Twelve
TWELVE
T here was not a single dry eye on the beach when Tori Bonifacio swore to love and cherish Alex Suarez for the rest of their lives. It was a marriage of two powerfully independent women, who just wanted to be together. Who wanted to celebrate that they were together, and have all of their family and friends witness it. Tori’s “my heart knew yours the moment we met,” was matched by Alex’s “you’re my dream girl,” and the rest of the ceremony was a blur of more happy tears and laughter.
Jay had to admit that even he shed a little tear (okay fine, he fully wept, but it wasn’t just him!). Talking about destiny and the magic of love was usually overrated. But hearing about magic and destiny from a queer couple made him feel extra fuzzy and warm, mostly because to a lot of people, they weren’t allowed to have magic and destiny.
To be honest, Jay loved a wedding, almost as much as Mara, maybe. But something in the back of his mind always made it feel bittersweet, like knowing that the bride would be moving away from the family she was close to. Like knowing that as happy as Tori and Alex were, their best option to get any kind of legal recognition was to move to Quezon City (where neither of them worked) and get a legal document that basically allowed them to make medical decisions for each other, in Quezon City.
Weddings were commitments to the sweet and the bitter, he supposed. But it was easy to forget the bitter when there were flowers, when there was a beach, when there were people cheering you on.
“Stop frowning,” Scott said beside him, as the wedding party gathered by the beach for pictures. It was golden hour once again. How the hell did time move so fast on the island? “You’re distracting the camera with your face.”
“Oh, what is that I’m hearing? Do I hear the sounds of Scott Sabio admitting someone is more handsome than him?” Tori asked from the front of the posed group, the sparkling sun making her seem like she was glowing. Or maybe it was just what happiness looked like on her.
“Only when he’s brooding,” Scott clarified. “Look at him!”
And so Jay was granted the honor of the entire Bonifacio-Suarez wedding party turning to study his face. Which immediately made him flash his most charming smile and give them a little wave. Jay was not a brooder. Not at all.
“I don’t know,” Ava mused as she leaned her head back against Scott’s chest. “I think if anyone looks good while brooding—”
“Aw, thank you for the vote of confidence, babe,” Scott cooed, kissing the top of her head—only to make a face because what he tasted was all hair spray.
“Well, actually I was going to say it was Mon.” Ava indicated their much taller, larger friend whose naturally neutral face gave way to the possibility that he was the more handsome brooder. But because he was in a good mood, Mon instead made a stellar display of his adorable dimples, while his girlfriend Olivia Angeles told him to smile and keep looking cute.
But Ava’s declaration had its immediate effect, and it sent the rest of the wedding party into a flurry of circular arguments, ungkatan ng past and lightly sprinkled insults that Jay had learned was common in big groups like this.
Oddly enough, after the photographer yelled, “Okay, candid!” all of them looked absolutely fake as they opened their mouths pretending to laugh. It was fun, though, he had to admit, and it got him totally distracted.
“Hey, did your job ever get back to you about relocating?” Scott said suddenly. “I have a couple of friends who could help you find a place, something closer to Wan Chai.”
“I’m negotiating the relocation package,” Jay explained, recalling the video call he had just before they left for the airport. “They weren’t too excited when I asked for a higher raise to move to a more expensive country, since I’m essentially doing the same job.”
Scott winced. “That’s going to be rough. But whatever you decide, let us know, ha?”
“Scott, I already told you, an annual pass to Disneyland is nontransferable, and I haven’t renewed mine since I moved back here.”
“I know that!” Scott frowned at him, and it was hard not to see the belligerent high school kid that Jay had known. “But what about your emotional feelings journey with Mara?”
“Who put you up to asking me about Mara?” Now it was Jay’s turn to pout.
“Mo—me,” Scott said, after throwing a sideways glance at Mon, which revealed that the man was doing a terrible job at pretending he wasn’t eavesdropping. “It was all me. We just think you guys are cute together. We saw you hanging out at the wedding.”
“I thought you both thought she was scary,” Jay argued.
“ You thought she was scary,” Scott reminded him, shaking his head. “But that’s a standard part of the trope.” At Jay’s confusion, Scott shrugged. “Like I said, ‘here na me, you not yet.’ I get it.”
