67. Silas
67
SILAS
H aving dinner with Christian and Gibson was one thing. They were a normal, mature married couple. Their love for each other was like a fourth presence on the terrace. It was palpable without a word, without a touch. Not that they didn’t touch casually, or even with some possessiveness at times, but compared to Drew and Olivier? They were practically puritanical.
These two haven’t gone more than three seconds without a hand or mouth on the other. I can’t tell which one of them is worse.
“Did you guys both pop a Viagra before I got here, or what? I called first.”
This I ask as Olivier is trying to have a conversation with me about having to drive to Florida, and Drew is kissing his neck from behind him while his hand snakes down his abs like he’s literally about to shove it into his pants.
Ollie pushes Drew’s hands away at my question like being felt up in the kitchen is so common he barely noticed it was happening. Drew gives me the universal cockblocker glare. I narrow my eyes at him, daring him to contradict me .
“I have a high testosterone level,” he says.
“No shit.”
Ollie rubs his neck, his pale cheeks glowing pink. “I just got back from Milan yesterday,” he says. “Drew couldn’t be there because he had to work.”
“Got it.”
“So when are you planning to leave?” Drew asks.
When I widen my eyes, he winks and says, “For Florida, I mean.”
“As soon as I get a start date for the new job.”
“You’re really moving into a place sight unseen?”
“I sent my aunt over to scout it out before I paid the deposit. She said it’s right next to a Whole Foods. It’ll be like I never left here.”
“Better than a pawn shop right?”
I laugh. “Yeah. That’s what I was afraid of. It’s gonna be weird, though, living in a normal place with parking lots and shit.”
“You’re right. There’s no parking lots here,” Drew says like it just now occurred to him. “Wild.”
Drew is from New Hampshire, but he’s been in New York over a decade now. “So what prompted all this?” he asks.
“I want to be closer to my aunt, and I’m not making as much money as I used to. Figured it was time for a fresh start.”
“So…you didn’t meet someone who happens to be from there?” Drew asks.
“No. I didn’t meet anyone.” I don’t let myself say I have someone, though, because it’s more like Graham’s got me.
“But you need a fresh start?”
“He just explained it,” Ollie says, gesturing at me.
Drew puts his hand on the back of his husband’s neck and keeps his eyes on me. “I worry about you, you know?”
I shrug.
“Just that you tend to go quiet for very long periods of time. I hope I never did anything that made it seem like you couldn’t come to me.”
Is he kidding? Or is his memory just that short? “Water under the bridge,” I say.
“You’re not still hung up on that senator, are you?”
Olivier backhands Drew’s abs.
“Sorry,” Drew says like the slap forced it out of him. “You’re not, though, are you?”
“See?” Ollie says, turning toward him. “What if he is? What if that’s why he’s leaving the town he’s lived in his entire life. Now how does that question sound?”
“It’s sounds shitty, I guess, but I feel like it’s not about that.”
“Then why bring it up?”
“Because I haven’t seen him in a year,” Drew says, gesturing at me.
“I am—still hung up on the senator,” I say. “But that’s not why I’m moving. If that helps clear anything up.”
They turn back to me.
“I’m sorry,” Drew says again, on his own this time.
“Yeah, well…it’s complicated.”
“What’s he like?” Olivier asks.
“Graham?” I ask, surprised. None of my friends have ever asked me that.
He nods with his pretty eyes and his bouncy curls. A solemn look takes over Drew’s face.
“He’s…” How the hell am I supposed to describe someone I feel like I’m only just now truly getting to know but love with the full force of my heart? “Perfect for me. He’s perfect.”
Drew grins. “Perfect, huh?”
“I guess I mean I’ve never met anyone like him. He surprises me. I figure you guys know something about that.”
They share a look. “Putting it mildly,” Olivier says under his breath.
“Plus,” I say, trying to lighten it up. “He was a virgin when we met, so I pretty much taught him everything he knows, and that comes in handy.”
Both of them laugh. “A virgin?” Drew asks. “Are you serious ?”
“I’m only telling you that because you’ll never meet him.”
“Why say that?” Drew looks mystified and slightly offended.
“Apart from the fact that I’m moving to Florida, and he can’t ever be seen with me?”
“You’re talking like you’re together,” he says.
“We’re fucking. We’re not together. Honestly, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. The distance will be good.”
“For who?” Drew asks, finally letting go of Olivier and gesturing to the kitchen table for us to sit.
Ollie’s cooking, so he turns to check something in the oven that smells peppery and Italian.
Before my ass hits the chair, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and check it as I sit.
Graham
Got off the train. Got on another one. I’m back in NY.
I glance up at Drew. “Hang on a sec.”
“Is that him?”
Frowning at the text, I nod. I check his location and find his dot hovering around the Upper West Side. I’m relieved he’s not standing outside my apartment. It would take me at least half an hour to get there. I’ve tried to distract myself from thinking about him today by packing with Lilah and now coming here, but this is concerning. He turned around and came back? As in he was heading to DC and decided not to go?
I knew I should have checked in with him this afternoon, but I figured no news was no news. He told me to trust him, and I’m trusting him to let me know what he needs.
Me
Everything ok?
Graham
Everything?
That’s all I get. I do a quick Google News search to see if anything major happened, but there’s nothing from today.
“You need to call him?” Drew asks.
“I feel like I need to see him,” I say without looking up from my phone. It’s like a distress call coming from uptown Manhattan demanding I follow it to its source. I feel it like a taut pull in my chest.
I zoom in on the map, wondering if it can show me his exact location. While it won’t give me the street address, it looks easy enough to figure out if I can get myself to the neighborhood. “You guys look like you could use the time alone anyway,” I add.
