Chapter 14 #3
I gently closed the door behind me as Nikolai stood up when he saw me step out.
“How is she?” he asked and I smiled, placing my hand on his arm.
“She’s fine. She wants to sleep with you,” I told him and he thanked me before heading toward the room.
“Where is Sasha?” I asked, and he informed me that he had gone out to get some air.
I decided to join him, heading toward the private hospital’s back courtyard.
I lifted my face toward the sky as the cool night air brushed against my skin.
I was wearing a simple white T-shirt and jeans I had thrown on in a hurry after coming back from the restaurant to help Selina shower.
My phone suddenly vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans, “Kenji,” I murmured, leaning against the wall beside the entrance.
“How are they?” he asked, and I could hear Ganesh’s and Ashwin’s voices behind him.
“Not well,” I admitted, resting my head against the wall, my eyes on the leaves of the tree in front of me.
“We’re coming,” he said, and I heard a door open but I stopped him.
“No, Kenji. There’s no need,” I murmured, rubbing my forehead, I knew that sooner or later Ganesh and the Ivanovs would end up face to face, but now was not the right moment.
It wasn’t the time for anything at all. “What do you mean, no need?!” Anjali suddenly exclaimed on the other end of the line, and I pulled the phone away with a grimace.
“Jali…” I sighed, but she cut me off again.
“No, don’t ‘Jali’ me! We’re not going to let you go through this alone, Sienna,” she said, her voice softening.
“We’re a family. Your family.” I closed my eyes, the feeling of belonging warming my heart.
“Of course we’re a family,” I breathed, straightening up.
“But there’s nothing to do right now. My sister is going into surgery, and Elif is under observation.
Everything will be decided tomorrow.” “And so what? We want to be close to you until everything settles,” she replied, and I could hear her pouting through the phone.
“Anjali, that’s enough,” Ganesh’s voice echoed behind her before he took the phone to speak to me.
“How do you feel, Chhori?” he asked and I let out a trembling sigh as I walked down the path leading to the small park.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, wrapping one arm around my stomach.
“There’s a high risk with my sister’s surgery tomorrow, and Elif lost a lot of blood.
One of the bullets hit her spleen,” I explained heavily.
“The doctors said her body remains weak, that the night will be decisive.”
“I see,” Ganesh replied, and I heard his cane strike the ground. “Everything will work out, Chhori. I don’t doubt it. And Anjali is right, we are a family. But we will respect your wishes.”
“Thank you, Ganesh,” I said, my eyes stopping on Sasha’s silhouette sitting on a bench in the distance.
His shoulders were hunched, his gaze fixed on the ground, as if he were carrying the weight of the entire world on his back.
My jaw tightened as the flames of my anger slowly reignited, “Ganesh,” I said darkly, clenching my fist, “I want to know who attacked us in front of the restaurant. If it’s connected to Alia Rasili, then it’s connected to me,” I declared, starting to walk toward Sasha.
“And I want to know exactly where she is. I’m going to kill that bitch.
” Ganesh informed me that he would begin the search immediately before handing the phone back to my Shadow.
“Call Esme. Maybe one of the girls has heard something about that slut,” I asked, now only a few meters from the Russian.
“I’ll take care of it, and I’ll be there tomorrow,” he added before hanging up, not even giving me time to reply.
He was giving me one night, that alone was a major effort considering his personality.
I frowned as Sasha unscrewed the cap of a bottle, took a few sips, then closed it only to reopen and shut it again and again, growling under his breath.
I winced as I slipped my phone back into my pocket and sat down beside Sasha.
I snatched the bottle from his hands as he avoided looking at me.
I closed it tightly and set it down on the floor.
I saw his eyes follow it, his fists clenched, holding himself back from grabbing it again, “it’s sealed tight, I promise,” I whispered.
He didn’t react, his empty gaze fixed on the ground, lost. I closed my eyes and took a slow breath before staring straight ahead.
“Your brother is stressed. Don’t pay attention to what he says,” I said, folding my hands on my thighs.