“I don’t know.” Jay’s shoulders sagged. “I still don’t feel like I can give her what she wants.”
“You think any of us do?” Scott chuckled, shaking his head as Jay watched his friends wrapped up in their significant others. “Feeling you can or can’t do something is different from knowing you can. Or realizing that making someone else happy is never going to be easy. But you let yourself try anyway.”
“I did try, remember,” he said, kicking the sand a little and pouting. “I tried and I was left being celebrity chika for being a good luck charm.”
“And look how many people you’ve made happy since then,” Scott reminded him, nudging his head to where Alex and Tori were whispering and giggling at each other. Tori was shaking her head as Alex kissed her new wife’s knuckles. “You could be so good at loving Mara if you let yourself. But to love is to be brave, Jay. And I know you’re such a cutie-pie that you get scared of ocean seaweed—”
“I thought it was a snake , okay!”
“But you’re no coward,” Scott said, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder.
* * * * *
After the photos, they all headed back to the reception area to grab a few drinks before dinner.
It was too late for merienda, but too early for dinner, which Jay had recalled was a major dilemma when planning the wedding. The solution had come in the form of mini Jamaican patties from a stall in D’Mall, and pairing that with the resort’s afternoon iced teas and their famous mojito slush. Given the atmosphere, Jay quickly realized it was as good a solution as any.
He was about to make his way to the Jamaican patties—he’d heard good things about the cheesy beef flavor—when he spotted Mara talking to someone. Someone tall, with hair that flopped in a Korean-drama-hot-guy way, wearing a beige linen suit, a silver bracelet and fancy but laid-back leather loafers. They were both laughing at something, in that way people did when they were being polite but enjoying themselves. Jay could tell—whoever tall guy was, he was checking Mara out, keeping his eyes on her whenever she turned away from him.
Meanwhile Mara’s cheeks were flushed, like she was either hot from the blazing sun or…blushing. She laughed heartily, but she always laughed in conversation. The guy’s hand was resting on the table, near where she was leaning her elbow.
Maybe they were touching?
“Jay,” Mara said brightly, her cheeks pink from the heat as she smiled at him. It made Jay’s heart do a little flip, but he ignored that. “Here he is, the best man himself. Are you off duty?”
“Not quite yet, but I think we’ll make it through.” He chuckled, putting on his charm armor. He plucked out the orchid from his boutonniere and held it up to Mara for a second before reaching to tuck it behind her ear. If his fingers tingled, if his heart skipped a beat in his chest, nobody else had to know. But the surprise on her face was clear.
Jay put his sunglasses back on and smiled to the new person. He was very tall. Much taller than Jay, and more broad in the chest. But his smile was polite and easy, the kind of guy who knew how to meet people.
“This is Perry,” Mara said, introducing them. “He and David know each other, and apparently he’s Tori’s new boss at Fox Gallery.”
“Unlucky for her,” Perry (Perry? Seriously?) said sheepishly. “I love Tori’s vision, though. We were just talking about what we could do that was a little more interactive, but still a kind of piece people didn’t need a whole context for to appreciate.”
“I’ve always thought modern art was confusing. I’m an easy guy. I like when something is big and shiny. It makes my heart race in a weird way.”
“Just like a Girls’ Generation song.” Beside him, Mara chortled. Perry was excellent at hiding his confusion, but Jay laughed along.
“Modern art is what you make of it. Doesn’t have to be that deep.” Perry shrugged. “Honestly, my favorite piece is this portrait I had commissioned of my dog, Rita.” He was sheepish as he held up his phone screen, showing a frankly excellent painting of a happy looking golden retriever. “But I was just actually asking Mara if I could commission her for a floral piece for the next exhibition.”
The red hue on Mara’s cheeks deepened, and Jay didn’t have to be a part of the flower industry to know that she was being offered something big. Tori had told him about her work at Fox Gallery in Salcedo—how it was a job she held on to by her fingernails because rare was the gallery that could tread the line between the rich people’s favorite while also feeling welcome to all. Apparently Perry’s family really saw Philippine art as their pet cause, and it showed in their current success.
“That sounds amazing,” Jay enthused, turning to Mara. He had no idea what Wildflower needed or did as a business, but given her work that he’d seen so far, the way she made Alex’s eyes widen at the thought behind her bouquet, and the thought she gave behind her sister’s flowers… Mara knew more about the meaning to flowers than any book. “Did you say yes?”
