Chapter 35
CJ
‘Mam?e, I feel excited that you’re in love.’
CJ looks down to the spot beside her where beautiful, cherub-like Jorge sits between her and Todd, hand in hers, hot little leg pressed up against her.
Miguel is driving, Mona beside him in the front, and Luis is in the back, seat belt unbuckled so that he can keep sticking his head between the seats, all the better for staying involved in the chat.
And the chat has been chatting – everyone is talking ten to the dozen, like there’s an imaginary speaking stick they’re all taking turns to hold, as they share memories about Ash and CJ over these past few months.
‘Even before she came for dinner, Miguel and I said it was weird how much you talked about her,’ Todd says.
‘And then at the dinner, you kept staring at each other,’ Miguel adds. ‘You’d steal all these sideways glances at her, but she’d do exactly the same as well. That’s why we left – thought you needed time alone.’
‘She was always asking about you,’ Luis says. ‘Looking for information, like a fisherman. She fished for details about you.’
‘We saw you once, I think, with a man, and she couldn’t stop staring,’ offers Mona.
‘She told me that I should feel lucky you’re my mummy because you love me so much,’ Jorge says. ‘It made me like her more, that she can tell you’re the best mummy in the world.’
The car falls silent at that, cutie Jorge melting everyone’s hearts.
‘You’ll always be my number one,’ CJ tells him, squeezing his fingers.
‘And even if Ash decides she doesn’t love me back, or that she loves me just not in a kissing way, maybe she loves me just like you love your friends, you know?
That’s OK too. You won’t have to be sad for me if that happens.
The important thing is that I am brave and tell somebody who is special to me that I hold a special place for them in my heart.
We don’t love people to be loved in return. We love them just to love them.’
Once again, nobody speaks, as if to leave space for CJ’s worry, uncertainty. It’s respectful, letting her concern be considered. But then:
‘Bullshit,’ Luis says. ‘Sorry to swear, Jorge. But. Yeah.’
‘I agree,’ says Jorge, solemnly. ‘Bullshit.’
The gang drop CJ off at the entrance to the (incredibly fancy) hotel, ostensibly to give CJ time to gather herself and find Ash with a modicum of privacy still intact.
Willow gave the address to Luis in their DMs. While the others go off to park the van, CJ descends the vast staircase, takes in the grandeur of the lobby.
On the journey, Luis also messaged with Willow to ascertain that CJ would be, if not expressly welcomed, then at the very least not unwelcome.
They’ve been out to dinner, but at 10 p.m., now, they are supposed to be back at base.
A woman seems to recognise her, a small pocket rocket of a woman with a mass of unkempt red hair.
‘CJ?’
CJ looks at her. ‘Willow?’
‘Oh my god,’ Willow says. ‘Your photos don’t do you justice. You’re glowing. You’re fucking gorgeous!’
CJ doesn’t know how to respond, mostly because she doesn’t want to be halfway through accepting or rebuffing a compliment when her eyes meet Ash’s across this not-very-crowded room.
‘Is she here?’ CJ asks.
Willow shakes her head. ‘I tried to get her back here, but she’s still on her walk. I don’t know where – she’s been … blue. I hope you’re here to sweep her off her feet, because she deserves it, you know.’
There’s a commotion by the entrance then, as Miguel and Todd, Luis and Jorge and Mona all stumble through.
‘Well?’ Miguel asks, spreading his arms wide in a question.
CJ shakes her head. ‘She’s not here,’ she says, aware of the beating of her heart, the fullness of her chest, the growing need to find Ash, right now this second, because they’re breathing the same air, and Ash has been upset, and if CJ can say anything that will stop her feeling that way, she needs to say it as soon as bloody possible.
‘I’ll ring her,’ says Willow, punching at her phone. They all wait. ‘She’s sent me to voicemail,’ she concludes. ‘Damn.’
‘Porto isn’t that big,’ CJ says. ‘She can’t have gone far. I’ll find her. I’m sure of it.’
‘OK,’ says Miguel. ‘Lead the way.’
‘You’re … all coming?’ asks CJ, looking between them.
Willow looks at the motley crew and breaks into a grin. ‘If they’re coming, I’m coming,’ she says, and they all set off together.
CJ decides to first head to the water. She has a feeling.