Chapter 38 #2
“I don’t understand why other fifth daughters didn’t have this problem.”
“Maybe many of their clients did want true love. Or the old client families believed the fifth daughters could call love, so that would be what they went for. Or maybe I’m wrong and it’s only me who’s different.
Or we have more options to dream about these days.
I don’t know. What I do know is that this is my moli. This is the purpose of my power.”
I wait for her to question me, but she looks fascinated. I nod at the bottle in her hand.
“I know it’s not what you expected. I’m not going to be the daughter you wanted, Mom, the one who works by your side day after day, or who rebuilds the family the way you wanted.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not true.”
“Mom, come on.” After the flight and the exhaustion of creating Aiai, plus, honestly, a shitload of emotional highs and lows, I don’t have the patience for this. “You’ve made it clear my role is here at home, doing my part with Yixiang.”
“No, and I’m sorry I made you think that.
You don’t need your moli to be a Hua. The reason I wanted you home was because I love you.
I wanted to help you when you were hurting, and I didn’t know how to do it from the other side of the country.
How could I hold you when you were thousands of kilometers away?
How could I calm you when you refused to pick up my calls?
Support you when you closed off your life from me? ”
She looks steadily at me, the years and griefs she’s endured patterned on her face.
“I’m sorry I made you believe you needed your moli to be loved,” she says. “You were always loved, Lucy.”
The words hang in the air, and I pull out a chair and sit down heavily, not sure what to do. Mom said I didn’t know what she wanted, and it seems she was right. I let my assumptions run my life. No, add another i into one of those words. I let my assumptions ruin my life.
I say, “I’m sorry I left instead of asking for help.”
Mom swallows hard and looks at the bottle. “This is a moli scent?”
“A diluted one. It’s only a breath of what it could be, but it’s enough to have an effect.
This Aiai can help you identify what you want rather than simply delivering your heart’s desire.
Like a direction sign, instead of teleporting you right there.
” I pass her the blurb I scrawled in a notepad on the plane.
Aiai, named after an adviser to the Tang Empress Wu. For those who wish to uncover the layers of their heart’s desire.
“I see.”
“No one will believe it because they’ll think it’s marketing. It’s what I can give you so you can finally have what you want most.”
Higher go the eyebrows. “What do I want most?”
“For the store to survive. Maybe not here, but in a new place. For the Hua name to mean something again. The money and the power. That’s why you sold those three moli samples. You can have this. I’m giving it to you.”
She looks at me, wry amusement twisting her features. “That’s not why I sold the decants. The store is done, Lucy. I can’t afford the rent. This is the last month of the lease.”
“What?” I stare at her. “Then what happened to the money? Is it paying the mortgage?”
Her eyes drift to the corner of the room, and for the first time I see luggage piled up. “Mom? What’s going on?”
“I meant to tell you in a different way, but your father and I are getting a divorce.” She rushes over the word a bit.
I wait for the shock to subside and the hurt to take its place, but none does. “What happened?”
She turns to pour more tea. “I always hated being in this kitchen,” she muses. “I hated cooking. Cleaning. All the work I was expected to do and did out of love. Then you and Eric left, and I was only doing it because I was supposed to.”
“Did you realize that recently?”
“In a way. Missy had me over for dinner, and after, she and I went to the garden while Eddie cleaned up. He wasn’t irritable or making it clear he was doing her a favor.
He joined us, and when Missy spoke, he listened instead of speaking over her or telling her she was wrong no matter what she said.
He forgot to make a medical appointment and didn’t blame her for not reminding him. ”
“You’ve known them for years, though.”
“True, but I had never noticed the way I did that night. Then I came home to a table full of dirty dishes to clear and wash. Your father greeted me with complaints about the money I spent on the store and told me the toilet roll was empty in his bathroom.”
“He always does that.”
“This time I thought of the rest of my life refilling another adult’s toilet roll because they’d decided their time and energy were more important and better spent elsewhere.” She gives me a faint smile. “You said in Toronto that I didn’t have to be miserable.”
My heart is pounding. “Mom, you smelled my perfume. The moli perfume. Is this my fault?”
“You know it doesn’t work on us.”
“But…” I’m still uncertain. “What if it’s different for me?”
She comes to hug me, grabbing me tightly. “Never. Never think that for a moment. I made this choice, Luling. I don’t know what my heart’s desire is yet. I do know I’m free to find it.”
With one arm around my shoulders as if she doesn’t want to let me go, she reaches out the other to take the bottle. “This perfume you made, this Aiai,” she says. “It will be legendary.”
I laugh. “How do you know?”
“Because this has heart in it. I can smell it. This is what you’re meant to do, whether here or back in Toronto.”
“Well, it’s yours.”
“You don’t need to do this,” she says.
“I want the store to survive too.”
She sighs and reaches into her bag, then slides a check over to me. It has a lot of zeros on it and is dated from two weeks ago. “What’s this?” I ask.
“It’s the money from the moli testers I sold.” She gives me a faint smile. “As you know, the fifth daughter scents are by far the most lucrative, even if there’s only a chance they’ll work.”
“Why are you giving it to me?” She sold them for Yixiang. Didn’t she?
“Ana is lovely, but I wanted you to have the opportunity to get your own space if that was what you wanted. That’s what I was asking Rafe about. I wanted to know if there was a good place for Ile de Grasse.”
“Mom.” I don’t know what to say, but I do know I can’t accept it. Another one of my assumptions has been utterly demolished. Nor was she using him to get me back home. “I’m happy where I am with Ana right now. I like having a friend to work with.”
“I would like that too,” she says. “Missy knows a fashion designer looking for space, if we can find a place to share.”
I push the check back along the table. “Then take this and extend the lease on the Yixiang store. I want you to have it.”
“It’s your money.”
I point to Aiai. “I’ll make more.”
She laughs, then reaches across the table and I put my hand on hers. “Thank you, Lucy.” She wipes at her eyes and smiles at me. “Perhaps I’ll reach out to Kelsey and ask her to do the gift bags for the reopening.”
We laugh, and then we sit there, drained, as the sun goes down.