“I’m still trying to work my magic on her.” Perry smiled. It was a slow, gentle smile, and Jay understood why his eyes were only for Mara. “But that neck piece you made for Alex is exquisite.”
The three of them turned to look at Alex, who was talking with a group of people while Tori had a hand resting on the small of her back, skin-to-skin contact thanks to a very convenient backless top. Mara had made Alex a little necklace at the last minute, a few carnations and a rose on a long, pale blue leather cord. It softened Alex’s usual stern expression, like the flowers were deep feelings for Tori that she couldn’t keep hidden.
“I’m still thinking about it,” Mara admitted. She was gorgeous in the golden sun, and he wondered vaguely how many more times he would get to see Mara like that. He’d hoped there were more. “I’ve got—” she glanced at Jay “—a few things on my plate I’m still trying to handle.”
Jay wanted to tell her to just go for it, that their arrangement surely had nothing to do with her work.
“Something we should probably discuss over dinner sometime?” Perry asked. “I would love to discuss a future together with you, among other things. I think you would love 06/13. Best tasting menu in Manila.”
And then, it happened.
She hiccuped . Once. Twice.
It seemed to catch her by surprise, and clearly the guy thought it was fucking adorable, and—Jay’s stomach twisted. He knew that feeling. He had it whenever he was anxious or when he ordered mala noodles one level of spice higher than his usual.
From the look of utter shock on her face, Mara didn’t miss Perry’s very thinly veiled question. He was asking her out on a date to the restaurant with the most chic tasting menu available in Manila. With that single sentence, he promised a nice evening where they would discuss flowers and art. Then he would tell her all the ways she was wonderful, make her feel beautiful and desired, and that would lead to more dates, more getting to know each other, to falling in love, and—well.
This was what he’d kissed her for, yes? This was what Jay wanted for her.
As he remained a bystander in what was likely the first time someone asked Mara out to a date, a darker, quieter thought emerged. She can’t fall in love with him. I was falling for her first.
Jay refused to entertain the thought now. He didn’t want to let it fester and grow, or turn into something bitter and ugly. But he also knew that he didn’t want to hear her answer. Not even a little bit.
“I…think my sister needs me,” he lied, taking Mara’s empty glass and handing her his untouched drink. Then he took off before either Mara or Perry could say anything because he was, what, friends? Jealous? A coward? All of the above? Correct.
“I see you guys have met Perry,” Alex said, coming up to them with a sweating glass of iced tea in one hand and a Jamaican patty in the other. What a vibe. “You know Tori fell for him so hard she almost married him, but I asked her first.”
“What?”
“That was a joke, Jay. My wife’s a lesbian. Are you okay?” Alex actually looked concerned. “I thought you said yesterday that you and Mara weren’t dating.”
“We’re not,” he said, but then his stomach did that other weird thing it did whenever he lied. The one where it was like someone thrust a hand into it and squeezed. No wonder he’d never been known for being a good liar. “We’re not dating, we’re…” Learning how to fuck each other? “Not dating.”
“O-kay,” Alex said doubtfully. “So you don’t mind if Tori and I set them up? We were just talking about it last night, that they would actually be good together. I mean, they look cute diba, with the height difference and all.”
Jay made a funny sound from his throat, like a teeny, tiny frog had leaped out of it suddenly. This Perry guy was so tall he had to lean in to Mara to listen to her talk, but he didn’t seem to mind, and Jay wanted to stop them.
But he reminded himself that this was what Mara wanted, wasn’t it? To find someone, learn how to flirt, be better at asking for what she wanted. Which, he supposed, could lead to something like this, which was a good thing, right? One did not simply become a grade school valedictorian without being able to pick up on a lesson quick.
“He’s exactly the kind of guy she should get after a kiss from me,” Jay said, his gaze unfocused.
“You don’t mind?”
“Why would I mind?” he asked the currently spinning universe in general.
“Yeah. Why nga,” Alex repeated, and Jay knew his friend was trying to bait him. But his pride and…prejudice? No. Whatever, his inner self was only just a little bit Perry—goddamn it— petty , and refused to own up to what he was currently feeling.
