Chapter Six
Ellie
A bowl of buttery popcorn sits on my lap as I flip through every station on the television, struggling to find something to watch. I’m unable to make a decision about anything lately because nothing in my life makes sense right now. It can’t, not without Gunnar.
I feel bad for not showing up to his game tonight, but I’m still too angry at him. Too… hurt. He said some crappy things the other day and I am not ready to forgive him just yet.
I knew he was going to be caught off guard. I expected it and even braced myself for it, but I did not expect him to react the way he did. As disappointed and hurt as I am, I will not let it stop me from living my life. I’m ready for this. Ready to be a mom.
And not because I am bored .
The remembered jab strikes my heart as painfully as it did the first time.
I shove it aside, refusing to shed any more tears over it. Instead, I focus on the television before me and settle on a thriller to watch, deciding it matches my vibe at the moment. It’s also Gunnar’s favorite genre. Not that I care…
I get about ten minutes into it when a loud thump suddenly lands on my front door, followed by the sound of the handle jiggling as someone tries to enter.
Fear paralyzes me for all of a moment. With my heart in my throat, I grab my phone and start to dial 911 when knocking ensues.
“Elle, it’s me, open up.” Gunnar’s booming voice penetrates the panic rushing in my ears.
My frantic heart rate slows when I realize a killer isn’t trying to enter my home, but that fear is quickly replaced with several other emotions, the most prominent one being anger and it only grows as the pounding continues.
Throwing my blanket off, I stomp toward the door. I don’t worry about my appearance of a messy bun and super short black yoga shorts. I do, however, wish I wasn’t wearing this stupid jersey, with his stupid number on it, that I wear to his stupid games. If I thought I had time to change without losing my door, I would, but his excessive beating threatens to take the entire thing off its hinges.
“Come on, Elle. I know you’re in there,” he bellows impatiently. “You either open this door right now or I’ll break it down. Your choice.”
Furious by the ultimatum, I flip the deadbolt back and swing the door open with a snap. “What?”
My sudden presence startles him, his eyes widening briefly before he masks it with a glare. His narrowed gaze sweeps over me from head to toe until it locks with mine in a battle of fury. “Where the hell have you been?” he snaps, his tone dripping with accusation. “You said you were coming to the game.”
I manage to keep my composure, adopting a careless demeanor. “Yeah, well, I changed my mind.”
He straightens, clearly affronted by that response. “Oh, really?”
“Yes, really ,” I mock snidely, knowing I’m being childish, but I’m too angry to care. “I can do that, you know? Change my mind. Make life decisions without you.” The last remark slips out before I can stop it.
“And what about Bear?” he counters, knowing exactly where to strike. “He sat all alone in this ridiculous jersey you got him, looking like an absolute fool.”
Bear barks, backing him up. I look down at where he sits next to Gunnar’s feet and feel guilt twist in my chest, knowing he didn’t deserve my absence.
Kneeling down, I open my arms. “Come here, Bear.”
He charges forward, knocking me onto my back in his excitement, and licks my face like a lollipop.
Laughing, I sit up and hug him tight. “Sorry, I wasn’t there for you tonight, boy,” I murmur. “Next time I’ll pick you up and bring you here, then we can both ditch Gunnar, okay?”
Woof.
Gunnar grunts, clearly unamused by that plan, and then tries walking in behind Bear.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Jumping to my feet, I push him back a step, my hand remaining on his hard chest. “Bear is allowed in here, but not you, buster. I’m still not talking to you.”
His gaze sharpens further. “Then you can listen because I have shit to say to you.” Removing my hand from his chest, he storms past me.
Oh, the nerve.
Closing the door, I cross my arms over my chest. “Fine. Hurry up and say whatever it is you came to say then leave.”
It’s hard for me to say that to him, to keep this anger in place, especially when I really want to jump into his arms and tell him how much I’ve missed him, but I manage to stay strong.
His dark honey-brown eyes soften for the briefest moment as if he’s about to tell me his deepest, darkest secret, but it vanishes as quickly as it came. “You took my hat and I want it back.”
My heart deflates that it’s not the apology I was hoping for. The one I deserve.
Shaking my head, I go grab his hat off the kitchen table, then walk back over and slap it against his chest. “Here. Now leave.”
I begin my retreat, desperate to escape as tears threaten to spill, but I don’t make it far before he snags my wrist and pulls me into his arms, the warmth and strength of his embrace breaking through my defenses.
“I’m sorry, Elle,” he murmurs, his tone thick with regret. “Really sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice drives home every word, morphing my anger into heartbreak. The dam breaks, sending the first of many tears streaming down my face.
“You really hurt me,” I cry.
He hugs me closer, his arms tightening around me. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m a shitty best friend. The shittiest of shit, and I don’t deserve you, but I’m here to make it right.”
My curiosity piques at those words. “Really? How?” I ask between sniffles, shamelessly wiping my nose on his shirt. “Did you bring fudge?”
That’s usually his go-to when I need cheering up.
My hands search his pockets, but they come up empty.
