today! Don’t forget to text and let me know how it goes.
I respond with a thumbs up.
Once the distraction of that conversation is over, I feel more restless than ever. Maybe I’ll just head down to the lobby now, in case Miles gets here early. There’s nothing for me to do in this room but think, which is the last thing I need right now. At least downstairs I might be able to do a little people-watching, maybe get a fancy non-alcoholic drink from the bar while I wait. A tiny umbrella might be just the thing to pump me up.
Grabbing my black leather tote bag—the only bag I have that is nice enough to carry to an important meeting and which might have been the determining factor for what color suit I chose—I check to make sure I have my wallet and key card before exiting into the hallway. Alone in the elevator, I pull up the last email I got from Miles to double-check the details of our meeting and to study the photo in his signature line one more time. Since I’ve never met the man in person, I want to make sure I have the right guy before I get in a car and drive away with him.
When the elevator doors slide open, I tuck my phone in my bag and step out of the elevator with all the confidence I can muster, my lilac heels making a satisfying clicking sound on the marble floors of the lobby. I scan the room as I walk, looking for a likely place to either be seated or purchase a festive refreshment, when my gaze catches on a familiar head of messy blond hair and a set of wide shoulders I could never forget coming through the doors.
I stop so fast my soles make a screeching sound, frozen in place as his gaze finds me and he changes course to stride purposefully toward me. I only have seconds to prepare myself, which is nowhere near enough time.
“Alex,” I breathe as he stops in front of me. I clutch the handle of my bag in a death grip and clear my throat. “What are you doing here?” This time, my voice sounds steady.
“Looking for you.” He offers a tentative smile that threatens to melt the wall of ice I quickly constructed around my heart when I recognized him a moment ago. I mentally shore it up with some extra sharp icicles around the top.
“Here I am. What do you want?” I’m proud of how casual and uninterested my tone is.
Alex’s smile fades. “I want to apologize. It took a week for me to catch on, but I realized yesterday afternoon that I was—I am—an idiot. I don’t know if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I sure hope you’ll give me a chance to tell you all the things I’m sorry for before you decide.”
I press my lips together, unsure how to respond. A glance at my watch tells me Miles will be here soon, and I need this to be done before then. I think about sending him away, but I’m curious about what he has to say, and I know I’ll be distracted during the meeting if I don’t hear him out. “You have five minutes.”
“Okay,” he nods. “The first thing I want to apologize for is assuming you were hiding something. I had no reason to doubt your intentions or actions other than the insecurities I had from my past, which is a me problem, not a you problem. When I didn’t even try to believe you, I wasn’t any better than the people who kicked you out of school. I’m sorry for overreacting and telling you to leave without giving you a chance to explain, and I’m sorry for speaking so harshly when I did it. But most of all, I’m sorry for being selfish about…well, pretty much everything.”
He's speaking so fast, he’s almost out of breath. I listen, doing my best to keep my expression impassive, but I have to admit he’s doing a great job so far of saying everything I wanted to hear. I just wish I could have heard it at a more convenient time when I had the mental space to process it.
“It was selfish of me to project my mistrust onto you without regard to your feelings. It was selfish of me to not reach out this week to discuss our arrangement and how this might impact your business, whether we stayed together or not. I’m realizing right now as I’m standing here thinking how great you look in that suit that it was even selfish of me to come barging in here right before you have to be somewhere.”
He hangs his head and squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing the back of his neck. “Honestly, I’ve been selfish pretty much since the moment I met you. Sure, I wanted to help you with your show, but the main reason I offered to let you use my kitchen is because I was lonely and I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever been in the same room with. Everything I did to make you feel welcome was so that I could spend more time around you, even when I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. I…I’ve missed you, Rose. This week has felt like a month.”
He looks up at me with a broken expression that nearly tears my heart out. I’ve spent enough time around Alex to be able to tell if he’s being sincere, and I believe every word that’s coming out of his mouth. But it’s still a lot to take in, especially after spending the last week doing my best to distance myself from him and plan for a future that didn’t include Alex.
“What about now?” I ask after a moment. “What’s changed? Because I don’t want to get on the same horse and start all over just to be bucked off again.”