He did, however, hear the hosts for the reception call the wedding party to the stage. It distracted him, but not enough that he missed Perry leaning in to kiss Mara—only for the display to be blocked from his sight because a group of, like, five people clustered together in front of them to take a selfie with the back camera of the phone! Youths!
“Huh,” Alex mused beside him. “I wonder where he kissed her. Sa lips? Sa cheek? Or sa neck?”
“Set them up! It’s fine,” he said to Alex, kissing her on the cheek, ignoring the way she was totally taken aback as he jogged up to where the wedding party was gathering.
“Jay!” Alex exclaimed, following after him again. “Jaysohn Montinola, do not make me run in this dress!”
Jay stopped, hands in fists on his sides as he turned slowly to face Alex, who crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. She wasn’t wearing a dress at all, but instead had chosen a comfortable-looking halter neck top in white and soft, flowy pants. The flowers on her neck really were lovely.
“You’re wearing pants,” he said, coming out of his daze, and he kind of felt like he could see straight again. Ironic.
“Yeah, I am,” Alex said, looping an arm around his. “I just wanted to catch up to you and tell you that you’re being an idiot.”
“Well, by all accounts, I’m never not an idiot, so you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“Why are you threatened by Perry?” Alex asked, hands on her hips.
“I’m not threatened by him.” Jay shook his head. “He sees exactly what I see when I look at Mara. Someone creative and funny, someone who you want to be in your corner because she will make you feel like the best person in the world. Someone beautiful and gorgeous and shy, but wants to love you as much as you want to love them.” The words tumbled out of him. He’d been holding on to them for the longest time, and it felt like he was pulling out an extra limb for Alex’s examination.
“That’s…that’s beautiful.” Alex blinked at him in surprise. “But you make it sound like a bad thing.”
“I just…” Jay was pacing in front of his friend now, on her wedding day, making her focus on his problems. He hated it. He hated himself for making Alex confront him because he was being petty and jealous. “I kissed Mara the first day I met her. Because she wanted true love, and I told her I couldn’t give it to her.”
“Why not?” Alex asked, confused. “You’re the most loveable person I’ve ever met. You shine on everything you touch.”
“I… That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Jay told her, his shoulders slumped, and Alex rolled her eyes.
“Please, Jay, I’m a married woman.” She scoffed, but it was clear that she found saying that out loud really nice, and Jay was happy for her, so much so that he started to ask her more about how it felt to be committed to Tori. But before he could, Alex already hit his arm with the back of her hand. “Focus. So you think Perry is Mara’s true love?”
“I mean, he could be,” Jay exclaimed, looking back at the two of them. Yeah, they were on their second drinks, still laughing at whatever the heck a guy with an art gallery and a floral designer had in common. “You’re right, they do look good together.”
That was the part that was stressing him out.
“So make a choice.” Alex said it so firmly, like the solution was obvious. “Either step aside or fight back. Have some backbone, Montinola.”
As it happened, there was little time to go up to Mara and show he had a backbone, because there was one last thing requested of him as a best man. One thing that he agreed to because Alex told him he didn’t need to make a speech…if he did this.
Jay had always been better at talking with his body than his mouth anyway.
“Dude.” Mon winced, shaking his head.
“What?” Jay asked, having no idea why Mon was laughing.
“You seem…” Scott started, but seemed to wisely choose not to say anything as he, Mon, Jay and a couple of other members of the wedding party—including Tori’s twenty-year-old brother Jake, who had the cutest little baby eyes but could outdance them all—took their positions at the back of the venue.
“Excited?” Because like the queens on Drag Race , a fire had been lit under his ass, and he was determined to show off what a fine ass it was.
“Not the word I would use,” Mon said, wiping his brow. The man in question had performed on stages bigger than this, had literally been to red carpets viewed by way more people. He’d just married the couple less than an hour ago with an introduction that started the collective waterworks on the beach. Surely he wasn’t nervous. “I’m sweating through my shirt.”
“I was just supposed to be a wedding guest,” Teddy Mertola piped up from behind Mon, absolutely pouting. He wasn’t thrilled, but the guy had attended every practice session, asked Jay about the choreography after each session and picked it up much faster than Mon and Scott.
