Chapter 34
Ash
Ash is sure her eyes aren’t playing tricks on her. She’s just come back from the loo, and over Willow’s shoulder she saw her looking at Luis’s social media. But Willow won’t admit it. That’s very, very weird. Why would Willow be looking at Luis’s social media, but secretly?
‘Are you sure that wasn’t Luis?’ Ash says, suspiciously. ‘I don’t care. I’m just … asking?’
‘What?’ says Willow. ‘No. Luis? Who is Luis?’ She must catch the look on Ash’s face because she changes tack and says, ‘Oh. That Luis. No. Why would I be looking at his profile?’
That’s my question exactly, thinks Ash, but she finds that suddenly she doesn’t have the energy to challenge Willow any further.
Since sending that text to CJ earlier, she’s been knackered.
Half of her was expecting to see those three little dots that meant CJ was texting back immediately, or else to see CJ’s number on her screen as she called right away and begged Ash to …
what? Forgive her? That’s not even what Ash wants.
Ash wants CJ to grow some fucking balls and say how she fucking feels, that’s what she wants.
And yet getting CJ to think of anyone but herself, to open herself up …
urgh. It makes Ash furious all over again.
No wonder she has no energy. It’s a nightmare trying to regulate herself enough to function.
‘I’m going to take a walk,’ she says, after dinner.
Willow has been looking at her phone a lot, the food wasn’t great, and Ash loves her friend but really would just like to mope alone.
Willow seems OK! She’s not crying, desperately wondering what to do with her life.
She knows she’s going to leave her husband, it’s abundantly clear.
And when Willow wants to explicitly talk about that, Ash will listen to every last word. But until then – a moment alone.
‘Before you do,’ Willow says, handing over her bank card to pay. ‘I did just want to tell you … Well. Urm. It’s about the business.’
Ash nods. ‘You’re going to sell it,’ she says.
Willow nods. ‘You guessed,’ she says.
‘I guessed,’ Ash tells her.
‘What do you think about that?’ Willow asks. ‘Obviously you stand to make money from it yourself …’
‘I do,’ Ash nods. ‘And, well, it’s been ten years. It’s probably time for a change, you know?’
‘Yup,’ says Willow. ‘That’s how I feel. I can’t take the business any further, and so it feels like time to cash in my chips and try something new. We’ll be forty soon enough … I think your forties are for like, not giving a shit and also knowing whatever happens you’ll be OK?’
Ash nods. ‘One, don’t talk about turning forty again, at least not for another eighteen months. You’re ageing us up. And two, we will be OK, Willow. Me, but also you, too.’
‘Thank you,’ says Willow. ‘I feel like you’re not OK right now, though.’
‘Maybe not. But. I will be.’
‘If she showed up at your door and told you she loved you, what would you say?’
Ash rolls her eyes. ‘That’s never going to happen,’ she says.