Chapter 14 #2
With him, there were no pretenses. I didn’t have to put on a brave face like at the club. I didn’t have to hide my pain or my sorrow for fear of dragging him down, like with Kenji or even my sister. I didn’t have to be strong just to survive.
With him, I was Siennan the sixteen-year-old girl who had been deceived. I was the one who had fought for eight years to free her sister, crying behind closed doors. I was the one who was afraid. The one who was weak. And he held me anyway.
—
The door to the examination room opened, and I lifted my head from where it rested against Sasha’s shoulder, my hand still in his.
This time it wasn’t a nurse who stepped out, but Nikolai.
His complexion was dull, his eyes red. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and when I lowered my gaze, I noticed he was wearing slippers, we had left the house in such a rush.
“How is she? And the baby?” I asked, moving closer as he exhaled heavily.
“The labor has started,” he breathed, but there was no joy in his voice.
“There’s a problem, isn’t there?” I asked, my voice trembling as my hand tightened around Sasha’s, who stood beside me.
My brother-in-law let out a long breath, closing his eyes before walking to the chairs and sitting down, elbows resting on his knees.
“She… she had a cervical tear,” he explained, swallowing hard, his fists clenching.
“From Rafael’s birth. One that Antonio caused when he…
” he didn’t finish. His head fell forward as he sniffed, and I felt my heart shatter.
I released Sasha’s hand and knelt beside Nikolai, placing my hands on his forearm, tilting my head to look at him.
His tear-filled eyes met mine, calling forth my own.
“The gynecologist warned us it could complicate a vaginal delivery, but… but it’s not progressing.
Her cervix isn’t dilating,” he sighed. “They’re going to do a C-section”.
I pressed my lips together and nodded softly, “okay. She’ll be fine,” I whispered, rubbing his arm but he shook his head, a tear falling between his feet on the floor and my heart shattered.
“What if she hemorrhages? What if something happens to my daughter?” he asked, burying his face in his hands.
“No, everything will be fine, Nikolai. Selina is strong and my niece is even stronger,” I tried to reassure him as Sasha placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.
“This is all my fault. I should have protected her better. Maybe with less stress…” “No,” I cut him off, standing up and wiping my tears.
“Only madmen torment themselves like this. This has nothing to do with you.” He lifted his dark gaze toward me.
“Yes, it does. It’s our fault,” he shot back.
“We failed. We didn’t protect the family,” my eyes drifted to Sasha, and I saw guilt burning in his gaze as I shook my head.
“No…” “Sienna?” a nurse suddenly called, opening the door to the examination room.
“Yes?” I replied as Nikolai stood up anxiously.
“Your sister wants to see you,” she informed me with a gentle smile.
I nodded, wiping my cheeks before following her, casting one last look at the two men as guilt and despair gnawed at them.
The nurse closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with my sister.
She looked at me with a faint smile from the bed where she lay, “Selina,” I breathed, rushing to her side, I took her hand and leaned down to kiss her forehead, stroking her hair.
“How do you feel?” I asked as she looked at me, exhausted, “I’m fine.
The painkillers are working. I don’t feel much, really,” she replied, her hand caressing her belly and I nodded, relieved that her pain was eased.
“How is Elif?” she asked, worry and guilt flickering in her eyes and my jaw tightened.
“The surgery went well, but the doctors said the night will be critical. They’re monitoring her,” I answered, placing my hand over hers on her belly.
“She’ll be fine. And you will too. And my niece as well,” I added firmly, trying to convince both her and myself.
She nodded softly, though fear and doubt still shone in her gaze.
“Come,” she invited, patting the bed and I lay down beside her after removing the sneakers Sasha had put on my feet, careful of her belly, turning onto my side to face her.
“Do you remember when we used to sleep together with mamma and papa during winter, when it was too cold?” she asked suddenly and I smiled as memories flooded back, our parents and us in our small countryside house in Italy, all sleeping in the same bed to keep warm when we couldn’t heat the house.
No money, no wealth, just happiness. “Yes,” I smiled, “papa made us hot chocolate every night” she smiled, her eyes shining, “yes. The best I’ve ever tasted.
” I nodded. She was right, papa had a special recipe.
“I have no doubt you’ll warm my children’s hearts if they’re ever cold,” she continued and I froze, my gaze fixed on her profile, “Selina…” “I’m selfish, Sienna.
I have no right to ask you for anything but I’m going to,” she whispered, turning toward me and taking my hand, placing it directly on her belly.
“If something happens to me, if I don’t come back from this surgery, be a good mother to my children, Sienna,” she breathed, and my heart stopped, I shook my head, standing abruptly and pulling my hand away.
“No. Nothing is going to happen to you, Selina. You…you’re coming back,” I said, my voice trembling as she straightened, her eyes shining.
“I’m just a kid too! You’re the mother!” I snapped as tears welled up.
My sister couldn’t die. Not after eight years of suffering. Not when she had just found happiness. No. “Sienna,” she whispered, cupping my face in her hands, “I’m sorry, my sister. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed in Italian and my lips trembled.
“But there’s no one else I trust. Without Elif and me…
” she stopped, shaking her head, and I closed my eyes, understanding her fear.
But I wasn’t a mother. I didn’t know how to be one, and I wouldn’t have to.
My sister was going to survive. Elif too.
“You’re coming back, Selina,” I said, gripping her shoulders and she stared at me, startled by my vehemence.
“You didn’t survive eight years with that bastard just to let him win now that he’s six feet under,” I snapped, more determined than ever.
“I’m warning you, if you don’t come back, I’ll take your kids to a mine and make them work until they dig their way to the center of the earth,” I threatened and she laughed through her tears.
“I’ll fight, Sienna. Of course I’ll fight,” she said, grabbing my wrists, “I’ll come back.
I’ll raise my daughter and my sons with Nikolai.
I will.” She guided my hands back to her belly.
“But if fate decides otherwise, if I don’t make it, promise me,” she pleaded, removing her necklace, our mother’s pendant and placing it around my neck.
The pendant I had clung to all these years to survive.
I closed my eyes, swallowing my sob. My sister was giving me her last wish, yes, it hurt.
Terribly. I finally nodded, my throat tight, “I promise. I’ll do everything in my power to be a good…
aunt,” I said, leaning closer, locking eyes with her, so similar to mine, yet so different.
“Because no matter what happens, you’ll always be their mother, Selina” she sniffed and nodded, visible relief washing over her, “thank you…” but I caught her jaw, holding her gaze.
“And fate can go fuck itself. You’re walking out of that operating room with your daughter in your arms, Selina. ”