“At least we got our flights free.” Van, an artist known more famously for his work than his dance moves, slung an arm around his boyfriend, Min. He knew Tori from the gallery, and Jay was willing to bet that a flight to Boracay wasn’t a big blow to his bank account. “And it’s a one night only thing.”
The idea to form a one night, one performance only boyband had been Tori’s, a wish fulfillment thing she had in her head. She also knew that the only time she had enough power to exert such an ask on these hapless guys was on her wedding day, and had been very vocal about making her one day unforgettable.
One day. Today.
What had started as the seven of them grumbling about what they were willing to do to secure Tori Bonifacio’s love resulted in everyone committing and doing a pretty decent job, at least by Jay’s standards.
Mara would not know what hit her.
The crowd’s enthusiastic cheers got them moving into position. Tori and Alex were sitting at the center, with Ate Irene holding up her phone camera behind them and Mara sitting with Luna close by. Jay grinned and made eye contact in a way to make Mara absolutely sure he was doing it for her, and the music began.
They chose a pop song that took inspiration from Michael Jackson, with the kind of sexy choreography that was still appropriate to the crowd. It was pretty cheesy, and a far cry from what he used to do when he was younger, but Jay still loved to dance. He could feel it in his body, the way it strained and stretched, that this was right. This was good.
But more importantly, he wanted Mara to know that he was dancing with only her in the audience—at least in his head. When Tori’s brother was lip-syncing (quite excellently—where the hell did this kid come from?) his solo, and Jay stood to the side, he turned around and made sure to give Mara a little wink, and a “hey.”
The way her jaw dropped open was going to count as one of the biggest wins he’d ever achieved. Much to his credit, her jaw was absolutely on the ground by the time they made it to the dance break, and he was absolutely feeling himself at that point. The movement was freeing, and it really did do an ego good, to know that someone had their eyes on you when you knew the moves. God, he really did miss dancing.
When the song ended and the seven of them hit their last pose with heavy breathing, the entire crowd had gone crazy, especially Tori, who stood up and hopped over to them declaring this was the best wedding she’d ever attended. Jay joined the guys in giving her a slightly sweaty group hug made up of delirious laughter and a promise never to do this again (their greatness had to be contained, Scott said). They dispersed from the stage, and Jay walked toward his family to applause, with Luna imitating his moves and begging Nong to teach her. Mara handed him his camera.
“I think we should let Nong catch his breath first,” Ate Irene said, reaching out for her daughter. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s get some Cocomo.”
Jay waved them off. But as soon as he did, he turned to Mara and crossed one leg over the other. He leaned against her and took a selfie of them. Mara crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at the camera.
“Keep doing that and your eyes will stay like that,” he joked, but Mara pretended to ignore him. He decided on a different approach.
“What did you think?” He casually put his arm on the back of her chair, leaning in a little. Thank god he had extra clothes on hand. He took a deep sip of his water while Mara was just staring at him, her eyes dark. He saw her throat work as if she’d swallowed a lump in it. She was absolutely staring at his panting mouth, his collarbone. Jay felt himself shiver from the want in her gaze. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she agreed, and Jay felt that her hand on his thigh was reward enough, mostly because Mara was that bold with how he made her feel. “That was sexy. Like…really sexy. You’re very bendy.”
“That’s something.” Jay laughed, feeling his heart patter at Mara’s slight squirming. Her cheeks were flushed, and he could tell there was a question she wanted to ask him. Every part of Jay’s soul told him that whatever it was, he was going to say yes.
“Jay,” she said carefully. “Can we advance my education tonight?”
“Your education? In what subject?”
“Mechanical physics? Aerodynamics?” At his confusion, she sighed and finally said, “Blowing.”
OH. Neurons and pathways in Jay’s brain lit up like Las Vegas lights, flashing and spinning. If this was what it was like to fight for what you wanted, he definitely didn’t mind rushing the battlefield. He grinned. Mission achieved.
“Whatever you want,” he said, leaning in just close enough that the tip of his nose grazed hers, that his hot breath was on her skin. “Whatever you’re ready for.”
She squeezed his thigh, and Jay had to regulate his breathing even more just to make sure he didn’t pop a boner in the middle of a wedding reception. Which probably wouldn’t be the first time, but linen pants, dude.