Drew reaches out and puts a hand on my arm. “Let me come over and help you pack up when you leave, all right? Moving’s a pain in the ass.”
I look up at him and give him a grin. “Okay. I’ll let you know when I get the date nailed down.”
After I order a ride, they walk me to the door, and we hug. I ruffle Olivier’s hair because I can, and I want to know if those curls are as soft as they look. They’re softer. He laughs before burying his flushed face in Drew’s neck.
Drew pulls him close and opens the door for me. “Answer my fucking texts,” he says.
I nod as I step outside. “I will.”
My Lyft pulls up, and I get in. I text Graham.
Me
Stay where you are. I’m on my way.
The doorman takes one look at me, stands up, walks me to the elevator and says, “Eight-twelve.”
I must be in the right place. “Thanks.”
He goes into the mailroom and returns with two padded envelopes from Amazon. “You mind taking these up?”
I almost laugh, but I’m too anxious about what I might be walking into. “No problem.” One of the many differences between the East and West side apparently.
In the elevator, I check out the packages, both addressed to Theresa Lawther. Out of habit and nervousness, I feel the packages, playing a guessing game as to what’s inside, but my brain isn’t cooperating with my hands. I’m worried.
My first impression of Graham when he answers the door is he looks okay. He’s changed into comfortable clothes, joggers and a t-shirt, all black except for his bright white socks. I hand him the packages, and he frowns down at them. He shakes his head, realizing what they are. “That guy is so lazy.”
“I’d call it efficient.”
“What are you doing here?” he asks, like we didn’t text about this.
“I have a better question. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Oh.” He puts a hand on my chest, directly over my heart. “You. I wanted to see you. You weren’t home, though.”
“I was at Drew’s.”
“Brooklyn. Yeah. I saw that.”
“Stalker.”
“Old habits.”
“Why’d you want to see me?” I ask. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I don’t know.”
A woman with dark, curly hair and emerald green eyes that are even more striking than Graham’s approaches us. “Silas, I hope?” She holds out her hand.
“Hi, Theresa,” I say, shaking it.
She smiles. “He told you about me?” Theresa gives her brother’s back a rub. “I’m honored! Why are you guys just standing here? Come in. I’ll go watch a movie with the kids in my room.”
“You don’t have to. I have my own room,” Graham grumbles as he hands her the packages.
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she says. “Why don’t you stay out here lest you forget there are children present.”
He glares at her. “I don’t need this from you today.”
“It’s not judgement, kiddo. I’m just not up for a conversation about the birds and the birds tonight. Anyway, nice to meet you, Silas. Make yourself at home.” She makes a gesture toward the living room while I smile at her gay joke.
The open concept apartment has that lived in look with a sectional sofa and a mess of throw pillows and soft blankets everywhere. A soda can and an empty plate are forgotten on the coffee table, and the TV is on, playing the news on mute.
I try not to read anything into that.
Once Theresa’s back is turned, I meet Graham’s gaze.
One corner of his lower lip is caught between his teeth as he looks at me with anxious eyes. I reach up and tug his lip free with the pad of my thumb. “What’s going on?”
“I’m just—you know—trying to figure out what comes next.”
“Maybe catch me up on what happened last?”
“I think I don’t have a family anymore,” he says.
My heart sinks as I cup his jaw. “What did you do?”
“I just told my dad I wanted to be with you. That was it. Once I said it, and he couldn’t talk me out of it, he left the room. It was like I was of no further use to him.”
“You didn’t have to—” I stop myself. He wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t wanted to, and making it about me won’t help. Still, I blame myself. I basically put him up to this. “I’m sorry. ”
“Why? He should be the one who’s sorry. It’s not like I’m asking him to fuck a guy. His eternal soul is fine. Although turning your back on your own kids should carry a heavy penance in my opinion, but like I told him—I’m no priest.”
No, but he is all over the place.
“Do you need to talk it through?” I ask.
He grabs my hands, the one on his face and the one at my side. “Is this a good sign that you’re here? Am I reading too much into it?”
“You told him you wanted to be with me?”
He nods.
“How do you plan to do that?”
“Be with you?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’m not sure yet, but I was hoping maybe we could date or something. I could try to win you over and show you I don’t want any more secrets either. But you’re moving, so I guess you might not want that.”
“I want that,” I say.
“How?” he asks, in planning mode.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Wanna go grab a drink and talk it out?”
His eyebrows shoot up. “Now?”
“We don’t have to.”
“No.” He lets go of one of my hands to pat his pockets. “Let me grab my phone. I do want to.”
“I was kind of kidding.” It’s a terrible idea now that I think about it. There’s a zero percent chance someone won’t take pictures of us together.
“I’m not,” he says before leaving me alone in the entryway to get his phone.
I rub my face and take a deep breath as memories of having the press crawling up my ass for comments and photos resurface with all the drama of a traumatic event. Do I trust him not to hang me out to dry this time? Is he really ready to go through with this?
I’ll have it bad, but he’ll have it worse, especially being in New York.
When he returns with shoes on, I try to talk some sense into him. “Maybe we should talk here. You’ve had a rough day.”
“So let’s do what normal people do after a rough day. Go out, get drunk, and forget about it.”
“And if your normal night out makes the news?”
“I’ll have my team send out a press release. Breaking news, I’m fucking gay. It’s not like they don’t already know. I figure as long as I can manage not to fuck you in a public space, we’ll be in a better position than last time to explain it.”
“You’re a Republican senator, Graham.”
“Yeah, well, about that…I had some time to think on the train. I want to run some things by you now that you’re all up to speed on current events.”
Graham opens the door and gestures me through it. I let him lead the way.