Chapter 33
Skye touched her lips.
Me first kiss…
Before agreeing to their arrangement, she had set a rule that Dougal was never to kiss her. It was what he had promised when they spoke beneath the tree in her brother’s gardens.
He had adhered to it until now.
And she had not pushed him away. She had responded to the kiss as if it were everything she had been waiting for. And the truth was, she had.
In that brief moment, she had been able to pretend that everything was all right, that Dougal did not intend to send her away, therefore breaking her heart.
He had broken the kiss, and she had reached for him, but he kept out of reach, refusing to allow her to touch him.
He was struggling against his own desires.
He might say that he couldn’t love her and it was better off if she went home with Freya, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.
She could see it in his eyes. But the man was stubborn and would not budge.
Her heart felt like it had broken in two. She had never fallen in love before, choosing to immerse herself in her books and the stories she wrote. Then she followed Dougal outside that day after he walked out to get some air.
He was nothing like the man in her story. He was captivating. Frustrating. And she loved him so.
She had realized it sometime ago but had not been willing to put a name to the feeling. First, she had wondered what would happen if he didn’t return from seeing Angus. Then she had feared he might not feel the same way.
But now she was sure that he felt something when he kissed her. When he looked her in the eyes and told her that he could only be her friend. He could deny his feelings for her all he wanted, but the fact was that he did love her.
A strangled sob escaped her, and she clamped a hand over her mouth, refusing to break. She needed to get to the safety of her bedroom. Only then would she be able to grieve.
But how did one grieve for something that had never been?
Her dreams had been filled with Dougal holding her, telling her that he loved her and wanted to remain with her even after the month was up, but now things were different.
Everything was different.
She wasn’t sure what to think. She could try to tell herself that things would be all right, but they wouldn’t be.
The door had barely closed behind her before her knees gave out, and she sank against it, pressing both palms hard against her eyes as though she might hold back what was already breaking loose in her chest.
Freya found her like that only minutes later, dropping to the floor beside her without a single word, her skirts pooling around them.
“Skye. Skye, what happened? Ye’re white as a sheet.”
Skye wanted to tell her sister to leave her alone. She wanted to insist that she was fine and she would be able to handle this on her own. While she might be her younger sister, she was not a child. She was a grown woman… who had just had her heart broken in a way she had never expected.
Then she remembered Freya’s words.
Her sister had warned her that Dougal was going to break her heart. Warned her that he was capable of breaking her heart and that she had to guard it carefully.
Skye wished she had heeded that warning. Perhaps it would have saved her the heartbreak she was currently experiencing.
“Ye were right.” The words came out broken, half-swallowed by a sob she couldn’t hold back any longer, no matter how hard she pressed her hand against her mouth to stifle it.
“Ye told me, and I didnae listen, and now… now I am heartbroken because I didnae listen to ye. Why did ye nae insist I listen?”
It wasn’t Freya’s fault, but she felt the need to lash out, and the person around to receive that was her sister.
Freya did not react, simply running her hand down Skye’s back the way she used to do when they were children and Skye needed comfort.
“Did he hurt ye? Skye, look at me. Did that man hurt ye?”
“He kissed me.” Skye’s hand drifted to her lips, as though she could still feel the kiss. As though she could still feel Dougal pressed against her, his hands tangled in her hair.
“He kissed me, Freya. Truly kissed me. And then, nae a moment later, he told me that it couldnae mean anything. That I ought to leave sooner than we’d agreed.
And now I’ve got all these feelings twisted up inside me that I daenae ken what to do with.
We must leave. Tomorrow. At first light.
I cannae stay another night in this castle, kenning what I ken now. ”
Freya stiffened beside her. Skye saw something shift in her expression, a look of pure rage flashing across her face.
Her sister would not hesitate to give Dougal a piece of her mind if she had a chance. Skye almost wanted her to.
But then her anger faded. She sniffed, trying hard to hold back her tears. She didn’t want to cry because of Dougal. He did not deserve her tears after he had so cruelly discarded her.
No, she shouldn’t lie to herself.
Dougal wasn’t cruel. He had kissed her tenderly before breaking her heart in the most gentle way possible. At no point had he been cruel to her, and she couldn’t forget that.
Freya’s arms came around her at once, steady and familiar, smelling of lavender and home. It made her want to cry all over again.
