Chapter 26
Mack held her elbows, arms crossed defensively as she and Leo walked past the Pagoda.
Leo hardly said a word to her, other than to inform her that Janet wanted them both at the team trailer.
She’d said goodbye to her family, ignoring Kelley, and followed Leo toward the makeshift JJR office.
She stayed equally quiet, not wanting the conversation to come, the one that would likely ruin their friendship and certainly kill any attraction he had for her.
But instead of turning left toward the rows and rows of haulers, Leo turned right.
“Aren’t we supposed to—”
“Let’s go somewhere quieter first,” Leo said. He pointed toward the infield museum, and while Mack didn’t see how the wide-open area would provide any privacy, she followed him anyway. She had a feeling she’d follow him too far for her own good, if she gave in and let herself.
“Leo, I’m sorry.”
His dark brows drew down in a quizzical look. “Why are you apologizing?”
Mack blinked. “Because . . . I didn’t tell you I have a daughter.”
He was quiet a moment. “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.
” He cleared his throat and the tips of his ears turned boyishly red.
The sun glinted on his black hair, a handful of copper threads highlighted by the bright sky.
For a stupid moment, Mack wondered what might have happened if they’d met when they were younger, before he’d earned those lines by his mouth. “I read it. On social media.”
“It’s on social media that I have a kid?”
Leo’s face turned a shade of scarlet she’d never seen on him. “You were right. People are crazy online.”
Fucking social media. She could only imagine what else people had said about her. She wanted Leo to see her how he had that first day, brave and bold and as a driver he respected. Now, she could only imagine what he thought about her.
“I don’t know why I didn’t tell you about her. I didn’t try to hide her from you.” Mack stared down at her own feet as they walked. “I wanted to be . . . just me.”
Even as she said the words, she knew they weren’t accurate. They weren’t complete. Because motherhood was inextricably part of who Mack was now. Shaw—getting to love her and be loved by her, to watch her grow and live and blossom—was an essential piece of Mack.
“I’m glad I got to meet her,” Leo said, leading them around to the grounds in front of the museum. “Apparently I’m her favorite driver.”
“Don’t get cocky,” Mack warned. “She’s ten.
She likes the star pattern on your car.” Leo pointed to the giant fountain bordering the museum, and they sat on the concrete lip containing the pool of water.
The sound of the bubbling water drowned out the din of the paddock.
“Shaw’s a great kid. Sweet and laid back and funny. It sounds lazy, but she’s an easy kid.”
“She told me that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be a horse rancher or run a butterfly garden.”
“Last month it was an astronaut. She’s so curious.
She likes school and loves to read. She’s smart like my sister.
” It felt good to talk about Shaw, to share this piece of herself.
She gave herself a moment to enjoy telling Leo about her daughter, to enjoy his smile as he learned about Shaw.
But it was qualification day, and soon enough it would be race day, and then they would move on from each other.
She glanced at Leo, not wanting to say what she knew she had to say.
“She’s the other reason why we can’t . .
.” She flicked a finger back and forth between them.
Leo frowned. “I like kids. My godsons would have you know that I’m the greatest Uncle Leo they’ve ever had. I told you, I don’t scare easily.”
“Leo,” she pleaded.
“Does Kelley Caruthers have anything to do with it?”
“No,” she said adamantly.
“But he’s . . .”
“Shaw’s father.”
Leo stared down at his hands, and Mack watched him clasp and unclasp his long fingers.
She pictured those graceful hands in his signature white driving gloves, strong and sure, confidently steering toward victory.
Before she’d ever met him, when she’d only seen him on the screen of her TV, she’d noticed his hands.
She wanted to grab them in her own and feel his warm calluses again.
Behind them, the fountain burbled placidly, unaware of the tumult of anxiety and regret bubbling through her chest.
“Believe me when I tell you that Kelley Caruthers is nothing to me but a giant pain in the ass.” She inhaled, knowing what was best but not liking it.
“I love Shaw to the ends of the earth, but getting involved with Kelley ruined my career.” Mack licked her lips.
“You told me to prove what I’m worth out on track, but I can win this whole damn thing and still the only thing people will talk about is if there is an us. ”
Leo shook his head. “It shouldn’t be like that.”
“It is like that, Leo! Denying it makes you part of the problem. You said there were posts about me. Be honest, are there posts about me and you?”
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “We’re teammates.”
“Leo,” she demanded.
He dropped his head back. “Yeah. There are pictures. At St. Elmo, at the bus race, on the track walk. Someone even came up with a stupid name for us. Rilliams.”
She flinched. This was exactly why she didn’t look at social media. People were terrible and terribly stupid. “Can you even imagine what they’ll say after that goddamn interview? Now I’ll be the paddock slut.”
“Don’t say that. People online are grotesque.
” She heard the bitterness in his voice, knew he was holding back from telling her the worst of it.
Frustration and hurt marred his gentle face.
“It’s not just a hookup for me. I like you, Mack.
What about after the race? When the spotlight dies down? We could try . . .”
Mack shook her head. “I live in rural Indiana and you travel nine months out of the year. I’ve never introduced Shaw to a man and I won’t start now.”
The way Leo looked at her made her want to scream and cry at the same time. As if he wanted to argue but respected her enough not to.
Leo Raisman was all the things she’d never respected herself enough to want.
Would she have appreciated him if they’d met earlier?
She thought of herself at eighteen, wondered if she would have slowed down enough to sift through the dirt and see the shining gem of Leo Raisman.
Or could she only understand now that he was the best of what a man could be because she’d permanently tied herself to a man who was the opposite?
What if she’d met Leo instead of Kelley?
What if they’d driven the same circuit for years, or they weren’t teammates, or if she wasn’t tied to Haubstadt?
What would have, could have happened between them then?
So many what-ifs. But what was real was where they were now.
He watched the fountain and Mack watched him, wanting to absorb his loveliness, his goodness for a moment longer. She couldn’t stop herself from touching his dimple. “I wish things were different,” she whispered.
“Me too,” Leo said softly.
“Williams! Raisman! Where the hell have you two been? It’s go time!”
They both jumped up from the fountain, looking blatantly guilty. Janet’s mirrored aviators hid her expression but her mouth hung open just enough that Mack knew she’d seen them. Mack squeezed her eyes against the instant smart of tears.
Leo had the wits to ask, “I thought we were going out midpack?”
How could his voice sound so calm and normal? Mack fought the urge to put her fist in her mouth.
“Plan changed! Jimmy and Lucie are worried we’ll need a second run to get the placements we want. We’re doing the eleven first.”
Mack’s eyes popped open in fear. She was going out for qualification now?
Janet’s posture was stiff, hands on her hips and chin jutted slightly.
She stepped forward until she stood inches in front of them.
Her voice, normally so sharp, was slightly louder than the burbling fountain.
She pointed at Leo. “You, I swear to god if there’s any Me Too shit going on I will fry your balls in hot oil while they are still attached to your body and then cut you from this team immediately.
Fucking men.” Mack opened her mouth to defend Leo but Janet was having none of it.
She moved her finger to Mack’s face. “And you. I shouldn’t have to explain to you that you are embarrassing yourself and embarrassing me.
I’ve worked my ass off to get respect at this track and if you have tarnished my good name I will make your life so fucking miserable you won’t even be able to get a ride in a carnival bumper car.
” She made a growling noise that demonstrated her disappointment better than any words.
“Get your asses to the garage. Now. I’m going to watch you like you’re the stupid children you are. ”
They fell into line behind Janet, and Mack refused to look at Leo. Would she never, ever learn her lesson?