“That’s fair,” he says with a nod, his expression earnest. “What’s changed is that my siblings opened up my eyes and helped me realize what was really behind my meltdown that day. The first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem, right?” One corner of his mouth quirks up, but he sobers quickly. “I know I’ll still have to work at letting go of some of the old beliefs that have been holding me back, but what’s changed is now I realize that I want to do that work and improve.”
He takes a deep breath and reaches out tentatively to take my hand, holding it loosely in his. “Mostly I just realized that everything is better when you’re there. No matter what we’re doing, I enjoy it more when I’m with you. I’m still not sure I’m good enough for you, but I realized that’s up to you to decide for yourself. I gave you fair warning, after all.”
This time I’m the one suppressing a smile. “Yes, you did.”
“So I guess I’m just asking if it’s possible for me to have a second chance. I want to try again to be your boyfriend and show you that I can trust you this time. I’d like the opportunity to be the best man I can be—for you. You don’t have to decide right now. I’ll be patient and you can let me know.”
My focus has been completely zeroed in on Alex this whole time, so I’m not sure what makes me look past him right at the moment Miles Brenner walks through the door. My mind is racing as I take in the confessions Alex just made, cross-referencing them with everything else that’s about to happen. I know he said he’d be patient and wait for me to decide, but time is running out on one opportunity in particular, and I think he needs to know about it.
I squeeze his hand and take a step closer to him. “Alex, I want to talk about this more, but Miles Brenner—the producer I told you about—is walking this way right now. We’re supposed to go to a meeting where I am going to try to convince the network that I can make the show a success on my own.”
“But…?” I love that Alex senses there’s more without me having to spell it out for him.
“But what they really want is both of us. I know I’m springing this on you at literally the very last possible second…”
“I’ll go with you.” Alex doesn’t even hesitate. “If that’s what you need, what you want, I’ll go, and we’ll work together to make this happen.”
Miles is only steps away now and all I have time for is a grateful smile and a soft, “Thank you” before I turn to face the approaching producer.
“Nora Beckham?” Miles extends his hand, and I shake it, turning on my most friendly, confident smile.
“Hi, Miles, so good to finally meet you.”
“Likewise.” He turns to look at Alex with a puzzled expression. “And you must be Alex Lockwood, the second half of the dynamic duo. But” —he turns back to me — “I thought you said you’d parted ways.”
“Yes, well, we were able to work out our differences at the last minute.” I try to remain cool and confident under his scrutiny.
Alex extends a hand. “Nice to meet you, Miles. Sorry for the confusion about my availability. It’s been a crazy week.” He turns the charm dial all the way up to ten and winks at me like we have an inside joke while he claps a friendly hand on Miles’ shoulder. “Do you mind if I jump in on the meeting?”
“No, not at all.” Miles looks delighted by this turn of events. “I was telling Nora the other day that I think the network is most interested in the two of you together, a sort of dream team if you will. They love your chemistry and rapport.”
“You don’t say,” Alex replies with a wide grin. “Well, let’s go give them the old razzle dazzle, then.”
I lift an eyebrow at him. The old razzle dazzle?
But Alex only grins wider, if that’s possible. “What time is this meeting?”
“In an hour,” Miles says, checking his watch. “We need to leave soon if we’re going to make it in time.” He eyes Alex’s clothes, only just now noticing that he’s dressed in joggers and a t-shirt with running shoes, a backward ball cap, and a black backpack. It’s the perfect comfortable outfit for traveling. Not so much for a network meeting. “But we probably have five minutes for you to run up and change.”
Alex grimaces. “The thing is, I don’t have my dress clothes with me. I only just arrived and…the, uh, airline lost my bag.”
“Oh. Well…”
“I’m sure they’ll understand,” I cut in. “I mean, who among us hasn’t been subject to an airport baggage issue at some point?” I force a chuckle, and Alex laughs like I’m very witty.
“It is what it is,” Miles says with a shrug, a good-humored smile touching his lips. I have to admire his ability to roll with the punches. We’ve already thrown a lot at him in the last five minutes.
“Is there anywhere we could stop along the way for me to purchase more appropriate clothes?” Alex asks. “It’s very important to us to make a good impression.”
Miles thinks for a moment, then lifts a finger. “There’s a place on the way, but we’ll need to get going immediately.”
