Chapter Sixteen #3
‘You are a real arsehole, you know that?’ I said, pushing away my tears.
‘Oh, honey, believe me when I tell you that I know I have been the biggest arsehole ever. A complete, an utter dolt.’ He took another step closer to me.
‘You ran a long way. Further than I expected you to, Nick. You cannot do that again.’
‘I promise you, that will never happen again.’
‘How’s this even going to work? You live in London.’
‘I don’t know, but I thought maybe we could just talk about it, find a way through together. Abs, I love it here. And, more importantly, I love you.’
‘So you aren’t back here because your brother left you a message about Iris?’
‘No.’
‘What changed, Nick?’ I couldn’t keep the pessimism out of my voice, and I saw him flinch when he heard it.
‘I got to Singapore. I was sitting in a transfer lounge. There was an old couple across from me and she started laughing at something he did or said. I don’t really know that I can explain it.
But it just occurred to me, like an actual lightbulb moment, that you are this for me.
You know, my other half, the one that makes me laugh, the person who makes me better, the bloody one thing that makes me happiest. When I am not with you, I’m just a miserable old bastard and I’ve let that miserable old bastard rule my life for too long, Abbey. ’
He closed the distance between us, and I got my first waft of him. He smelled so good, not like someone who had been travelling all day. His stubble was holiday length and, though his eyes were bloodshot, they were shining at me.
His hand rose to my face, and he pulled me into him, pushing his forehead against mine. ‘They called for the flight to board, and I could not do it. I could not take another step away from you. I cannot be without you. And I didn’t want to admit how very deep I was already in.’
He shook his head once, looking down before meeting my eyes again. ‘Abbey, it’s like the fucking angry ocean that surrounds this country. That’s how deep. A fucking ocean, a big one. Powerful, out of control, knock you on your arse. I love you so much and it’s fucking terrifying.’
I pressed into him, my heart thudding and the joy finally being allowed to flood through my body. Yes!
‘Everyone’s afraid of something, Nick.’
He gave a small laugh through his nose. ‘Yes.’
‘It’s exactly how I feel. Terrified.’
‘I love you.’ His arm wrapped around my waist, and I reached under his arms, pulling him into me, holding him so tightly I could barely breathe. Our lips met in a desperate crush.
‘Hi, baby,’ he whispered into my ear while our family cheered behind us. ‘I missed you so badly. I’ve been an arsehole and I’m so fucking sorry, Abbey. Please tell me you forgive me?’
My face was wet, but from my tears or his, I couldn’t tell.
‘I forgive you. I love you too, Nick.’
He picked me up and did a little spin.
‘Wait! Shivah?’ He frowned with confusion. ‘Was Iris Jewish, or was one of her husbands?’
‘Neither. It’s Ella’s Grey’s Anatomy obsession.’
‘Oh.’ He shook his head, gave a puzzled smile. ‘Abbey, I don’t know how this is going to work logistically. But we’ll figure it out together, okay?’
‘Together.’
‘Yes, beloved.’
He kissed my cheek and then found my mouth again in the sweetest of kisses that made more tears come to my eyes.
‘Hey, it’s your birthday. Happy birthday, Abs.’
‘Thank you for my gift.’ I reached for my pendant.
‘Back where it belongs.’ He kissed my temple. ‘Wait, do you even have room for me? The girls are here too.’
‘You can sleep with me.’
‘In your bed? Abbey, are you sure? Will Ella be okay with that?’
‘You’re going to be around. Right? You are never going to run away from me again. And you are going to tell me you love me every single day. Right, Nick?’
‘I am making a set of Nick and Abbey rules. Each one of those is going on it.’
I nodded, kissing his cheek. ‘Well, then you can sleep in my bed. We might as well get everyone used to it in one fell swoop.’
‘Promise me you will always tell me when I annoy you.’
‘I promise.’ I kissed him again, smiling into his mouth. ‘You are fucking annoying. I could not love you more, though.’
‘I love you too, Abs.’
Nick
Peace is not just a feeling, or an ideal, or a place. It can also be a person and a life. Peace is Abbey and the life we are going to build together.
I lay there in the dark of her bedroom – it’s still too early to call it our room, but I hope that day is not far away.
I was fighting off sleep just so I could watch her breath rise and fall evenly.
She was snoring lightly, a beautiful sound to my ears – all of Abbey’s sounds are beautiful – and one of her arms was draped over me.
She was possessive in her sleep. No matter how hot I got, she would find me in the bed, forcing me to acclimatise to her.
I had this stupid grin that I could not get off my face and I felt … light and unburdened. It was an unfamiliar feeling, and it made me a little anxious, as if I’d lost or forgotten something.
The curtains were fluttering behind me. She likes the window open, even in the dead of winter.
I don’t think this house will be big enough for us, nor will my apartment. I want a house where our whole family can be. But we’ll talk about that when we sort out everything else.
I am a lucky man. The luckiest man on earth. I cannot wait for our future, even though it scares the shit out of me. Fuck me, if that is not rather hopeful sounding. Who would have thought?
I snorted into the dark, a short laugh, which made her startle and wake.
‘You okay, Nick?’
‘Shh, beloved,’ I said, kissing her head. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, my love.’
She snuggled closer to me, and I snuggled right back into her. It was heaven. I belonged here. Our family all under one roof. There is only peace.
I drifted off to sleep.