Because the universe hated him, and because they truly wanted to live up to their name of being the banes of his existence, Alex and Tori turned in their seats to face them, knowing looks on their faces.
“What is all this whispering?” Tori teased, which made Mara snort. “Are we witnessing a miracle?”
“More than the miracle of two people finding each other in marriage and love?” Mara asked, which only made Tori giggle and whisper something in Alex’s ear.
“They’re not dating, they said,” Alex said playfully. “Not dating, my pancake ass.”
She took her wife’s hand and led her to the dance floor, missing Mara calling, “Alex, I’ve always thought your ass was lovely!” behind her.
* * *
Mara had only seen moments like this happening to other people. She’d always thought it was so romantic when a couple snuck out of a party because they were so wrapped up in each other.
Well, she found out this evening. The rush of sneaking out, leaving behind the revelry and happiness of people to have more of her own. Whispering things like, “You’re so beautiful,” “Are you going to make me come tonight?” “Can you feel how much I want you?” into ears. Giggling because they were so lost in each other. Feeling drunk without taking a sip of alcohol. Being unable to keep her hands off of Jay’s hips, because something inside her woke up at the press of his erection against your thighs.
The couples who did this in movies, books, TV, always looked so happy and carefree. Like there was nothing in the world more important than this. Slipping away to kiss someone you found irresistible.
“Mauve is really your color.” Mara wiped the transferred lipstick off of the corner of his mouth with her thumb. Jay grinned and gently took her wrist to move her fingers over his lips. With a hum, he kissed the pad of her middle finger before he slid the finger between his lips, sucking gently.
“My sister always did say I was a winter deep.” He grinned as if he hadn’t almost made Mara come in her panties there and then.
They made it to the glass doors that led to his villa, finally tucked away from everyone else. Their shoes remained just outside the door as Jay unlocked it. He placed his phone, keys and camera on the side table.
Mara stepped out of the hot, humid summer night to the cool stillness of the bedroom. The cold blast of air did nothing to cool her skin, especially not when Jay stood behind her and crept his hand over her stomach and up her breasts. Mara gasped at his touch, her body arching into the hands that barely contained her. Jay’s hips pressed against her back, and her lower body clenched, aching for more.
“What did you want to do again?” he asked, flicking his fingers at the crest of her breasts until Mara realized what he was looking for. She gently guided his fingers to where her nipples were peaking under her dress, under the scrap of cloth she was using as a bra tonight. “Tell me.”
“You know you’re spoiling me for anyone else,” Mara pointed out, experimenting with grinding against Jay’s front. The sound that resulted made her think that her instinct had been correct. “I’ve been told it’s not like this for everyone. With everyone.”
“Dapat lang.” She thought she heard him say more, but it was kind of hard to focus when all she wanted was to put her hands down her underwear and touch herself until she came.
“I think it’s about learning what will make the other person feel spoiled,” Jay said as Mara sat on the edge of the king-size bed, her feet hanging off of the side.
He turned to close the glass doors, then the curtains over it. Mara watched as he turned on the tall lamp in the corner, filling the room with the kind of soft, romantic lighting that made her think of declarations of love, of swearing to be with someone. This was a place where she could scream in all the pleasure in the world without caring who would hear. A place where she could allow herself to just…be herself. “And anyone who finds you as sexy as I do will want to make that effort.”
“So it’s about effort,” she noted with a determined nod.
He took off his blazer and left it folded over the arm of the lounge chair. Jay chuckled as he undid the cuffs of his sleeves. Two more buttons of his shirt.
“Desire and effort.” Jay took off his belt with quick movements. Mara felt a lump in her throat and swallowed thickly as she observed him. There was no mistaking what the bulge in his pants was. And she supposed that was a literal manifestation of effort. “It’s caring about another person’s pleasure. And I guarantee I’m not the only one who will want you, Mara.”
But you’re the only one I want , she almost said out loud, but kept it to herself, settling herself on the top of the bed, her skirt somewhere around her waist as he sauntered to her. The desire in his eyes was unmistakable. This was a man determined to find out what made her feel good.
She supposed it was vulnerable, too, exposing himself to her like this. To have the evidence of his desire so present, and nothing he could do could hide it. And she knew how to repay it.
