Chapter 25 Hannah
HANNAH
Iscrunch up my face and thickly swallow the rest of my tiny espresso, or shall I say Nespresso.
I’ve never had this version of hotel coffee before but it’s an extreme contrast from the grainy, yet sour and watered down coffee from the hostels.
This though, this is like getting punched in the face with a coffee bean on steroids.
Placing the cup and saucer down, I pad my way back to the room. My eye catches back onto the note they both wrote to me.
It’s silly, I know. But the amount of joy I feel that both of them wrote me a note makes me feel like a giddy teenager.
I’m more in love with Ethan than ever and Dane brings out so much fun in both of us.
Over the last four days I’ve seen more of the old Ethan—the Ethan before the accident—than ever, and that puts a smile on my face.
All the time I spent in physical therapy he spent berating himself.
He was healing too, but mine was so much more severe that it took a lot longer for me to recover.
He’s gotten better over the years as our life has returned to normal, but since he’ll never play baseball and I’ll never talk again, there’s always something I think he feels is missing in both of our lives.
His childhood love was baseball. It’s been a lifelong obsession and he was destined for the MLB. Now, he never even watches it on TV.
I miss it sometimes, hearing the announcers, seeing the players and watching the excitement of the game. I used to love watching him play and fell in love with the game but anytime I put it on now he finds a reason to do something else and ignores the television.
My injuries may have been more life threatening and physically altering, but his injury ruined his future. I’m still on the path I want to be on, now it just has a deeper meaning behind it.
A low buzz steals me from my thoughts and I glance over in the direction of the door. My tight lips attempt to smother a smile. I don’t know if it’s Dane or Ethan, or maybe the both of them will come through together. That thought makes my smile unavoidable.
But it drops instantly when the heavy door swings open, the back slams hard against the back wall with a loud thud and Ethan comes through it completely frantic and disheveled.
He’s heaving, a light sheen of sweat shines over his forehead. This isn’t a post run Ethan, this is a panicked Ethan.
“What’s going on?” I sign as I walk toward him.
Glancing up, his eyes catch mine, then glance around the room.
“Is he back?”
I shake my head.
“Good. Go pack. We’re leaving,” he says and I rear my head back in shock at his unusual abrasiveness.
“Why? What happened?” My movements are harsh, demanding.
I don’t want to leave.
He peeks his head out the door and down the hallway before closing it, then stalks my way. He reaches out for me and guides me to the room, pulling our backpacks out from the closet.
“I’ll explain on the way to the airport. Pack.” He tosses the pack on the bed, which is still heavy from most of my belongings in it.
Turning, I cross my hands over my chest and pop my hip out. The death glare I’m giving him is top tier and he knows I’m not fucking moving until he tells me what the hell is going on.
“He used us. He fucking used us.” He shoves a shirt into his backpack, followed by a few toiletries.
My brows pinch and my arms fall to the side. My heartbeat speeds up trying to understand why he’s saying that and what he means. I shake my head, naturally in disbelief because what he’s saying doesn’t make any sense.
“He rented out the hostel, paid for all the other people to go away so he could have privacy with us. He probably followed me from the sex club that night. Fuck, I don’t know, but he’s a fucking stalker and he’s manipulated our surroundings to seduce us and get us alone.
The lady at the hostel says that’s just what Dane does.
He stays there and just finds people. Fuck, I don’t know. We just need to get out of here.”
My racing heart pounds harder as it drops to my stomach.
That’s what he does?
“Is that what she said?” I step closer to him, signing my question softly.
“She said, he stays there half the year. I overheard her talking to another person that worked there. They knew him, like knew him.” His face softens as he takes me in.
My eyes drop to the ground and I feel…I feel…heartache. But that’s stupid, right. After only a few days. It shouldn’t feel this disappointing. I shouldn’t have a heaviness in my chest and a sadness lingering in my head.
As I peer back up, Ethan's angry. He’s had time to think about all of this on the way back to the hotel and he’s processing it with so much anger. I just feel sad and devastated because what we have is something. It is. This isn’t surface level for Dane. It can’t be.
Ethan starts packing the rest of my things and pulls out a pair of leggings and a shirt for me. I’m still frozen, my thoughts are running through my mind like a movie trailer. Flashbacks of all the days we spent hanging out together and the nights we spent exploring each other.
Maybe I’m delusional but it felt so strong. So real. I loved how beautiful he made me feel and how much Ethan shifted into the old yet newer version of himself with him.
“I don’t believe this wasn’t something more for him. For all of us.”
“Baby,” he steps into me, placing a hand on my hip and another on my cheek. “This was fun, exactly what we came to do, right?” I nod. “It was never going to be anything more.”
He says that but does he really think that this was nothing? I saw how he looked at Dane. I saw how he lost control with him, how we both did. I saw my old, playful Ethan for the first time in a long time and I know he’s just as bothered by this as I am.
I take in a deep breath lifting my chin with a fake confidence I don’t feel.
I want to fight back. And for the first time, in a long time, I want to scream and yell.
Expression of anger is so different when you don’t have words or a voice and I hate how it builds up and internalizes.
I’m not sure if I’m mad at Ethan for forcing us away or for the thought that this was all a set up for Dane to do ‘what he always does.’
I hate this. I knew it would come to an end, but this was not what I expected.
“Come on baby, it’s time to go.”