“All right. All right, we’ll leave if that’s truly what ye want. But Skye?—”
“Daenae. Please, Freya, daenae try to talk me out of it. I couldnae bear it if ye tried, nae tonight. All I want is to leave in the morning and forget that any of this has ever happened. The sooner I am away from Dougal, the better.”
“I wasnae going to.” Freya’s voice was so soft, careful in a way that was rare, rarer still when Skye was in such a state.
“I was only going to say that I think I was unfair to him before I ever kent him properly. I judged him the way the rest of the Highlands did, and I shouldnae have. But that’s a conversation for another night, once ye’re settled and nae shaking so badly ye can scarcely speak.
Tonight, we pack, and tomorrow we go home, same as ye want. ”
Skye nodded against her shoulder, grateful beyond words that she hadn’t pushed further, hadn’t asked the question that sat heaviest between them—whether leaving was truly what Skye wanted, or only what she could bear to survive.
“Thank ye,” she whispered. “Thank ye for being here for me. I ken I havenae been the easiest sister.”
“Ye neednae thank me for that. What are sisters for, if nae for holding ye together when a man breaks yer heart?”
Despite everything, Skye let out a wet, broken laugh. “Ye make it sound so simple.”
Freya continued to rub soothing circles on her back, doing her best to comfort her. Skye wanted to lean into her comfort. To fall into her arms and forget about everything that happened that night.
“It isnae simple at all,” Freya said, pulling back just enough to look her in the eye. “But it will be, eventually. I promise ye that much, even if I cannae promise ye anything else tonight.”
“We’ll go back home tomorrow morning,” Skye whispered, even if it killed her to say such a thing. Her heart continued to break in a million pieces, something she didn’t think was possible.
Freya did not leave her for quite some time that night. She insisted on sitting with her, wanting to comfort her as much as she could.
But Skye knew her sister was getting exhausted. She could see it in the droop of her eyes and the slump of her shoulders.
“Ye should sleep, Freya. Ye’ve been fretting over me for hours now.”
“I’m nae fretting.” Freya’s eyes were already at half-mast. “I’m… strategizing.”
“Strategizing.”
“Aye, for when I get me hands on that man, should he break yer heart worse than he already did.”
“Ye can strategize in the morning.”
“Nay, I must plan now while it’s fresh.” Freya pressed her fingers to her temple. “First, I’ll tell him exactly what I think of him. Then, perhaps I’ll…” Her head dipped. “I’ll… Where was I?”
“Threatening a laird, apparently.”
“Aye, that.” Freya blinked slowly, fighting to keep her eyes open. “He’d better nae have meant it, Skye. I mean it. After everything ye’ve already…” Her head dipped again, her chin nearly touching her chest.
“Freya.”
Nothing.
“Freya, ye cannae plot a man’s downfall and fall asleep in the same breath. That’s nae how vengeance works. That’s?—”
Freya jerked upright with a startled snort, blinking hard, one hand flying up to swipe at her mouth as though checking she hadn’t been drooling.
“I wasnae asleep.”
“Ye were entirely asleep.”
“I was resting me eyes whilst thinking very seriously about vengeance.” She pushed to her feet, swaying only slightly, then smoothed down her skirts with as much dignity as she could muster.
“And now that I’ve considered it thoroughly, I believe I shall go to bed, where I can strategize lying down. ”
“That’s just sleeping, Freya.”
“It’s strategic sleeping.” She said, barely stifling a yawn. “Daenae let me sleep past the sun. I have a laird to intimidate tomorrow morning.”
“Goodnight, Freya.”
“Goodnight.” She paused at the door, yawning. “It’ll be all right, Skye, whatever happens. Ye ken that, aye?”
Skye managed a small smile. “I ken it.”
Freya held her gaze a moment longer, as if checking whether she believed it, then nodded and slipped out, leaving her alone with the dying fire and her tangled thoughts.
Out of the corner of her eye, Skye saw the pages on her desk. The new chapters were waiting to be published.
She picked them up and walked towards the hearth. The flames flickered, almost beckoning to her. It would be so easy to toss the pages into the fire, to wipe the slate clean. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. So she turned around and went to her bed, tucking them under her pillow.
At this point, she didn’t know if she was going to let anyone read them. They had been written during a time when she thought something was true and it wasn’t.