“Lead the way,” Alex says, gesturing for the man to precede us. He reaches for my hand, tucking it into his. He shoots a glance at me from the corner of his eye as we walk and nods as if to say, “Everything is going to be fine.”
And somehow, I believe him, especially as I watch him stride confidently behind Miles like a man on a very, very serious mission.
Miles informs the driver as soon as we step into the car he had waiting that we’ll need to make an extra stop. The driver navigates us skillfully through the traffic and stops in front of what looks like a men’s boutique. Alex hops out and holds out a hand to help me out as well. “Come help me pick something out,” he says.
I look back at Miles who shoos us with his hands. “Hurry up. We only have a few minutes. When you get inside, ask for Guillermo and tell him I sent you.”
Alex pulls me across the sidewalk into the shop and catches the eye of a tall, caramel-skinned man inside. “Are you Guillermo?”
The man flashes a smile and bows slightly at the waist. “At your service. And to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”
“My name is Alex Lockwood. This is Nora Beckham.” His speech is clipped, to the point but not rude. “We have an urgent wardrobe emergency and Miles Brenner said you could help.”
“Say no more,” Guillermo says, holding up a hand. “Walk with me.”
We follow obediently as he strides to the back of the store, asking Alex a series of rapid-fire questions about his size and the occasion he’s dressing for. He deftly plucks several items off the racks and guides Alex to a dressing room.
“Try these,” he says. “I will acquire a pair of shoes.”
Alex fishes in his pocket as Guillermo walks away. “Here.” He plucks a credit card from his wallet. “You can go ahead and pay while I put these on. Don’t worry about the total, just have him ring it all up.”
“But what if it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it?” I ask, eyes wide.
“I have a feeling we can trust Guillermo,” Alex says with a wink. He disappears into the dressing room, and Guillermo returns only seconds later with a shoe box and a pair of dress socks that he slides under the door to Alex. “Thank you,” Alex calls. “I’ll be out in just a minute.”
“I can, uh, go ahead and take care of the bill,” I say, awkwardly waving the card Alex gave me.
Guillermo smiles graciously and leads me to the register, where he enters the items he handed to Alex. The total makes me die a little inside, but Alex told me not to worry, so when Guillermo holds out his hand for the card, I relinquish it without question.
Just as I accept the receipt, Alex strides from the dressing room, his previous clothes wadded into a bundle in front of him. My breath catches and my eyes widen at the astounding transformation that has just taken place. Alex looks like he stepped off the cover of the latest issue of GQ . Gone are the athleisure clothes, replaced with a black suit that fits like it was made for him, layered over a crisp black shirt. It’s the perfect complement to what I’m wearing, especially my favorite detail—a silk tie the exact same shade of lilac purple as my shoes.
I drag my eyes away from Alex to Guillermo, who is appraising Alex with a satisfied smile. “You are a magician.”
“Thank you.” He bows again, as he did when we entered. “I’m pleased you are satisfied with my suggestions.”
“Looks great,” Alex says, running a hand through his blond curls to tame them. He’s only somewhat successful, but somehow the tousled hair juxtaposes pleasingly with the polished outfit. It gives him an air of boyishness until he pulls out a pair of aviators and slides them on. Then he moves straight into hotter-than-a-ghost pepper full-grown man territory.
I fight the impulse to fan my face and instead focus on the fact that I’ve learned something about myself: aviators and black suits do it for me, at least when they’re on Alex.
“Well, I hate to shop and run, but we’re short on time.”
Guillermo nods. “Of course, and here’s something for your other things.” He snaps open a shopping bag and Alex drops his clothes and running shoes inside.
“Thanks again.” He raises a hand as we walk outside, then checks his watch. “Eleven minutes. Not bad.”
Miles nods approvingly as we slide back into the waiting car. “Much better.”
I slump onto the back seat and do another round of deep breathing. In just a few short minutes the three of us will walk into a meeting that could change the trajectory of my career—no, my whole life. Nothing else about this day has gone the way I expected, but hopefully the positive outcome I’m wishing for is forthcoming. Then, after the meeting, Alex and I will continue the conversation that could change the trajectory of my personal life.
So, you know, I have just a few things going on today.
Sounds like I’m going to need more iced coffee.