“Ditto,” she said. Trying to go for casual. But maybe she sounded a little nervous as she sat up, took her dress up and over her head, tossing the swath of blue fabric to the side, leaving her in a tube bra that wasn’t doing much by way of support or coverage and a pair of panties.
From where she was sitting, she could see the curve of her stomach; he probably couldn’t tell her the color of her panties. These were things she was taught to resent about herself, to hide away and cover up. But she wanted Jay to have this, to know this part of her as much as she did.
“Mara.” If the hunger in his voice wasn’t enough to send a thrill down her spine, the way he gazed at her was. Like she was a woman worth his worship. “What the hell does a Pokémon have to do with any of this.”
That sent her into a fit of giggles so hard she needed to lie back on the pillows and turn away from him. What a way to relieve the tension.
“Hey!” Jay pretended to sound wounded as he hopped on the bed, making her body bounce. And very suddenly she was caged in his arms, his legs, his straining cock. “I thought we were doing… What did you say?”
“Mechanical physics?” Mara asked, her laughter dying down a bit. “With a bit of tongue technology?”
“We can absolutely do that.” Jay nodded, his fingers already skimming the band of her underwear.
She opened her legs for him, inviting him to touch her there. His hand was warm, the fingers rough and now familiar to her. Mara gasped and arched into the sensation, feeling his cock stir somewhere along her leg. Jay’s mouth pressed hot kisses on the exposed parts of her cleavage, moving down to her stomach. He looped a finger under the side of her panty. “May I?”
Mara could only nod, her body shivering as he slowly slid her underwear off, and she shuddered. Jay placed a hand on her arm, making her look up at him with hooded eyes.
“You okay?” he asked. Mara nodded and sat up to kiss him, reassuring him that she was fine, that she wanted this. Her, the girl who always followed the rules, who never had a hair wrong, who did what she was told. It made her feel beautiful and desired; it made her want him even more.
“My vagina is cold.” She snickered, because it was the only way she could describe the sensation of feeling this exposed. Jay chuckled and undid the button of his pants, keeping his briefs on.
“Lie back down,” he said before he pressed his hands down on the tops of her thighs and licked a strip up her labia, her hair tickling his nose.
“Oh!” Mara shouted, her hips arching up. “Oh my god .”
“Oh my god, yes, or—”
“Oh my god, keep going.” She squirmed, twisting so she could see him at least. She could barely see anything but the top of his head between her legs, and god that was a sight she wasn’t going to forget anytime soon. “Please.”
He hummed a response, and spread her labia with his fingers before he flicked his tongue at her clit.
God, she thought she was sure that there were no further surprises to get with Jay without him entering her, and yet, here he was proving her wrong with a little flick of his tongue. She heard herself moan and gasp, her cheeks getting hotter and hotter as Jay pressed his tongue against her clit, as his other fingers curled against the spot where she was wettest.
“Fuck!” Mara groaned, her thighs tensing as the pleasure made her tighten and thrash. She realized she’d never done it like this—her arms weren’t long enough, and any other equipment she had didn’t feel this good. But it pressed a button she didn’t even realize she wanted pressed so repeatedly and thoroughly. “Jay. Oh god, Jay.”
She raised her legs, planting her feet on the bed. Dimly aware that she was thrusting fully at him, as her fingertips brushed over the top of his head. She could feel him moving against the bed, too, matching the rhythm of his one, two, three fingers inside her.
Jay sucked her clit.
Mara was an absolute goner, coming in a shout, in a burst of white like a fuse had exploded in her head. And with one final curl of his fingers came the last of her breath.
She collapsed into the bed, hand idly reaching for Jay. He was panting as he caged her in his arms. She kissed him lazily, letting him thrust his covered-up cock between her legs. His hand was still wet with her juices as he stuck it down his briefs.
Mara experimentally dug her fingernails into his reddened chest, flicking his nipples with her other hand, and he was coming, too, soaking the front of his briefs, a couple of drops on the bed. Jay collapsed next to her and dropped the laziest of kisses on her shoulder, his pants open, his shirt still on.
Mara had never felt so debauched in her life, and god help her, she liked it.
“You’re a terrible teacher.” She chuckled once her breath came back, letting him curl up against her, his arm around her stomach. “I don’t think I learned anything from that aside from, ‘Wow, I really liked that.’”
