Chapter Eighteen #3
When she finally looked at me, her hands slowly fell away.
I was scared. It felt as if there was a gun pointed at my chest, but it wasn’t her finger on the trigger.
It was mine. I was the reason why she’d endured so much pain.
I’d failed her, and that mistake would haunt me for the rest of my life, with or without her in it.
She opened her mouth and closed it a few times before she started pacing, her hands pressed to her mid-section.
“Baby,” I softly said, my voice strained. “Baby, talk to me.”
“I don’t—I’m so afraid,” she croaked, shaking her head. “I’m so terribly afraid.”
I took a step toward her, holding my hand out. “You have nothing to be afraid of with me. You will never have to be afraid around me. Ever, Angel. I promise. Just…fuck, beautiful, tell me what’s running through your head.”
She stopped pacing. Her confession was a broken, cold whisper. “I made a deal in exchange for my freedom. To get out of witness protection.”
I froze, the world around us closing in. My ears began to ring. “What? What did you just say?”
Her eyes filled with tears as she brought a trembling hand to her mouth. “They said it was safe to go back.”
I braced my hands on the back of one of the chairs. “Who did you make a deal with?”
“The CSIS.”
Fucking hell.
“The Canadian Security Intelligence Service?”
She nodded.
I inhaled a deep breath, both of my hands going to my hair.
“I made a promise to myself that I would never ask you about how you escaped Benson. I wanted to let you put that behind you, behind us. I didn’t want that bullshit tainting what we have,” I explained, my voice rough.
I came to her, putting my hands on her shoulders.
“But now, with Kolby’s murder and the intel Jake got today, I have no choice.
I hope, one day, when all this shit is over, you can forgive me for making you relive this pain, but right now, I need you to tell me everything you remember. ”
Confusion washed over her and she jerked out of my hold. “Wh-what do you mean? How I escaped Benson?”
I winced. “I know. I know. Reliving trauma is hard, but with Dominic’s guidance, we can do this in a healthy way, and I swear to you, you’ll only need to do it once.
That’s it. I only need to hear it once.” I wanted to touch her, to comfort her, but she didn’t want my touch. I shoved down how much that hurt me.
This wasn’t about me. Angel was my number one priority.
“Ash, what the hell are you talking about? I never had to escape Benson.”
I stiffened. “What?”
Angel was there then, her hands on me. One over my heart, the other hooked around my neck. “Ash, you saved me from him. I never saw him after that day.”
“What are you talking about?” My voice was barely above a whisper, the shadow of the past swirling above me like a funnel cloud. “Baby, I tracked you. I followed you into Devil’s Den.”
“Devil’s Den?”
The room started to spin. “What happened after the explosion?” I pushed out, my hands going to fists at my sides.
“You picked me up,” she said, her eyes dropping as she recalled that horrible afternoon. “You picked me up and carried me to the SUV.”
“But I didn’t make it to the driver’s seat,” I whispered, taking her head in my hands. “Baby, I was fucking shot from behind.”
She jerked.
I searched her eyes, my gut twisting. “You’re telling me that one of Benson’s guys didn’t take you?”
“N-no.”
My forehead landed against hers, my chest heaving. My skin felt like it was on fire.
“Asher, you’re trembling,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me.
“Who took you, beautiful?” I growled. “Who got into that fucking driver’s seat and took you away from me?”
“A CSIS agent! She told me he was sending in backup to get you!”
“Holy fuck.”
We both looked at the door, finding Jake, Margo, Carrie, and even Dominic staring at us in shock. Jake and Dominic looked like they were in pain.
“I thought you knew that,” Angel said, her voice shaking. “She told me she was sending backup! That her partner was just a few minutes behind her.”
Jake looked like he was about to explode. “You mean to fucking tell me that Ash suffered—”
No. No, she couldn’t fucking know.
“Enough,” I roared, coming to stand in front of her.
“Suffered?” she whispered. “Suffered what?”
Margo flinched. Carrie slapped her hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. Jake’s eyes were filled with rage, his fists hanging at his sides, chest heaving. Dominic was still as a statue, a horrified look in his eyes.
“I’m taking Angel to my place,” I announced. I turned and swiped her car keys off the corner of the desk. I tossed them to Margo. “Get back to Astoria.” I looked at my boys. “Debrief in the morning.” My hand closed around Angel’s. “Come on.”
I took her to my empty apartment, a shell of the man I needed to be, the man I used to be. As her heels clicked across the empty floor, my memories were swarming.
Everything I thought I knew, everything I fought for, was a lie.
I watched her as she took the place in with a concerned look on her face. When she turned to me, my knees nearly gave out.
Angel had never been in Devil’s Den.
Someone had sent me in there on purpose.
Someone had wanted me to die. Not her.
She was never the target.
I was.