Chapter 22 – Alana
Chapter
Twenty-Two
ALANA
Alejandro has hardly said two words to me since we left the hospital.
The doctors told us all to go home and get some rest, that we should come back to see Mateo in the morning.
Despite Alejandro’s insistence that she stay with us, his mom went to his Uncle Phillipe’s house.
She and Phillipe’s wife, Rachel, are as close as sisters, and it’s where Maria wants to be.
I get the sense she doesn’t want to upset Alejandro any further, or have him feel like he needs to look after her, too.
Maybe she wants to be able to break down and cry in private. Whatever the reason, we are now alone.
“You look after my baby boy now, Alana, you hear me?” she said as we were about to leave. I assured her I would, but I’m not sure how. He’s been at my side for the entire drive home, but he feels a million miles away.
The tension is palpable, so thick it’s as though you could reach out and touch it. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, beside the very obvious fact that his father is seriously ill in hospital.
Something in the way his Uncle Carlos was behaving has set a few alarm bells ringing.
The man could barely hide his contempt every time he looked at me.
Does he know that Alejandro and his father fought about me?
Or that I ran away to New York? What if his uncles somehow blame me for Mateo being shot?
Maybe they think it wouldn’t have happened if Alejandro hadn’t been chasing me across the country.
Even worse, what if Alejandro himself feels those doubts as well?
We pull up at the house, and I glance at him, wondering where his mind has gone.
I know he must be regretting that fight with his dad.
He must be worried that he will never get the chance to make up with him.
I hate that I played any part in that, and pray that Mateo wakes up soon, that the two of them can clear the air.
Jacob turns off the engine, but Alejandro doesn’t move. His face is filled with turmoil as he stares out at the beautiful landscaped gardens, showing no sign that he’s happy to be home. I don’t know how to reach him, how to comfort him.
“Alex?” I say, laying a gentle hand on his thigh. His head swivels to look at me, and anger is radiating from him like heat from a furnace. I blink but don’t back off. I’m sure that anger isn’t really aimed at me.
“We’re home,” I say quietly. He rubs his hands over his face, like he’s resetting, and nods. “Right. Sorry Alana. I have a lot on my mind.”
“I know. That’s okay.” I just wish I knew what it was.
“Come on. You need to shower, to eat,” I tell him. “You need to keep your strength up.”
He quirks his head to one side, manages a half-smile. “Really, princesa? Now you sound like my mama!”
I laugh. “Well, maybe every now and then, that’s what you need.”
It’s only a split second of light among the darkness, but I’ll take it.
Jacob opens the car door for me, and I step out. Lucia, Kelsey and Hugo are waiting on the doorstep. I realize with a start that I almost forgot about Kelsey. My poor best friend came for a break, and now she’s stuck right in the middle of all this.
Lucia wraps her arms around Alejandro’s waist as he reaches the doorway. “I’m glad Mateo is okay,” she says.
“Thanks, kid,” he replies as he gives her a soft kiss on the top of her head. The look that crosses his face is soft and tender, and I see yet again how this tough-as-nails teenager can melt the iron facade of my Mafia boss husband.
It’s a sweet moment, which makes it even worse when she steps away from him and glares at me. The sheer anger on her face takes my breath away. The next thing I know, she’s turning on her heels and storming back into the house without a single word to me.
I look between Kelsey and Hugo. “What the hell?”
It’s Alejandro who answers. “What the fuck did you expect, Alana?” he says, his tone more weary than mad.
Somehow that makes it even worse. “She’s pissed at you, and she has every right to be.
You’re the closest thing to family that kid has.
Every single person she has ever loved has either let her down, used her or abandoned her, and the minute things got a bit tough for you, you fucked off out of here without a thought for anyone but yourself.
These are the consequences. Deal with them. ”
Then he walks into the house toward his office, leaving me standing there, blinking like an idiot.
He’s taking his frustration out on me, which I can forgive under the circumstances.
But what I can’t forgive is myself—because he’s right.
I did send her a message, which is more than he got, but from Lucia’s perspective, I abandoned her.
