Chapter 27 One Month Later
DANE
One Month Later
Itake in a deep breath before I chipmunk my cheeks and exhale. I’ve been having to do that more often lately as the first day of class gets closer.
It’s not that I’m nervous about teaching. I’ve been contracted by companies in the past that have acquired my code and I often put together presentations for a multitude of different teams within those companies. So that part is nothing new.
Teaching at a University though, that’s different. I feel like I have this obligation to not only make it knowledgeable and useful, but fun and passionate as well.
The hard part is, my love for life and that unrelenting passion I’ve been known to live every day with, is hanging on by a literal thread. I’ve got a vapor grip on said thread with more fake smiles and forged chuckles than I care to admit.
I need to get my shit together or else this heaviness that sits on my chest like an immovable boulder will make me self-implode.
I’ve been there once before and I don’t want to go back.
Shifting my head from side to side, I roll my shoulders, up and down, then close my eyes. It’s gotten better. Not seeing flashbacks of them—but they still come.
I push it away, practicing everything Mimi has been teaching me in her meditative yoga classes.
I started taking them when Kobi called Seamus and told him what happened, which just pissed me off even further.
I could have just pretended they never existed and none of my friends—that I now see on a daily basis—would have known any different.
Seamus immediately showed up at my door, we got shit faced drunk—which was the highlight of my month, considering that man hardly drinks anything that debilitates him in any way.
It was like old times, at least I felt like my old self, even if it was only temporary.
At some point during our drunken stupor, he talked me into taking Mimi’s yoga classes and I’ve been hooked since the first class.
Mimi is Seamus’ wife and an amazing yoga instructor. I met her last year when Seamus bought the house next door to hers—not unintentionally actually.
They met ten years ago at some summer camp, but they lost contact, not knowing where each other went until he saw her at our local lifestyle club, owned by another friend of mine here in Seattle.
Seamus is an ex-Navy SEAL and the most structured guy I’ve ever known, but after Mimi—the free spirited yoga instructor—came back into his life, well, let’s just say I’ve never seen him so chaotic.
There was this tantric massage class…I chuckle to myself at the memory. Yeah, it’s good to be close to friends right now. As much as I hate the whirlwind experience I had and how much my heart hurts, my friends quiet the noise a bit.
I’ve always been a bit messy and disorganized, but the chaos has never lived in my head like it does right now.
My emotions flipflop between lonely and heartbroken or so angry that the fury consumes me.
I miss the fun loving guy I used to be. I didn’t have a care in the world, and now, now I just want to turn it all off.
I wish I would have never met them.
My body sucks in a deep breath just to push it out harshly, almost subconsciously, like I don’t have any real control over it. They awakened feelings I’ve pushed down for so long and I hate that I’m reliving loss.
Taking one more look at my reflection, my newly cut short hair is still a shock, but I don’t hate it.
The phantom hair sensation is real though.
I still attempt to tuck it behind my ear, and it’s barely long enough to do that but it only hangs an inch or so over my ear and my natural waves are more apparent now with the shorter strands.
The phantom touch of her hand on my body and his cock in my mouth is fucking surreal, too. I know for a fact those aren’t real, but I still get the overwhelming feeling of loss after the ghost of a moment passes and it takes me back to square one.
Either way, a change was needed and I want to be taken seriously. Especially when I’m standing in front of a group of people who will probably challenge everything I say since I’ll only be a few years older than a majority of them, and younger than the rest.
Grabbing my keys, another new sensation occurs since I haven’t had to carry keys other than that of a hotel room key card in…well, a really long time.
They feel heavy with both the keys to my newly purchased condo and the 1993 Porsche 911 Carrera convertible that I decided I needed to get myself around.
Not that my condo is far from the University, it’s within walking distance, but it rains a lot and I’ve enjoyed having the convenience of it being that I’m on a structured schedule.
Plus, this car is fucking gorgeous. Taking her on drives along the coastline have reeled in my sanity more than I expected.
Starting the car, it roars to life with the rumble of an old but well-loved and well taken care of vehicle. I put the top down, being that there’s not a cloud in the sky on this rare Seattle day and exit my garage. The wind feels crisp, refreshing, and in another rare moment, I smile.
Maybe I could start to feel like my old self again.
I continue down the stretch of roadway, allowing the breeze to rip past me, turn my music up a notch too loud and enjoy the drive as I make my way to the restaurant.
It’s the first time in well over a year all the guys and I have been in the same place.
Kobi is back in Japan and can’t be here, but the rest of us are all living here now, so there shouldn’t be as many excuses for us not getting together.
The last time we were all together was for Jake's not-so-bachelor bachelor party and Hudson ended up married.
I smile again at the thought. Yeah, a night out with friends is going to be the perfect distraction.
“Dane! Where’s your hair?” Ember stands as I walk up to the table where everyone is already seated. The entire group glances up and jaws drop.
Seriously, you’d think I tattooed my face or something.
“It’s just hair, it’ll grow back,” I say, giving her a side hug and a kiss on the cheek before I take my seat.
Jaws are still on the floor when Cruz finally speaks. “Well, I love it.”
There’s a whiskey on the table for me so I pick it up and ‘cheers’ him. “Thank you, Cruz, and sorry I’m late. I’m still getting used to the roads and driving and planning for parking and everything that comes with having a vehicle,” I add. It’s an adjustment when you’re used to backpacking.