“That’s the point,” was all Jay said, his voice sounding sleepy and tired. “So you know you like it.” And the unsaid words hovered in the air around them . So you know you like it and tell someone else.
Mara closed her eyes so she could ignore them, but the night felt too full of silence, and she wanted to push it all away.
“Marina told me I’ve never been in a relationship because I was reverse manifesting it,” she told him, letting her words fill the room instead of the ones they refused to say out loud, casting them out. “But I think I just wasn’t brave enough to ask. When I was younger it was because I thought I wasn’t pretty enough or thin enough. Now I just… I don’t want to get hurt. I already have to live through so much without that risk.”
“Ah. Like shitty governments. Wars just outside our door,” Jay said. Just open up any feed and find ten things to ruin your day. Live in this country and experience how bad it could be. Live elsewhere and it was just as bad, but in different ways.
“Yeah.” Suddenly it didn’t sound so stupid. It was a hard world to live in. And she didn’t think she had the emotional capacity to stake her heart in more pain. “I already feel overwhelmed by life without someone else in the picture. Maybe I’m just weak.”
“You’re protecting your heart,” Jay reminded her. “You’re still letting people in. That’s a good sign.”
“Maybe I’m protecting it a bit too much,” Mara admitted. “It feels like such a privilege, being able to do that. To have a choice, even, of having anyone at all.”
“It is. They say admitting to a privilege is the first step in using it for better things.”
She sighed and let his words wash over her, feeling the weight of her confessions lift from her body and stay in the air.
“I don’t know what I’ll do with myself once Ate gets married,” Jay said, adding his thoughts to the mess of hers. “I don’t regret anything. I’m happy for them, but…”
“But they don’t need you as much anymore, and that sucks.” She knew that feeling implicitly. “I wish I could tell you what to do about that, Jay.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to do about it, Supergirl,” he joked, lifting his head so he was looking up at her face instead. “It just is what it is. I was thinking of taking my old job in Hong Kong.”
“Hong Kong?” This was the first she’d heard of it. Or maybe David had mentioned it when he introduced Jay to Marina, but she couldn’t remember now. “You’re moving?”
“Technically, I moved, came back and might be moving again. I haven’t decided,” he admitted.
Mara sat up in bed, suddenly not so tired or sleepy anymore. Was this why he didn’t want to commit to…well, anything? How could you just not know something as big as moving to Hong Kong? It would have kept her up until she made a decision. How could he lie in bed like that and not know? How could he start…this with her with Hong Kong hanging over his head?
“I want a chance to find something more to live for.”
“And you’re going to find that in Hong Kong,” she said. Not quite able to picture it.
She understood the appeal, of course. Living somewhere else where you didn’t have to be beholden to anyone. But you didn’t exactly have anyone, either. It was hard to picture that for Jay, who cared so much that he woke up the whole island to make sure this wedding happened. Who gave up what appealed to him out there to be with his sister.
“Well, I don’t really need to move back. I can make the same amount here, and at least here I can actually afford it.”
So why are you thinking of leaving?
“I could also become a supervillain and use my kissing powers for evil.” He lightly laughed, his eyes fluttering closed. He must be way more tired than she thought, if he was falling asleep that quickly. But also, god. Hong Kong. There were farther places for him to go, sure. But that was still pretty far, as far as she was concerned. She crossed her legs on the bed, trying not to look at him, trying to keep him from seeing her. Because Mara was trying to come up with all the selfish reasons for him to stay. Not that she had any right to it. But it was a good exercise.
“You know, I’ve come up with a theory about our failed vector,” she said, turning to face him.
He said nothing in response to that, but mostly it was because he was already asleep. Mara sighed, shaking her head fondly. His breathing was even, with the occasional snuffle or a muttered word. He’d probably woken up at some ungodly time in the morning, and between this and the wedding? It was understandable that even someone so full of energy could run out of steam.
“I guess I’ll tell you later.” Mara brushed a few strands of his hair away from his face, and she knew that she was absolutely fucked.
For all her bravery and all her insistence that she wasn’t going to let her feelings run with her, here she was, eating her words. Mara decided that evening that it was much too late for her to want to take any of it back. She was going to see this through and figure out how to mend her heart after. She was too far gone for him, and she didn’t much feel like looking back.