I got so caught up in my own woes that I didn’t even consider how my disappearing act would affect the girl I promised to protect.
I am frozen, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Kelsey puts her arm around my shoulders and squeezes me tight.
“Come on, honey. Let’s get you inside,” she says softly.
“Leave that asshole to calm down. I guess he’s had a shitty few days.
I’ll tear a strip off him for that once his dad’s out of the woods. ”
I smile at her as I wipe the tears away. I couldn’t help crying, I was so overwhelmed. So much has happened in such a short space of time. Finding out about my fertility issues, running away, reuniting with Alejandro, his poor father being shot. Now Lucia being in one hell of a huff with me.
I’m only human, and it’s okay that I cried.
But now it has to stop. I have to put on my big girl pants, and go fix this mess.
Lucia and Alejandro are the two most important people in my life, and I hate having any distance between us.
“Thanks, Kels, I need to go and talk to Lucia. Will you be okay for a while? I’m sorry this isn’t turning out to be quite the trip you expected. ”
“Well, it’s definitely not dull, I’ll grant you that. Of course I’ll be okay. Hugo here will give me a tour of the grounds. Won’t you, Hugo?”
She links her arm through his, and he coughs awkwardly. I can’t help but smile. He looks like a deer trapped in the headlights. He may be huge, but Kelsey will eat him alive if he’s not careful.
“Actually, I’m sure the boss will need to speak with me,” he says. “Sorry, Kelsey.”
She sighs dramatically. “Fine. I’ll be outside on my own then.
I’ll just go and put my teeny tiny bikini on first…
” she winks at him yet again, then saunters off inside.
Hugo stares after her, then turns his attention back to me with a snap of the head.
“Are you okay?” he asks as we walk down the hallway together.
“Yes. Thanks for asking. I’m worried about Alejandro, though.”
Hugo nods. “He’s had a rough couple days. But then so have you. And Lucia’s been desperate to have you home.”
“I know. And Alejandro was right. I shouldn’t have left her like that.”
He lets out a snort and shakes his head. “Hey, we do what we need to do, Alana. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re one of the kindest people I ever met. So what if you’re not perfect? None of us are.”
“I think my friend Kelsey thinks you’re pretty damn perfect, Hugo.”
He laughs and throws his hands up in the air. “Then she’s in for a big disappointment. I’m going to see the boss. Are you sure you’re okay? There are extra guards on the gate, and Alejandro has patrols on too.”
It hadn’t even occurred to me not to feel safe here. This is my home. “Thanks, Hugo. I’m good.” I leave him to talk to my husband, and go in search of Lucia.
After checking her two favorite places, the den and the kitchen, I eventually find her in her bedroom.
Her door is open, but I knock lightly before popping my head inside.
She’s sitting up on her bed flicking through a parenting magazine.
At her age she should be staring at the glossy pages of a fashion or lifestyle mag or browsing the latest trends online.
Somehow though, despite her youth, I know she’s going to make a terrific mom.
She’s so much more mature than her seventeen years on the planet suggest.
“Hey, sweetheart. Can we talk?”
“Whatever,” she says with a roll of her eyes. Okay. Well, maybe she’s not mature all the time.
I walk into the room and sit on the bed beside her. “I’m really sorry I took off like that. It was wrong of me.”
“Nothing to apologize to me for. Like I care, anyway. You don’t owe me anything,” she snorts before going back to her magazine. She pretends to be deeply involved in it, which might work better if not for the fact that it’s actually upside down.
I swallow. She isn’t going to make this easy on me. And maybe I don’t deserve easy.
“Well, I think I owe you an apology, even if you don’t, and also an explanation if you’ll hear me out?”
She finally looks up from her magazine and shrugs her shoulders. “Your choice,” she says, sounding nonchalant but keeping her dark her eyes fixed on me.
I nod, and take a deep breath. This isn’t easy to talk about, but she deserves the truth. She needs to know I didn’t abandon her on a whim because of something trivial.
“You know I was having those tests at the doctor’s?”