“Sorry, not this time.” He chuckles, amused. “But I have something else to offer you. Something you really want.”
The shift in his tone has me lifting my head from his chest and the somber expression I find etched across his face fills me with a hint of unease.
“What’s that?” I ask, my voice betraying the uncertainty.
His gaze holds mine, unwavering and intense. “A baby. ”
Those words hit me on impact. Every muscle in my body stills, dread weighing me down like an anchor.
I search his gaze, expecting to find the hint of a cruel joke, but I find nothing of the sort, and it sends my heart plummeting straight to my stomach.
“You are unbelievable.” Shoving away from him, I head for the kitchen. “You are not going to do this to me.”
“Do what?” he asks, falling in step behind me. “Give you what you asked for the other day?”
“Exactly that,” I snap, turning on him. “You don’t give someone a baby as an apology, Gunnar. What the hell is the matter with you?”
“It’s not an apology.”
“Bull!” I point at him, calling out the lie. “You made your feelings perfectly clear about this. You can’t take that back.”
“The hell I can’t,” he fires back. “You caught me off guard. It was a knee-jerk reaction.”
“A knee-jerk reaction?” I choke out a bitter laugh. “Seriously?”
“Yes, and it was a shitty one, I get that.”
I don’t think he does. I don’t think he gets any of this.
“Look, I’ve thought a lot about what you said,” he continues. “And you’re right, we’re perfect for this. I’m perfect for this.”
“Yeah?” I challenge that response, propping my hands on my hips. “Tell me why.”
Confusion flashes across his face. “What do you mean?”
“Tell me why you’re perfect for this,” I press, my voice steady. “And I want to hear your reasons. Not mine.”
His gaze meets mine, full of determination. “Fine. How about the fact that I’m going to be in this child’s life every day from the moment it’s born because it turns out I can’t go longer than that without seeing you? I mean, Christ, Elle, these last two days without you about fucking killed me.”
That confession penetrates some of my anger, softening the edges of my heart.
Good. I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one suffering.
Stepping forward, he takes my shoulders in a gentle grasp, the sincerity in his gaze carving its way into my soul. “Or how about the fact that I am going to teach this child everything I know, protect it with everything I am, and take care of you both, whether you need me to or not because that’s how it is between us. That’s how it’s always been and it’s how I always want it to be. You and me, forever, remember?”
It’s everything I longed to hear the other day, everything my heart yearned for, but he can’t commit this quickly. I see that now and I shouldn’t have expected him to.
“Listen, Gunnar, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. Really, I do. For you to even consider being the donor means so much, but—”
“I’m not considering it,” he interjects, cutting me off.
I pause, thinking I misheard him. “What?”
“I don’t want to be a donor, Elle.”
The rejection stings all over again. “I don’t understand. You just said you wanted to be the father.”
“I know, and I do.”
That response leaves me even more confused. “You’re losing me here, Gunnar.”
“I want to have this baby with you, but I’m not jacking off in some cup,” he says, putting it bluntly. “If we do this, we’re doing it the old-fashioned way.”
His words hang in the air, heavy and unyielding. It takes me several moments to process their meaning, each second stretching into an eternity.
A disbelieving chuckle escapes my lips as I realize he must be joking.
I wait for him to join in, but his expression remains stoic, resolve unwavering.
It’s the final straw for me. “Okay, that’s it. You’re leaving. Right now.” I storm past him in a blaze of fury, refusing to play these games any longer. I’m so damn angry I don’t know if I want to strangle him or run up to my room and sob into my pillow for the rest of the night.
I don’t get to settle on either option before I’m spun around and pressed against the nearest wall.
What the …
Before I can register what has happened, Gunnar’s powerful body crowds mine in a way it never has before.
I inhale sharply, my breath stolen by the fierce determination on his face. My eyes are wide as I peer up at him, drawn into the depths of his intensity.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about this, Elle,” his voice is low and hypnotic, dancing along my senses. “What it would be like… feel like…”
I swallow hard, wanting to deny it but can’t. Not just because of my inability to form words at the moment, but the desire coursing through me is undeniable.
An arrogant smirk forms on his lips, as if he sees my every thought.
He leans down even closer, his breath warm against my skin as he brings his mouth to my ear. “I want to do this with you, Elle,” he murmurs, his words a gentle caress. “I want to have this baby with you, but only if we do it my way. So, think about it. Really think about it. I’ll return tomorrow night with dinner, and I expect an answer by then.”
That demand jolts me back to reality, yanking me from the spell he had me under.
Sensing the shift in me, he draws back, meeting my gaze squarely. “After all, Friday is fast approaching,” he adds, a hint of smugness entering his tone.
I’m rendered immobile by his sheer audacity and something else, something too powerful to name.
Before leaving he places his hat on my head. “Keep it. Suits you better, anyway.” Without further discussion, he strides confidently toward the door, whistling for Bear. “Let’s go, boy.”
Bear gives my leg a few affectionate licks, then obediently follows Gunnar out of the house, leaving me in a state of shock. I’m unable to move or breathe, my mind and heart in chaos as I try to make sense of what just happened.