“We’re just glad you’re here,” Mimi says. She’s sitting next to me and rubs my back in a friendly gesture. We’ve become close since I’ve been taking her classes and doing some private one-on-one work with her as well.
I don’t miss Seamus’ death glare, neither does she. Mimi kicks him under the table and mouths, relax, at him.
“So, Mimi, how are you feeling?” Elena asks a very pregnant Mimi.
“Surprisingly, I’m feeling great. I’m just so excited to meet this little one.” Mimi looks down at her belly, rubbing big circles over it and Seamus has a look of pride laced behind his usually gruff scowl.
“You still don’t know what you’re having yet?” Christian inquires. He’s the resident CEO billionaire and ‘most eligible bachelor’ according to the Seattle Post. That was until he went public with his poly relationship with my buddy Jake from college and his wife, Elena.
“It’s going to be a boy,” Seamus answers factually as he takes a sip of his water.
Mimi smacks his arm lovingly, “Oh, you stop. If it’s a girl—”
“It’s definitely going to be a girl,” I add.
“She’s never leaving the house,” Seamus interrupts and the entire group chuckles.
That sounds about right. Mr. Navy SEAL over here will be even more protective of her than he is of Mimi and he’s a bit over the top when it comes to her.
“How’s the club, Ember?” Seamus asks, diverting the conversation to anywhere else but on him.
“Great, it’s so good actually. Memberships are skyrocketing and last month we had to start a waitlist. It’s wild.
I never expected it would blow up like it did,” she replies modestly but with excitement and passion that I love to see in people.
It’s contagious and I love feeding off that kind of energy.
“I did,” Christian quips. Technically, the club was her idea but Christian’s company, Ford Enterprises, owns it.
“Afterburn is your baby and one of our most profitable sectors. We’re opening one in New York and the next one will either be in California or Florida.
She’s managing all of that from here. It’s so impressive,” he shares with the group and Ember blushes a bit as she gazes up at Hudson.
Speaking of a whirlwind romance. Ember and Hudson met and got married over the course of a weekend in Vegas and he still looks at her the same way I saw him look at her the first night they met.
My chest tightens and my body does that involuntary breathing thing again.
Seamus shifts his gaze to me, because nothing gets passed him. I ignore his stare and glance around for the waitress. When I catch her attention, I tap on my whiskey neat holding up two fingers for a double.
I don’t typically drink bourbon, but lately the burn feels good. Like a tad bit of burn is what my body craves for the torture I feel. Like it’s needed to balance out the emotional pain.
“You okay?” Seamus' voice cuts through my thoughts and even though I knew it was coming I wasn’t ready for him to ask.
I blink heavy, paste on that signature smile, then turn in his direction.
“Yeah man, I’m all good.” I clink my empty whiskey glass with his ice water and take a swig of the contents getting nothing but ice cold cubes.
“You’re a really bad liar,” he replies.
“Yeah, but I’m good at a lot of other things.” I wiggle my eyebrows at him, using my overly flirty personality to avoid anything I don’t want to talk about. It usually works, but Seamus is a fucking robot, so he just glares at me.
“You can show me what you’re good at,” Cruz replies, eavesdropping on our conversation and when I glance over at him, he’s wiggling his eyebrows, mocking me.
It makes both Seamus and I laugh and for a fleeting thought I consider it. We’ve known each other a long time; it could just be a little friends-with-benefits hookup. Cruz is gay, single, and pretty damn attractive, actually.
He’s got this Clark Kent look to him with a little latin twist. His tan skin tone is a little darker now that it’s the end of summer and he just came back from a Caribbean vacation.
We’ve both always been single but he’s always been so close to the group, being that he assists Elena or Ember, or maybe everyone at Ford, I’m not exactly sure.
But he knows everything about everyone and he seems to be everywhere all the time.
Never missing an event, party, or gossip for that matter.
We’re similar but vastly different which is why we became fast friends who just flirt whenever we hang out. We both know nothing will ever happen for a multitude of different reasons and our friendship has always been, and will always be, platonic.
I roll my eyes and smile at his comment and I know the entire group is stunned by my witty-less comeback. Typically Cruz and I banter back and forth, flirt then give each other a friendly hug before calling it a night. But I have no energy for it tonight.
The waitress sets down my whiskey, sliding the glass over the wood surface of the table, creating the only noise, making the moment awkward as hell. I quickly take a sip, ignoring the silence and I hate that everyone knows what happened a month ago.
It’s been a fucking month. Get over it.
One-date Dane is losing his fucking touch over a four-night stint with two people I should have never fucking started anything with.
I round my palm over my collarbone, right at the base of my neck and stretch from side to side. The tattoo still feels tight and the sensation is a blinding reminder of the permanent ink I put there from Ethan’s mark on me.
He branded me, or I branded him on me, I suppose. It’s my own fault. All of it is.
“Are you ready for class, Professor Campbell?” Mimi asks and I’m thankful yet again for the question that pulls me out of my thoughts.
“I am, actually. I’m really excited. It’s a big change, something totally different. I just hope I don’t fuck up these kids for life.”
Hudson chuckles and adds, “You’re going to be the best thing to ever happen to them.
You bring something new and fresh and I’ll put money on the fact that these kids look forward to your class.
College is boring. Dull professors, redundant lessons.
What you’ll bring will be an energy they aren’t expecting.
I can’t wait to see how your semester turns out. ”
“Thanks Hud.” I clink my glass against his.
And I hope he’s right, because I need something to look forward to, and something to take my mind off everything else.