“Nyet. He’s right,” (no) Sasha murmured, in a way that was so…
not him. “Nyet!” I snapped back, turning toward him, at my limit.
“Your idiot brother is blinded by fear and talking bullshit,” I growled, fixing his profile, “you’re not Terminator or the Avengers, for fuck’s sake” my anger kept rising but I froze when he lifted his reddened eyes to me.
“You don’t understand,” he breathed, his gaze locked with mine, “I shouldn’t have, Sienna.
I shouldn’t have taken that weapon.” And he was right, I didn’t understand, what weapon?
“Sasha…” I started, but he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face.
“My mother,” he whispered, and I froze. His mother?
Elena Ivanov? She had died when Sasha was just a child, during a charity event.
I had heard she had succumbed after seven stab wounds to the back, but not before putting a bullet through her attacker’s skull.
“My mother died because of me, Sienna,” he said, straightening and lifting his face toward the sky, his eyes shining and my heart shattered when I saw the frightened, guilt-ridden little boy behind the man, the child crushed under a weight far too heavy and painful.
“Sasha,” I whispered, sliding my hand against his cheek, forcing him to look at me as I tried to understand.
“Because of me,” he repeated, his jaw tightening.
“If I had listened to her, if I had stayed hidden, she might have survived. But I decided to grab that fucking weapon to prove I was strong, that I was big, that I could help her.”
He let out a bitter laugh, hatred dripping from his voice, and I shook my head.
God, his mother had died in front of him, stabbed seven times in the back.
“I forgot to take the safety off, Sienna. I forgot to take off the fucking safety, the basics!” he spat, his gaze blazing with pure rage, at himself, at that little boy, at little Sasha whose mother had perished before his eyes when he was only eight years old.
“It should have been me. I should have died. I was the one she was going to stab, but my mother… she stepped between us.” His voice thundered as the leaves above our heads danced in the wind.
“You were just a child, Sasha,” I murmured, cupping his hard jaw with my thumbs. “A little boy who wanted to help his mother.” But he shook his head, eyes closing, and my lips pressed together as I stayed there with him, refusing to let him carry that weight alone.
“I’m the same idiot I was twenty years ago, still incapable of protecting the people I love,” he mocked himself, shaking his head and my teeth clenched.
Suddenly, I climbed onto the bench, dropping to my knees.
One of my hands wrapped around his jaw while the other tangled in his hair, forcing him to lift his face.
I leaned over him, his eyes wide as they met mine.
“Listen to me carefully, Sasha Ivanov, because I won’t repeat this a second time and next time, I’ll choose far less civilized ways to make my words sink into your fucking skull,” I hissed through clenched teeth.
“If you dare insult that eight-year-old boy again, if you dare belittle yourself the way you just did, if you dare torture yourself like this one more time, I swear on everything I hold dear that I will not forgive you” I was breathless, tears rising once again.
“I won’t let you hurt yourself,” I choked, my vision blurring.
“I won’t let you do this,” I repeated as one of my tears landed on his cheekbone, my body trembling.
That kind of guilt could kill, I knew it all too well.
How many times had I thought about death?
How many times had I ended with a gun pressed to my temple?
How many times had I stared at razors in the institute’s bathrooms and at the club? Hundreds. Thousands.
I refused to let him sink the way I had. I refused to let him fail the way I had. I had nothing left to lose, no future, but he did. With his brothers, his nephews, his future wife and children. I would not let him destroy himself.
Suddenly, one of his hands grabbed the back of my neck, his arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me against him.
His lips crashed into mine, swallowing my startled gasp as his tongue met mine.
My hands slid to his neck, my nails digging into his skin, making him groan as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side.
I closed my eyes, tears sliding down my cheeks, my heart aching for him.
He gently bit my lower lip, drawing another moan from me before pulling back.
I kept my eyes closed, trying to catch the breath he had stolen from me, trying to steady myself.
His thumb brushed over the lip he had bitten, his mouth placing soft kisses against my cheeks, against my tears, until I slowly calmed.