Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
Sarah waved Richard off on his fortnightly trip for business supplies. She quite liked it when he went out for long spells now and had planned on a pampering day by herself.
In the main house, she frowned when she heard the noise coming from upstairs. Bang, clatter, scrape. It was coming from Louisa and Richard’s bedroom. Curious to know what was happening, she went to see.
The door was ajar. Louisa was emptying a drawer of her clothes.
‘Go away,’ Louisa said when she saw her standing in the doorway.
‘What are you doing?’ Sarah asked.
‘What does it look like? I’m leaving, and I’m taking Daisy with me.’ Louisa’s voice was manic. ‘You! You want Richard for yourself, don’t you?’
‘No.’ She tried to show a little concern in her tone. ‘Of course I don’t.’
‘You’re playing me.’ Louisa pointed at her. ‘I saw you and Richard fucking in the studio. You can’t deny it when I saw it with my own eyes. Besides, he told me it was true.’
‘Oh, give over. Have you taken your medication?’
‘Don’t patronise me!’
‘Stop moaning then. All you do is whine and whinge and sit on your lazy arse and do nothing.’
Louisa looked at her, hurt etched on her face.
‘You know that Richard can’t stand you anymore? He gives you things to make you sleep. So he doesn’t have to spend time with you.’
Louisa’s eyes widened. ‘I don’t believe you.’
‘You should ask him some time.’
Sarah turned to leave but Louisa grabbed her arm. ‘Why would you let him do this to me? Don’t I mean anything to you?’
‘No, you don’t. You had no right to call me a sister when you left me to rot when I was fifteen. You didn’t care about anyone but yourself. You made that clear.’
‘It wasn’t like that!’ Louisa gasped. ‘I was young and trusting. I thought I had everything in Richard, but I didn’t realise he was so abusive, most of which I think he thought was fun.
He wanted me to have a child so he had a hold on me.
So that I wouldn’t leave. I don’t know why he wouldn’t let me because it’s been clear he doesn’t love me anymore. ’
‘It’s all you, you, you!’ Sarah spat. ‘Have you any idea what happened to me when you left me alone in Derby?’
‘No, because you won’t tell me.’
‘You think I didn’t want all this that you have?’ Sarah went on regardless, running a hand around the room. ‘Well, I did. And I tried so hard, but it was all taken from me. I had a daughter too, but she died and…’
Louisa froze.
‘She was nine months old.’ Sarah took a breath. ‘I went a bit wild when you left, hooked up with Jessie and then I got pregnant. When I had Poppy, I moved in with Jessie and his mum.’
‘Jessie Davidson?’
‘Yes, and you were right. He was a layabout. I thought he’d change when Poppy came along but he didn’t.
I had no choice but to go out to work and leave her with him.
But I regret it every day of my life. Because he killed her!
He murdered my little girl.’ Tears rolled down her cheek.
‘He left her in the bath and then he fell asleep. I came home to… to… He was supposed to have taken care of her. I left her. It was my fault.’
‘Oh, Sarah.’ Louisa didn’t know what to say.
‘She was beautiful. Daisy reminds me of her so much. I still can’t believe she’s gone. She was my life.’
‘If I’d known, I would—’
‘You didn’t want to know, that’s the problem! All you were interested in was your precious Richard, and his house and getting away from us all.’
‘I never wanted to leave you.’ Louisa reached for her hand.
‘Richard was all-consuming and I was in love. Back then, he was good to me and yet I didn’t see how manipulating he was.
He isolated me from my family, from you, from making new friends here, before I even realised.
He said he loved it just the two of us, but that he couldn’t wait to start a family.
‘But when Daisy was born, and I had trouble adjusting, he didn’t like that.
It was as if I’d lost my shine. As if I wasn’t enough for him and over time I did lose myself.
He made me into who I am today, and if you’re not careful, he’ll do the same to you.
He’s evil, Sarah. Let’s all leave and go back to Derby.
You, me and Daisy. We could get somewhere to live and—’
‘You think I’d help you to get away?’ Sarah turned to walk away again.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You left me to deal with Nigel!’
Louisa had the decency to look shamefaced.
‘You knew what he was like and you left me there, to be molested by that – that bastard. Mum didn’t believe me when I told her I didn’t want him in the house.
And unlike you, I had nowhere to go. So I had to tolerate it.
For four months, Louisa! Every Friday night he would come into my room, drunk, while Mum was passed out legless downstairs.
I tried to push him off, but he was too strong.
He’d hit out at me and it was easier to give in.
But I never forgot a second of it. That was all your fault. ’
‘I’m sorry! I didn’t really know.’
‘You didn’t care.’
Louisa paused. ‘That’s why you came here, isn’t it? So you can get your own back on me?’
‘Got it in one.’ Sarah nodded.
‘You shouldn’t have come if you weren’t going to help me. I trusted you to be there for me.’
‘You left me to him!’
‘You stole my childhood!’
Sarah and Louisa glared at each other for a moment before Louisa continued.
‘I’d had to watch you since you were born.
I was the only one looking after you. Mum was hardly ever around, and when she was, she wasn’t capable.
It was me who fed and bathed you. Me who got you ready for bed.
Me who soothed you when you were ill. Me who took you to school and worked a Saturday job to pay for treats. ’
Sarah went to speak but Louisa held up her hand and went on.
‘It was me who sat with you when you were being bullied. Then when you got your own back, it was me who went to see your headmaster.’ Louisa prodded herself in her chest. ‘I did all that because I loved you. But I wasn’t your mum.
I couldn’t be your mum, and yet I had to be because without me you would have been taken into care. ’
‘So you’re saying I should be grateful to you?’ Sarah laughed in disbelief.
‘Of course not! I loved you. You were my sister and I thought we had a special bond.’
‘Well, you proved that wasn’t true when you moved here with Richard.’
Louisa shook her head in disbelief. ‘I wanted a good life for myself. Was that too much to ask? I wanted less responsibility, to be wined and dined, treated nicely. Given treats, actually. I had all that with Richard.’
‘To my detriment. You left me to rot in that house with Mum and I had to get out. It was your fault I met Jessie and he killed our daughter.’
‘But I’m as much a victim in this as you! I had nothing before I met Richard.’
‘And what do you have now?’ Sarah scoffed. ‘A half-life because he drugs you to stop you from moaning all the time.’
She turned on her heel and stormed out of the room with the slam of a door.
Daisy was standing in her bedroom doorway, tears pouring down her cheeks, her little body shaking.
But even the sight of her niece didn’t make Sarah stop as she ran past her and down the stairs.
She wanted to put as much distance between herself and Louisa as possible.
Because even though there had been some nasty accusations thrown around, there had been some truth in among the lies. It seemed she might have been wrong about her sister abandoning her all those years ago.