Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Sarah climbed on board the bus and shuffled to the furthest seat she could find at the back.
She sat next to a woman she saw regularly, giving her a half-smile as she made herself comfortable.
Then she removed her hood, careful not to drip rain everywhere.
It had been pouring down for most of the day, and she’d left her umbrella at home.
Not that it would have mattered, the wind blowing the icy drops at her regardless.
The windows were steamed up, making it seem as if she was on a magical mystery tour. If only. She actually felt as if she was on the road to nowhere. The bus stank of damp clothes and smelly people. She’d just finished an eight-hour shift and her back was aching.
Tears brimmed in her eyes as she realised even though she didn’t want to be at work, she didn’t want to go home to Jessie either.
They’d had another huge row the night before.
She’d been complaining about still living with his mum.
Of course she got on with Paulette, and she was a godsend where Poppy was concerned.
But Sarah wanted Jessie to help her look for a place of their own.
She wouldn’t mind if it was a flat. Just as long as they could live there as a family.
Decorate it how they wanted. Have their own furniture, their own TV.
Their own front door. Perhaps a tiny garden.
Jessie had said it was too early to think of that. He said he needed to save some money. Sarah had accused him of spending more than he saved and the argument had escalated. It had ended up with Paulette coming upstairs to stop them shouting at each other.
Paulette had been brought into it then because Jessie told her his home wasn’t good enough for Sarah. She hated how Paulette sided with Jessie when she was hurt. Why was it so hard for them to accept that she wanted better than her present arrangements? It had nothing to do with his mother.
If it weren’t for Poppy, Sarah realised, they would have split up a long time ago. She was saving money to leave him anyway, and for now there was nowhere for them to go. But she’d had enough of trying to live love’s young dream.
Her thoughts turned to her sister, as they always did when she was low. When things were going well, she blocked Louisa from her mind, the pain of being rejected as raw as the last text she sent that had gone unanswered.
When things were bad, as they were now, she thought about her a lot. What was she up to? Was she still with Richard? Did she have children of her own?
More to the point, was she happy? She couldn’t help but miss her.
They’d been so close growing up. She still couldn’t understand why they hadn’t been able to mend their differences after their argument.
Families fell out all the time, some not speaking for years like her and Louisa.
But most of them apologised and moved on.
She wished she’d had a chance to say she was sorry now.
Not that she would have admitted that at the time.
It had shaped her life too. Now she was afraid to get close to anyone in case they left as well.
It was the reason she’d been so keen to stay with Jessie once she’d found out she was pregnant.
She’d wanted to get away from home, be a grown up.
Have someone to love her unconditionally.
At least she had that with Poppy. Jessie, not so much.
Still, she reckoned, if he wanted to stay with his mum, she could be out of his life within the next few months, sooner perhaps.
This morning, she’d been talking to a woman at work who would have a room to rent in her house once her daughter left for university in September.
She’d said she’d be fine bringing Poppy to stay too.
It would be her saving grace, something to get her through days like today.
When she felt hopeless, that there was nothing to look forward to.
She closed her eyes, recalling how Jessie had shouted in her face that morning, pointing his finger, saying she was a nag. She was the breadwinner. How could he say that to her?
Once home, she removed her coat and hung it over a chair in the kitchen to dry out. She could hear the TV on in the living room and went in to find Jessie flat out on the settee. With a sigh, she shook him awake.
‘Where’s Poppy? Did you put her down to sleep?’ she asked.
‘She’s upstairs in the bathroom.’
‘What?’ She glared at him, unable to believe what he was saying. ‘You left her alone?’
‘Don’t worry, she’s in the baby bath.’
‘But you were asleep!’
Jessie looked at his watch and sat up quickly.
The look on his face told her all she needed to know.
Sarah took the stairs two at a time, dashing into the bathroom. She would never forget the image she was faced with for as long as she lived. Poppy was face down in the bath. Although there was no water in it, she lay unmoving, blood from her head pooled under it.
‘Poppy!’ She picked her up quickly and wrapped her in a towel.
‘Fuck, is she okay?’ Jessie came behind her, standing in the doorway with his hands in his hair. ‘I swear I didn’t mean to fall asleep.’
‘How long was she on her own?’
‘I don’t know!’
‘You do!’
‘About half an hour. I—what do you think happened?’
‘She must have stood up, or sat forward, and slipped from the baby bath. She’s hit her head on the side of the bath. I don’t know how long she’s been unconscious.’
‘Is she okay?’
‘You should have been watching her! Get me my phone.’ Sarah broke down as she reached for her daughter. ‘Poppy? Poppy, can you hear me? Mummy’s here. Everything will be okay now.’