“Yeah? Just routine you said?” She sounds a little worried now.
“That’s how it started. But yesterday, Dr. Kelly gave me some news about the results. She told me that I’ll find it very difficult to have children naturally.”
“Oh,” she says, her face softening slightly. She turns it over in her mind. “How difficult? Like, impossible?”
“Not totally impossible, but extremely unlikely. As in, we should start looking at alternatives. Surrogacy, adoption, that kind of thing. Neither of which are at all bad, but it was a shock, you know? I’d always assumed I’d be able to have a baby.
There was no reason not to. So as a result of all that, I started acting like an idiot. ”
She smiles, a touch of warmth back in her eyes. “Overthinking and overreacting?” she suggests. I laugh.
“Exactly. I started worrying about the future, and my marriage, and questioning whether Alejandro would even want me if I couldn’t give him a baby. I started to feel broken, like I wasn’t enough of a woman for him.”
I don’t mention the conversation I overheard between him and Mateo. The man has suffered enough without me badmouthing him while he lies in his hospital bed.
“Alana, there’s so much wrong with that sentence I don’t know where to start. A woman is not defined by her ability to have a baby.”
“I know that really. And I’m glad you do too. Like I say, it was a shock, and I was upset. I wasn’t feeling especially rational.”
“No, I get that. But Alana, you’ve got to know…”
She shakes her head and looks at me in disbelief. “What? What have I got to know?”
“That Alejandro Montoya literally worships the ground you walk on. You, Alana. His wife. His companion, his, ugh, lover. He adores you, and his love is the big kind. The kind that doesn’t come with conditions and lasts forever.”
Wow. She might be the teenager, but I’m the one getting schooled. I think about Alejandro’s distance earlier and only hope she’s right.
“Thank you, Lucia. For reminding me of that. I think sometimes, it’s too easy to forget. Too easy to slip back into old patterns of mine, where I don’t feel…worthy, I guess. I can be my own worst critic.”
“I get that,” Lucia says sadly. “I do it too.”
“It’s crap, isn’t it? We women are so much more powerful and strong than half the world gives us credit for, and the sad thing is we struggle to remember it ourselves sometimes.”
Lucia nods as she stares at me. Like she’s memorizing every word. I hope she is.
“Don’t you ever forget that, my little warrior,” I say to her as I reach out and touch her hand. “You are one of the strongest and bravest people I have ever met.”
She squeezes back. “So are you.”
I smile at her. “You really think so?”
“Yeah. Like, to the max. You’ve got the King of LA whipped, haven’t you?” she replies, then dissolves into a fit of giggles.
It’s highly contagious, and I find I’m laughing along with her. “Don’t let him hear you say that. He’d probably toss you out on the street.”
She nods as she starts laughing even harder. “Can you imagine his face if I told him he was whipped?”
“Yes, I can,” I nod, picturing that very thing. His stern, handsome features would be even more stern, and then she’d give him that brilliant smile of hers, and he’d start to melt. To forgive her.
When we’ve finally stopped laughing, I speak again.
“I really am sorry, Lucia. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you first and telling you what was going on.
You’re a part of this family, and you deserved to know.
I get that it might take time to win back your trust, but I promise you I will never do anything like that again.
You can count on me every single second of every single day. You got that?”
“Yeah,” she smiles. “And did you mean what you just said? About me being part of your family?”
The words just slipped out without me really analyzing them, but I realize I mean them, completely. “Yes, I did. Families can come in many shapes and sizes, Lucia, and I’ll be yours for as long as you want me.”
“That’s excellent news. In that case, I’ll probably be in your guest room until I’m a hundred.”
“That’s fine by me, sweetheart.” I let out a long breath, thankful that we’re on good terms again.
One down, one to go, and I know Alejandro will be a lot tougher to crack.
Without warning, just as I’m about to stand up and leave, Lucia launches herself forward and wraps me up in a massive hug.
“You’re going to be a great mom one day,” she says softly. “However that looks.”
I hug her back. “Thank you, sweetheart,” I say as I choke back a sob.